I will tell you all that donuts surely don’t make up for what they have done. I’ve forgiven, but I haven’t forgotten. At times I wonder if I’m weak because I accept the kindness and don’t still remind him how awful what he did was. What both of them did. But where would that get me? Certainly would get me farther away from peace, not closer. And I just want my own peace.
How am I doing otherwise? I dunno. Some days I’m fine. Some days I am sad, other days I don’t know how I feel. And that might be the worst place for me. Feeling torn in my feelings. I know I’m tired. I know I hate working 2 jobs. I also know I’m lucky to have 2 jobs. I feel lucky that I am I can recognize I can be happy uncoupled and that it would be worse to be coupled with someone who doesn’t add to my life, doesn’t value me, or just stresses me out. But I sometimes I am just tired from having to take on all the responsibility of the world alone. And not to have someone’s shoulder to lay my head on and feel safe with at the end of the day
In a nutshell, I feel very conflicted lately. It’s a little unsettling. But I guess we all feel that way right now.
My aunt is still at the hospital and while she is doing Ok with the COVID, she is just mentally gone. And it is so sad. Her psychotic dementia is bad. I hate it for everyone. She is only 70.
My manager’s last day was officially yesterday. We have no replacement so I am doing the schedule along with the admin assistant. I took on a bit of a stressful job with no additional compensation. Hopefully I won’t upset anyone. We plan to fair like my manager was. She will be missed very much.
A few coworkers and I went to see if we could see the blue angels fly for the healthcare workers today on the main rd outside the hospital. Everyone who drove by us waned and thanked us. It’s very humbling .
My dad and his wife have been slowly getting me some birthday gifts. They ordered me a new outdoor dining set I’m excited to get. I’m super depressed about turning 40. First, I really thought M and I would get to celebrate together. Then obviously not. But I had friends who were going to make it special for me and we were going to FL . And now, we’ll. Nothing . Stinks. Not only will I be alone, I’ll be very very very alone. Except of course for my daughter. But you know what I mean.
But I will count my blessings. When I get down, I just count my blessings. I know what they are and I don’t take them for granted
I will tell you all that donuts surely don’t make up for what they have done. I’ve forgiven, but I haven’t forgotten. At times I wonder if I’m weak because I accept the kindness and don’t still remind him how awful what he did was. What both of them did. But where would that get me? Certainly would get me farther away from peace, not closer. And I just want my own peace.
You are not weak missy.. after years of doing everything I could to hurt my ex I finally forgave her.. But by the time I finally got over trying to hurt her, my peace offering went by without response, and for the record my response was only for my sons sake (graduation, wedding, and other big gatherings). I wish for his sake she would have responded because it just makes life easier for the kids.. if he does or says something inappropriate, address it immediately, but if that doesn’t happen it is best case scenario for her to see y’all being civil and maybe even nice.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Forgiving someone does not mean you have to forget. I think you are very much doing the right thing with this. You really are. You are being the adult and the bigger person. It’s without any doubt the best for your daughter and really it is the best and most healthy for you. You really should be very proud of yourself in how you are handling it. Deep down I think your ex and perhaps even his wife see it and know it.
As for the second job, what better time to do it. It’s not like you are missing out on doing anything. It’s not like your friends are out having fun while you work. You’re not missing anything but are paying down some debt. You won’t have to do this forever. Hopefully when there are things to do you can cut back on the second job and join in. Trust me its much better having something to do than sitting around day after day with nothing to do and no pay check to cash.
Other than the physical aspects (not just sex) you may be doing better. Were you really happier with either of the last two guys? Sure physically and having someone to sleep next to maybe you were but overall I think you have less stress and less anxiety now. No ones life is perfect or even great. On balance I think you’re doing much better than you think or feel you are.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
this is interesting to me as the last conversation I had with my ex-mil was when she called me about a month after my dad's funeral with all sorts of excuses for her absence, and an apology for not acknowledging my birthday or Christmases with gifts since the split, and that she thinks of me all the time, and acknowledges how hard I work and that all the heavy lifting is on my shoulders. She concluded by asking about my new house and saying she wanted to buy me something REALLY nice (read: expensive) that would make my house that much more special to me. Don't worry about how big it is or anything ... she's happy to buy it.
Granted I'm bitter but this is total bs. When I got my new place my mostly broke coworkers pitched in and bought me dishes. They didn't ask me if I needed anything they just paid attention. Not only that but they bought me the exact dishes I wanted. No hoopla, no fanfare just a simple wrapped box sitting on my desk.
So that would be a no from me on this gift. I don't want anything in my house that doesn't bring me joy.
Being an unforgiving b!tch is not a bad thing . But my ex screwed me financially. He was stealing 700 a week for years. So anything I get - is really for my young son and I view as the least they can do and will take full advantage if I could. I personally would take it - because it wouldn’t have the effect of bribing me - I would still hate them and remember. I view it as owed. I don’t view it as allaying their guilt. Not that either of them has done significantly a lot. Ex mil will buy him some clothes once a year - but I have no qualms accepting it. I almost view it more as a one up as opposed to a loss of pride. But I get your point too.
This makes sense too. In this case I'd try to get something I could sell or a check.
DH, I agree that the relationship I have woth my ex is for the better. It’s better for me and my D. Today he picked up D when I was at work and carried the boxes of my new patio furniture up the stairs. It was a big help. I didn’t even ask. Right now is a good time to work because Of the situation. Part of me just wishes I would have taken a job a little different from my regular job, but it is what it is. And it turns out I don’t have to work Saturday.
