Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
K
kas99 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
It took me a couple of hours to get my head on straight yesterday. It's been a year since the BD how long before I can get this to stick more than a few hours?? I'm probably genuinely happy 2-4 hours a day. The rest of my time is spent in victim status or just going through the motions.

Happy to me means moments where it's just me, content, and not affected by things extrernal. Before BD my mood was easily affected by things out of my control.

Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
K
kas99 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
One of D14s complaints about living with H is food. She tells him she doesn't like things repeatedly and he makes it again anyway. Tonight D14 sent me a picture of dinner and wow the memories. The dishes, the way the table is set, the food, it's remnants of our pre BD family that no longer exists. It stopped existing the day he left. The kids got involved and then it became this big joke. "Mom that dish you made every week. We hated it".

He made one of our old meals. Now the kids communicate and I listen. He rarely did.

Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
K
kas99 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
He was gone for 7 months before getting his own place. No cooking. He tries to copy my new recipes which is good for a laugh.

Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
K
kas99 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
Shelter in place order is here now so I’ll be working part time until it’s over. Kudos to my employer for the many, many things they’ve done to keep us safe. I love my job.

Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
K
kas99 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
Ah who am I kidding 3.5 hours into this and I already feel....ugh. I got D17 laughing by dramatically whining about being locked in. She of course has been isolated for weeks and offered to play her tiny violin for me. lol I then, at 8pm peered into the freezer for something to cook for dinner since my really great meals have been replaced with potatoes and bean burritos as I rise to the challenge to save money during this shut in.

My kids aren't complaining and I think it's because they see I've been working hard. My bedroom still looks like storage room so I've set a goal of putting away just a few things a day and while the best I can hope for is a nuns bedroom motif (twin bed, bare walls...a lone chair) it's better than a living in a Uhaul.

Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
kas,

You sound stronger and a bit more positive. It's tough being "locked in" during this time, but all of you are staying safe and your employer is doing everything possible to keep all of you safe. At least you won't have to deal w/people coming into your office and bugging you all day.

Hang in there! Whether your bedroom becomes a nun's bedroom or not, you still have a roof over your head, good health and the love of family and friends. That's all anyone can ask for during this crisis.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
K
kas99 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
I'm learning there is always something to be grateful for. I might not have everything I want but I have everything I need and more. Sometimes it take some herculean efforts to stop the pity party I'm doing it. Changing myself is really, really hard.

Yesterday I was stuck on the couch when D17 said she wanted me to teach her how to make homemade pizza's. A huge part of me wanted to say "not now" but I didn't. I said yes. Doing that motivated me to keep going. I sorted through boxes of financial records. I took everything and now it's down to one box. I no longer need/want the rest of it.

Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Well done on cleaning the up the boxes of financial records! That is one task now completed.

So, how did you do making homemade pizzas? I bet they were delicious once they were baked and out of the oven.

I know it's a struggle sometimes to get up and moving, but once you do, you will find that you have more energy and determination to get things done.

I liked your first paragraph! There is a difference between wanting and needing and you've discovered that you have everything you need right there...your family, your health and a roof over your head. The wants will come in time, but by the time the crisis is over, the wants may change and you may discover you really don't want whatever it is that you would like to have.

Hang in there and stay safe!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
K
kas99 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
These are dark times. Logically I see how this is an opportunity to grow but its so very hard. It feels wrong to find positive things in horrible situations.

Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
K
kas99 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,622
Likes: 12
After BD I removed everything from my life (that I could) that triggered me or made me sad. Long story short I stopped listening to the news (it’s been a year). I figured if it was something I needed to know someone would tell me (I have been shamed for this).

D14 told me about COVID when we had a confirmed case (March 9th). I knew nothing and ignored it until my kids warned me about panic buying on March 12 so I got toilet paper (needed it). That store rationed from day 1. I’ve since gotten what I need. I’m fine. Problem is now I’m sucked back into the news and I’m upset.

Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard