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Good Morning Andrew

It nice to see you are having nice weather. I am as well, so your two day prognosticator says nice weather this weekend in your area. I am enjoying this weekend here, over the last five years this long weekend has been miserable and cold, what a welcomed change.

I do read and follow along with your postings. It’s good to see how smooth things are proceeding. The willingness of both you and S is apparent, not something to be undervalued as I know you realize.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
I talked to my lawyer yesterday and he's not doing anything like pre-nups etc right now as he will only do them with in-person meetings so that he can assure himself that there is no undue influence. Annoying but one of the realities of the world right now.

There are other lawyers.

Just something I thought I’d point out. It rather obvious, and yet overlooked. I’ve found some businesses are closed or providing very limited services. It’s easy to accept that this is the new normal and is everywhere. However, it is not. Lots of places provide services; they just modified how they provide them in this climate of protocols.

If you “want” a prenup, you can get one. You need not use your longtime lawyer, and his timeline of service providing. I know that’s probably not your first choice - a different lawyer.

I have looked beyond some of my normal businesses I utilize due to their decisions to cut staff, close, not provide service, etc. It actually was easy to find other businesses, ones that wanted to service the customer. You know, service; what we are paying for.

As I said, it’s obvious and overlooked. The consumer does drive things; we vote with our wallets with every single transaction.

Hope you have a great move-in day / weekend.

DnJ


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I have looked beyond some of my normal businesses I utilize due to their decisions to cut staff, close, not provide service, etc. It actually was easy to find other businesses, ones that wanted to service the customer. You know, service; what we are paying for.


I'm finding this to be true not only that some businesses are doing this better than others. A stupid example was trying to find a place to get my sons hair cut. His normal place had online check in but it said 2 hour wait and said nothing about a guarantee that he'd get in so I called around. Found a really great place with a super nice girl on the other end of the phone. Their system was simple. They put a clipboard outside and you sign in. If they know they can't get you in that day they take the clipboard down. They won my business that day. smile

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Oh please be careful about the stairs. A friend of my BFF was moving a bookcase by himself on the stairs that he had no business doing. Fell and died.

I was glad in a funny way that my ex pushed to sell the house soon after he moved out. Neither of us could afford to buy the other out and it sold quickly, so we had to split up our belongings early on.

I’m glad I wasn’t left behind in a house full of memories of our marriage. I really don’t have anything in my house that reminds me of him, and I like it that way.

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Funny in hindsight story. Many years ago I got an old refrigerator for $5 that I decided to use as a beer fridge in my cellar. As I was taking it down the stairs, my feet slipped out from under me, the fridge fell on top and we were firmly wedged in the stairwell.

My wife opened the door when she heard the bang and told the kids that since she could still hear the swearing that she figured I was ok wink The main thing that crossed my mind would be how funny the local volunteer fire-fighters would find it and the fact that there was no way to get in to the cellar from outside as the outside door deadbolts from the inside.

I eventually wiggled out from under, got the fridge in place and it worked for me for several years - costing me I think probably close to $10 a month in hydro and gaining me a favourite story.

-----------------

I ended up going to S's apartment to help load. She messaged me saying "you can come over if you want" so I did. Good thing too. Even though S17 is quite small, he's mighty but he couldn't do everything himself. D19 brought her room-mate and they did manage to get the massive dining room table out by themselves. They asked where my S25 was and I truthfully said that it hadn't crossed my mind to ask him. I suppose I'm just so used to having to do everything myself that I don't think to ask for help.

The move highlighted some known differences between S and I. At the house, I'd gotten the stuff out that needed to be out, planned the carry paths from one space to another and staged the areas so that the critters could be sectioned off from where we were carrying. At S's apartment a number of things had actually been put into boxes but little or no prep had been done and stuff was being tossed into boxes and bags. I'm learning though that regardless of the apparent chaos that things tend to work out for her. And without the drama and screaming that my also dis-organized ex-wife would have been creating. It's tough to just trust that things will work out but I'm getting more used to that.

I was able to help by disassembling the massive bed-frame (referenced previously) that S had that S13 will be getting. Something probably beyond the people there because they don't have 56 years history of tinkering. It certainly does need some extra bracing as it was rather poorly assembled and there were some historically broken pieces. I did bring my old 2 wheeled dolly which had a bad tire and S17 and I managed to get S's very heavy stove down the stairs shredding the tire in the process. I popped over the the hardware store and stood in various queues to get a replacement dolly with solid rubber tires. S didn't think we needed it but everyone else did.

