His happy ever after just doesn't matter in the long term, not to you anyway. Anytime you start to get caught up in that thinking and dwelling in it, that should be the cue its time to challenge the thought. Tell yourself its not productive and then shift focus onto yourself.
Its not effective to try and not think about it either, that's still putting the focus in the wrong place, on him. If someone tells you "don't think about a giant pink elephant", that's what you will do. You want to fill your time and life with other activities (GAL) that you enjoy so it leaves less room for that type of thinking to consume you.
If you're spending your time building up and improving your own life, how his turns out will be of no importance.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
When I first got here it was to save my M. I clung to hope because I needed it to survive. Found out about the OW, got angry and filed the next day. This empowered me but depression soon set in. I now needed another "fix" of something else to survive so I wanted him to suffer and well he is. Doesn't help anymore than having hope did it just prolongs the pain. I get the "hit" sure but it wears off and I'm right back where I started from. In pain.
His happy ever after just doesn't matter in the long term, not to you anyway. Anytime you start to get caught up in that thinking and dwelling in it, that should be the cue its time to challenge the thought. Tell yourself its not productive and then shift focus onto yourself.
I do try to turn it around and focus on my kids or me. Not giving up but dang this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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Its not effective to try and not think about it either, that's still putting the focus in the wrong place, on him. If someone tells you "don't think about a giant pink elephant", that's what you will do. You want to fill your time and life with other activities (GAL) that you enjoy so it leaves less room for that type of thinking to consume you.
If you're spending your time building up and improving your own life, how his turns out will be of no importance.
Refusing to whine here. Nope. Not going to do it. After a year of H being gone I finally found something I really want to do. I want to foster a cat or kitten. I'm supposed to have my orientation via Zoom this week and while I don't want to get my hopes up I am excited.
I have other things I want to do but right now I'm pretty busy with work and kids.
Got an email back from the animal rescue people asking me if I want an adult cat or kittens. Well kittens of course. My girls are so excited and shocked that I'm doing this. I said what's the big deal? They said there is no way I'd ever do this before the BD. Really? Oh that's right I'm more fun now. Just the other day S19 made a comment about how much calmer I am now.
I realized last night that I don't know what I enjoy or what brings me happiness but today I see that I'm overthinking it. I've got a job I love...oh forgot 3 coworkers just came in and asked me what I wanted for my birthday lunch. I said I'll be 54 and the one who didn't know my age said "no you're not". I don't see it but no one believes I'm as old as I am. My boss said I look 5 years younger than I am. I'll take it.
D17 stopped talking to H a year ago, 9 months for me. D14 and S19 don't talk about her so H is cut off. He's pushing D14 to give him pictures and videos of D17 and she said no. So now his plan is to create his own account on social media and stalk her. D17, D14 and I spent over an hour trying to find a way to hide her account. Other than completely starting over (she'd lose her followers) there isn't much she can do. D14 doesn't want H to see her video's either because H slut shames them.
Before H left D17 wore oversized sweatshirts and baggy jeans. I assumed that was just how she wanted to dress. I was wrong. Not long after he left she started dressing like a girl and now most of her videos about about fashion. D17 is so upset.
It's TikTok and if anyone knows how to fix this I'd be eternally grateful.
Its tied to contacts so phone number. Change her phone number and I can still find her by her real name. She took her name off and I can still find her. If she knows H's user name she can block him and while he's dumb he's not that dumb. He's not going to let anyone know his user name. No one knows which videos you watch so he can hide nicely.
Last edited by job; 05/08/2006:59 PM. Reason: edited the spelling of a word for kas
My girls are so excited and shocked that I'm doing this. I said what's the big deal? They said there is no way I'd ever do this before the BD. Really? Oh that's right I'm more fun now. Just the other day S19 made a comment about how much calmer I am now.