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She also made some comments about mommy getting frustrated with them when she is doing homework and my oldest wanted to be there so mommy could get frustrated with her and not someone else.


And who would that someone else be??? Her sister??? You, in absentia???

Worries me a little that she feels she has to manage her mother like that.

And yes, definitely sounds like she’s coming to grips with the idea that her parents might never get back together (they all harbor that wish, even my adult kids who knew he cheated on me - that’s why I didn’t even introduce any of my dates to them for years).

Maybe things aren’t going so well between your ex and her BF, and this was sparking some hope on their part that you might get back together.

Tread carefully. My sister’s second husband was married to a woman who wanted to “see what else was out there”. They split and he met and started dating my sister, whom he then married. He had a daughter (as did my sister) grade school age. My sister, who is darn near a saint, did everything she could to be a good stepmom. But unbeknownst to her, the ex wife was telling her daughter that if it wasn’t for my sister, she would still be with her dad (the one she wanted to cheat on!) . It’s now over twenty years later, my sister’s husband died last fall. The stepdaughter has been a complete biatch to my sister since the funeral. Frankly, the kid always was an entitled little twit, but the venom directed at my sister comes directly from the lie told by her mother.

I understand all the advice to tell the kids it was a mutual thing. Just try to make sure the kids aren’t being told something different by their mother - in which case you might need to clarify that it was your wife’s idea.

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I am not sure, the Xw doesn’t have any family close, they are in Cali so maybe just anyone else in general. It worries me a bit as well, thought about letting the Xw know but ended up not doing it. Not shocking though as the Xw could only handle the kids in small doses so I could see her getting frustrated.

At this juncture I don’t feel as though they are being told something different. When the time comes I will let them know also my role as well. Even though she tapped out, the truth is that we just grew apart, she realized it before I did, and we didn’t have the tools to work through it. When she finally got to the point to say something directly she was soo far gone nothing was going to stop it from happening.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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I don't have much experience with this but the perception that I get is that in many cases the children of divorce "step up" and try to "take care" of their parents even or perhaps especially at a young age.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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That could be it as she also indicated that she worries about me when I am alone and not with the Doc. She said she misses her mom and has never once said anything about not wanting to go to her moms place etc.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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I had a convo with the XW today about an unrelated matter however she brought up to me that she was taking the summer off from school as it wasn't working out with her and the girls. I took the opportunity to let her know what my oldest said about mommy getting frustrated with her, she doesn't want her to be alone, and that she wishes she was their so mommy could get frustrated with her and not someone else. The XW started to cry, indicated that it was not her responsibility to take on that burden and it was further proof something needed to change. She knows I told her and that my heart is in the right place so that was not a concern. I just listened, validated but am glad I said something to her about it. Hopefully the XW will be more aware moving forward.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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I finally met the XW's BF today. I picked up my oldest and took her to her 5th grade graduation parade. On our way back I texted my the XW to let her know we where returning and she texted my daughter to let her know she wanted me to meet him. Not sure why she didn't ask me directly but any way I am glad it happened.

I had no emotion at all, it didn't bother me in the slightest. He seemed like a good guy and is good with my girls so it was all positive. We all sat in her living room and chatted for probably 20 minutes or so. I didn't feel awkward at all. He wasn't a jerk, arrogant or anything of that nature. The conversation flowed well and I didn't feel any jealousy or anything. I didn't feel in competition with him it just all felt very natural.

I am actually very happy that we all seem to get along and their doesn't seem to be any resentment towards anyone.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Interesting. If it all went so smoothly I wonder why he (or she?) has been so resistant o you meeting before this?

Of course, maybe you didn't feel any stress because you know you are the Superior Male Specimen - it's awfully easy not to feel competitive when you're the clear winner, huh? wink

Anyway - good to know he seemed like a nice enough guy. I'm grateful that my ex's wife (not an OW) has seemed to be nice enough to my adult children, that's all I care about (and hoping she continues to care for my ex in his old age so my kids don't have to).

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The xw admitted that me not meeting him was on her part, not him but not sure why. I believe its because she is embarrassed or not confident, just my opinion. I don't think it was because early on she was protecting my feelings. Honestly as long as he is good to my girls, which he seems to be, that is all I care about.

True....I am the winner so I know that's the reason why!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
True....I am the winner so I know that's the reason why!

Ha! Not saying it’s true but also not saying it’s false. What prompted me to hit reply is you well may be the winner but, at least recently and currently, your daughters are the losers in all of this. Not blaming you. Not finding fault. Just saying, especially based on what’s been going on with them, especially the oldest... your wife is clearly not the winner either. Perhaps you are better off or will be. But really there are few if any winners. D is just often so sad. But hey, your x got what she wanted... or at least what she thought she wanted. It’s much like MWD says early on in DR. They think it’s going to solve all of the problems and create this better life, but in the end, there are few winners.


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Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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True that dh......while I have done a good job of picking up the pieces and moving on I am not sure if I will ever truly get over it 100%. There is a part of me that will always hurt over it.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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