Andrew, I am not hosting Easter. It means I won't see my cousins and I won't see K. I haven't seen K since ... February? Granted, we are not engaged, but he is someone I regularly see so this is weird. I haven't seen T probably in two months. This is highly unusual for us, as we are extremely close - my brother from another mother, and very best friend for 35 years now. He is on week 3 of an allegedly mild case of this. He won't even let me drop something off on his front steps - he doesn't want me to catch this. He told me the headaches are so bad he wants to shoot himself to make them stop - T is someone with a very, very high pain tolerance. Think about that please.
Here are some of the co-morbidities: * being overweight * being diabetic * having hypertension * having COPD * cardiovascular disease
By virtue of needing a CPAP machine you most likely already have a few of the co-morbidities for Covid-19.
I have another close friend whose daughter is a respiratory therapist. While we in MA are in no way dealing with what G is dealing with, my friend's daughter had to intubate a woman in her early 30s, no co-morbidities, little kids at home and she probably isn't going to make it.
Don't you two lovebirds have the rest of your lives to spend together? So what's the problem with putting each other's health first and staying apart for a couple of measly weeks? Two friends of mine are engaged and isolating in their respective homes - they have not seen each other in three weeks now. They zoom, they talk on the phone, they FaceTime, but they do not visit in person, because each wants the other to stay safe.
I truly don't understand why there's so much coming and going between your homes. I don't understand why she got upset while you were home working. I don't understand a whole heck of a lot about your relationship. I don't need to but for the love of all that's holy start thinking of your health with the brain between your ears, not the one in your pants. There. I said it. Sorry. Not sorry. If she doesn't get it, then I'd start questioning where you really fall in her hierarchy of needs.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Happy Easter all! I wrote something yesterday and then closed the window without posting. I really wasn't "saying" anything but the exercise in writing / diarizing was good. I do think that when I eventually leave here for good that I'll probably start keeping a daily journal. It worked fairly well for me last summer.
I got some texts from good friends wishing me a Happy Easter including one of my best friends who happens to be Muslim. I responded back to him that it's times like this that I am reminding how kind God has been to us and that we are very fortunate men. I'm not a person of faith myself, but in many ways I do perhaps have a faith of sorts. Given that I firmly believe that I don't know how the universe works, I'm more than happy to accept the positing of others in the existence of God. Perhaps confusing. So many people believe one thing or another exclusive of other points of view. My friend enjoys all of the celebrations that go on even when they aren't part of his own Faith so I expect that he's having chocolate for breakfast and enjoying the love and care of his wife and daughters.
The Easter bunny arrived here, leaving large Kinder eggs and chocolate bunnies. S25s were untouched this morning although I know he was up several times through the night and for extended periods. My bedroom is directly over the kitchen and there's a cold air vent in the floor so I hear whenever anyone is rustling around. I'm a fairly light sleeper anyway.
More signs this morning that he's continuing to organize and pack. I wish I had a clear idea what his plans were but then again, I suspect that he's not got clear plans. Or he does and doesn't want to share them.
It's now been about 5 weeks of being "socially isolated". I'm finding that I need and take an awful lot of sleep. I'm "back to work" tomorrow and having that structure of needing to be at my desk and active between specific hours will be helpful I'm sure. My over-all health is pretty good and unlike some, I've actually lost a couple of pounds. I do need to add some more fruit and fresh veg to my diet though I think. I've been feeling "down" a bit lately. Partly perhaps diet, partly undoubtedly stress, and certainly in part missing having S around.
When I went in "to town" on Saturday for a dump run (couch is FINALLY gone - cost me $5) and for groceries, I was struck by how "normalized" things are. Most people not wearing any sort of PPE. Yes, there are Plexiglas guards up and the number of people in a store are limited but everyone seems to be just carrying on as normal while following the rules about keeping distance etc. I certainly stood out with my mask and gloves. People who a couple of weeks ago were in full panic mode are now carrying on as if there's nothing to be worried about.
We've not done too bad in my fairly isolated rural area. We have 2 new cases reported in the last 24 hours. 35 cases total and only 1 person who was hospitalized. There's a strong message sent out for the tourists and part-time residents to stay away. Our population, spread out over 2 counties is about 160,000 people mostly concentrated in the one small city which is where most of the cases have been. The state of emergency has been extended to about the end of the month now.
Going to start the prep-work for dinner shortly. The duck will only take a few hours in the oven. I'm going to pre-cut up the turnip and butternut squash though as I can do that in advance and then just prepare them. I'll need to get the timing down right though as I only have one oven. The duck can perhaps be out and resting while the squash cooks. Mashed potatoes with duck gravy and veg are also planned. S is bringing a carrot cake with cream cheese icing.