She then spent about an hour at her STBX's house without me for obvious reasons and with a certain amount of drama the furniture and stuff there was also moved out and loaded into the truck. From what the girls told me later he was just throwing stuff into the truck almost at random. We ended up with a few extra garbage cans and a bunch of other things that will probably end up in the dump.

With some effort we got the truck unloaded fairly quickly, staging stuff in the driveway and garage to get the truck returned on time. Again - with S - it seems to work out - I just have no clue how. And yes, I carried some heavy stuff but everyone was watching me like a hawk including myself and I took regular breaks. I also made sure to take a good shot of my nitro-lingual spray before. We got the stuff into the house that needed extra arms and some stuff is filling the garage that will need to be gone through.

There's still quite a bit of random stuff at the apartment that will be coming over in the next 6 weeks in the van and perhaps my trailer but the key stuff is now here and S and S13 (who is staying with his Dad for now) are "moved in".

Before anyone gets up too much in arms about "poor STBX" he's currently dating at least one other woman and it is possible that this was the case when he and S were together. He had a constant stream of lies especially about drinking (knowing S's severe alergies) and gambling and was generally absent without reason or accountability. D19 has confirmed that this lifestyle continues.

Being tired - of course that was a time for S and I to be a bit on edge. We talked about it a bit later. We didn't actually snap at each other, but I did tell her later that there were a couple of times when I had to "bit my tongue" which I think worried and surprised her. What it boils down to we think is that we are both used to having to be the sole planner decider and don't look for other input. In S's case this goes back for much of her life as her previous partners were generally not around. XH#2 spent only a few days a month at home, traveling for work (and living a rather high life) while his wife and kids were literally struggling to keep the lights on as he left little money for them to pay the bills. STBX worked nights and "extra shifts" a lot and only interacted with the family a bit on the weekends if he was around. So over-all that goes back over 20 years. And for me, I've had 4 of doing my own thing.

It's going to be work - but anything worth having is.

Busy few days ahead. I have stuff to assemble and put together and repair. I'll be a happy guy. We're going to do up a beef roast for Sunday supper in S's (now our) oven. S was annoyed (see communication comments above) because she felt that she had told me that that particular roast (out of a large box of roasts) was to be set aside for a different dinner and grumbled at me that it was already thawed. I have vague memories of her mentioning how she wanted to cook the different roasts but nothing specific. Again - communication issues and also not being used to having someone else around who makes decisions - for both of us.

I at least and I'm sure the others have a few new bruises and some quiet and relax and at least here, a soak in the tub is also undoubtedly a good idea too.


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Busy weekend.

Had a nice Sunday supper with S25 here. It was a bit surreal in some ways. He rang the doorbell to come in and acted as a guest in what used to be his old house. As appropriate in probably both our minds. I had managed to get the dining room table reassembled about 5 minutes before he got here.

He seems to be doing well and was quite cheerful. He and S get along well and probably visited between them more than he did with me. His apartment is coming together fairly nicely I think although from the sounds of it he's not gotten much if anything from his mother. He raided some of our kitchen supplies for things that he didn't think of and missed. I was talking to S later about how it was awkward that there are taboo subjects during like how his Mother's Day went but it is what it is. And other than the fact that he's happy it's none of my concern.

He also picked up some of his stuff including food that was stuff we had that was "his" and there's a modest pile of random stuff still here, some of which I'll undoubtedly need to store indefinitely. He was vague about whether he'll be back next week for dinner as well and I'm thinking that it may well become a once a month thing with him.

S is settling in as is her little dog. Her cat(s)? will be arriving I would think in a week or two at the earliest. Her S17 is enjoying having the apartment to himself and the two cats and his bunnies. His new living arrangements are sounding like they will happen at the start of June.

S and I are figuring things out including the who does what. She generally seems pleased that I just go ahead and fix things / clean things as I see them. We can now see into the door of the oven she brought which is important to me but not so much to her. One bone of contention will be the dishes as I like doing them and alone. I shooed her out of the kitchen last night so that I could have some "me" time and listen to one of my podcasts while doing the dishes. I think she's planning on taking over this task as I have a tendency to just keep doing what I've always done. Neither of us are used to having someone around to help. She is getting more comfortable cooking here undoubtedly in no small part because her stove is now here.

