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True that J. Just like in poker you have to make the best out of the hand you’re dealt.

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Crazy thing is that I didn't have any feelings for her, I didn't feel jealous towards her BF, I wasn't sitting there fuming on the inside, my focus was just talking with him in an attempt to get to know him. If anything I felt sadness for my daughters that this is know their life.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
Crazy thing is that I didn't have any feelings for her, I didn't feel jealous towards her BF, I wasn't sitting there fuming on the inside, my focus was just talking with him in an attempt to get to know him. If anything I felt sadness for my daughters that this is know their life.


It is a lot different when you are in a serious relationship yourself

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True......I hadn't thought about how I would have felt if I was not.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
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Good Morning everyone, it has been a few days so I thought I would update as I drink my first cup of coffee.

Still working from home although the restrictions here in Texas have lifted some. The gym finally opened last week so that was a real blessing! Have the girls this week, they had a sleepover at a friends house last night so I had an evening of peace and quiet. That was awesome! My youngest has her birthday next Tuesday, the big 9!! I remember when my oldest hit 4th grade. That is when I realized she was starting to mature

Doc had her 48th birthday on Friday and then on Saturday night we went to a good friend of mines 80th birthday party. It was a fun weekend. Got the girls on Sunday and we went over to the Doc's house Sunday night for a while and played Uno. It was some nice family time......bahaaaaaa!!!

It's a weird feeling but I find my girls getting more comfortable, I find myself getting more comfortable especially now that I see them doing the same. I think it was good for my girls to see me meet the XW's BF, I hope in some ways maybe it brought them some closure or a realization that we are not getting back together again. I have found myself thinking more and more about when the right time is to pop the question. I know the Doc is ready.

I just think my girls need a little more time, really all the kids IMO. Like I said though I do see them progressing. A couple weeks ago we all went over to the Doc's and spent the night. When I asked them if they wanted to go they got excited and said "yes"

The Doc has also had a ton going on with Covid, her office expansion, XH getting sick, and now her mom is running out of money and asking the Doc to move in with her. In the entire time the Doc and I have been dating I don't think I have seen her in just a normal, BAU situation without something major going on in her life. Maybe in some respects it is a good thing as I have got a first hand view into how she handles things.

Anyway, I don't think it's a matter of "if" any more, I think it's more of a matter of when. I am still unpacking that but getting closer.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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I agree that seeing how people handle stress is a good thing. I recall when S and I were on a hike on one of our first dates that she lost her phone. No panic, no drama. We turned around, retraced our steps and there it was at a cafe where we'd stopped for tea.

I think that for your Dr, like with S that one of the challenges to be faced is that they are so used to not being supported and being the only one in charge that while they appreciate having someone there to help, they don't know how to do use that help and can have challenges in working as a team. Is that something you are detecting? I'm certainly seeing it here.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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A - I am actually not seeing that in my sitch. I have helped the Doc with so many things I have lost track. This weekend I spent several hours in her new office space helping her hang things, moving equipment etc.

The Doc is just stubborn in general but is not afraid to ask for help.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Drinking a cup of coffee in complete silence this morning so I thought I would journal a bit. The Doc and I hot a road bump yesterday with the kids. Her and I have never had a fight but the kids did not get along yesterday. We all went to water a water park and then the plan was to go to the Doc's house and spend the night. That plan got halted when the Docs son told me he didn't want the girls to spend the night. I guess their had been a power struggle brewing all day with her son wanting to do one thing and the girls wanting to do something else. Neither one of them just falling in line with the other and since the girls stick together that always makes her son left out.

After we dropped off the Doc at her house I had a convo with the girls in the car about what happened. They said they did do things that he wanted to do but there was 1 side that only 2 people could go down at a time and since he was the odd man out the girls went down together. I guess that is what set him off. The conversation ended with my youngest telling me that if the Doc and I got married she wanted to live with her mom full time, she didn't feel comfortable, and wasn't happy. I mean heck I thought I was going slow, I guess not slow enough for them.