I'm not sure who will be attending - I'm expecting S and both of the boys which makes for a total of 5. The maximum gathering amount.
S13 is back with his Mom and brother at the apartment. He's been running wild so it would seem with his Dad with no structure at all so has been staying up until dawn. This has really thrown S's schedule which has never been good way way out of whack. She had said that she wanted to do some sort of outdoor Easter thing with them here but I don't know if that will happen especially given that the weather seems to be turning. We are in for a storm tomorrow.
There is not surprisingly, uncertainty about S17 and his plans. They were dependent on some other things that will perhaps be canceled. I'm just going to operate as if he's moving in here. I did reinforce to S that her D19 and BF weren't part of the move-in plan although their own housing is also up in the air (how do people live like that?) and she laughed and assured me that under no circumstances were they moving in too. They have multiple options that don't involve me at least. And the BF just gives me a creepy, uncomfortable vibe which S also feels too.
Well - time to stop staring at this white box I think and clean up the kitchen in preparation for making it messy again.
Stay safe everyone.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Not much going on here. "Back to work" which isn't much different from my vacation when I seemed to put in an hour or so most days anyway.
DnJ's storm blew through here in the last couple of days I think. According to pictures, a lighthouse in the town where my oldest brother and his wife live was badly damaged by waves and wind. It sits on a low island but high water levels and the storm appear to have the waves just wash right across.
Snow on the ground here this morning which is rapidly melting. Looking back in my Facebook Memories this appears to be a time of regular and severe power outages but at least here in my village we've been fortunate.
Had a rough night last night. I had a very intense dream about my ex-wife for the first time in a very very long time and was suddenly woken up around midnight by what I thought was the doorbell. Presuming that anyone ringing the doorbell on a dark house with no visible cars at night will try more than once, I stayed under the covers. No repeat. I did get up and looked and there were no footprints or tire tracks on the fresh snow in the drive so went back to bed figuring that it was just my imagination. It's happened before.
I then woke up again when S25 came home from work and then again around 2:00 and couldn't get back to sleep for almost 2 hours. Dragged my butt out of bed around 8:00 - made some calls to deal with some issues to make it look like I was functional and then made a very large pot of tea. Mushroom, spinach and cheese omelette for breakfast.
S and S13 came to Easter dinner. S17 didn't want to. S13 felt that the roast duck was identical to chicken. S dressed up for the event so I felt bad being in a sweatshirt and pants. She looked really nice and I made sure to tell her so. She brought a very nice carrot cake for desert. I'd expected them earlier in the day but they didn't show up until I was close to plating the dinner. We dragged S13 upstairs to see the work done on the room that will probably be his and got the usual un-enthusiastic "whatever" reaction.
Dinner was pretty good. I made far too much food expecting a 17 year old to show up but the leftovers are manageable. S helped out a bit and we again worked in the kitchen together without any issues. She lets me do my thing and I her and that's good when I'm trying to cook and plate 5 different dishes all at the same time. There's a fair amount of mashed potatoes to go through. I used the left-over vegetables as part of the duck stew I made yesterday.
S said that her D25 had stopped by just before Easter and they visited from a distance in the parking lot of S's apartment. Weird in some ways that D25 seems to have her act together better in some ways than her mother but from what I've gathered she had a lot of rapid growing up to do with multiple siblings especially after her mother's car accident when she was little and the recurring issues it causes.
I feel guilty about seeing S as it does in some ways violate the intent of the social distancing / stay home orders. I see others here who are also spending time with others outside their house or having them over and know that it is undoubtedly pretty common to think that it "won't hurt". My own S25 mentioned that he's going to the gas station regularly keeping his car topped up rather than minimizing those trips. And he continues to work.
As has been pointed out and I'm very aware of, I personally do have a number of risk factors. Not diabetic despite falling into the "hey big guy" category. No issues with COPD but high blood pressure etc plus, yes, not a "young" man either. When like last night, I start coughing in the night, I get paranoid. A glass of water and everything is fine.
I've become worried about the proliferation of conspiracy theories related to the pandemic that are floating around on social media. Several of which are propagated by friends who are otherwise pretty level headed. I comment when I think it can be helpful, fact check articles posted when I think they are suspect. It's well beyond my own ability to calm down though.
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My ex-wife has been on my mind lately in part because I know she's laid-off from work and also because it "that time of the month" when I send her her support payment. I expect that she's looking for it now and I usually send it a couple of days early. It's due tomorrow which is payday for me. Sending it to her now would put me well into my line of credit. Sending it tomorrow morning is probably fine.
