I read your postings of yesterday and shook my head. DBing is not about playing games, being spiteful, petty and/or childish in how any of us should be handling our situations. It's about helping you learn to cope, find yourself and even, help you w/patience and compassion.
KC, even though you felt empowered w/what you said, it came across as spiteful and petty. Woman, don't lower yourself to his level of childish play. You may not realize it, but you are the adult in this situation right now. You can't get respect from someone saying what you did. If you want respect, show him that you can rise above his nasty self and do the right thing. He has told you over and over again how things came down to his last divorce and you are falling right into the same rabbit hole of his xw. Look, you are falling right into his plan of why he's justifying his leaving you and the relationship. You don't want that. You want him to see you as a strong, wise, independent woman who can handle anything at any time.
So, I'm asking you to think before you post something to him. If you had misplaced your license, you would have been in a panic as well since most of the the MVA's are closing indefinitely and you wouldn't have been able to get a new license until they opened up again.
In this time of world crisis, we all need to step back just a wee bit and show a bit more patience and compassion for our fellow man. Yes, I know he's lied and cheated, but that's on him, not you. There are far more important issues that need to be focused on today and in the near future, i.e., this virus can take out anyone from all walks of life and it's too late when someone we know and love could be taken from us. So, KC, I'm asking you to please, please be the adult in your situation and do the very best you can to hold your head up high and if and when you do communicate w/your h, that you be the adult in the conversation. Do not lower yourself to his level because that's what he wants, i.e., to justify what he's doing...don't give him that justification.
Stay safe and above all else healthy.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yeah.... that wasn't my intent at all. I wanted to be funny and cute. I clearly was not looking at this with an outside objective.
Like Job and LH he took this as spiteful and another reason that I have failed him and why we are divorcing.
I didnt respond to the m&m comment. This has to stop. I'm exhausted being the only adult in the situation, but I dont want to be seen as petty and spiteful.
Is an apology due? Do I just let it go and be more determined to DB?
Definitely just let it go. Today is a new day and from this day forward, think before hitting the send button.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
In lockdown there is a lot of time to be left to your thoughts... sigh
I fell for breadcrumbs and cake eating this weekend.
I engaged in behaviors I thought were strong and setting boundaries... turned out I was being petty and spiteful. It was felt by others it was a move to gain control. I dont want to be seen as controlling.... that's a 180 for me I must concentrate on.
I was really feeling stronger in my path to let go and let be, but it turned out to be less of a proud moment t overall.
I will make a stronger commitment to not look at calls/texts. I will not be part of that selfish behavior any longer.
Everyone has missteps along the way. Yesterday was mine, but also today is MINE too. Everyday is my day to make choices for me.
NOPE --- they will not be taking food like that due to virus.
But, I do like the thought... I could have cookies and pies all over the counter and cheesecakes... But, I don't really eat that kind of stuff I just love sharing it. It was a good symbiotic relationship with H...
Anyway at work and it is slow.... that just makes the day drag on. But its here with some interaction with people versus sitting at home and interacting with a smartphone.
I like the new attitude! I prefer you be a little petty and rude, rather than being on the hook with every word and deed from him. We generally try to tell LBSs to avoid pettiness and rudeness, but if you can't remain neutral I'd rather you fall on that side rather than be overly accommodating.
So A+ grade from me over the weekend! I think you can evolve from being petty and rude to more neutral as you get better at this.
Also, WASs always accuse their WAS of being petty and rude once we start getting good at detachment. It is a new normal that they struggle with. Remember, he wants you hanging on for dear life so that he has plan B. Waywards especially want their cake and eat it too. Sandi is clear that tough love is necessary for waywards. Sometimes that requires a bit of rudeness. Maybe bluntness is another word for it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
