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For sure, never thought that for a minute. It's just stuff to work through and communicate about. Especially if this is going to continue to grow. Certainly stuff that is deeper than a baseline attraction


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Posts: 6,119
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beware being on a pedestal. the fall is usually not pretty. time is your friend. use it wisely, as I know you will.

I was a perfectionist until I had my son. he beat it out of me, thank God.

I was raised by a man who said if I couldn't do something perfectly, I shouldn't do it at all. I love my dad to pieces and respected him and took it to heart.. My son taught me the futility of perfectionism. I'm grateful to him for that every single day. my life is a lot easier now.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Yes...using it wisely for sure and am in no rush. We are spending more time together with all the kids but I am happy to so I can continue to get comfortable and watch the interactions. So far I have not seen anything that makes me pause for concern about how she would treat my daughters.

She made Easter cupcakes with all the kids last night and she was very patient with them as she was showing them how to decorate.

My girls come first and I would never so anything that they were not comfortable with. I have not told the doc 2hat my girls said about not wanting to move or get married but if she did ask we would definitely have the conversation.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
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Not much to report. Working from home, the girls are with their mom and the Docs office is still open although she is stressed to the max. These situations drastically increase her stress levels so she is not as talkative, more focused on business and as a Doc is really worried about the state of affairs. She had to lay off one of her staff last week and is debating on laying off another. Her solo practice has only been open for a 1.5 years and she is also in the process of expanding her office which will increase her rent. Needless to say she has a lot on her plate.

The girls are fine. We had a good spring break together although with nothing open it was hard to keep them occupied.

I did tell my X about the min breakdown the girls had regarding my situation with the Doc. I also told her what I said about us not getting back together either and how the girls might be experiencing a little bit of the Parent Trap. Our youngest does struggle a lit bit when we do the hand off on Sundays so she invited me and we all sat around the kitchen table and chatted for a bit. Yesterday the X sent me a text asking if she could come over to the house so they could get their bikes and go on a bike ride. My wife lives where that is not possible so I didn't have any problems with it. She still knows the code to the garage so I told them to enjoy. I know my girls needed to get out and have some activity.

It's a gorgeous day down here, went for a run this morning and getting ready to head into the office for a few.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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You called your ex your wife.

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Oops


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
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You know I had to call you out on that.

I’m sorry the doc is going through so much stress. Our private practices are hurting here big time.

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It's ok G! Yes....it is crazy and all of you are amazing!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
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Sitting here at home tonight days spent working at home and home schooling the girls. Really not much to report as there is nothing to do. I have been running in the mornings, doing push ups and sit ups, going on bike rides with the girls and trying to keep my sanity.

The Doc's son has been spending quite a bit of time with us during the week as I am home and it saves her time and money by finding someone to watch him since school is out. She also doesn't want to take him to work with her as to run risk of possible exposure. Needless to say she is stressed out to the max. So him hanging with us during the day was innocent, happened by the current situation in the world and was not done on purpose however.........

It has become very obvious to me that he has been spending too much time with me and my girls which really hit home to me last night when they had a break down. Same conversation as before with my youngest expressing she wished that the X and I would get back together again and both girls expressing frustration with the Doc's son and his behavior/attitude towards them. So I called the Doc this morning and told her that we needed to dial back on the kid interactions in general as I think it is too much too soon and the kids are feeling the effects.

It was an easy conversation to have as it is all about my daughters and how they are handling things. Simply put they are clearly not ready. She understood and knows that her son has behavior issues. He is not used to interacting with other kids, sharing, participating in the give and take, only wants things his way, doesn't know how to compromise and thinks everything that he does is the most important thing in the world. He has an out and a counter opinion to everything and just doesn't fall in line when you ask him to do something. He has to debate and offer alternatives to get what he wants and can't stand not being the center of attention or not being right. He also can't stand not being the best at something and he can't put himself in a position to lose. For example, he won't bring his bike over to ride with us because he just got his training wheels off and he doesn't want anyone to see him potentially not ride his bike well. Or the other night he didn't get to watch the movie he wanted to watch so he started crying and went up stairs leaving my girls to watch the movie by themselves. I guess very symptomatic of being an only kid. It is actually kind of annoying and he really tries my patience. Even though these are his issues or quirks, he is not a mean kid. My girls were even asking me on how to handle him, respond to him and what they could or could not say. Anyway enough is enough. Again the Doc was totally understanding. TBH her son could be overwhelmed as well.

In the little guys defense he hasn't really spent any time with his father or seen him in quite some time due to his heart and kidney transplant which I am sure has had impacts on him. He also hasn't got to see his Grandma either because she is high risk and quarantined. Now he is spending time with me and seeing me father my girls and it has to impact him in some way. It's just time to chill. Again she was totally supportive, I was very honest with her, told her everything that my girls expressed to me and she doesn't want them to feel a certain way either. I am just glad they feel comfortable coming to me and talking about it. I think I am also more aware because I am the one spending time with the kids during the day, seeing them interact. She is at work and doesn't get the same view I do.

The Doc is wound up like a clock, worried about her business, worried about her mom, worried about her son, her office is expanding, doubling in size, so her rent just increased and now in the middle of this Pandemic she is freaking out. She has now closed on Wednesday and Friday's, additionally having to let go of one of her staff. All of this and her concerns over her XH and his health, the gym is shut down so her exercising is not what it used to be so she is really a hot mess. I just listen and validate like a champ!

So we continue on however getting any time together without a kid around hasn't happened in quite some time.

The good news is that I am seeing her completely stressed out, we are past the honeymoon phase, and getting additional insight into how she behaves when all the chips are on the table. There have been times where she has been annoying, there have been times I have wanted to tell her to get a freaking grip, times where she has shut down some, etc. etc. but honestly for the most part she is a freaking rock. But she is stressed.

In some ways I am glad though because it really gives me reason to slow things down. The stuff with the kids and all the other stress in her life just makes it very clear to me. For that I am grateful.

I hope everyone is doing well, staying safe and being healthy!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,265
Likes: 58
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You might think, at first, I’m just bring my wise alleck self but I am dead serious here. Have you watched The Big Bang Theory, or Young Sheldon? Because he sounds a lot like Sheldon - A LOT!!! Always having to be right, never wanting to fail, always using his wit or intellect to get his way. Always has to be the center of attention. Now of course Sheldon is just a character on television but it’s based very much in truth. He’s also genius level. It’s really sounding a lot like this child.

I think you handled it very well as did the doc. I can think of so many women who would have gotten really upset and even turned it around on you. These are good signs on both of your parts.

Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
In the little guys defense he hasn't really spent any time with his father or seen him in quite some time due to his heart and kidney transplant which I am sure has had impacts on him.

Did I miss something? He got a transplant?


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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