It's not as if I actually have "caring" feelings for her or even any real curiosity about what's going on in her life. The little I know is more than sufficient.
Looking back it's now pretty much exactly 4 years ago that I snooped and found out about her affair and went into a downward spiral that took a long time and much help to get out of. I went back and re-read my first post here - how times have changed. And I've changed too. I'm much more resilient. Just now, I'm wondering if she would even recognize the person I've become who is the person I like to think that I always was. But probably not the person she thought I was. Perhaps she's changed too. I do hope that the anger that consumed her from around when her affair heated up and lasted long after she left has abated.
I no longer have any thoughts or worries about her circling back around. Yes - some do that especially if things don't work out for them. I can I think presume that she has gotten what she left for. Whether it's what she wants now or not could be the subject of debate.
I also wonder about B and do miss her. Easter was a big time for her being at least superficially Catholic, enthusiastically Italian and an excellent baker. For the best that that didn't work out. On a whim I checked and I can still see her social media but her step-son it seems has recently blocked me. Perhaps I'm on her mind too and it's being shut down by those around her. While it could have worked, neither of us were able to to make it work for our own various reasons. And it's best over-all that it didn't I still think. I get the itch to ask about her and her mother who is in her 90s and a dear but know that that isn't an itch to be scratched.
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Not sure when I'll be seeing S again or for how long. She thinks she may be by tomorrow with the boys to have them stretch their legs in the back yard - something not available to them at the apartment. S17 is also fairly enthusiastic about the rabbit hutch which is getting close to complete. I've been making tweaks to the design as I go along based on what will work best in my mind and what I happen to have on hand. All hardware stores are closed for in-store shopping. Even though I usually like to buy surprise gifts, I've told S in advance that she's getting a new propane BBQ for her birthday at the start of May. She has a clearer idea on what she wants than I do so her input is necessary.
Well - time to stick a fork in this post and call it done.
Have a great day all.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I have been debating telling you something because I don’t want to scare you.
The highest risk group and the ones that are getting hit very very hard are men in their 50’s and 60’s who are overweight, with high blood pressure and/or diabetes. They are not doing as well as the rest of the population. I’ve noticed this from the beginning since I was tracing the first patients and the doctors and studies have shown this.
I have seriously debated on sharing this with you. I don’t want to scare you, I don’t want you to think it’s coming from a bad place, but I need to be honest with you. You are most definitely high risk. And if S truly loves you, she will be ok with the tightening of the rules. I’m not saying don’t see her. Would that be the best move considering she is not taking this so seriously and neither are her kids who live in the house and there is a lot of traffic and high risk job going on I think hag house. I know you will not stop seeing her . But at least, try to keep a social distance. Go for walks . Spend tome out side chatting and having tea. Her family stays OUT of your house. I know you aren’t not going to see her. But please, tighten up. Please.
Thanks Ginger1 - I like to think that I'm aware that I'm absolutely in a higher risk group. And I am taking the distancing and stayhome precautions seriously. Not quite as seriously as I could but I like to think that I'm doing not too bad.
I wear a mask when I go out. I try to limit my trips out to once a week and one local location only. I keep sanitizer in the car and use it whenever I touch anything outside my bubble I watch my health closely.
S's apartment isn't quite the Grand-Central-Station that it might sound like. She hasn't seen any of her friends nor the random kids that she's "Mom'd" over the years since this started. Her boys haven't seen their friends either as far as I know and S17 stocks shelves and wipes down things, follows all the procedures and his hands are red from washing so much. He then goes home and lurks in his room. Her D19 does come over and that's the largest risk factor. She isn't going out with friends either though - but it does expand the circle. And it only takes one combination of things to have it all go to pot. And those at a 3rd degree or farther we have no clue on what they may be doing.
I do appreciate the concern though. Thank you. And you stay safe too please. I worry about your XH in coming over so much, both in terms of what he may be carrying with him and also because he may well be circling for the pounce.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I feel guilty about seeing S as it does in some ways violate the intent of the social distancing / stay home orders. I see others here who are also spending time with others outside their house or having them over and know that it is undoubtedly pretty common to think that it "won't hurt". My own S25 mentioned that he's going to the gas station regularly keeping his car topped up rather than minimizing those trips. And he continues to work.
