Standing Up For Whatever Comes Next pt 6

[peacetoday]

Interview for it and see

If it seems like a yes and something you really want to do then I believe
all the pieces will fall in place

I agree about his family from here on its on him
detach and if MIL is definitely going to come back then you will have help

[CanBird]

Interview for it and see

If it seems like a yes and something you really want to do then I believe
all the pieces will fall in place

I agree about his family from here on its on him
detach and if MIL is definitely going to come back then you will have help

I agree. I've posted my nanny needs with an ageny that my neighbor uses. And if/when MIL returns, we'll go from there. I dont even know how much money I'm looking at to pay said nanny, rates vary for our area. My rate of pay is also dependant on experience, which I do have, but havent worked in that field in 8yrs. (I did other things & was a homemaker).

Regarding family, I did send one more message to FIL . I dont want him to worry & know 00 is okay & he will come around when he's ready. I did message Step-MIL too, was checking on FIL. I think I've said enough.

Of course I'm hopeful this nightmare is just that, and I wake up with my family back together. Of course I want that. But for now, I have to be present and plan my future with D3. Still a lot of big decissions to think about. For now, we will stay here.

[CanBird]

~J~ So it's VDay. Before my sweet MIL left, she bought cards for D3 & I. MIL also posted sticky notes in cupboards, closets & other places throughout our home, with positive messages of love & encouragement. 00 also left a card & stickers for D3.

I gave D3 her cards last night. Today we are attending a kids concert. Tonight we said yes to a group movie night for kidos. Later I have wine & chocolate for myself, which I got into last night.

It's just another day. Sure I'm annoyed a little by others happy in love, but I feel that way most days. Right? Am I alone in feeling like this? (I'm surrounded by it as we live in a romantic touristy area). Blah. On the flip side, I'm happy for those who have love. Especially those that have had stuggles and managed to salvage things. Or those that managed to find love within themselves & then love found them.

Love is all around us. It starts within.

Sending BIG (((HUGS))) out to those that need it.
YOU are loved

[CanBird]

~J~ Went to an information session for a job I applied for. I was notified very last minute via email. Luckily friends were able to watch D3. The benefits for the job are amazing! Pay is mediocre. Now that I know more about the job, it's just not for me. Family Social Worker. Sure I work well with all kinds of people, but the more I learned, the more I thought...oh...no. Not for me. I have until Tuesday to decide. The hours are all over the place too. Lots of driving... my heart goes out to these families, maybe I'd volunteer some how, which is an option. But it's not for me.

At least I have one interview under my belt. I don't like interviews. Who cares what you do in your spare time. My favorite: where do you see yourself in 5/10 years? HA! Happy, healthy, balanced & loving life. Right now I'm focused more on short term goals. Then I can begin to focus more on long term.

Let's hope Monday goes well and childcare falls into place easily.

Ps- fun day with D3. She was really well behaved. I love my little xoxo

[peacetoday]

Can

You really do seem like you have a great start on your new life and having the support of a caring MIL is amazing

I love the visual of where do you see yourself in a few years
What can we create without our H
I think most of us here are survivors and we can create anything we want for our next stage of life
awesome careers, new friends and a content -grateful attitude
it starts within through our healing and letting go and being open to new possibilities

[CanBird]

~J~ Dear D3 has been asking about her dad. 00 left almost 3 weeks ago. He's been in contact via email (all business). I had brought up working out a time D3 could talk to him. He said sure, but no plans ever happen.

He now contacts via phone app., whenever he feels like it. Just calls via the app, then will text he wanted D3. I don't have this app on all the time, but I do check it. Of course, if we set up a time (like normal people would in different time zones) I would have D3 ready willing and able to speak. So far he has not tried to work out a time. So the other day I reached out & let him know D3 wanted to talk. 3hrs later he tried to call 5 times. My phone was off & charging. I felt a bit bad, but really...3 hrs later? I left a nice text..did not say sorry, but did say phone was off. Then left a quick hello video of D3 saying hi.

Today I had the app on in the morning & saw he was online, said D3 was available (to talk). I figured he tried many times last night, maybe he'd be available. Nope. He read the messages. No reply. Offline after reading. I left a nice message, we'd be out...we can try to figure out a time later.

On our way home my phone is buzzing. We're close to home, so I go home. It was 00 trying to call via the app. We're in our garage..but I answer & they talk as best they can. I had D3 ask if we could call back; we wanted to go inside. So we went inside & 00 left a text he'd call tomorrow. I was disappointed, as D3 wanted to talk with him & all of us were available. Oh well. At least it was something.

We have a busy day tomorrow. I let 00 know when D3 would be available. That's how you make it work. COMMUNICATION. She has a full fun playdate my friend planned with her kiddo. I'll have the morning free before I go to a job interview! Hopefully this one pans out & I can find childcare!

Fingers crossed

[DnJ]

Good Morning Can

Good luck on the interview. I hope this one is more suited to you.

Communication with H is going to be sporadic. He’ll peak out once and while, feel he should call, and then disappear again. It does seem like texts and other apps are preferred; a level of separation to make them feel safer I suppose. Kind of the same with teens. On the phone or in person it’s all monosyllabic and short - yet they can text for hours.

DnJ

[peacetoday]

expect little or zero

this will also help D to not get disappointed when he forgets

From My experience, they become awful parents

[Gerda]

Can, I urge you to set up times that D3 will be calling him and stick to those. It took me a long while to train my H to follow a schedule and he still constantly screws it up but it is for D3. My D10 was in constant anxiety and worry because there was no schedule. Once we had a schedule, she could just depend on that. Even if he didn't always call or come at the appointed time, it meant that all the rest of the time she wasn't constantly asking and checking. It limited the times she expected to hear from him and thus limited the times she could be disappointed. I saw a huge drop in anxiety when she adjusted to it. It will also allow you to plan life for you and D3 without that constant need to be at the phone or to wonder and worry, less stress for all and a good boundary for H. Trust me on this!

[CanBird]

~J~ Today I had an interview. I went to bed early, D3 slept with me (she's got a cold), and I woke up depressed. Feeling sorry for myself in this sitch. Mad/sad/down/defeated..depressed. I put on a happy face for D3 & got through our morning routine. At 9am friends with a little girl, picked up D3 for a day a fun. This friend knows 90% of my sitch and was headed down the D road last year; they worked it out.

Once D3 left, dark feelings started creeping in. I held back my emotions that were so close to boiling over in tears of self-pitty. Now is NOT the time for tears. I looked at myself in the mirror, and gave myself a good talking too, & then played my favorite song repeatedly (over & over & over).

There was ample prep time and being kid free was a blessing. My head was clear & focused. The black cloud had lifted! I was feeling pretty good, confident. More self talk all the way to the interview. The interview itself went really well. (IMHO). As much as I dislike interviews, I do love the challenge of winning someone over. This one felt really good, like a match. I wasn't sure about it before because of the distance, but it's not bad. Childcare is the really issue.

This week (or next?) the will let me know. The position doesn't start right away, so I'd have time to figure out care for D3. I spoke to MIL & she said, "I haven't really unpacked...you let me know and I'm on a plane. I'm here for you & D4, here help if you need me, just give me the word & I'm there." WOW! right! So blessed.

D3 had an amazing playday. How nice to spend time with a friend, a cool mom & cool dad! SO important for D3 to have other males in her life, when 00 isn’t. It takes a village right?

How can I stay so positive now? I do believe in focusing on what you really want. I need to keep that focus on ME. What now? What do I want? How can I make that happen for myself? DETACH from the past. Be present and the future will happen.

Love love love yourself.