I'm still stuck working from home but do seem to be getting the hang of my new responsibilities. The guy who is passing this on to me seems to be struggling at times with letting go. He's been very supportive, positive and encouraging but I can tell from time to time that he gets a bit frustrated. Familiar story isn't it laugh

The current plan is to continue to shift things from the apartment to here and S is in charge of that planning. I provide the muscle. We have a bunch of stuff to go through and some of it will undoubtedly end up in the dump. As restrictions ease, traffic flow on the street in front of the house is increasing and so there may be a chance to get rid of some of the stuff on the side of the street. I'm hoping to shift some out perhaps tomorrow morning. The old dining room table and desk at the very least.

I think that this will all work out fine. I do believe that for S especially that things are a lot more "real" after this past weekend. She seems very positive about it all though. S13 is still with his Dad - and for an astoundingly long amount of time considering in the past he's only stayed for a couple of days or so at the most as per the custody agreement and then wanted to come back home. S says he's very positive about moving here and that once all of his video games and such are available that he's more likely to be staying here full time. There's supposed to be an announcement about the rest of the school year today too that may make a difference. If he does go back to class we'll have to drive him in to school (10 minutes) as it's not worth the effort to organize putting him on the bus and that also has risks doing that too.


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Happy Friday!

Well - the black-flies are out. Probably ate all the skeeters. I was thoroughly nibbled on yesterday afternoon while working out in the garden.

It feels like things are finally slowing down and turning into a new normal. Currently on Friday the part of our production that I am sort of kind of responsible for is closed so it's a lot less stressful than other days.

Yesterday I made at least 2 fairly bad (in my mind) mistakes that caused people to have to scramble and had me drop out of a conference call to deal with. I work with some great people though and I think they all appreciated my mea culpa which I extended beyond the mistakes I made to just accept the whole mess. People worked together, patched things up (not quite in the way I intended) and the orders went out on time and accurately. I am very fortunate.

One of the mistakes was pointed out by the company president in what appeared in email to be in a light-hearted teasing way so I took it that way, accepted responsibility, joked back that my brain wasn't working properly and fixed it. I had a phone call with him about something else earlier today and he's in a good mood and positive about my work I think.

Even though I work with industrial chemistry and computers (just did more safety training yesterday) what it really is is relationships. Working hard and taking things seriously is important. This stuff is no joke. But spending some time on the phone listening to one of the operators going on about the decorative grasses in his garden while also finding out how many empty containers we have on site is part of the job.

I'm feeling positive about this. Everyone knows that I'll make more mistakes including me but they are getting less and I rarely make the same one twice. I'm building relationships with customers, co-workers and suppliers. Many of whom I've known for years. My main contact at one of my main customers turns out to now be a good friend of a friend of mine who I've worked with for many years before she changed companies. It is indeed a small world.

----------------------

Things here at home are also settling into a "normal". S13 is still with his dad but his room is more or less ready for him now. I still have plaster repairs to do and the redecorating which will be done by him and his mother is still to be done, but his furniture and more importantly his gaming system are there.

S is finding it pretty weird, not so much because she's in a new house but more because for the first time in a very long time she's going through an extended time with no kids to directly care for. I think she likes it. She's finding places for things and organizing things around. Generally it's all good and I don't anticipate any issues.

S is learning as well I think that I'm very different than her past partners. One big difference I think is that things that are broken bother me. The hutch which she loves and had been at her STBX's house arrived with a broken glass pane which had been broken probably 6 or 7 years ago. It was in the house perhaps 3 days and was fixed. She had been told "that's too expensive to fix". It was $20 for a new piece of glass done through contact-less purchase from a local glass company.

S was joking with her daughter that she's needing to learn how to steer me as if something is "broken" I stop everything I'm doing to fix it. And that's not what she always wants. Some things can wait. She's certainly not wrong.

Her D19 came by yesterday for BBQ hamburgers and a visit - she witnessed S ask me about some colours that she was thinking of painting the kitchen (some sort of light blue that probably has a name) and I shrugged and said that that was probably fine and appeared to be one of the colours that she had shown me before that I thought would look nice. I overheard S saying later to her daughter "I'm going to Marry that guy". Every now and then I get an odd look from S or her kids when I seem to just be being reasonable about things.