Andrew....you are such a cut-up. Did you SERIOUSLY just use the "but all the other kids are doing it" excuse? Yes, others are doing it and I'm sure many think it "won't hurt", but for the love of all things bright and beautiful, people, STAY THE H#LL HOME! As you well know from my facebook, I'm SUPER family oriented and I haven't seen anyone in my family in a month now. It is KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I see Sparky, Sparky's mom once or twice a week when I deliver groceries to her house, and occasionally the cleaning lady when I go work from my office because my laptop crashed and I need to access a computer. I had to get special permission from the dean of the college to be able to get into the building to work and they are monitoring who comes and goes and when in an effort to make sure that we aren't all congregating in here without anyone's knowledge. Yesterday, I did see one of my fellow biology faculty members, but he stood outside my closed office door and talked to me through the window just long enough to say hello and ask me if I and Sparky were doing ok. I asked after he and his wife then went back to work as he walked away.
I know you think you are doing a good job and I think, for the most part you are. You said in a response to someone's comment that there isn't quite the revolving door at S's house that it seems, but from this perspective, based on what you tell us, there is. S13 goes between her house and his dad's. Who knows who else that dad is exposed to? S17 works in a grocery store. I get that he's a stocker and wipes stuff down and is taking all the precautions, but is he not the same one who has issues with wearing a mask because of social anxiety? And, just because he's not customer-facing, doesn't mean he isn't still coming into contact with a LOT of people and a lot of surfaces that a lot of people are touching. Then her D19 and her bf....well, come on now, you already did the math on that one. So maybe they aren't being as social as they usually would but they still are being social and live somewhere else. I don't know about there, but here in AR, our governor is one of the few hold-outs in the whole nation who has NOT issued a mandatory stay-at-home, shelter in place order and I am just shocked that people are just out and about like normal. I had to go pick up groceries from Walmart yesterday (ordered through the app and delivered to my truck in the parking lot....I didn't even get out) and the parking lot was PACKED. What the heck. I'm glad your village is doing well and perhaps even beating the odds, but people have to be careful. I said it before and I'll say it one more time, then I'll quit beating a dead horse, but if you are being careful and S and her family aren't, you are still at risk. It is kind of like swimming in a pool with a bunch of little kids and thinking that when (not if but when because you KNOW someone will do it) one of them urinates in the pool, you won't get any on you. Maybe not directly, but it is still there. You know what I mean?
And now that I sound like a crazy person, I'll get off my soap box and take off my tinfoil hat. LOL
In all seriousness, Andrew, I think you are a very bright guy and I know you know the risks. I think you are just blinded by love. Not necessarily a bad thing, but don't let it completely ruin your common sense.
Last edited by job; 04/15/2003:05 PM. Reason: used proper terminology for body function
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I was going to post a lot more but I know many are not going to agree with me no matter what. This country has been deeply divided for years now and this covid stuff is deepening the divide. We’ve had people un-friending or not associating anymore because they support (or hate) trump. Now I see the same thing happening with covid. We are all guided by what we see and what we live. Get ready Andrew I’m actually about to be on your side!
Ginger I have no doubt that based on what you are living you have been greatly effected by covid. However the rest of the country is not like NYC or NJ. Not even close. Even the “carnage” that we were promised would happen in NYC - mass graves, deaths into 6 figures, hospitals over run, running out of vents, allowing older people to die to save younger. - none of this has happened and at this point clearly will not. THE MODELS WERE WRONG! I could go on and on and perhaps will but that should be on my own thread - not on Andrews.
My point in posting is the assertion that Andrew is high risk. I’m not sure what research or standards you are using ginger but I pulled the CDC list for people higher at risk. Based on what I know of Andrew let’s check the boxes
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From the CDC
“Based on what we know now, those at high-risk for severe illness from COVID-19 are:“
- People 65 years and older. NO - People who live in a nursing home or long-term care facility. NO
People of all ages with underlying medical conditions, particularly if not well controlled, including: - People with chronic lung disease or moderate to severe asthma. NO - People who have serious heart conditions MAYBE. (Not sure if Andrew counts as “serious” with high BP and stable angina) - People who are immunocompromised. NO - People with severe obesity (body mass index [BMI] of 40 or higher). NO (at least I don’t think Andrew has a 40+ BMI) - People with diabetes. NO - People with chronic kidney disease undergoing dialysis. NO - People with liver disease. NO
Based on this list I’m not sure how he’s putting himself in grave risk. We really need to start looking at actual science and data as we SEE IT - not FEEL IT or even forecast or model it. Andrew May have one risk factor on this list. Is Andrew at higher risk than if he locked himself in his house - of course he is. However life is a risk. Driving cars, riding on a motorcycle without a helmet, not getting vaccines, playing sports, on and on. Life is choices that manage risk and always has been. Well until a few months ago anyhow. Is life worth living without any risk?
