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Good luck!

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Mumin Offline OP
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Thanks guys! CW, LH. HUGE thank you!
These few words really mean and help a lot.
Having a bit of a dip in confidence today. As well as what you could call second thoughts.
Will probably read through my whole stitch as well as think through my potential responses (including validation).
Will have to be mentally strong when I do it.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Mumin Offline OP
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Will do it tonight!
Minor detail but do you think I should offer to mail the pappers?

Edit,. Rather tell her I will, after she signs?


This gives me control but makes it easier for her.

Last edited by Mumin; 03/29/20 02:20 PM.

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Just tell her to return it to you after she signs. That’s your cue to leave.

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Mumin Offline OP
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THAAANK YOU LH! Such good support!
Might have to actually leave the house, despite late. Go grocery shopping or something.

Last edited by Mumin; 03/29/20 02:42 PM.

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 574
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Mumin Offline OP
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I did it. Tonight she got the papers, and she signed immediately.
I was not super firm/stable in my voice when I was handing them over to her but said something like:
"This is what I want now. I have signed and when you sign we have 6 months till it is final."

She basically ran into the kitchen and signed (obviously adgitated/stressed). So I said arent you going to read it?
She sat down, starred at the papers and then looked up and was very sad.
I said I can talk a bit if you want but need to go shopping (of course fridge was empty after "her weekend").

Summary of convo:
W - Feels so weird.
Me - How do you mean weird?
W - Just that wierd. It has happend so fast.
Cant imagined how its been for you.
Me - Yes, very fast and often incredibly tough.
W - Why now?
Me - Been thinking about it for a while but in short, you're living with another man now.

..Talked a bit about house.. I said I will live here until we sell it.

W - Feels so very weird and tough now that we share the house. I have been tense all Weekend.
Me - Yes I understand it is tough for you. I am doing what I feel I need to do and you have chosen to be with someone else.
W - It feels so weird now that I am living so close to someone new. I am so safe/comfortable with you.
Me - Yes I understand that must feel strange.
W - I can tell you want to say other things..
Not sure what she meant but at times I guess I could have been a bit more blunt However:
I started walking towards hallway and said I am going shopping.
W - You are sou cold (insensitive) now.
Me - I know I have to be strong during this process.

So now papers are lying in the kitchen, signed and ready for the mailbox...

Last edited by Mumin; 03/29/20 09:06 PM.

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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M,

I’m sorry it has come to this but I think it’s for the best. Looking at the convo it wasn’t perfect but I think it went ok.

Chin up and head held high. You have a great future ahead of you.

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And you have got RESPECT. Don’t forget that.


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
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Mumin Offline OP
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Thanks neffer, so true! Felt good afterwards. We'll see how that feeling develops.
LH THANK YOU for being so active and supporting!
Would really be great with some Pointers/advice on what could have been done better in the convo.

I think my W doesn't feel at home anywhere atm.

Last edited by Mumin; 03/30/20 05:47 AM.

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
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Originally Posted by Mumin
I did it. Tonight she got the papers, and she signed immediately.
I was not super firm/stable in my voice when I was handing them over to her but said something like:
"This is what I want now. I have signed and when you sign we have 6 months till it is final."

She basically ran into the kitchen and signed (obviously adgitated/stressed). So I said arent you going to read it?
She sat down, starred at the papers and then looked up and was very sad.
I said I can talk a bit if you want but need to go shopping (of course fridge was empty after "her weekend").

Summary of convo:
W - Feels so weird.
***I understand****
Me - How do you mean weird?
W - Just that wierd. It has happend so fast.
Cant imagined how its been for you.
Me - Yes, very fast and often incredibly tough.
***Its been tough on everybody***
W - Why now?
Me - Been thinking about it for a while but in short, you're living with another man now.
****Its the best decision for me moving forward******

..Talked a bit about house.. I said I will live here until we sell it.
****No need for this talk right now******
W - Feels so very weird and tough now that we share the house. I have been tense all Weekend.
Me - Yes I understand it is tough for you. I am doing what I feel I need to do and you have chosen to be with someone else.
*** first sentence was enough****
W - It feels so weird now that I am living so close to someone new. I am so safe/comfortable with you.
Me - Yes I understand that must feel strange.
W - I can tell you want to say other things..
Not sure what she meant but at times I guess I could have been a bit more blunt However:
****Ive said everything I needed To say****
I started walking towards hallway and said I am going shopping.
W - You are sou cold (insensitive) now.
Me - I know I have to be strong during this process.
**** I would have just kept walking******
So now papers are lying in the kitchen, signed and ready for the mailbox...


I put my comments next to *****

The main theme is you were assigning a lot of blame to her. Yes the affair is on her but it's only a symptom.

Your journey is just continuing and it's going to take awhile to sink in what is happening,,

Stay strong bother!

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