I did have a bit of a WTF moment earlier in the day when S mentioned about her daughter coming over asked if it was ok. I gave her a weird look and said that she never needs to get permission from me about anything to do with her kids.

------

A fabulous weather day here. I have to go in to "town" to pick up a prescription (one mask) then am heading down to the plant after 4:00 to pick up something from my office and go through the plant (shift over) to re-familiarize myself with the current state of things (another mask - maybe 2). Good thing that I have 5 fabric ones so I can be confident of always having a fresh one.

S chooses to not wear a mask at present although I do nudge her on that and will wear one when we are out even if she doesn't. She has a scarf that she says she carries "if needed" and she does say that she has needed it and used it. I can't force her and she knows it's important to me even if she doesn't "get it" in the same depth. I think she'll probably start wearing one regularly soon as it gets more normalized. She is one of those people who doesn't like to stand out which I think is a factor for many at least around here who continue to be mask-less.

When I checked my mail yesterday I did feel a bit silly wearing a mask to walk across the street but I think the owners and staff of the shop appreciated it. I was talking to one of the owners and she said that it was very much up in the air if they were actually going to re-open. They could retire any time they choose but her husband loves running the stores so much - it is his life although he also flips houses too. They chose to re-open because of the staff who rely on them which was nice. There are a lot of extra hassles right now with all the changes which they are finding very frustrating. It does give me the feeling that one more thing and they may choose to sell which would most certainly put all the people at both stores including my ex-wife out of work. I would imagine that the low unemployment we enjoyed earlier this year is a thing of the distant past and will probably stay that way for a while.

Well - there's more I could ramble on about but think I'll wrap it up here.

Have a great weekend all and for those in the middle of things, be assured that after the storm comes the sun.


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Really, I would be straightforward with S - “I’m in a high risk category and I expect you to wear a mask to keep ME safe”.

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I sometimes wonder if S is reading along here (waves). She had some errands to run yesterday and made a point of taking a mask from the stack of washable fabric masks beside the door. She complained about wearing it later and commented that she knew that it was important to me which is true. She did say that the proper mask was easier to breathe with than her scarf at least. Her biggest complaint was having to wait outside in the hot sunshine. She has very thin hair and as a redhead burns easily and forgot to take a hat.

------------

Well - paint me purple and call me Susan! I believe that I now know where my ex-wife lives. A couple of blocks from S's old apartment on a street that is the shortcut to there and that I've driven down probably 100 times and yesterday evening, there was her distinctive car parked on the street side from OM's truck in the same driveway.

S was packing up a few more things and S18 and I got fish and chips (S had a gluten free pizza) so I drove past it a couple of times over the space of an hour so very likely not visiting.

Odd that I'd not seen her car there before but perhaps she had been parking in the small garage as is her usual preference in the winter.

Ah well. Certainly not what I expected. I'd presumed that with the money she got in the settlement plus what I send her plus OM's money that she'd have a fancy newly built house. I'm not surprised that it's close to a convenience store. That woman did love her snackin'. But a postage stamp sized house on a tiny lot on a busy street isn't at all what I expected. On the other hand, this is exactly the sort of house that she could easily afford on her own. Doing the math, the total money she will get from me will be roughly what the purchase price was (I looked online).

I could list out quite a few things about this house that would have been on her absolutely "no" list and it must feel like quite the step down from this rather large house on a big and fairly private lot.

Makes me think. After OM retired from his business they sold a bunch of his furniture and he moved into her apartment over the liquor store. I had always presumed that she would have moved into his house but rationalized that they didn't because it's an hour away from her job. They don't go on the fancy vacations that my ex loves going on other than the one SHE paid for out of OUR joint savings account. They are now living in a house that we could reasonably presume that she owns herself and covers the costs on. Methinks that OM wasn't perhaps the "catch" that I had presumed he was.

Not my problem. And really from all the stories I've read over the years, not too much of a surprise if he's being supported by her. And because she is actually a rather smart and perhaps paranoid woman, it wouldn't be a surprise if she's keeping all "her" assets etc close to her chest and living more modestly than she might.