I’m going to stop here though I’d love to address the state’s like Dawns not trying to lock everyone in their house. Thank god we have them as a control group. And you know what, most if not all have less cases and less death than the locked down states. I may resume this on my own thread. As for Andrew, I wanted to provide a less emotional view of what his actual risk factors are - at least according to the CDC. See Andrew - I sometimes agree with and eve. Defend you! Who would have thought!!!
Again, I know you’ve been through the ringer ginger. I know your area has been hit way harder than most. This would take a toll and start to scare anyone. Just remember all of us are not living what you are. Over 10,000 deaths in NYC. Less than 200 in my entire state - more than half in one county and 95% above the age of 75. We are all not in New York or New Jersey. I suspect Andrews area may have even less cases than Dawn and I do in our states.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I’m not going to get into it Don, but what they feared is happening . Hospitals are over run, we are running out of PPE, out of qualified professionals, out of equipment, out of space . We had a nursing facility roll a bunch of patient into their own makeshift morgue because they had no where to send the patients. Actually, yes, doctors are making decisions if people live or die. I learned this in a crash course this weekend.
What you report is highly inaccurate. I’m sorry. I’m glad you aren’t seeing it. Maybe you aren’t seeing it because it was controlled by social distancing in your area. Maybe if social distancing wasn’t happening you guys could begin to look like us here.
Majority of my patients on vents are men in 50’s and 60’s fighting for their lives. Some with no Comorbids. Some woth just hypertension. They are not doing well. And they are dying along with the 65 and older crowd.
So unless you live it, out your life at risk everyday to save other lives form this awful contagious illness that has no cure and no rhyme or reason or is highly contagious and haven’t been dealing with it since it came to the US, you can only take your info from the news.
I take my info from what I am currently living. And when you put yourself at risk , you put others at risk.
And right now we have a 90 year old man on comfort care dying right now and his 51 year old son on life support in the ICU right now. And he didn’t even have comorbids.
But yeah, we should just go about our normal business, right ?
And no - the projections weren't wrong - the projections were what would happen without social distancing. The difference between San Francisco and New York City largely has to do with earlier implementation of social distancing and school closures.
Good for you that your community is doing well, Don - but don't make the mistake of assuming you're immune. 300 infected at the Smithfield plant in South Dakota. And likely, if you're in rural America, your local hospitals have very little ability to accommodate multiple ICU admissions.
DR. Fauci said it best ;"If we do our job well, they'll say we over-reacted". New York City proves it wasn't overreacting. You are not immune where you are - more likely it will continue or reach a second peak in those parts of the US where people are not willing to follow the guidelines. I actually think rural America will be hardest hit in the long run, precisely because they think they're "different" when they're not.
If by staying home I can save even just one life then I really should be doing it. I like the logic being used to promote mask wearing. It's not to save me, it's to save everybody else.
This is why I sit abashed and "take my medicine" when it is dished out to me even if I do grumble a bit. I take as many precautions as I can to keep myself, those I care about and my community safe. I also encourage others including S and her family to do the same.
I live in an imperfect world and am an imperfect man. If I was only worried about my own life, I would undoubtedly take more risks. But I worry about everyone else too. The elderly lady who lives next door to me. The woman in her 60s and her grand-daughter on the other side. My artist friend who lives down the street that teases me each time he sees me not wearing a bow tie. S and her kids. My friend who is going to bake a cake for S's birthday in a few weeks who I will leave an envelope of cash on her doorstep when I pick up the cake that is sitting there and probably wave to like mad to her through her window. Yes, I'll be hosting a party for S's birthday in a few weeks. It will be most likely attended only by our boys and I'll box up pieces of cake for her daughters to pick up from the porch.
I take more precautions than most of those I see around me. I have no problem standing out as "that guy in his mask". I try to limit my trips in "to town" to once a week and make those trips focused. But I "do" take more risks than I should.
My son goes only to work and back. No poker games. No playing B-Ball with his friends. He gets and appreciates that he gets a wellness check every shift. He chastises me every time I muse about going somewhere.
I've read and listened to the science of virology as much as I can understand it. I'm a student of history and am aware of the impact of epidemic disease on a society and how it can spread like wildfire. And I care about my community and the people in it. We recently converted our local hockey arena into an overflow area for the local hospital using materials donated by local companies. Everyone's greatest wish is that we will never have to use it. Nobody of my acquaintance is considering that a waste of time and resources. It's like the fire extinguisher hanging by my door. I test it and keep it fully charged and if I never have to use it, it's money well spent.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
