We have not agreed to anything officially as far as D goes, waiting for mediator to schedule meeting to review proposed terms. Mediator fell ill last week, so hopefully it will happen soon.
I'm signing a lease for 3 BR apartment this week and moving Labor Day weekend. I will be closer to work and to my extended family. Closing on our house is slated for 10/2.
My brother tells me that W called sister in-law earlier this week in tears saying, "We sold the house. I don't have a place to live." Also, when school called last week asking of S11 would be attending this year, W told them. "He's with H. You'll have to ask him."
Those terms sound ideal WM!! Do not talk to her about the PA. It won’t do anything but potentially lessen her spirit of cooperation in terms of negotiating the terms of your divorce. Glad to hear you are doing well. There definitely IS life after divorce. (((HUGS)))
W spoke to a family member of mine and told "her story." She said we got married young and that she still loves me but she's not in love with me. W said she knows my family is close and doesn't know what I've told them, but she's not an evil person. She said she loves my family, and that's part of why it took so long to BD. W said we didn't work on the marriage, really focused and the kids, and that we grew apart.
W said I'm a good man and a good father and that she did all the things she should, but she's not happy any more. She added that she tried to get me to do things with her, but I wasn't interested.Things would improve for a bit, and but not last. She concluded that she's lost everything, her house, job, family and kids to hopefully be happy.
This is more or less the "story" I got from her at BD over a year ago. It's what she has cooked up in her head to give herself permission to make the choices she has made. This is about her, not about me.
As for me, it's been a busy time.Accepted an offer on the house. Leased a place for myself and S 19, S11. Moving next weekend and S11 will start in his new school thereafter. Keeping the focus on me and the kids.
WMLC... I think that’s a pretty good synopsis of what happened from her perspective. I don’t think it is a story...I think it is what happens in a lot of marriages. LH just did a great post about it. I’m not sure she has given herself permission. Her awareness of what she has lost just tells me how desperate she was/is to feel happy again. The faulty thinking is that she thinks your relationship was the source of her unhappiness. Because of this, she believes it isn’t fixable and, as long as she believes that, it isn’t. So you are doing the right thing... moving forward and focusing on building a life without her. Keep up the good work. (((HUGS)))
This is more or less the "story" I got from her at BD over a year ago. It's what she has cooked up in her head to give herself permission to make the choices she has made.
Vu is right that this is not something she has cooked up in her head this is how she feels. Right or wrong these are her feelings. Just like it's up to you whether you have empathy for her or not. Those are your feelings and there are not right wrong. If you read other threads there are guys on here like Ironwill and DNJ who have a lot of empathy for WWs. Then there some who have none. Personally I had empathy early on but me ex has crossed some boundaries with me that the empathy has faded. I also agree that our exs are not evil and are just trying to be happy. Heck the Pursuit of Happiness is even in the Declaration of Independence lol. The problem is that they are not educated enough on the subject in regards to what happens in a mid-life transition and how hormones and brain chemicals play a factor in their feelings. Typically years down the road they are in the same place they started just without the history, friends and finances they once had and still seeking happiness. The toughest part is when you have kids because then one person is making a decision for the entire family.
Originally Posted by WMLC
This is about her, not about me.
Absolutely! You played a role in it but in all likelihood this was always going to be the outcome.
My move with S19 and S11 was completed this weekend. Everyone settling in so far. S11 starts new school tomorrow. As expected, he's both nervous and excited. W texted this afternoon (she's 20 miles away) asking if it was okay with me if she stopped here to see S11 off on his first day. I have not responded, and I'd love some of your wise advice/thoughts on this.Thanks!
UpdateMy move with S19 and S11 was completed this weekend. Everyone settling in so far. S11 starts new school tomorrow. As expected, he's both nervous and excited. W texted this afternoon (she's 20 miles away) asking if it was okay with me if she stopped here to see S11 off on his first day. I have not responded, and I'd love some of your wise advice/thoughts on this.Thanks!
What are your thoughts around it? Would it be hurtful for you? Would it be hurtful to S11 if she wasn't there? What are her patterns? Does she usually see him off on his first day?
Could you possible set something up where she can see him off but not enter the new place?
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
He's eleven, 7th grade roughly. Kids are pulling away at that point, he's not a little guy anymore it's time to treat him like a young man IMO. That just sounds weird.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I moved last month to an apartment with S19 and S11. So far, so good on that. We are closing on the sale of our marital home today (fingers crossed), so another link broken. We are in the process of scheduling what will likely be our final mediation session.
W texted this morning and said she wanted to talk to the kids about "a few things" but wanted to talk to me first. I responded saying that's fine, and asked what she had in mind. She said she was going into work and would text me later. She indicated it would be about "new people in her life." No surprise here, but any and all advice on how to handle this is appreciated.
