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A Message from Michele
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A New Reality #2893688
04/29/20 05:21 PM
04/29/20 05:21 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
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kml Offline OP
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Link to my last thread: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2887584&page=11

Well, it sure feels like we will be living a new reality for some time, with this pandemic. And in a way, I feel like we are better prepared than most ("we" being those of us on the board) because we have already lived through a major shakeup in our lives that thrust us into a new reality. We've done it once, we can do it again.

I feel fortunate in so many ways. My business will likely survive, even though I've had to take a chunk out of my retirement funds to keep going in the short term, but thank goodness I have those funds and made good investment choices in January that will probably make up for some or most of that in the long run.

Two of my kids are working and their jobs are reasonably secure. I still have plenty of worries at home with CMM and my youngest but those were present before all this.

I know many are not so fortunate and are in very precarious financial positions right now. I was wondering this morning about the guy I was seeing (dating isn't the right word as he made it clear from the very beginning that he didn't "do" relationships) both before my crazy exBF and before CMM. As you may recall, he ghosted me just before I met CMM. I haven't heard a peep from him since, even though I occasionally leave messages and have sent him a couple of small birthday gifts which do not appear to have been returned.

At first I wasn't too worried about him - he's a loner with a history of depression and I think he withdraws when he goes through his dark periods. I don't really have a way to check on him as I don't know any of his friends and he lives in a condo building with strict security so it's not like I can just go knock on his door. I figured I'd hear from him eventually, we have gone long periods without talking before. (I did check the obituaries just to be sure, but nothing.)

Today though I was thinking about the pandemic and worrying about how he's doing financially. He was working at the airport (works with the vendors so pretty sure his job is shut down). Long story, he had a good city job as a bus mechanic when he was young (super smart guy but family dysfunction is the reason he didn't go to college). He took a very early retirement to care for his dying older sister (who was like a mom to him). Took a lump sum during a time that the markets were doing great, but a subsequent crash made his retirement plan not so viable. He invested the rest of his money in buying his condo outright (a great buy that is now surely worth 3 times what he paid for it) and took a new job as an ambulance attendant (mostly escorting elderly and disabled people to doctors appointments and such). He loved that job but lost it a few years ago when the ambulance companies consolidated. He went through a difficult year of unemployment until he found this airport job a few years back. Now I imagine he's on unemployment again and probably very financially strained and stressed again. Wish I could get him to respond so I could at least know he's ok, I still consider him a good friend.

Hoping you all are surviving this and staying safe and healthy.

Re: A New Reality [Re: kml] #2894081
05/04/20 04:49 PM
05/04/20 04:49 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,938
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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you have such a good heart my friend xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

One, Two, Three, Give it to God
Re: A New Reality [Re: kml] #2894302
05/06/20 11:31 PM
05/06/20 11:31 PM
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kml Offline OP
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CMM got his PET scan results yesterday. The original large lung tumor looks pretty dead. The newer metastases in his "good" lung are only minimally active. His bone metastases only have a little background activity which is consistent with treated metastases. No new metastases anywhere.

His comment to me? "Guess I'll live for the next 2-3 months". My reply: "Looks like!"

I had been worried because he's had so much pain in the region where he had the bony mets in his hip, but it really looks surprisingly good - much better than someone 20 months into a stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis has any right to expect!

We will see what his oncologist has to say about it Friday, but no new metastases is a good thing. I don't know if he'll decide to continue the current chemo, or give CMM a break again from chemo, or choose some other maintenance program. But it's better than I was expecting to see.

Re: A New Reality [Re: kml] #2894303
05/06/20 11:36 PM
05/06/20 11:36 PM
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kml Offline OP
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Also, it was my birthday a few days ago. CMM made a nice steak dinner and I got some fun presents. Many FB birthday wishes.

One of them was a post from Mr Big Lots, wishing me a happy birthday and thanking me for the years of friendship. His sweet mom, who I met a couple of times when we were dating, wished me happy birthday too and posted a funny gif. (I think she wishes her son hadn't been such a Love Avoidant, but honestly, we were a mismatch. ) I'm thankful for being friends with so many of my ex boyfriends though.

Re: A New Reality [Re: kml] #2894324
05/07/20 01:50 PM
05/07/20 01:50 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,781
Southern Maryland
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Happy Belated Birthday!

CMM sounds like he's doing better and I'm glad the PET scan results were just a wee bit more promising for him. I hope that he receives some good news on Friday, i.e., maybe a little break from the chemo.

Please stay safe.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: A New Reality [Re: kml] #2894333
05/07/20 03:16 PM
05/07/20 03:16 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,938
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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HBD, a few days late and congrats to CMM xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

One, Two, Three, Give it to God
Re: A New Reality [Re: kml] #2894388
05/08/20 02:29 PM
05/08/20 02:29 PM
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kml Offline OP
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I seldom hear any news of my ex, since I don’t really communicate with him and the two kids who speak to him do so infrequently. Was chatting with my middle son last night who said he had spoken to his dad a few days ago. Apparently, after his initial good response to his second back surgery, he is now having severe pain again (sounds, unfortunately, like CRPS, what used to be called Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy). It’s an excruciating disorder I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Very difficult to treat.

Sounds like he’s doing very poorly and according to son, has lost 15 lbs. Since he was already thin at 5’10” and I’d estimate 145 lbs when I saw him last year, that’s a bad thing.

Spoke the other day with an old friend I met on these boards many years ago ( turned out she lived a mile from my house and we became friends IRL). Her ex left her abruptly for an OW whom he married. My friend had kept on top of her husband’s medical conditions (diabetes and heart disease) but by all accounts when he moved in with OW junk food became the norm. Now in the last year her ex has died of his diseases and OW has stage 4 colon cancer.

So for those of you who think your exes or WASs have it so good - not necessarily.

Re: A New Reality [Re: kml] #2894406
05/08/20 04:55 PM
05/08/20 04:55 PM
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kas99 Offline
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Thank you for this. smile

Re: A New Reality [Re: kml] #2894428
05/08/20 08:47 PM
05/08/20 08:47 PM
Joined: May 2019
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kas99 Offline
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Happy Belated birthday!!

Mine is next week. Last year (he'd just left) H gave me a small bouquet of flowers, cards and money (left on my doorstep). It was a combo mothers day/birthday gift from both the kids and him. I sent a thank you text and he didn't respond. I still to this day think it was one of the meanest things he did.

Re: A New Reality [Re: kml] #2894436
05/08/20 11:18 PM
05/08/20 11:18 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
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kml Offline OP
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Yes, kas, remember this when you think your ex has it better than you. Wherever he goes - there he is. He hasn't gotten a magical personality transplant just because he left.

I could have looked at my ex that way - he had the beach house, twice my income, the hot young wife, the exotic vacations, abdicated responsibilities for our adult children.....but life has kicked him around quite a bit, and he's wrecked his relationships with our kids (due to his narcissistic behavior after leaving, not because he left me). I'm sure his natural depressive nature has gotten really bleak now with his health problems.

Meanwhile I live within my means, and have the love and devotion of our children. I've gotten to play onstage with famous musicians, I have a nice house in a less expensive neighborhood, I have good friends and a happy life, good health. I wouldn't trade my life for his for anything.

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