Saw that I was up to 10 pages so am starting a new thread. Not much to report except that I had a great weekend. I am slowly wrapping my head around the fact that I have a new job and a lot of work to do before It begins. I also have a lot of learning to do for my new position and am excited about it. This feels like icing on the cake after everything I have been through. Two years ago, I never would have predicted that I would be divorced from my H, already had a R with someone else and a break up and starting a new job as a supervisor. None of these things were in my mind in February 2018. And yet here I am. Life is full of surprises.
Day off today. Spending it with my kids. This afternoon my sister and I are taking my D12 shopping. She is growing super fast and needs some new clothes. I am also going to put some sand in the base of our basketball hoop so we can use it. Really excited about that.
A few texts with both Jack and Brook last night. Keeping things really light with both of them for different reasons. I think Jack is starting to accept that things between us are really over. We aren’t talking about why things ended anymore. But he feels like he lost his best friend so we are trying to maintain that part of our relationship....from a distance.
I hadn’t texted with Brook since Friday. He’s been working nights. I watched our favourite show last night and sent him a brief text about how great it was. He texted back two minutes later to say that he had pvr’d it and that we would discuss it once he had watched it. Unfortunately, my phone was on silent and I had dozed off in front of the tv so I didn’t reply to him for about 40 minutes. We had a short pleasant conversation after I woke up though so that was nice. I have taken a huge step back from communicating with him as often as I was. It has helped me put things into perspective and I have accepted that we may never get around to having our first real date. If all that comes out of this is a renewed friendship, I am honestly okay with it. More importantly...18 more sleeps until my tournament in Vegas!!!
Oh...and I heard from Facebook Guy again on Saturday. He texted that he didn’t want to distract me from my tournament so we could hang out another time. He also texted me a couple times throughout the day to ask how it was going. And I saw that he had posted a few pics on Facebook during the day. Seemed like he was at home for most of the day even though he said he was going to be in my area. Hmmm... I wonder... I have this strange feeling that he might see me as someone who “got away”. We did spend a lot of time together and I know that men don’t go out of their way to meet with someone if they see them as just a friend. Especially since we haven’t seen each other since last April and he’s wanting to meet up now? I told him I had broken up with Jack and he said that he didn’t think it would last. Didn’t know he was thinking about me at all, TBH. Anyway...kinda hope I am wrong and he is just wanting to catch up with a friend because I really have friend zoned him. I don’t think I am a good match for him and vice versa. I would like us to be friends though so we’ll see how things unfold. Happy Monday everyone!!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Thanks. Now I just have to get through the next month or so... saying goodbye to my clients and mountains of paperwork. I am excited but it is bittersweet. I will miss my colleagues.
Had a long text conversation with Jack yesterday. He got a job and starts this morning. He seemed a lot lighter...I think a huge weight has been lifted and maybe I underestimated the impact it was having on him. Anyway...we talked about a lot of things and it was nice to get some things dealt with that we probably should have a while ago.
Haven’t heard from Brook since Sunday. My friend saw him on Facebook Dating. So maybe he is over his upset over his XW? Who knows? Looking more and more like we will never have that first date. His loss. I’m venturing into the world of OLD again...seeing who is out there. So far...same old, same old...lol. Saw one profile of a guy who “liked” me that I would be interested in...if only he didn’t live two ferry rides away. He has young kids too so that’s a no go. Done the long distance thing before...it’s an exercise in futility if neither of you can move. No point in even going down that road.
Anyway...more importantly...16 more sleeps until Vegas!!!! Can’t wait!!!
Okay...well...2x4 time. So...Jack stopped by last Wednesday on his way back from work (my town is halfway between his work and home). He was different somehow. Smiling... a lot. Talkative. Open. Very, very happy to see me... missed his “best friend”. Guess one can never really underestimate the power of getting a job when one has been unemployed for an extended period of time. Anyway...we hugged...and it felt really, really nice to have his arms around me again. Too nice. Then one thing led to another and well...he ended up staying the night and the next day I heard myself inviting him to stay at my place until I leave for Vegas while he looks for a place of his own.
