Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
Her ex is very similar to my ex. I call him bare minimum dad. They are disordered people. He’s kind of young to have all those health issues. Does he have a history as a high functioning addict? They are empty people and don’t seem to love or attach - just keep up appearances. My son is not adopted so I doubt that has anything to do with his a$$holery.

I would have a hard time as a female chasing someone after my BD experience. I don’t think it’s a male/female dynamic. Perhaps you just came to a conclusion that you aren’t dependent on someone? Or maybe the chemistry isn’t 100 percent even though she’s perfect on paper?

I too love your story because it fits with the Hollywood ending. Lying, cheating wife regrets it and f”s up her life and person betrayed realizes he could do much better! Way to go!


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
Well maybe poor word choice J but I just feel very grounded and in control. For example, with my XW if I didn't like or agree with something she said I would just be diplomatic, bite my tongue and not really go there with her. With the Doc I have no problems respectfully expressing myself if I disagree or don't want to do something. I think I have realized through this process that I am far from ok on my own and am not dependent on anyone. I guess when I was married I never knew my own worth however now I realize what a catch I am.

I do believe the chemistry has ebb and flowed. She is completely different than my XW so that in itself has been different. The Doc has her own practice, handles her own finances, shoots guns, can mow a yard, isn't afraid to get dirty, is a respected business woman, etc. Not needy and very independent. My XW was the exact opposite in every way, maybe would plant an annual flower, I don't think ever mowed the yard 1 time, and left all the finances up to me with no interest in learning anything. So yeah it has taken some time to get used to Funny thing is that after 15 months I know what makes the Doc tick. I was married to my XW for almost 15 years and don't have a clue. I couldn't even tell you what her love language is.

The Doc is just so good to me though and my girls. She is a tough cookie but has been so very kind to us. Her and her son are coming over tonight and before she came over she wanted to make sure that my girls were ok with it, that their feelings come first. It's things like that which really stand out to me.

Thanks L I am certainly trying. What I am trying to figure out is if I have ever really known what true love is. Is what I experienced with my XW love or was it something else. That's why in some ways I am not trying to create the same feeling with her. I am honestly still learning and figuring it out.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
I just got out of shower and had another thought come to mind and that is "partner". The Doc feels more like a partner while my xw more felt like she was just along for the ride.

Additionally, it has been a little awkward for me to have my girls see me show affection to someone else other than their mom. Not for me but more for them, especially my youngest, as I see them watching.

Really since day 1 it has been all about comfort level. Honestly I probably met the Doc too soon.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
Likes: 408
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
Likes: 408
I think love is different with every person you fall in love with because every person is different.. does that make sense? so to me, it's what suited back in the day when we met our exes may not suit now.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
Excellent point I hadn't thought about it that way before. The doc feels more like a partner while my xw I think was more about me constantly working to make her happy and it was never enough. My xw was exciting, taking girl trips, happy hours, book clubs, social events, etc. but it was never about me and our family. I didn't realize or understand it back then.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,142
Likes: 5
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,142
Likes: 5
15 months already?!? Wow does time fly. I feel like it was just yesterday I was reading about your dating adventures and now look where you are and what you are thinking about. Life moves fast... dang

Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
It has flown by......I just realized I have now been divorced for 2 years. The day went by and it wasn't even on my radar.

I took my daughters shopping today so they could get a birthday present for the X. It turned in to them getting several little things because they couldn't decide. It didn't bother me one bit, two years ago I would have been debating what to do and if I did something what signs I would I be giving off. SMH.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
I think that something like what happened to you and many of us can knock you right back on your butt and make you doubt yourself in all sorts of ways.

Glad you have found your mojo again. You did jump into the dating world quicker than some but a lot slower than others. I think finding yourself was the key step in all of this.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
I just don't think I realized. You get in your world, doing your thing and I just never thought about where I stood in life. I never inventoried myself if that makes sense. When I took a step back and did I realized I would be just fine.

I am in no rush, I still very much enjoy my alone time, sleeping in my own bed, etc. I spent almost all Saturday with the Doc, I saw her yesterday and spent the night at her place last night. I am currently sitting at her kitchen table watching her son until the sitter arrives in 10 min. Tonight I told her I am sleeping in my own bed, I want to shower and just chill. Wake up in the morning, go for a run and then I will be back at her place around 9 to hang with her son again. I'll spend tomorrow night at her place again. It's a good balance for me, we actually see each other quite a bit!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
Update time....the doc and I had our first kid free weekend in four months. We spent it at her ranch hanging out, doing manual labor and having some beverages. Not much else to report on that front. Have my girls this week and my oldest turns 11 on Friday. Due to the rona it will be a low key celebration with me, the girls, the doc, her son and my Xw. It will be at my house and while I was talking to my x about it I asked her to bring her bf. She really had no interest in doing so and even commented that she wasn’t sure it was going to work out. She was very indifferent but I didn’t probe.
I guess that explains why she has never really pressed for me to meet him even after I had told her I wanted to do so. Obviously something is a miss so I guess it just goes to show that sometimes it’s not what it seems.

Now it isn’t like she is taking a step towards me and for my part that ship has sailed. He wasn’t even in the picture when she divorced me so who knows. Hopefully she is happy.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard