My papers came in the mail Monday. The date stamped on the front was the month and day xH and I met, 12 years ago. Funny I thought. His copy was also sent here. Guess he hasn't changed his address yet.
New job started 2 weeks ago. It's been a LONG time since I've been working in dental office. Feels good to be working. Great distraction for sure. Wonderful cooworkers too. Amazingly kind boss.
D4 is doing well with mom working & having a nanny. I share one, and another kido is here. When she's done her school work, her & D4 play. Nice change.
Thinking it's time I move over to the Divorce area of the board. Really hope everyone is well and continues on strong.
Have a blessed day.
CanBird
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
I am so sorry about the date stamp. I guess he doesn't have a new address yet???
As for the new job...congratulations! Sounds like the perfect job and the people are easy to get along with. You have a good set up for your D4.
How are you doing and what are you doing for yourself in the way of GAL?
BTW, you can post anywhere...just because you are divorced, doesn't mean you have to move over the other forum, but I do understand.
Hugs to you and your D4. Both of you have come a long way and from now on...it's all about the two of you.
Have a great weekend!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It's crazy how many of us on this board and IRL end up being in court or having the D finalized or being served, etc., on anniversaries and birthdays. I had one particularly bad court appearance on my 20th wedding anniversary this year, and it took all my will power not to refer to it during the proceedings, esp since I am pro se and can say way more than I could when I had a L (who could say a lot and was too scared of the judge to say much of anything). I don't think the MLCers are doing it on purpose, but I definitely think it's not an accident. I think somehow it's like a way to really kill the thing they think is causing their pain.
My H also wouldn't change his address. I think he thought this would allow him to pretend he still had the right to move back in (for money reasons, not for marriage reasons, though who knows how their addled brain pathways work). And I kept asking him or his L to change it until I realized that it allowed me to learn things I might need to know -- e.g., when he started getting fines for collecting unemployment when he was employed. But it was much more peaceful once I submitted a change of address form myself, not only not to see his name anymore but because he was constantly calling my D11 (9 or 10 at the time) to find out where various things had gone -- e.g., his new credit card, license, etc., and then telling poor D things like -- I'm so mad at Mama! She is hiding my things!
After a while it hurts less. (((CanB)))))
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
The date stamped on the envelope was pure coincidence. Doesn't bother me, I think it's funny.
As for GAL, the new job I have is a great distraction. I'm not too concerned with my GAL activities. D4 takes priority. We say YES to playdates. That's a mama visit too. I've got a lot of other responsibilities around our property (yard,pool,rental unit) before I can play. I get it's important, but keeping things running smoothly gives me satisfaction too. I'm a homebody. Love my gardening. We do get out, safely. Mask on.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
I had a few great conversations today with MIL & Step-MIL. My first conversation was with MIL. Started with a video chat between her & D4. Then I had a chance to chat. D4 was out of ear shot, but I asked MIL if I could call her, as to keep our conversation a bit more private. We kept the video on & mute. I was honest and let her know the divorce was final and shared I didn't know where "Waldo" was. (New name for the X) I can only assume he was finishing his, out of state work, or done work and going home to his siblings & mom or going to EU to be with OW/xgf from his past. I was never really sure if MIL knew, but she does now. I thought Waldo told her, he had said once he may or may not have. Not sure. Well, as I was rambling on...the truth be told. Not the nitty gritty, but enough to let her know there was more to than Waldo's story than what he was tell. She was pissed. Shocked. His behavior all made more sense. And as I shared more details of the person he'd become, the not so nice guy wecuse to now, she was shaking her head in disappointment. He had become just like his dad, the not so nice parts. She was fuming. I thought she knew, and hey, maybe she did? Either way, I can talk openly about with her now.
My conversation with StepMIL, was a bit similar, but she already knows all the nitty gritty details about the OW/xgf. She didn't know the divorce was final nor did my FIL. And to my surprise, but not surprised, apparently Waldo never told his dad about the OW/xgf. I was SO p!ssed. I could not believe what a coward Waldo was. But then again, poor Waldo right? Doesn't want anyone to know or judge him, so just dont say anything. Unreal. StepMIL also shared that Waldo's dad tried to get him to open up/confess, opened the conversation to let him know it was safe to talk about. Waldo stuck with his MLC story.
This new revolation has me wondering is there MORE to this story? What else is Waldo hiding? Nothing is surprising right?
Besides all that, we are making it work. That is MY goal. MY focus. The best revenge is success. And that's empowering. I do need to GAL, but right now my focus is being the best I can be and work hard at my new job and keep it. I enjoy it and feel blessed to be there, especially now.
Last edited by job; 11/13/2002:42 PM. Reason: edited language
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
X is late on his first payment (Nov 1st). I brought up child support (per agreement) when our D became final last month. "I'll just deposit it in your account..." he stated via text.
Why do I feel guilty asking...following up? We are okay for money, but it's the principal of the matter. Is it guilt I'm feeling? Or more anixety about have to ask him anything?
I'm not 100% sure where he is, if he's in a position that he can easily make this transaction happen. I just feel sick over it. Maybe it's shame that he hasn't paid? Why should I carry such hard and heavy feelings.
Maybe I should ask if he needs my account informarion to makw a deposit?
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Being late on the first payment is a bad sign. This is not shame. Shame would have paid it. This is selfishness. You need to set a firm boundary for him. She is very young and you have a long way to go. You can't feel guilty about asking him to support his daughter, particularly when I assume you have a court order in the divorce. Send the bank account number and routing number and let him know it was due on the first and you need him to make the payment immediately and timely make the December payment. If it persists into January, don't mess around, I'm sure your state has a child support registry he can be made to pay into so they can be the bad guy instead of you for enforcement. They may assess a small fee, but it will be well worth it for you not to have to deal with it, particularly if it gives you anxiety to even ask when he is already 3 week late.