I am a weak, weak person but man...he has SERIOUSLY upped his game. Everything that was bothering me about him before seems to be a non issue. He is just different. He is texting me paragraphs instead of one-word answers. He randomly sends me texts when he is on his breaks. He is affectionate and the sex is...sigh...addictive. Before I had to guess about what he was thinking and feeling and now I don’t have to guess at all. He’s apologized for being so distant. He said it wasn’t me...he was just kind of numb to everything and didn’t feel worthy of me. Said a part of him wanted me to break up with him but that he knew he couldn’t handle letting me go. Says I am beautiful and kind and doesn’t think he will ever meet as fine of a person as me. Tells me he loves me and values the time we spend together for as long as we have left. And there is the million dollar question... exactly how much time is that?
Argh!!! I am such an idiot. I love him. I do. He has a lot of great qualities and he is honest and I know would not cheat on me. Like me, he says it is just not something he has ever done or could do. But the age difference is still a major factor and I’m not sure I can get past it. It is fine now...while I still look 40...but that isn’t going to last. And he hasn’t been married or had kids or done a lot of things I have done already. He could still find someone younger than him and do all that. And while he is perfectly happy to throw that away today, what about five years from now? He will be 44 and I will be 57.
And then there is my family. My kids are not a problem. They just live in the moment and they like him. I asked them if it would be okay if he stayed with us for a bit and they said they would be totally fine with it. My other family, though, are not on the same page. They know the Jack from before and think he is completely wrong for me. I get it. If I were them, I would too. Jack and I did talk about his social anxiety. He says when he is in a group of people, he feels like his brain is in a wheelchair and he can’t think of what to say...is worried about being misunderstood or judged. Having said that, he came to my pool league last night and said hi to my friends and was a lot friendlier than he has been albeit still quiet. My sister gives him a hard time whenever she sees him and tells him to stop yelling. And then there is XH’s mom. I still have not told her Jack is staying with me for a couple weeks. I know she will not be happy. I am kind of hoping she doesn’t notice right away. She did say hi to him last Thursday when he first arrived but their paths haven’t crossed since. I know she will disapprove so I am avoiding.
Anyway...that is the latest update. I was doing the OLD thing for awhile but am off of it until I figure out this thing with Jack. Didn’t see one guy I wanted to swipe right on. I am not a fan of the Grizzly Adams look and honestly, dating is exhausting. And Brook has pretty much disappeared so that is a dead end as well. IDK what I’m doing. Part of me says to just enjoy my time with Jack and the great sex and the way that he looks at me and live for the moment. The other part of me says I am playing with fire and one or both of us is just going to get hurt in the end. Sigh...why is life so fricken complicated?!?
Well - you have to think about what you want. It's an age gap but only a huge one IF he wants to have kids someday. If the tables were reversed nobody would think twice about a man being with a woman 13 years younger at these ages.
I'll admit, I think about romantic disappointments differently after my divorce. Nothing really seems as big as the breakup of a 26 year relationship with three kids. I accept that I very well might never have a "forever:" partner again. (Really, at my age, even a "forever" partner might die on me at any time).
So I find that I'm more open to relationships that might not last forever.
What you have to ask yourself is this: if we had ten happy years together and then broke up, would I be happy I had those ten years, or mad that I wasted that time when I might ( MIGHT) have found a longer term partner in that time?
Also - are the things that you were dissatisfied with in the relationship really better, or is this a temporary change?
I hope this doesn’t come out wrong, but how do you go from broken up to him moving in for a few week?!!
I understand if you want to entertain the though of dating him again..... taking some time to see if his changes are real, but the broken up to moving in for a while is a little extreme, no?
Remember how you just kind of felt bad for him when brook was in the picture and you were riding that high?
I think you might have the tendency to be a little impulsive and ride the highs? Maybe go from one extreme to the next?
