1 week into the surgery recovery I decided I could take any more time pent up inside. Took off to Ventura beach to get a change of scenery and sea air to clear my head. Being there alone was overall a nice experience. Got to put in an 8 mile walk and enjoy the sea for a bit. Definitely pulled back a handful of memories but after 13 years of exploring everything with my wife there isnt really any avoiding that. It was a nice break from the norm though.
The rest of the time as basically been part for the course. I no longer start conversations. Wife is mostly as distance as ever. There are some small changes here and there but I don't feel they mean anything. She stopped to ask how I was when I was packing for beach. Questioned where I was going. Asked to see my incisions. Complimented the shirt I was wearing, a shirt I had bought a couple years ago and didn't fit I was so excited to finally wear it. When I came back she asked about where I went. I wasn't sure when I left. My conversation back is usually pretty minimal thanks and small tid bits. Today I was speaking to a friend in my room for a few hours on the phone. When I answered and went to leave the living room she stopped me to talk about for a bit. Then later asked to come in and look something that I'm fairly sure wouldn't have been there. Then knocked again to tell me she was leaving. Strange behavior she hadn't cares in awhile. Aww well who knows what shes thinking.
Decided to go to my sister's to eat dinner and watch fireworks it's been a very chill and relaxing night. Hope everyone here is having a good 4th.
Pretty much better from surgery at this point. Wife started moving out last week she's doing it in a painfully slow manner. I cried for about 2 days straight at the beginning. I'm just trying to focus on me as much as I can now. Haven't been contacting for about 3 weeks. Just responding to when she says she wants to come and get stuff. Been trying to stay busy. Been in Vegas since Friday visiting some friends. Trying to practice the bass I bought years ago. Looking into a language class. Reading some new books.
Overall I guess I'm still just trying to figure out what my life is. I see zero signs of anything from her. It is what it is though.
How is PT coming? (assuming that is part of your recovery?) Keep your focus on you, your health, and what you need to do (DBing), and off of what she is doing.
I'd also recommend the LRT for your sitch. I think you have arrived at that point.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Well its been a few weeks so maybe its worth updating.
Today is my birthday I turn 29. For the past 13 years I've been woken up in the middle of the night to be wished a happy birthday from my wife. She always wanted to be the first to say something but also waited until the actual time I was born.
Its the little [censored] like that that is gonna make today hard. Otherwise it's just another day.
5 months since bomb drop in 3 days. She moved out over a month ago. I've been no contact since. Nothing changes in any way on that front. I know she's out with different guys most of the week. She has a tendency to frequent the bar that she knows my family basically live at.
I'm still just trying to focus on whatever I can. I go out and about as much as possible. Clean and work on house stuff at home. Back to regular time at the office now so that keeps me busy most of the days. I don't hurt as much all the time anymore and rarely cry like I use too. I read through a box of cards last night virtually all the years we were together. Was looking for some old ticket stubs for a frame I was putting together mostly. Its funny how devoted someone can be in the past. How easy it is to make promises and eventually break them.
For the first time in over decade I have no idea what the next year of my life is for. I have no real goals or ambitions. I really hope someday that feeling fades. That there is a purpose again.
Hope everyone else is doing well today. Thanks to any of you bothering to follow my story.
Its the little [censored] like that that is gonna make today hard. Otherwise it's just another day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
It's good to hear from you. If it was my 29th birthday, you better believe it wouldn't be just another day for me. I hope you'll treat yourself to something you really enjoy.
I save cards, too. I don't know why, b/c I've looked at them.....maybe once. The thing for me is when I see a card from a loved one who has passed away.......or is no longer a part of the family due to divorce......it triggers feelings of deep sadness. I have had to deal with depression most of my life, and I've learned to avoid a few activities that I know will cause me to sink lower. Some things can't be avoided, of course, but looking through old photos or sentimental things that belonged to my loved ones, is something I can put on hold for a day when I'm not as likely to break down.
I think you said you were looking for something else when you came across the cards. You might want to consider putting them in a separate box, label it, and put it away. Just knowing it's there, should you want to look at them in the future, might help get you through this period. Just a suggestion.
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I don't hurt as much all the time anymore and rarely cry like I use too.
Good for you! That is emotional progress. (((hugs)))
Now.......get out and celebrate your 29th birthday!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Today is my birthday I turn 29. For the past 13 years I've been woken up in the middle of the night to be wished a happy birthday from my wife. She always wanted to be the first to say something but also waited until the actual time I was born.
Hope you had a great birthday! Sorry W wasn't there for you this time, I'm sure there's some hurt there. But try to look back on those times with fondness while making some new memories!
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5 months since bomb drop in 3 days. She moved out over a month ago. I've been no contact since.
Great, stick to it!
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I know she's out with different guys most of the week. She has a tendency to frequent the bar that she knows my family basically live at.
Sounds like she's doing the GGW thing. Just maintain no contact. If your family is trying to fill you in on what she's up to, just ask them to please refrain. It's for the best if you know nothing about it. It will help you to move on faster.
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I'm still just trying to focus on whatever I can. I go out and about as much as possible. Clean and work on house stuff at home. Back to regular time at the office now so that keeps me busy most of the days. I don't hurt as much all the time anymore and rarely cry like I use too.
That all sounds good and like your recovery is on the right track.
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I read through a box of cards last night virtually all the years we were together. Was looking for some old ticket stubs for a frame I was putting together mostly. Its funny how devoted someone can be in the past. How easy it is to make promises and eventually break them.
Yes it is bizarre how radically people can change. Every once in a while I'll run across an old card from my XW, when I read them it just makes me wonder what happened to that person that thought the world of me and thought she would die without me. We were absolutely crazy about each other! It's just a mystery.
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For the first time in over decade I have no idea what the next year of my life is for. I have no real goals or ambitions. I really hope someday that feeling fades. That there is a purpose again.
It's OK to just be in neutral for a while. There's no rule that says you've always got to have some big goals to pursue, sometimes you have to take it easy. Look at the next year as a clean slate ready for a new story to be written on it.
Yes the old habits are difficult to break sometimes. We become so accustomed to behaviors from our spouses that when they suddenly stop, it is a shock to the system.
This is completely normal. It will take awhile for those feelings to subside - but from.what you've written you seem to be on the right track. There will be good days and bad days, but you will get through it.
I agree with AS. Neutral is a good place to be if you are unsure what to do next. You have all the time in the world to figure it out now - so try not to worry too much about it.
Keep up the NC - no need to know what she is doing. Its better for you that way.
Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone. The day was alright for the most part. Didn't do to much. Mostly cleaning my house lol. There is still so much stuff of hers still her just in the way. I'm trying to reorganize everything make it my space but its a pain to say the least not knowing what she might show up and decide to take.
My parents bought me a new sectional though to replace the couch she took and the one I always hated. I'm really happy with it. I had dinner with them and my siblings it was nice, simple.
Last few days have felt good. Work is busy. Losing another team member so our 5 man team is now down to 2 with no signs of hiring reoccurring any time soon. Had a very nice conversation today with a co worker. She helped me to see some perspectives I never considered to a few things in my life. Also said no matter what for as long as shes known me even during all of this when I hiding it and after I told her, I am always smiling. Always trying to make everyone around be comfortable. I almost didn't know what to make of that bit. Why do I smile even when my world is upside down?
But I don't mind people at work knowing anymore. I don't offer it buts its not a secret either. For a long time I couldn't get the words out without breaking and now it just is.
