S2 spent the day with his dad and I spent the morning with my date. It went fine, but I was slow to respond to his messages later in the day and he sent me a passive-aggressive message asking if I was even interested. Well, now I'm not!
Then, a mutual friend of mine and X's confessed his feelings for me. I gently explained there were no romantic feelings on my part and that we'd always be friends. He took it very well.
Later, S2 was dropped off (15 minutes late without notice) shirtless and wearing a swim nappy. It's getting quite chilly here coming into winter and he has a cold. The tale of the day's activities came out in bits and pieces straight from the mouth of S2... He went to the beach... On a boat... With lots of random people I assume are friends of X and OW... And they went for a ride on a jetski.
To which I thought WTF, he is only two. He's not an accessory for you and your drunk 21year old mates to play with, X.
Of course, S2 is fine and obviously had a fun day since he didn't stop talking about even after I put him to bed. He was still chirping "bye bye, dada" and "bye bye, OW". He even said "No, I want OW" while I was cuddling him. Fortunately I received "I love you, mama" when I tucked him in, otherwise I may have been a little bit peeved.
OK, I was definitely already peeved.
Not a lot of drama to deal with, but it's made me feel like hiding out in a cave for a little while to avoid people!
I know S2’s innocence comments regarding OW sting. I totally get the feeling of wanting to hide out in a cave for a while.
You are the parent. You are Mom!
OW is like an aunt. And after a fun day of surf and sun and jet ski and excitement, it follows that son is going to say stuff like that. It’s ok. It’s really good actually. It’s much better than son coming back with horrible tales of mistreatment and lonely unhappy times.
Kids are allowed to have favourite aunts, uncles, friends, etc. - it doesn’t replace their Mom (or Dad).
S2’s feelings towards OW and his love for you, his Mom, are not mutually exclusive. You don’t need to compete or worry.
I grew up having favourite uncles and aunts; and I love them dearly. However, they are not my parents. Visiting with a favourite aunt is a fun time, no school work, no reminders to make your bed, and so on. It’s a bit of a fantasy life. Oh it’s real, but they aren’t raising me. And there is the big difference. Short term vs long term. Commitment.
You are his Mom. Son knows this. As he grows - He will show it. He will it for granted. He will ignore it. He will test it. He will cherish it. And many years from now, he will recognize just how deep your love is.
Enjoy the innocent expressions of son’s bubbly emotions. Young children are so unfettered and honest; speaking and living in the present moment. Enjoy it while it lasts.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
It went fine, but I was slow to respond to his messages later in the day and he sent me a passive-aggressive message asking if I was even interested. Well, now I'm not!
Ummm..... pass. Someone either too insecure or not tech savvy enough to know the whole point of text messages is they don’t have to be answered immediately. This is why you don’t give out too much personal information (home address, workplace) and meet for just a coffee date first. Too many weirdos out there.
As for S2 - what planet are you living on, might I ask? One where CoVID doesn’t exist? (Ok maybe you’re in New Zealand, in which case this doesn’t apply). But anywhere else, taking a 2 year old with a “cold” to hang out with a bunch of people sounds like the possible beginning of a superspreader event.
As for S2 - what planet are you living on, might I ask? One where CoVID doesn’t exist? (Ok maybe you’re in New Zealand, in which case this doesn’t apply). But anywhere else, taking a 2 year old with a “cold” to hang out with a bunch of people sounds like the possible beginning of a superspreader event.
Somewhere in Australia. Conditions are not quite as good as NZ, but our restrictions have been relaxed recently to allow gatherings of ten people. X is too entitled and selfish to err on the side of caution, and unfortunately I can’t dictate or even discuss what he does with S2 on his time. He knew S2 was unwell (not enough so to stay home with me) and still made that choice.
You are his Mom. Son knows this. As he grows - He will show it. He will it for granted. He will ignore it. He will test it. He will cherish it. And many years from now, he will recognize just how deep your love is.
You're absolutely right. Love is showing up, no matter what. Not just for the beach days and ice cream trips, but for doctor's appointments and school events and eating dinner together every night.
Quote
Lighthouse is there.
No matter if you’ve got stormy seas or shiny beautiful starry nights.
A better report from the parenting trenches tonight.
S2 was testing my patience all evening. I explained that I feel annoyed when he doesn't listen or obey. We discussed the consequences of naughty choices. He debated internally for a moment and decided to make good choices. We ended the night on a happy note. I put him to bed with a kiss, then sat down to have a snack. A few minutes later I heard him calling my name softly, so I wiped my fingers and went into his room.
"Hello, mama," he said when I sat down on his bed. "You eating?"
"Eating chippies," I said. "What's the matter?"
"S2's a little bit sad."
"Oh no! What do you need?"
"Big cuddles."
He wrapped his arms around my neck and squeezed.
"I love you, S2."
He put his hands on my cheeks and kissed me on the lips.
(Yesterday while working from home, I went to grab some lunch and left my car in the driveway to give it a clean when I got home. X then had to park half in the driveway, half in the street when he dropped S2 off that night. This made me think that leaving my car in the driveway could be an easy way to prevent them from lingering at changeovers?)
OW has tagged along for every changeover since the first time I mentioned it a few weeks ago. She stays in the car and stares at me the whole time. The changeover lasts all of ten seconds and I stay in the doorway of my house without exchanging any words with X.
When I was musing about WHY the OW would do this, my mother offered her point of view. When she first started dating my stepdad, she went to his kid changeovers because she loved him and wanted to be part of his life and integrate herself with the kids. Do you guys think this is what’s happening here with OW? Is it that simple and innocent?
Another view was that OW is insecure and comes along to keep an eye on X. She stares at me cause she feels she’s competing with me. She comes to gloat about the prize she has won but knows the competition was rigged and therefore doesn’t trust X.
Or she’s curious about the mean and abusive ex-wife and feels important being involved. Maybe hoping to witness some drama if the X has told her I’m crazy and bitter and jealous. Maybe he asked her to come along as a backup since I have had my neighbour with me in the past. This could feed into the above scenario.
I just find it weird at this point, not upsetting. To come along but not come to the door. To stare at me from the safety of the car seat. It’s coming into winter and it’s dark and cold at 6:30am when they arrive for pickup, let alone when they’d have to get up to get ready as they live twenty minutes away. Same deal at 5:30pm for dropoff.
What’s her deal? Remember she’s only 21, if that makes a difference.
(I know it’s pointless to wonder, but we like to speculate on this board, so have at it.)
I vote for insecure, but could also be ex has told her some crazy BS about you.
How about turning up at the door looking like you're ready for a fashion shoot, and swatting ex on the butt as he turns to leave - just to get her goat? (Ok, not really, and thank god she's not coming to the door, that would be too creepy. And I'd have trouble not spitting in her face. Then again, she's won the "prize" of a super creepy guy who you are better off rid of, so I kinda feel sorry for her. So maybe I'd just give her the stinkeye instead of spitting on her. But that's just me )
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