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Gerda,

I hope you and your son feel much better and very soon.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Gerda Offline OP
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False alarm. We had a really bad two days but fevers are gone already so doc said it's not Covid. Thank you for the prayers/wishes/support!

My daughter wanted to help me so she took down the electric tea kettle to make me some tea. She couldn't figure out where the plug was but did it all without heating the water, including cream and sugar, and proudly brought me the tea with an apology that it wasn't hot. So cute.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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Gerda, I'm glad you're back to feeling better, and the assurance that it's not Covid must be quite a relief! How kind that your daughter was able to cold-brew you some tea. smile


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Gerda Offline OP
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Originally Posted by cardinal
How kind that your daughter was able to cold-brew you some tea. smile


That made me giggle! Thank you, Cardinal, always nice to see you stop by. When I see your name I always picture that beautiful red bird and the sound they used to make outside my window when I was growing up -- whoop, whoop, whoop, whoooooo-up!

Last edited by Gerda; 09/03/20 08:18 PM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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Originally Posted by Gerda
False alarm. We had a really bad two days but fevers are gone already so doc said it's not Covid. Thank you for the prayers/wishes/support!

My daughter wanted to help me so she took down the electric tea kettle to make me some tea. She couldn't figure out where the plug was but did it all without heating the water, including cream and sugar, and proudly brought me the tea with an apology that it wasn't hot. So cute.

wow you check out for a while and look what you miss! I'm so grateful you're not ill with Covid. Your daughter is a sweetheart!


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Good Morning Gerda

It was good to read your sickness was short lived. Nice to see children feeling empathic and wanting to help us feel better. I bet cold tea never felt so good!

How are things in your corner of the world?

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Gerda Offline OP
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Well, I had another awful court date today. There was the tiniest amount of progress because they agreed to appraise the house. He was supposed to pay for the appraisal but said he had no money because of me (I said to his L, "Does your client have a job?" and H started spewing...) so I had to agree to split it with him. But the judge basically said she could not enforce the stip (court order) about the house because it was too vague and poorly written. In January, I filed a motion saying that the stip was too vague and thus unenforceable and she screamed at me and refused to hear the motion so I withdrew it and buckled down for the marketing period, which was a nightmare and was supposed to end in June. Now she is saying it's not enforceable, after making me abide by it all this time!!!

June 1 he had to have the house appraised and I had the right to buy him out but it has no timeline for that. So I have been making offers to give him a downpayment now and the rest as soon as our rents return for 6 months so I can refi. And the judge is trying to say that that's too long, even though our entire city shut down and is still quite shut down, no tourists, etc. But none of that is in the stip, and so I am trying to figure out when/if to appeal or if I should just start saying, "I can't agree to that, sorry," and push everything to trial.

We were referred to trial in January but she is basically refusing to let us go. She keeps calling us back for more conferences. My H's L just keeps filing motions and billing and no end in sight, totally dissipating our asset and refusing to pay debts and trying to get me to pay his bill though I have no lawyer!!!!

This is not a vent session but a call to the troops. I do not understand my rights as far as saying no to all this and forcing a trial. I do not want a trial but this is just a never-ending nightmare and we should admit we didn't resolve and must to trial over everything. I also got a very inequitable distribution and only agreed to it because there was an end point and the chance for me to pay him his share over a couple years (at least in my mind, since it wasn't specified in the order). If we are just ignoring the order and making a new arrangement, I feel like I should appeal and try to get this before another judge, or insist on no further conferences and prepare for trial.

Does anyone 'round here know about that? E.g., am I allowed to say that if we don't stick to the order that resolved the property then everything is off the table, nothing is resolved, and it's time for trial?

I was so horrified to have H's face staring out at me on the teleconference that I had to tape a piece of paper over his little square of the meeting. All that I had near me was a paper doll shirt my D made when I forced her to do creative time yesterday instead of the usual TV/phone that dominates Covid life. So that paper doll shirt was what I taped over H's face. That gave me a little laugh amidst all the screaming. He looks so weird and is so angry. He spewed a few times during the conference. The problem is the judge does not know about MLC so I have to constantly produce proof that he is lying and she is also the laziest judge ever, so she openly admitted today that she hadn't really read our papers because she thought it was a settlement conference. I worked so hard on those papers, disproving every single thing he said, even looking up the case law his laywer has used and ripping it to shreds. (He had basically pulled a clip off the internet that was totally irrelevant, which gave me a laugh.) This time I got a court reporter so it's all on the record in case I appeal.

Last edited by Gerda; 09/10/20 01:34 AM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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Gerda, you know I don’t know about any of this, but I’m so sorry you had another bad day in court. One bright spot seems to be that, because it’s via teleconference, you can in fact tape a piece of paper over his square. He’s there compartmentalized in his little box, hemmed in by a paper doll shirt! It must be so frustrating that this judge seems to be putting minimum effort. Hopefully others here that know more will be able to answer your question. Is there a family law facilitator at the court who could advise you on this? (((Gerda))) I hope you’re having a better day.


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Good Morning Gerda

How is the fall in your locale? Are the leaves turning to yellows and orange?

Here the first tastes of fall are upon us. The tops of tress are becoming a palette of golden yellows, burnt oranges, and fiery reds. The purple rain birch, S23’s birth tree, turns dark purple; the darkened hue slowly dripping downward from treetop to ground level.

