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KitCat Offline OP
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Now he is texting he wants to get bike and boat this weekend...

I want to vomit... I'm actually crying and since starting ADs ii haven't been able to shed a tear....

I want to scream... what about what I want?????

And not a d*mn thing about the puppy.

Last edited by job; 03/26/20 01:31 PM. Reason: edited language
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KitCat Offline OP
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Why can't I let go of that d*mm motorcycle?????

It's like the moment its not there my heart will sink. That was our bike.

I just want scream and yell at him... that's my bike... that's our bike...

I know he says to her that he loves her... she is his gf... He won't say that to me but I know that is what he tells her.

Its killing me not to say how much I want his stuff to stay...

I hate him so much right now. I really do.

Ok... back to knitting socks.

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KitCat Offline OP
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Flip the script... I must flip the script.

I'm smart - got my doctorate in 6yr. I'm accomplished - I've been in my field for 27yr and at this same business for over 30... I know my clients AND their kids. I work hard. I am amazing mom. I was a good stepmom. I totally love doing laundry, the more the better! I keep a very clean house. I'm a decent cook but a very good baker. I'm a fabulous caretaker. Im working out more and getting stronger. I have THE cutest little feet... seriously little... lol. I get compliments on my looks. I can handle finances and taxes.

I'm getting my head around this... it's a marathon and it just started.

I can't be holding onto the boat or the bike... that's behaving like plan b. The sooner he move it the better right???

Fake it till I make it. Because that is gut wrenching.

I had it in me to kick him out... but I was in denial that that meant the stuff left too
I thought a hard stance would be his wake up call.

It's all I can do to not text him tonight and ask what I could have done that he would have stayed. What's the one thing that he would have stopped in his tracks to see our 10yr was worth keeping.


Tomorrow is another day.

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Things aren't important. Motorcycle=things.

I think you may be projecting on the motorcycle. You are deep down afraid of him riding it with OW on it. In your mind as long as it is there, then he isn't "sharing" it with her. KC, that is a form of trying to control him, it, and the affair. You cannot.

Dropping the rope means letting him and all of his things go. Not caring what he is doing and who he is doing it with. Look, it is ok to struggle with this stuff. We all do. What you shouldn't do is be so focused on him and his stuff that you don't see light at the end of the emotional spiral tunnel. Keep advancing towards that light. Believe it or not one day you will emerge from that tunnel and even if he came begging back you'd tell him to kick rocks. That is your goal.

You've been doing better, but you still have a hold tight on that rope and on wanting to R with this lying cheater. I think deep down there is a part of you that is still in denial about his lying and cheating.

Repeat: He is a lying cheater. And doesn't deserve me!

You should be saying that to yourself over and over and over again. Until you believe it.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Originally Posted by KitCat

I thought a hard stance would be his wake up call.


Expectations will kill you every time. DROP ALL EXPECTATIONS.

"He is a lying cheater and doesn't deserve me."


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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KitCat Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Steve85
Things aren't important. Motorcycle=things.

I think you may be projecting on the motorcycle. You are deep down afraid of him riding it with OW on it. In your mind as long as it is there, then he isn't "sharing" it with her. KC, that is a form of trying to control him, it, and the affair. You cannot.

Dropping the rope means letting him and all of his things go. Not caring what he is doing and who he is doing it with. Look, it is ok to struggle with this stuff. We all do. What you shouldn't do is be so focused on him and his stuff that you don't see light at the end of the emotional spiral tunnel. Keep advancing towards that light. Believe it or not one day you will emerge from that tunnel and even if he came begging back you'd tell him to kick rocks. That is your goal.

You've been doing better, but you still have a hold tight on that rope and on wanting to R with this lying cheater. I think deep down there is a part of you that is still in denial about his lying and cheating.

Repeat: He is a lying cheater. And doesn't deserve me!

You should be saying that to yourself over and over and over again. Until you believe it.


Thank you.

Trust me. I know he is a lying cheater. I was nauseous most of the afternoon digesting his actions and how there is no remorse for what he is doing.

I sit on his words - acknowledging that I was probably right that he should not have given up. And, I say to myself that those are just words trying to appease me.

I had so many plans for that bike and my H this summer. They were all in my head and if I had just shared them he would have known I still had interest in him.

I know its stuff. What he does with his stuff is his business. I cannot control that.

As much as I wanted to be strong and kick him out and be the tough girl. I'm still dealing with a horrible loss and sadly still wearing my heart on my sleeve. AND, he knows it... crap!!!!

I am NOT doing myself any favors. I'm just making it worse. The text exchanges continue and I've lost all my power again... he is holding the upper hand over me.

I will get through this... I will get through this..

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KitCat Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Steve85
Originally Posted by KitCat

I thought a hard stance would be his wake up call.


Expectations will kill you every time. DROP ALL EXPECTATIONS.

"He is a lying cheater and doesn't deserve me."


Yup... I had expectations... BUSTED!!! :-)

Let go of the rope... Let go of the rope...

I need to write out 100times that H loves HER... before responding to anything he does. Maybe that will help my framework.

Today is busted and all ready in the dust at 9:30am... I need to figure out how to recover from the slew of texts yesterday and today.

While he said I was probably right about not giving up on me... believe nothing he says... HIS ACTIONS SHOW HE HAS NO CONCERN for letting himself get burned out of me and falling for OW. He is with her not me. He is concerned for her not me.

[banging head against the desk]

I can do this... I can do this... I can do this...

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Not very proud of myself right now.

I'm still trying to control the situation.

H was supposed to drop things off when he picked up stuff. I called about it and H said they were in the truck and he didn't drive the truck.... WHAT???

I immediately went to who did you bring to the house?

H said no one but we all know he is liar and a cheater. I stooped so low to ask who's car... UGH... I know.

H went back to his typical "does it matter?". That is my old H when he is questioned.... since the sitch started he has not responded like that AT ALL.

I argued only briefly and he called me out of on it. GRRRRRRR....

He also said I was putting him down but I didn't think of anything I said that was a put down. I was just asking for the garage openers but he is now refusing to give them. No matter... the overhead door is on lockdown. He can't use them anyway.

SOOOOOOO not proud of myself.

Today's Positives

1) Beautiful sunny afternoon.
2) I have a job that I go to while many do not.
3) I'm enjoying knitting socks.

I will get through this. i'm stronger than I know.

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KitCat Offline OP
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Digesting the last of the texts

H: arguing with me and putting me down is not amicable.
Me: You felt I was putting you down?
H: Everytime you say "I feel".
Me: ok I will work on that. I dont remember stating anything with you feel but I will he more mindful.

Sometime later.

H: KC, I am trying to respect you wishes. Also understand that I have thing at the house that i will need. I am try not to interrupt your life, but also understand I will be moving soon "I hope" when I do we will go through everything and dividing everything. I would prefer we do that alone with no one else there.

He used by name... he is trying to appeal to me genuinely.

It gets to me... but not to him. He is in love with OW.

I have to work on being detached. I have to get my crap together and be business like.

I swear I was in a good place until he texted and then called yesterday.

Help me get back on that wagon.

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Hi KitCat,

Originally Posted by KitCat
I got 36hr before he texted and since I didn't immediately respond he called.

Why did you answer?

Originally Posted by KitCat
H was supposed to drop things off when he picked up stuff. I called

You touched the oven again, twice. Avoiding conversations is your best shot to detach, gal, not make things worse, and let him miss you. This is tough stuff. We all have days where we goof. Time to reset. (:

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