--------

Gorgeous hot day here today. I hope to get my storm windows down. Shopping is still limited to 1 person per family so I'm going to head out shortly for the groceries. The flower shop has re-opened so fresh roses for the first time in a long time. Practicing all reasonable safety precautions. We are re-opening faster than I personally am comfortable with and I do hope that everyone else is staying safe and working to keep others safe. Because I use so little cash now going to the bank isn't part of my usual errands. S and I have talked and are working through the whole "who does groceries and laundry" thing. Generally it seems that it's "whoever is available".

I have some gardening to do. We have some fresh plants and a cousin of mine gave me a rhubarb patch that she didn't want any more that I need to plant.

S18 is coming by this afternoon and S will BBQ up some porterhouse steaks that were on the top of the pile of steaks from the 1/4 cow we got earlier in the spring. Should be a busy and productive day.

I went to the plant after hours yesterday and was surprised at the amount of traffic on the roads heading up to my area which is a vacation destination for many. I have a list of questions for my boss about what I saw - much of which makes a lot more sense to me now than what it did back in March, prior to my role changing.

Stay safe all and stay strong.


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Methinks that OM wasn't perhaps the "catch" that I had presumed he was.


Now see? Everybody always thinks the WAS is living the life of Riley when, more often than not, it’s not everything you imagine.

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The more I think about it, the more the past few years - the limited amount I know about my ex's life - the more things now make sense.

The anger, well actually rage that I had seen. The distancing from the rest of the world. She was certainly a material girl although especially in the latter years of our marriage she prided herself on her frugality. Well - it's her bed and she made it.

I don't feel sorry for her at all. Nor am I (much) thinking that she has a well-deserved comeuppance. As is counseled here, working on my being the "sane parent" and only focusing on my side of the street is the course to follow.

----------

I'm getting more accustomed to the cadence of my "new job". The night before, go through the production for the prior day, make some guestimates of what will be done the next day and what can make the truck. Get up early the next morning, get the revised customer requirements, figure out what instructions to send, find out that I was mistaken on at least one or two items, write some emails to sort that out, realize that emails are a waste of time and make a couple of phone calls, get the load planned and then breathe in, breathe out and it's the time of day that most people are starting.

I'm learning a lot and the people I work with are fabulous especially the plant people who are patient in explaining things to me and the company president who has been doing this job since forever. They also have a good sense of humour. The president questioned one of the decisions I made (a common occurrence), I called him, explained my reasoning and said that I was suffering shoulder strain from patting myself on the back. He laughed, gave some more details about that particular piece of business and the production process which I wasn't fully aware of and then we did it his way.

-----------------

S13 came "home" last night for the first time since his room has been set up. He seems pleased with it and in good spirits. I didn't interact with him much as they got here in the early evening and I was tired from yard work and went to have a soak in the tub. He played video games while I read. I need to install an air conditioner in that room which S was seemingly surprised that it was going to be a fair bit of work building a new frame for the window rather than just popping it in. I'd mentioned it in the past but the connection perhaps didn't get made. She still has to pick up the AC from the storage unit she shares so until then, the kid will sweat under a fan just like my daughter did in that same room for 17 years. It doesn't seem to bother him.

S and I are navigating our relationship. Communication and expectations are something we both know we have to work on, perhaps me more than her. We have booked for the next 3 evenings sessions with her IC who is doing a free couples workshop. It's mainly intended I think for established couples who are working through problems than for ones starting out, but it's sure to help.

-------------

S25 stopped by yesterday afternoon and I walked him through swapping out his winter tires. This is the first time he's changed a tire and it went well and I think he's rather proud of himself. He appreciated tips like keeping the hubcaps handy to put the nuts in etc which he wouldn't have thought of on his own. I am sure that in the fall that he'll just come and do it without assistance and if he encounters someone on the road with a flat tire, he will be able to help. He's storing his tires here - cuz people store stuff here it seems wink and apologized for the recent radio silence. It does sound like he's settling in well to his new apartment. He found the laundromat and I suggested that anyone that he meets there isn't a good option as after-all, he'd want a girlfriend who can afford her own washing machine laugh The only person he did meet there was in her mid 40s and was doing 7 loads, so perhaps not a good dating prospect anyway.

I'm very pleased with how well he seems to be doing. He is a very capable young man and I'm glad that he was able to launch smoothly.

Well - back to my emails. Have a great day all.


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I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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