It doesn’t matter who’s fault it is Wolf. But how can you possibly blame m icing forward quickly on your divorce? Most parents take a year post divorce for their kids to adjust. It is what it is and your daughter isn’t ready. And there should be nothing more important than your daughter. I’d say if it was 5 years post D, then she needs to begin to learn how to deal. But I don’t blame the poor kid.
I agree, read the thread LH suggested. He is doing right by his girls . Listening to them, understanding they aren’t ready. Taking cues from them, stepping back when he needs moving forward When safe.
But you’ll do what you’ll do. But I don’t expect your daughters is going to come around anytime soon. Even with a psychologist .
To Ginger's point, my W was 11 when her parents D'd. One of the hardest things she went through was being introduced to SO's of both her father's and mother's. And age doesn't matter. It is a difficult adjust of kids of any age.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I love this site. I check it daily. Because it gave so much back to me.. But not in the way i expected. I came here looking for the magic bullet to get the ex back. I learnt so much more - self improvement , self respect, where it went wrong, and how to avoid this next time around..
By the looks of your posts, you did very little of this...
Look at Phoenix9s recent post as to why you dont introduce your kids into a relationship in such a short time period. It's not fair on the kids !
I just read your post and everything you have done is the mirror of my wayward ( ironically who has serious Narc tendancies ) - she introduced my daughters to her partner the week she left - it really affected the girls.
You took no time to heel and threw yourself into another relationship, without a thought for the kids.
My personal opinion 6 - 12 months min before involving children - they dont want to see a revolving door of partners ( you are still with your new partner, so thats not the case, but it does happen ) - you should be their rock... I learn from my wayward - i listen to the kids and see all the mess ups she makes - and ensure i dont do the same
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
You are all right I definitely moved fast. I wasn’t expecting anything to happen but it did. The timeline is off for some of you. When I met my GF it was 10 months after we separated/divorced. My kids met my GF 18 months after separation/divorce. My GF and I were dating 9 months before they met her and it was very gradual. I know this is so hard on my kids, I know I have made many mistakes but I have learned a lot of other things. I am a better person( even though it may not seem like it here). So many of you are right, I do place too much blame on the ex. I am trying to really look back and reflect on those mistakes I made in my previous marriage and not to make them again. I will definitely work on just speaking about what I have done and what I can do better. Other than this website I have no experience with divorce. No one in my family was divorced, none of my friends have divorced parents. So a lot of times I actually ask friends if what I am doing is right or wrong. I should have just come here more. Unfortunately I did a lot of what my ex did, act on emotion and that doesn’t usually work out. I never expected to fall for someone so quick. I dated to other women before my GF, it was fun but nothing there. I didn’t think I would feel like this again. I am sorry that I have put my kids through this. Yes, I did do things for myself. That was maybe not beneficial to the kids. I didn’t know how to cope with such a loss. It I am in such a better place and truly love the woman I have in my life. All I can try and do is be the best father I can be to these children. I am not a bad guy, at times I did make some very selfish decisions, whether you guys agree or not it made me a better person, stronger person and really ready to take on what life has to throw at me. Going forward it’s nothing but the best interest of my children. Thank you everyone for the 2x4s.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Hey Wolf, welcome back! Glad to hear things are going well between you and GF, Hopefully D will warm up to her eventually. Sorry to hear about the incident with your XW. It's probably for the best that the exchanges happen at the police station from now on, far less chance of drama. Hopefully the computer was the last thing your XW could hold over your head like that. Put her in the rearview mirror where she belongs!
Hey Wolf, welcome back! Glad to hear things are going well between you and GF, Hopefully D will warm up to her eventually. Sorry to hear about the incident with your XW. It's probably for the best that the exchanges happen at the police station from now on, far less chance of drama. Hopefully the computer was the last thing your XW could hold over your head like that. Put her in the rearview mirror where she belongs!
Thank you. She is in the rear view mirror. Way back there. I’m glad to be back. I miss so many of you. The advice from here is great. The validating I have learned from here was wonderful. I wish I knew it a long time ago. I would have used it more in all aspects of my life. How have you been AS?
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Had to pick up my kids the other day. It was my day, just like we do we exchange at the police station. Well, Tuesday my D refused to get out of my ex’s car and come with me. My S got right out but my D didn’t. My ex called the cops to help her but they won’t physically remove her, so I had to file a report that my D won’t come with me. My ex has loosened my D so much it’s disgusting. I have text messages from about a month ago between my ex and D and my ex is bashing me. So now I spoke with my lawyer and he is filing a contempt of court. It happened yesterday too. Divorce is hard but losing a child like this, hurts 100x more. Just to give you all an idea, in some of the texts my D complained that I wanted to watch a movie with her or play a game with her. Most kids would die to have a father like me and yet she is throwing me to the curb because of the ex being in her ear. I can’t imagine how hard this all must be for my D. That’s why I am trying to schedule a psychologist for her and I to go to. But this whole pandemic is making it hard to get a hold of anyone.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
She doesn't need a psychologist she needs a strong, steady man to help her calm down and listen to her. You can't make her talk and you can't make her do a thing. She is worked up right now and you HAVE to be the rock in this situation.
Take the pressure off of your daughter.
Go talk to the best football coach you ever had and listen to what he says. You gotta tighten up that chinstrap, quit fighting with your ex, and do the right thing every day. Fighting over computers and stuff is crazy. You want your daughter to end up on drugs or running around with some guy who fights with his ex all the time or do you want her to be attracted to a strong, sensible man who know how to take care of their family?
Last edited by ovrrnbw; 05/28/2005:00 PM.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Hello everyone. It has been a while. The amount of garbage that has been going on in my life is uncanny. So, I will just update you all what’s going on recently. I have been dating my GF for almost a year and a half. For the most of it, it was amazing. I thought I found “the one”. But then all this other stress around me started to happen (parents getting divorced they are 75, selling my parents house, my dad stealing thousands from my mom, a squatter in my moms house, my daughter refusing to come with me and the ex enabling that, taking ex to court to see my daughter, need I say more). All of these things started to put a real stress on our relationship. What was blissful is now becoming painful. To top it all of my ex has brainwashed my daughter to hating me and my GF. So I guess my question/comment is this. What do I do? My GF and I are now arguing a lot more, my daughter absolutely hates my GF and never even gave her a chance. Do I continue down this rocky road or do I jump ship? My GF has been amazing but the stress of everything has really go to us. My kids not liking her and honestly I could have brought home Ariana Grande and I don’t think it would have mattered. I am so confused. Half my heart is saying to let go the other half is saying once some of this stress is worked out, it will get better. Also, do I let my kids dictate to me who I date. I know this is extremely difficult for them but I don’t know what to do. My ex has a BF and the kids were taught not to tell me anything, meaning even if he was doing something wrong the kids wouldn’t tell me. Well I look forward to talking with all of you again.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
