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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Attraction actually isn’t my problem. I am attracted to him. I like that’s he’s been kind of clear and comfortable with this things going places. Didn’t decrease my attraction, it actually increased it. Guessing and wondering turns me off.
I am not bored.

I’m scared. Usually I’m scared for other reasons. Waiting for a guy to not be able to handle things is usually my fear. For them to get scared when things get real.

And I think I’m scared of things being normal because I have never had that. I have never had a normal relationship.

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Originally Posted by Ginger1

And I think I’m scared of things being normal because I have never had that. I have never had a normal relationship.


How are you gonna know if this one is then ??

I think maybe you might be putting some expectations on this, that maybe he really is going to magically turn into one of "Ginger's past relationship ghosts"...

What would make this different this time...???

How will you know if it is ??

How will YOU be different if it is ???

How will you be different if it isn't ???


Even placing a time limit on sex, meeting your daughter, what pizza place to order from....is an expectation for you.

For now, just relax and dont try to label what is or what isn't.

Let this breathe and just enjoy the ride.

IF.....YOU really have your eyes open. You will know what is real and what isn't.

Follow the "template" of what you are looking for in a partner, and see how closely you match with this guy, and maybe even more importantly...

See how well you deal with what doesn't match well....

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Glad you enjoyed your date, G. I hope you have a good Valentine's Day.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I’ll never tell! My sex life is better kept private. I’m not a big fan of having it analyzed, I realize.some things are better kept between your best girlfriends!

So that’s a definite YES - on the 3rd date too. Which, ya know it’s really totally up to you. But at least let’s be honest with each other and ourselves, you just didn’t want to hear what some of us were going to tell you.

It’s still way too soon, only 4 dates, but wow a lot of ground has already been covered and quickly. I however do remember you saying a dealbreaker was someone who didn’t drink as you do enjoy your beer and having drinks. I’m not even saying it’s an issue other than don’t change who you are and what you want and like for the guy. That’s a pattern that really should be broken. Also please stick to at least 6 months to protect little G - not in a couple months like he insinuated.

Hoping for the best for you.


DonH
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Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
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I noticed the drinking thing, too, and wondered about it. I mean, to each his own and I'm not questioning it. I just thought I remembered your saying it would be a deal breaker if someone didn't. I'm not a huge drinker, though I'm all about some good cold beer from time to time and margaritas are always welcome in my presence, plus a pickleback shot every once in a great while is EXACTLY what I need, but I have dated men who were heavy drinkers and men who didn't drink at all and it just doesn't matter to me either way. For some being a drinker would be a deal breaker. For some not being a drinker would be a deal breaker. For some, doesn't matter either way. My only issue with a non-drinker would be if made a big deal out of it when I wanted to have something and just couldn't let it go, for whatever reason. I'm an adult and if I want a drink, I'll have one. In my current situation, Sparky is a much heavier drinker than I am.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Originally Posted by DonH
It’s still way too soon, only 4 dates, but wow a lot of ground has already been covered and quickly.


So Don based on your response of way too soon my guess is your thinking 8 dates wtf??? I don’t think my mother waited that long with my dad in 1956. For starters you don’t even know if she did the deed as she never said anything. Second imo 4 dates is too long. At that point your either A not attracted to one another or B hung up on some obscure number that in your mind society doesn’t view you as a slut. I want a woman who is going to be true to herself and go with her feelings and if things get hot and heavy and she feels safe and comfortable with me she goes for it. I’m not going to think oh she slept with me on date 3 she must be a slut. We are all adults and are in control of our own sexuality.

I hope my response doesn’t ruin my chance for the cruise. I like you Don but you need to loosen up a little.

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Originally Posted by LH19
So Don based on your response of way too soon my guess is your thinking 8 dates wtf???.

No, no, no. That was written very poorly - I even thought of clarifying/correcting it, probably should have. I was not referring to sex on the 3rd date although that was part of it, but my “too soon” was referring to its too soon for me to form a good opinion on this guy or comment intelligently on the status or on if having sex on the 3rd date will negatively impact things. More time and dates need to pass for me to do that. That’s the too soon I was referring to. I should have finished that thought before moving onto “a lot of ground being covered quickly.” I ran two separate thoughts together. Sorry about that. I blame it on my head injury and TBI of 10 years ago. Lol.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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Although, that said, I disagree with you too, as do many others including the books I’ve read. But of course you think sex should happen on the 2nd date. We all believe what we do is correct and best.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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Wow - when exactly did this become a “rule” to have sex on the third date???

Not that I haven’t had sex on a third date ( or a first) - but really, shouldn’t it happen when you’ve learned enough about the other person to know that they won’t murder or stalk you, give you an STD, boil your bunny or get “accidentally” pregnant? And that can take highly variable amounts of time.

Heck, I’m a product of the promiscuous 70’s but even then three dates was kinda early and certainly not expected.

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I am leaning toward the same camp as Don and kml on this one with a caveat. In reality, shouldn’t we all just decide what works for us about when to have sex and pitch this magic number 3 out the window? I think it is different for everyone and the onus is on the 2 parties to decide when they are ready. Maybe date 1, maybe date 3, maybe date 7. If people do it on the first date, fine...that’s on them. For me personally, I have to feel comfortable and know I'm the only sex partner and that takes more than 3 dates (typically 5 or more). If a guy can’t wait that long or thinks I’m not attracted to him, then he can move on. Now, I have had sex on the first date just because I wanted it and the few times I’ve done it, it hasn’t worked out for me. Sparky was date 4 but we’d talked a good bit by phone before our first date so I already felt comfortable when I saw him the first time. I just don’t think there’s a right number, so to be being an adult and handling my sexuality means being honest with a guy about when I’m ready and when I’m not and if he doesn’t respect me enough to understand that, then he’s not the one for me. As a side note, I was attracted to Sparky from date 1, but he didn’t even get a kiss til date 3. EVERYONE is different.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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