Wow....maybe it is just me (and I'm totally weird so I get it if it is), but that all seems a bit harsh on the doctor's part. I am all about discipline, pushing kids to do their best, making them do chores and pick up after themselves, but to actually say to his face that he needs to grow a pair because he said a box is too heavy? I thought she said that to you. I didn't realize she said it directly to him. And tell him he's getting fat????? Yikes! I wouldn't be surprised if the kid is a freaking mess. I mean, isn't he like 6 or 7? So, if he is getting fat, that is kind of on her and what she is feeding him because a kid that age isn't going to have the chance to get a lot of extra food, particularly junk food, unless someone buys it for them and gives it to them. And, if he is not outside and active like other kids, well, again, kind of on her because she is the adult and can MAKE HIM go outside and play. I kind of felt sorry for her when you first started describing the kid's behavior awhile back, but now I just feel sorry for him. I'd be careful. If you gain some weight or complain about something, she might call you fat or tell you you need to grow a pair.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I wonder if him being adopted has anything to do with it. He really doesnt eat that much junk however he doesn't get any exercise either outside of Thursday night swimming lessons so it could just be his genetics. The good thing is that the doc worships the ground I walk on and in her eyes I can do no wrong. She gives and gives to me.
He is 8 and unfortunately doesn't have much socialization with other kids outside of what he gets at school. He was in cub scouts for a while but that ended when their troop folded and the meetings got moved to a different night. I was never a cub scout kid, imo dorks do cub scouts, but if he enjoyed it then more power to him.
Anyway, the doc is a little harsh and critical. We were out a couple of weeks ago and she introduced me to a friend of hers and she told them what a perfect role model I was. Maybe I can help soften her up some but I also dont want to tell her how to parent either. His control issues are evident I just dont think she understands her role.
He wont even let someone take his picture. Rarely ever.
Oh man. I am sure an adopted child probably feels the need to please their parents even more. I couldn’t even imagine how that poor boy feels. And how he must feel seeing that the doc worships the ground you walk on while seemingly he can’t do much right in her eyes.
She is a dichotomy for sure. I have also seen her be really nice and sweet as well. Like today she baking cupcakes with the kids. There are obviously other things I can list as well but I understand unfortunately I just listed some of the opportunities.
So, just thinking about this long term, how would the blending of parenting styles impact these 3 kids? Let’s say Doc continues to adhere to parenting her son as she chooses and you parent your girls in a very different way, as you choose. And the three kids are watching all this.
When he has to dustbust the crumbs and the girls do not dustbust theirs, what is the impact on these kids, their relationships to each other and to you two? Sounds to me like there are two totally opposite sets of rules and ways of thinking.
As Andrew pointed out, these issues are tougher with young kids. You might want to look more into perfectionism, its root causes and its impacts. Like it or not, your daughters will be heavily exposed to it when with the Doc, even if it not directed at them. But, eventually, it very well might be directed at you and them as she does it to her own son.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Now I’m not a physiologist but in the research I have done perfectionism comes from feeling that your not enough usually established in childhood. My guess is her parents may have been hard on her and she is continuing the. Process.
Don't get me wrong she is not like Cruella. Like I said I can give you so many other examples of her sweet and giving nature. Today she went to the store and bought some stuff for my daughters that they like because she knew the shelves were close to being empty. She just has very high standards and is certainly strict around some things that I am not. She also has high expectations for him. Maybe sometimes she just forgets to let him be a kid. Maybe better balance at times. IDK,
Long term parenting styles would have to be a topic of conversation, one that has not been had yet. There would need to be give and take on both ends....truthfully my daughters could use some more structure and her son could benefit from a little more kid time. Maybe we both would help balance each other out.
If I felt the Doc was not a good person I would certainly not subject my daughters to her and it would be over.
I’m certainly not saying the Doc is a bad person. Not easy being a parent and there is no manual. I’m just more aware how many issues can develop in childhood and I try to be aware of it.
