You have done a lot of work, Mrs DaB35(2) will (unknowingly) appreciate it. Keep on keeping on.
Thank you for the compliment; that means a lot. Yes I believe I have worked hard. I feel consistently good about myself.
Recently I've looked at my skincare routine; got some new products, all natural stuff in nice glass containers with no plastic - I'm big on sustainable stuff. I always had a patch of problem roseacea on my left cheek, but it's cleared up significantly since I started using this new face cream. Getting into a routine of looking after myself and sticking to it. Really helped with my confidence (even though, due to lockdown, I've not had a haircut in 2 months!).
I used to always feel as though I was unattractive (despite XW telling me otherwise) and that people would be looking at me for all the wrong reasons. Now I walk tall with my head up rather than staring down at my feet. I also walk a little slower, less anxious.
On payday yesterday I treated myself and bought some good quality skin and foot creams. I thought, why not!?
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
Hey man,
that was a bit of a read there. You put a lot of thought into it, I can tell that. Sometimes it's good to think everything through, but then you have to kind of leave it and there too and get on with your life while revisiting it to make sure you aren't falling back into old habits.
I would boil it down to some goals like:
1. Work on NGS 2. Gym and attitude 3. Fun (GAL)
You are a good dude and if you keep this up some lady is going to fall into your lap when you aren't even expecting it.
Thanks O. I think my NGS is defintely being kicked to the curb. I know which elements of my behaivour before were detrimental to me as a person, and which bits to grow instead. One big element of NGS was worrying about what others think. I realise that I am not affected by that anymore. Certainly when I walk aorund in public I feel fine and just one normal guy in the crowd.
Gym and exercise is going well. I can do press-ups now! Before I never could do them. I hadn't done them at the gym as I had plenty of other things to work on, but during lockdown I've started and could do them straight off! Upping my reps, and am adding squats into my home exercise routine this week. I do about 45mins in total each time, usually 6 times a week. Then I go for a walk each evening with my mum. I'm getting mroe definition in the abs area - no full-on six pack yet, but it's certainly coming through. Arms and chest are better too.
GAL is going well. Reading a bit more - I have Audible on when I work at home regularly. Catching up on some films/Netflix series too. Doing lots of creative work, and did some more detailing on my car recently to pass a morning. Even managed to get 2 bits of freelance work offered to me. Not a huge amount of money (£200 combined) but that's great on top of my usual 9-5 salary. I'm using it to just chuck at the credit card - had to put my deposit for the new car on it - so I'll have it paid off after summer. Got a good savings routine going now; watching the savings very gradually mount up is satisfying. I'm thinking of doing a YouTube video on something soon too. Also did a huge clear out at my parents' house - very satisfying work. Lots of old paperwork shredded. I'm keeping busy!
I'm still reading up on validation, overcoming NGS, and boundaries. I listen to NMMNG still sometimes although now instead of think "That's me" I am increasingly thinking, "I used to be like that" instead. This must be a good sign.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
If anyone hasn't read it, Esther Perel's Rethinking Infidelity is a great book. I'm about half way through and she touched upon something called a love-lust split. About how one person in a relationship, after years of becoming emotionally involved and affectionate with them, stops seeing them as a sexual being as when the R began.
It's not a case of simply not being attracted to them in that way (as a WAS wouild see it); rather it's more like the LBS separating them, believing that is the right thing to do, and the mind gets stuck with that train of thought. There are lots of additional variables which cause it. This definitely happened to me.
I'd recommend the book to go into more detail on this.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
It's XW's birthday in a few weeks. Hers is exactly the same day as my elder sister's birthday. What are people's views on sending a text? Nothing fancy, just a one sentence job. We haven't spoken in 3 months since D was finalised though, that's only why I hesitate...
In other news, GAL is going well. Bought a microphone to do some recording. Got back into playing an instrument I'd forgotten about for several years. Having a bit of fun every other day playing it. Work going very well. Exercise routine now regular part of the week. I tend to work out about 5-6 times a week for 30-45mins. Feel very good afterwards. Watching a few new films/TV shows etc., getting into new things, reading more.
Feeling positive.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
It's XW's birthday in a few weeks. Hers is exactly the same day as my elder sister's birthday. What are people's views on sending a text? Nothing fancy, just a one sentence job. We haven't spoken in 3 months since D was finalised though, that's only why I hesitate...
In other news, GAL is going well. Bought a microphone to do some recording. Got back into playing an instrument I'd forgotten about for several years. Having a bit of fun every other day playing it. Work going very well. Exercise routine now regular part of the week. I tend to work out about 5-6 times a week for 30-45mins. Feel very good afterwards. Watching a few new films/TV shows etc., getting into new things, reading more.
Feeling positive.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
It's XW's birthday in a few weeks. Hers is exactly the same day as my elder sister's birthday. What are people's views on sending a text? Nothing fancy, just a one sentence job. We haven't spoken in 3 months since D was finalised though, that's only why I hesitate...
In other news, GAL is going well. Bought a microphone to do some recording. Got back into playing an instrument I'd forgotten about for several years. Having a bit of fun every other day playing it. Work going very well. Exercise routine now regular part of the week. I tend to work out about 5-6 times a week for 30-45mins. Feel very good afterwards. Watching a few new films/TV shows etc., getting into new things, reading more.
Feeling positive.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
I don’t see much harm putting out a tiny opening/feeler after three months of No Contact if no immediate response wouldn’t cause you to spin. It gives her an excuse to respond now or on the next major holiday. I would examine your motives—e.g., are you holding out for love, or would you accept friendship now?
Note, I say this in part because afaik your ex never cheated on you and wasn't mean-spirited or crazy. You also say you're moving on and maintained NC for three months--quite solid.