It also turns out I get pandemic pay. With my other job, this job, and pandemic pay I had a really fat paycheck. I invested some in bills and some in a new grill and fire pit. And I think my daughter has me sold on a trampoline after her power point presentation. Other than my purchases, I paid off all my store credit cards. Feels good!
On the money/ work front, as I mentioned, my manager retired. I’ve taken over doing the schedule. Which is fine. But what has thrown me off is a good deal of my coworkers begging me to apply for her position and giving some pretty convincing testimonies as why I should. Which are quite complimentary and humbling. One person from a different department interviewed. I went to look for the position online at the end of the day, but didn’t see it. I know that person only interviewed today. I think I would be good at it. However, I’ve been here in my position for only a little over a year. And the boss above me is the problem. No one wants to work under her. However, she kind of likes me and has been complimenting me all week. It’s terrifying to apply. But I guess good things might come from facing fear. I’m going to sit in it this weekend and see what I can do. This week I got a patient successfully transferred to a field hospital. I was the first to do that. And the doctor was grateful for me coming up with the discharge plan and doing all the work. I’ve also been having a great time in my temporary office and am having fun with my coworkers there. I’m lucky to be in a good spot in my career.
My life is good considering everything now. Would I like to share the good stuff with someone else? Sure. I think I’ve always felt like I was a failure at relationships because I can’t hold onto a man. But I have friends for 20+ years. My daughter and I have an amazing bond. I am respected and successful at work. People simply like me.
So, my worth or value should never come from having a partner. Why is that the ultimate definition for most? It is not the ultimate sign of success for me. Everything else I have accomplished and where I am is my personal success. And maybe one day I will share in my successes with someone else. Only if they are strong enough, confident and don’t bring me down.
Don, you are right. My life is significantly better without the anxiety of a dating and a partner who causes me stress. I really do miss the physical aspects, affection, and someone to come home to talk to, but unless that person is worthy, well, I rather be without it
However, she kind of likes me and has been complimenting me all week.
Just as an aside, I know from personal experience on how that can turn on a dime.
Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.
Glad you are doing well on the financial front. The choices you have made will make your life so much easier without dragging that weight behind you. Glad you thought to spoil yourself a bit too.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Well, the reason why the job was taken down was because it was filled. And I’m pretty happy with whom filled it. She doesn’t work in our department, but she works in our hospital and I interact with her often and I think she will be great and she is well qualified. I was kind of disappointed but what is meant to be will be, and it wasn’t meant to be.
I had a nice weekend with myself. The weather was amazing and I got stuff done around the house and outside . Unfortunately I had another reaction to maybe grass? Both my for arms and hands broke out in an awful rash. It’s getting a little better. I also got a little sunburn, but i like the color.
My aunt is still in the hospital and she wouldn’t eat. They tried to FaceTime my cousin but she still wouldn’t do it. So today my nurses on the floor and the manager were supportive of getting me in the room and I got to wear the space helmet. The good news is she ate for me. I had to feed her and I was in there for a while, but she ate for me. I’ll go in again tomorrow. I discharged a patient after 35 days. We had a clap out for him. His wife became tearful on the phone with me and was just so happy and thankful. It’ll be a while he is on the home oxygen, but he will be home. I’m concerned people are going to get too cocky and gather too quickly. The weather here on Sunday was 80 degrees which is warm for the NY/NJ area this time of year . People went the beaches and state parks. Some were good, some weren’t .
I worked an hour and half later today. But it is what it is. Our new chest freezer came and I can’t wait to fill it. I’m definitely stimulating the economy with my money, but I’m also paying off bills.
Sunday my dad and his wife are coming over for Mother’s Day and I’m really looking for to it. We miss them. I miss my friends. I miss doing social stuff, restaurants. Bars, live music....... it’s tough to miss out on these things especially as a single woman. Dating is obviously off the table which is fine. I’m not feeling it anyways. I’m lucky to go work and I consider my coworkers friends , so I do get to see my friends.
Under a month until 40. It’s really getting to me. At least my coworker said with my new hair that I look 27. That felt good! I’m not where I imagined I would be at 40, but I’m not in a bad place. I’m where I’m supposed to be I guess
Today was a wonderful Mother’s Day. I got to see my dad and his wife after over 2 months. It was great. I got my new grill yesterday And grilled some delicious meals. Then we spent some time around my new fire pit making a s’mores .
The ex texted me yesterday before he picked up D12 for a few hours. Asking if I needed anything and i needed him to do anything around the house . I told him I was fine. His W dropped her off. She kept Talking to me and make sure to tell D 12 that Sunday is mommy’s day and she should take good care of me. Ha! Then today the ex made the most heartfelt. Mother’s Day to me than he ever did in 12 years . A week before my first Mother’s Day I found out he was having an affair and that was why he left me. This Mother’s Day he told Me not to work to hard and to relax and enjoy it.
It wa as good one . But I hate so much that I missed I felt like I missed M. I missed M and his mom and his son. But I also remember Iast Mother’s Day we got in an little disagreement over his son knowing I was his girlfriend . He never took me Seriously , so I should not miss him. And I hate I do.
. But my ex screwed me financially. He was stealing 700 a week for years. So anything I get - is really for my young son and I view as the least they can do and will take full advantage if I could. I personally would take it - because it wouldn’t have the effect of bribing me - I would still hate them and remember. I view it as owed. I don’t view it as allaying their guilt. Not that either of them has done significantly a lot. Ex mil will buy him some clothes once a year - but I have no qualms accepting it. I almost view it more as a one up as opposed to a loss of pride. But I get your point too.