The grass has thankfully slowed its growth. With all the rain this year, I’ve put a lot of miles on cutting it.


An appraisal on the house is some progress. Hopefully, this will be entered as the true value, instead of H’s made up fantasy exaggeration.

Originally Posted by Gerda
I do not understand my rights as far as saying no to all this and forcing a trial. I do not want a trial but this is just a never-ending nightmare and we should admit we didn't resolve and must to trial over everything. I also got a very inequitable distribution and only agreed to it because there was an end point and the chance for me to pay him his share over a couple years (at least in my mind, since it wasn't specified in the order). If we are just ignoring the order and making a new arrangement, I feel like I should appeal and try to get this before another judge, or insist on no further conferences and prepare for trial.

Does anyone 'round here know about that? E.g., am I allowed to say that if we don't stick to the order that resolved the property then everything is off the table, nothing is resolved, and it's time for trial?

I am sorry you are finding the court/legal system so frustrating. H and his lawyer are diverting and blocking this process quite often.

The legal arena has its own rules and guidelines. From my experiences, and questions of my lawyer during my divorce, the judge’s rulings are law. One of course can appeal, however at some point it will be, and is settled. Remaining out of the courtroom is best, however an amicable partner is required for that.

Navigating that arena is foreign to me. Lawyers study and practice many years to be proficient in it. Yes, one can represent themselves, much easier when facing a less irrational adversary. And the importance of the case needs to be considered; a traffic ticket vs a messy divorce, much different stakes involved.

What you ask, seems reasonable. You are reasonable. The legal arena, is different. Justice, fairness, rights, law, etc., there is a lot to balance and find resolution within.

Now, if you wanted to know how and why an alternating current leads or lags an applied voltage as it flows through an impedance, and how that can be mathematically represented with trigonometric equations and imaginary numbers, I’m your guy. There may even be one or two other things I know about. Legal system ain’t one of those; I hired a lawyer.

In response to you question, and remember my layman’s knowledge base, one doesn’t say or tell the judge what to do. You make a motion for the judge to consider the merits of said proposal, they will assess based upon all those previously mentioned principles, and rule one way or the other. I have no real idea of the likely outcome of such a proposal, however I think/feel your judge would dismiss it.

Please seek, even better hire, a lawyer for advice and guidance. Your situation is moving, albeit slowly. Perhaps the timing is right for you to get representation. I don’t want to see you run over and unfairly saddled with any of H’s enormous lawyer bill. (Wow, that guy has sure racked up one huge bill)

I do support and care about you. Sorry I cannot be better help.

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Gerda Offline OP
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Hallo, DnJ. I think you forgot some of my sitch. I went through three lawyers so far. The last one I even got one who charged more, thinking he'd be better and he was terrified of the judge. They all charged a lot to do almost nothing. They didn't understand MLC and kept trying to settle and responding to attacks instead of filing motions to protect me and the kids. I have made much more progress by myself! I have a judge who is notoriously lazy and known for not caring about children. A lawyer from the abuse survivor's clinic told me to get out of her courtroom as fast as possible so I could get into family court and get a better set up for my kids. A friend here who went through an equally insane MLC divorce had a caring judge who asked about the kids every time and always made sure they were taken care of. My judge is not even concerned that I get no child support and refuses to read my papers or documents esp those about the kids. I've been referred to trial but she won't let us go, I can't figure out why.

Anyway it is always good to have you stop by here, so don't apologize, it's always helpful.

And it's very much fall here, but the temperatures that make me put on four sweaters are those that you consider tropical up there. I don't know how you do it without fear but it must be your green cape. I am a very petite lady and always shivering as soon as the temp goes below 65 except for the ol' hot flashes which force me to wear tank tops and cardigans all winter so I can take the sweater on and off nine thousand times a day.

OK I do need some other house advice and if you have a chance to just stop by my mountain cabin, I would gladly trade you all the naiiimmooosammiiioo bars you can eat in exchange for some work around the place.

1. I need a new roof. I will not be able to afford this but there are mice getting into holes because the logs holding up the roof are rotted in parts and there is only so much foam a girl can spray there. You should ahve seen my log cabin chinking attempt last time, mixing the sand and lime and portland cement as incorrectly as possible though I did manage to seal a few holes with it, it sure didn't look like the old-timey log look I was goin' for. ANYWAY i have been doing research on the possibilities and thought that SIP's could be a good choice because my ceiling up there isn't even insulated except these heat reflector things my H put, he never knew anything about eco issues or R value and never cared so it is FREEZING and inefficient there. I was thinking that SIP's could be better than insulating and and replacing all the logs, etc., but I have read some issues with water vapor and rot so I wasn't sure I should even keep reading about those. What do you think?

2. All my propane heaters (the kind that vent through an outer wall) are broken or dying. They are from the year we married and bought the place, so I guess it's part of the general disintegration. I have been watching videos about DIY radiant heat kits, and half of my place is over a basement so it would be really easy to put those tubes under the floorboards from the basement. My hot water heater is on demand so I don't know if I would have to get a new boiler of some kind. What do you think of that idea though of doing that instead of replacing those other heaters. I sure wish I had geothermal like my friend The Green Caped Even-Keeled Wonder, Electric Man.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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