Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
Previous Thread:

Trials and tribulations of dating 2

Well,, today is a spa day with my friend. It’s a Korean type day spa and we are having breakfast with mimosas first to get the courage to do the naked baths part. Because they look really nice and relaxing.

I know everyone here has always given the the best support with the best intentions. I do appreciate it.

I have done so much soul searching. I don’t think I didn’t have R’s that didn’t work out because I slept with them too early. Or because I didn’t play the game well enough. It’s because I didn’t believe in my worth. Which lead me to pretzeling myself, not getting out when I wasn’t being valued, and not showing how I should be treated. Fear of losing someone. The fear of losing someone actually didn’t come from the fear of me being alone, believe it or not. It came from a scar my ex left. That if they left me, it was because I wasn’t good enough and I did something “wrong” .
I’ve dated too many guys not worth their weight. I gave and gave and got nothing in return. I didn’t value myself.

Who knows what will happen with E? So far, I like what I see. He’s been texting me throughout the day. He is the initiator. He has graduated to good night sweet dream texts. He fell asleep early last night, and so did I. I woke up this morning to a text he sent me when he woke up on the couch. Telling me good night and to have a great day at the spa. Tells me good morning too. He’s courting me and I like it. No 3rd date set yet. I haven’t given up my schedule to him nor hinted when I’m free. I think he will ask me out. And heck, I’ll let him wine and dine me.

I’m just dating right now. A seemingly good guy. I do know more about his divorce too. Luckily it’s very amicable, he has never ever cheated and I believe he liked being married. Which is a good quality.

I’m not “all in” I’m not head over heels. I am exactly where o should be at this point. We chat a lot and even talk on the phone. We are really getting to know each other. And it’s fun! Which it should be, right?

Last edited by job; 02/06/20 01:27 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
I like it G......make him wonder a bit!!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
So he kindly asked me if I had my daughter this weekend. I said no, she’s going to her dads . He said “ why didn’t you tell me?!!” He then asked if I had plans and I said yes, if you are asking me out on Saturday” so he did. And he said he’s going to come up with something really cool to do.

This is going to sound slight crazy. But he had sort of suggested axe throwing. I realized, first date with M was drinks, apps. Second date was sushi. 3rd date was ax throwing...... um, I’m seeing a pattern! So while I would love to go ax throwing, because it is lots of fun, it’s kind of creepy.

Anyways. I am leaving it all in his hands and I’m going to let him show me a good time!

Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
LOL G...…..that's good, it's up to him! You don't owe him your schedule yet, good for you!

I took the Doc axe throwing on date 4 after she declined to go on date 3. I think most guys are just trying to do something different then just the normal drinks, dinner, etc. Most of the books I have read indicate that on date 3 you should be a little more adventurous.

He is trying and making an effort. I think he likes you!!!!!!

Is he good enough for you????


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
Originally Posted by Ginger1
It’s because I didn’t believe in my worth.
This. ((Ginger))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
Is he good enough for me?

Well, so far, yes! But it’s been 2 dates so the jury is still out. But that will be what I am evaluating . So far he’s been very sweet, respectful, funny, and affectionate.

And he really is trying to make an effort. He properly asked me out and wants to make a special date for us. It’s nice to see a real effort. I am not making any suggestions, and I’m leaving it all on his hands.

I think he likes me too.

Spent the day at a Korean spa with my friend. We treated ourselves to a massage and foot reflexology, they had a special going on. I got man handled by a Korean man and I loved it. Best massage ever. We used the baths...... naked!!!! We braved it! And then the all the different rooms and saunas. It was totally awesome.

I don’t want to go back to work Monday! I want to live the life of a trophy wife! Hahaha! A girl could dream

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,368
Likes: 7
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,368
Likes: 7
Hey G..sounds like a great date...

Love what you said about owning your worth...good stuff there.

So, I am 60 (how the heck did that happen?) and I am not a prude..trust me on that. I like me some sexy time..a lot.

And if one is not looking for a relationship and both parties agree...that is up to them.

I feel strongly, though, about the difference being having sex and making love...two completely different acts.

For me, there has to be an emotional connection besides a physical attraction. I have to know that person and feel that he has made an effort to know me. It is a special act between two people who care about each other...or at least it should be, in my opinion...otherwise it is just sex between 2 people. Now there isnt anything wrong with that if that is what they want. But if you want more...then It comes from the self worth you are speaking about.

This shouldnt be game playing in your eyes. You shouldnt have accepted a last minute date not because it reels him in, but because you are worth consideration.

You shouldnt sleep with him right away, not to keep him interested, but, because you are worth waiting for.

If you truly want to do something different, then you have to think differently for real. You have to feel differently about yourself. You have to have the confidence that you deserve to be respected.

The same thing goes for letting him lead. You shouldnt be doing that because its game playing. You do it because you are deserving of having someone want to see you and plan a nice date for you.

I dont want to see you get hurt again, sweetie. You have to really just let this play out. Keep living your life..doing your thing and let it unfold.

I am rooting for you always.... <3

Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 2,174
Likes: 46
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 2,174
Likes: 46
Sounds like things are going really well G. I watched some videos the other day on YouTube on relationships and what men want. He is big on women knowing their worth and the one thing he says is you have to not be afraid to lose that person. Pretty much what everyone on here has been saying. They are pretty great videos that I wish I had watched YEARS ago. Have a great time on Saturday!!! (((HUGS)))

Last edited by job; 02/07/20 10:31 PM. Reason: Removed reference name of app and person on app not related to DB
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
Absolutely, UR! I am making these choices based on what serves ME. Not what I can do in order the “catch and keep” in the past I was more focused on how not to lose the guy. Which is pretty much where every R has gone wrong. I realize it’s the biggest scar my ex left. I just felt like if someone walked away, it would be all my fault and something I did wrong and I had no confidence in myself in dating and relationships. Like I “must” not be doing the right things. When I do have sex, it’s because I want to and I’m ready. And yes, I do need an emotional connection now to make it enjoyable.

I simply cannot be afraid to lose anyone anymore and I have to be confident that if they walk away, it’s not because I did anything “wrong”.

So far something I really enjoy about E is that I feel so comfortable being myself. He is non judge mental. He can crack jokes and take jokes. I can just really be me around him. I could not do that with M. I was Me, but it didn’t feel comfortable. I always felt judged. Probably because he was judgy of everyone else.

I can’t wait to see what he has in store for tomorrow. I’m sure it will be a good time no matter what. A date on a Saturday night ?! I can’t believe it!

Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
G...you got a primetime spot!!!!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard