Coming up with new thread titles is difficult sometimes.
For those who are late to the AndrewP show - long term marriage, wife shows all the stereotypical signs of a MLC after the kids leave the nest. OM makes an appearance (possibly more than one), I panic and try to "fix" everything and end up divorced when it is clear that while she seems happy for me to stay where I am, she has her own agenda. In the divorce, I keep the marital home while she moves out somewhere local, eventually in with OM - according to rumour. I have had no meaningful contact with her since late 2016 and know very little about her life or her relationship with our two kids. She appears to be keeping pretty close tabs on me though having been spotted lurking in the shrubberies in the garden centre across the street among other events.
After time, I date a bit, one serious R last year for a few months and another that is ongoing including getting engaged. The lady in question "S" is a 52 year old SAHM with 5 kids all of whom have had some sort of special need so that has consumed her life for the last 25 years. She and at least one of her kids and 2 critters will be moving in in a couple of weeks. A second kid and 4 additional critters are in some ways an open question as they have plans on moving out on their own. The other 3 are firmly launched. My own S25 has moved out on his own this past week.
Our story continues.
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S stopped by yesterday evening for a short while bringing a load of stuff. S13's bike needs at least the tires pumped back up. A variety of art came. S asked for it to be put somewhere safe. I'm figuring that I'll take down some things from the wall that I'm not partial to and just hang what she brought for now as being the safest place to store it that I can think of. Some of it I find really nice. One amazing little print of a house is right on with my taste. None of it is objectionable and it will all look nice.
S25 might be by sometime today to pick up a care package of fresh bread made for him by one of his poker buddies who used to be a chef and is now a real estate agent.
The new vanity install went very well. The plumber did a very professional job. Partially at my suggestion, he just cut out the old pipe that would have been a nuisance to match to and redid the lines. Made life easier for all. S was pleased with it as well. She has some ambitious plans on redecorating but I believe that, and her comments match this, that things will take time and planning and more importantly saving. We talked more about that last night and we both agree that for now, no changing things that are more or less fine as they are and that first she / we need to get a feel for how the rooms will be used and then plan the redecorating to match that.
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Struggling a bit with work. I'm taking over some production planning responsibilities which currently the company president does. He's been at the plant his entire career and just "knows" what needs to be done. He seems patient with my fumbling about and I'm getting closer each day to coming to the same conclusions as he does. One challenge is that he has it ready first thing in the morning even before I get my first pot of tea and I need to up my game for that. And also put together the tools I need to manage all the various factors that come in to play to make the decisions on what the plant will be doing both in the current day and then forecast out a week or so at a time. We don't plan much farther out than that in detail as we produce to customer demand and have little space to store product.
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I've decided that I need to make better healthy choices. Since quarantine, I've put on a few pounds. My thoughts of going for daily walks and working in the garden every day I can haven't happened. Long work days are partly to blame. Being lazy is perhaps more so. I also need to make better food choices. My alcohol consumption at least is way back. I had a beer yesterday while doing the dishes, thought about having a second and decided that I didn't want it. A healthier set of choices than I've made in the past. I eat very little snack food but have had too many cookies lately (girl guide season). I've been eating though like every day is the weekend. Nice full hot breakfast every day, a decent lunch and then dinner. I need to add more fibre and fruit and such like that was part of my past "work day" meals. My gout is acting up too and I am getting some swelling in my lower legs - signs that my circulation isn't behaving so regular walking "must" get put back on the list.
S has been reading up on the various complaints that I have and has some suggestions for diet changes and such that we need to check out. I find that I tend to read multiple articles and compare them - perhaps looking for advice that I like - where S tends to read just one and then go with that.
Ah well. Let's see how long this thread lasts.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Just to go back to the last thread - where you mention different constitutions and differences in the core beliefs of independence and liberty... I think that it’s more an issue of people being more desperate here. Think of how desperate you have to be to protest in order to go back to work During a deadly pandemic ? When people lose their jobs, they do not have health insurance here. . There has not been any moratoriums on rent or mortgages for people. I applied for unemployment a month ago and haven’t heard back. And I have still not received a stimulus check. Wages are so low here and cost of living (at least where I live) is so high that people live pay check to pay check and do not have the savings that others do. Most of my colleagues (have doctorates and high student loans) work two jobs or live with their parents. So being out of work in the United States is a lot more problematic then in Canada or Europe.
I watched a show where a teacher asked a child what would have happened if Great Britain had won the Revolutionary war and he said “we would have health insurance”
Now obviously, I am sure these protests are being organized and funded by certain political interests and lobbyists. But people grab on to it because they are desperate. The government needed to help from the bottom up and they of course weren’t gonna do that. The failure is in the people to demand to go back to work instead of demanding to get unemployment benefits. (But we all know about narcissistic deflection here)
I also want to comment on S13. He sounds really sweet and I get a sense of how much he wants a father figure. I think that both of you are going to benefit from this tremendously. You have the opportunity to really make a difference in his life. You guys seem to have very similar interests. He wants to learn from you and help you. theres so many ways people can view this arrangement. Some people feel they are exploiting you - but I think that having the opportunity to help a child is not just a gift to him but to you as well.
Another difference between the US and Canada is that We don’t know what to believe here. I was being told I was not allowed to wear a mask when working with highly vulnerable patients (like lung cancer patients). We were all saying we were afraid that we were passive carriers. That was based on guidelines from The cdc. Then suddenly everyone has to wear one. It’s all the stupidity and lies that make Americans protest because they don’t know what is sensationalism and what is real. I hate trump, but there’s truth in that the media does not offer professional journalism so that’s the problem too.
“They” say mosquitoes only bite the sweetest people, so maybe you are just lucky, Andrew. And, it is only the female mosquitoes who bite so maybe you just attract them. Even lady mosquitoes are looking for the good guys!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Yeah Juju, I was telling people from the beginning to wear masks and that the government discouragement of it was really intended just to keep us from buying up all the disposable masks that healthcare workers need. It was a stupid move on their part - they could have just encouraged people to wear cloth masks and asked (or prohibited) them from buying up the disposable masks. Now there's a whole group of people who don't think masks are necessary.
I actually wanted us to start wearing masks in our office a couple of weeks before we did but everyone thought it would scare the patients. I'm much more of a realist than most I guess.
I agree that Andrew has the opportunity to do some good deeds here - nothing wrong with that (so long as it's not to his own detriment). I think I asked before, but is S13 also on a gluten-free diet? Because Celiac disease is a cause of short stature and delayed puberty.
I had to go "in to town" to pick up a prescription and took the opportunity to mail Girl Guide cookies to my D25. I was pleased to see that perhaps 25% of the people are now wearing masks. The greater majority of them what I would call "younger people".
Originally Posted by kml
I think I asked before, but is S13 also on a gluten-free diet? Because Celiac disease is a cause of short stature and delayed puberty.
S13 is on a gluten-free diet and has a sensitivity - not sure to what degree. S's mother who was a tiny thing perhaps 90lbs soaking wet (and a nurse and yoga instructor) was full blown Celiac. Of S's kids, her D25 and S23 are not (XH#1). D19 was but has seemingly grown out of it, S17 isn't, and S13 and S herself are.
I'm not sure exactly how it affects S but she has mentioned that she gets quite irritable and short tempered when "glutenized" as one of the effects. She jokes that as a red-head that she's allergic or sensitive to darned near everything. She was surprised and pleased that early on when we were dating I made a point of finding out what anti-histamines and pain meds she could actually take and made sure that I have a stock of them here.
S13 has the physique of a perfectly healthy and normal 5 or 6 year old and his doctors have no issues with him other than the fact that he is an incredibly picky eater and is too slim. He has none of the normal indicators of a growth hormone imbalance. There's a bunch of reasons why he is picky and he and his mother are working on them. S17 was also small and is just barely hitting puberty now and is perhaps 5' 6" now and if he's 100lbs that would be a surprise. D19 was small but is now taller than her mother. If you lined up all three kids at the same age you'd have a hard time telling them apart. S herself didn't blossom until she was in her early 20s. Setting aside S's health issues which are mostly due to some serious car accidents 20 years or so ago, she and all the kids are physically healthy. D25 has worked as a professional dancer, D19 is a part-time model, actor and dancer. S17 although incredibly introverted is quite athletic but only in solo pursuits. S herself skated competitively and still has the legs to prove it.