Makes me wonder if it just isn't meant to be and there are too many obstacles to overcome. Her son is not just going to fall in line, he won't participate if it is something he doesn't want to do. My girls will always support one another and go with what the other one wants to do thus always leaving him the odd man out. The Doc and I don't fight, we have always got along very easy. I read other stories on the board about how fast people are moving in with young kids etc. and I just don't see how they do it. I pay very close attention to my girls and check in with them frequently, they are also not azzhole kids either but it's clear that even my pace is too fast for them. I thought I was moving like a turtle.

They do know the Doc is my girlfriend, they both told me that they want me to be happy ( how sweet) and I told them I want them to be happy as well but all three of them are not clicking together. I have had conversations with them about the Doc and I, the potential for marriage etc. but maybe their timeline and my timeline are completely different.

I have not tried to force family to happen either. Obviously when they are with their mother they do not see the Doc or her son. When they are with me we would usually spend a Saturday night together at one of our houses, watch a movie or play a board game, then one day during the week he would come hang out with us for a few hours since school has been out due to covid and I have been working from home. That's really it though but I guess that is too much.

It feels good to type this out and I know this is not an abnormal situation. I bet many families attempting to blend together run into situations like this. Unfortunately not everyone is happy, I guess I am starting to wonder what if they never are or even though I think I am moving very slow it is going to take way more time than I ever expected.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
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Oh J, I am so sorry to hear this, although I am not so surprised. You have truly taken the effort to listen to your girls and take a slow pace. ANd I am going to be 100% honest with you. You can go even slower and give even more time, but it's not going to change until these kids are grown and more on their own,rather than their parents. Having kids become siblings who aren;t actually their siblings is super hard. I think one reason I really wanted it to work with M is because our kids got along famously. ANd I know how difficult that is to find. We were so lucky in that sense.

If you and the doc truly love each other, living together apart as you are is probably the best bet. You live 5 minutes away from each other, have enough money to maintain your own households and get to see eachother often. You could even get married when living in 2 different houses if that ring on the finger is that important to her. When your kids are way older, then maybe moving in together will be more feasible. you can do somethings together and some things apart. Unfortunately, the doc focused more on learning bible verses and spanish, rather than social skills. Maybe in the next few years he will grow up a bit. Then you can consider sharing households. But I don't see it happening anytime soon, But it doesn't mean it has to be the end for you and the doc. If you really have something special, you will both recognize that your relationship will have to look different.

I know for my daughter, the one very important thing for her is not moving out of her school district. ANd if a guys residency is what determines where his kid goes to school and neither of us wanted to move for our kids sake, we would have to be ok with living seperately for our kids for a few years. I do know an OG DB'er who has been with his GF for maybe 4 years now? they have the school district issue, so they have a great R, but aren't living together.

Truth be told, relationships with kids post divorce look so much different. It's a new norm I guess.

I trust things will work out the way they are supposed to for you. I really do.

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I’m probably going to be in the minority here, but in the specific example your girls stated, I can see why the dr’s son was put out. I’m not saying your girls shouldn’t stick together, but if all 3 of them wanted to go on a 2 person slide, why couldn’t they take turns partnering up to do so? Maybe I’m applying adult logic to kids here, but that seems like the obvious solution and one that I would think older children might be able to come up with on their own.

Having said that, though, I don’t disagree with anything you said. If this were an isolated incident, I would say y’all could work through it and be fine. I don’t think it is isolated though. Sadly, I think this kid has some serious issues and at least part of them are not being addressed by the doctor. He’s adopted, disconnected from the only father he’s ever known and his mother, while a good provider who I’m sure loves him, demures to a man with 2 daughters who stick together and outnumber him. He now has to share the one person who has always made him the center of attention with a man who works to be kind to him but also likely gives off a bit of an uneasy vibe and 2 daughters who he perceives as “ganging up on him”. I don’t think your daughters do that, mind you. They clearly have a precious sisterly bond and that is fantastic. But he doesn’t understand that since he’s an only child. I just feel bad for the kid.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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