S isn't concerned by S13's size. It's his father who has pushed for him to get growth hormones so that he "won't get picked on". Which to me is BS. On the few times I've seen S13 with his buddies - most of whom are double his size, he gets along great, has some good friends and is a cheerful and outgoing kid. His mind is absolutely that of a 13 year old albeit one for whom puberty and girls are more an intellectual fact rather than something that he's actually interested in.
Both S and XH#2 have some sort of ADD/ADHD and their three kids all have it. I don't think that D19 is on medication but both of the younger boys are as is S herself. I've seen all of them when they've forgotten their meds and they can get rather hyper and wound up. They are all self-aware enough though to recognize what's going on and don't like how they feel at those times. The meds themselves are pretty heavy duty things that are tightly regulated and controlled. I won't post the actual names but have looked them up and they are the standard meds for managing these conditions. Each of them take something different.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I really need to adjust my schedule so that I am out of my PJs before getting "in to the office" as once the emails start flowing it's tough to step away. Work has been crazy with the new responsibilities and I can feel the stress especially in the morning when trying to get everything organized for the plant. I am considering this positive stress as I am learning a lot and have the active support of the people I am working with both internally and on the customer side. It helps a bit that many of the people who are now customers are people that I've worked with for over a decade and the people who are my colleagues both in production and the office are also people who I have existing relationships with going back a long way.
I had a peek on social media and I think we can all assume that B is pretty much certainly back with her H. A recent photo posted is from the back deck of the house they shared. Makes me feel bad on multiple levels. First off, he is legitimately a jerk who felt entitled to have both a wife and mistress and showed no regrets about any of it. Secondly, B deserves so much better and even being on her own would be in the non-material ways better than being with someone who she cannot trust. And personally it does make the whole AndrewP as OM thing sting. I was so very confident that she'd put her past behind her and long behind and perhaps I was right. From a purely practical point of view she perhaps made the right decision. She can live fairly comfortably with him even if he is more than a bit of a financial train-wreck, he's got a good pension coming in reliably, a decent albeit heavily mortgaged house on a lake which is one of the things she missed the most about being here.
I wish her well though and will always remember her fondly. Hopefully she thinks the same about me.
She crossed my mind more than usual today as I need to pop "in to town" to pick up a bike tire tube for S13's bike and the only place to get it is at the store she worked at. The odds are pretty much zero that our paths would cross going forward in to the future.
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S has dropped off some stuff here earlier in the week including some pictures that are important to her. She asked me to put them somewhere safe and in my mind, the safest place was on the wall so I did that, taking down some my ex-wife had selected that while I liked them, weren't all that special to me. I hope she likes where I put them and of course they can be moved around.
She asked earlier yesterday if she and S13 could stop by for a few days which was of course OK with me but her day got away from her and by early evening it was decided that rather than rushing over as I was going to bed that she'd try again today.
Working on communication skills with her. One of her major triggers is if she feels not involved in decisions. This was a big factor in many of her past relationships where she felt that she had no say over money or even decor (especially in her last one). So - when I told her that I'd contacted a local charity about taking some of our surplus furniture and stuff she responded with "do you think maybe talking with me about it first might have been a good idea?". Certainly a bit of a smack-down. I responded that we had indeed talked about it before and about this specific charity and that I wasn't making any specific decisions about donations but just getting more information. She seemed ok with that.
I feel that a key thing with S will be proving that my words match my actions. That I will do what I say I will do and that her voice will be heard and that we'll make decisions about "us" stuff together. I will undoubtedly have to work extra hard to prove that to her until it just becomes the norm and what she expects. She is "very" sensitive about this one thing more than anything else and given her history, that's no surprise.
I did reach out to S's kids and ask if they were planning on doing any Mother's Day things here at the house. It looks like I'll get Sunday to myself again. Perhaps the last one for a very long time. I may make myself a nice meal - perhaps liver and onions and get a bottle of wine to go with it and enjoy saying goodbye to that chapter of my life.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I had a peek on social media and I think we can all assume that B is pretty much certainly back with her H
I, for one, suspected as much. Speaking of which - how is S’s divorce coming along????
She has the paperwork filled out and has figured out the financial settlement (she has to pay him back some money she borrowed and got herself a loan). She's not sure if the courts are taking in person applications.
I'm keeping my nose out of it all.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
- where S tends to read just one and then go with that.