I am sorry that your appointment was canceled, but I'm not surprised. They tend to go through quite a few lawyers and mediators along the way.
I do think you are handling things quite well and if you are comfortable in waiting until after Christmas, then you should do so. Just keep an eye on the finances, etc. I would advise your Solicitor that you are going to sit back for a bit and wait on your h to see what he does. After all, the ball is in his court to find someone new and get on w/things.
Keep the focus on you and your course. You've got this!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Label I’ve just started to read your thread, not caught up yet but it does sound like you’re W is giving her crisis all she’s got. Try to detach and believe nothing that she says, it will make this easier for you on this very long journey.
Just 4 weeks to go now until my wedding anniversary and the 3 year mark for BD. I never believed when all this started that we would make it to our 9 year anniversary, he was adamant it would all be done within 7 months. I wish I could see an end in sight but as we all know spotting the signs of the end stages is difficult at best. So for now I will sit and wait for whatever is next and just hope that the rest of this journey is as kind as possible.
It’s been a while since I last posted as H has been very inactive. What was supposed to be our final mediation session in November never happened because H couldn’t get a Solicitor that would agree with him in time. So roll forward to now and H has now got one, his original one. What a surprise! 😂 So I received a random letter that basically suggested I was holding things up and preventing negotiations by not providing my financial information. The same financial info that I have submitted twice over the last two years. Apparently If I want to continue I need to submit it which I’ve basically ignored on the advice of my Solicitor because 1) I’ve done it and 2) as we are using a mediator his solicitor doesn’t need it. So moving on from that crazy H then decided during a conversation regarding finances to start getting upset about how he doesn’t know what he wants because no solicitor will tell him that he’s going to come out of this D with a decent settlement and how we have used up so much money on this. Ok so point out the obvious why don’t you. Anyway I made it very clear that it’s his doing and nobody else’s and that I didn’t not and do not want a D and that I was willing to negotiate but not without a solicitor. He then proceeded to tell me that he wasn’t angry with me and that he owes his solicitor a fair amount of money and needs to pay his rent so would probably delay payment until Jan. sorry H not my problem. He said we would talk properly about it when he wasn’t working but I wasn’t hopeful. Then sure enough he’s been avoiding me since.
So when he called last night I said we needed to sort out what we are doing and sure enough we have now moved to it’s my fault because I won’t take his financial offer and that I should because he can’t afford to give me what I want. Apparently I’m blackmailing him with my proposed settlement so I’m stalling things. H even asked why we couldn’t have a mediation session with us and our solicitors. You know just like the one he cancelled. 🤦‍♀️ When I pointed out that he could make a counter offer and we could negotiate he actually said “ what you want me to negotiate? You would do that?” OMG this is a man who lives by the rule that everything can be negotiated on and if you don’t ask you don’t get. So back on the crazy train we go. O Joy!
I am so sorry that he's dragging his feet and trying to shift the blame on to you. This is typical MLC behavior.
I agree, if you have already provided your financial information once, there should no need to do so again. Your h's solicitor should be contacting yours and the two of them sharing info. Any more letters or discussions w/your h about this, refer him to your solicitor.
At the rate your h is behaving, it may be quite a while before anything is done. It's frustrating as heck, but you've got this and you will push through it w/lots of patience and prayers.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am so sorry that he's dragging his feet and trying to shift the blame on to you. This is typical MLC behavior.
I agree, if you have already provided your financial information once, there should no need to do so again. Your h's solicitor should be contacting yours and the two of them sharing info. Any more letters or discussions w/your h about this, refer him to your solicitor.
At the rate your h is behaving, it may be quite a while before anything is done. It's frustrating as heck, but you've got this and you will push through it w/lots of patience and prayers.
Hang in there!
Thank you Job. As my Solicitor has said let them wait and when they as refer them back to the mediator. They have everything on record and when that happens he’ll have egg on his face. Quite like my Solicitor at times.
This has all come about because last week I showed myself to have become a little to independent for a MLCS taste. See I dared to go out and buy a new car without asking for any help from him. See in the past he would have walked me through the whole process including the taxing and insuring the car. Then I had the audacity to have him take care of our D whilst I went out with my friend for dinner . From what I understand the MLCS doesn’t like it when we become to independent. It’s certainly annoyed him because he loves Cars and has to have a good look but he can’t even bring himself to go near it . He’s also barely been able to look me in the eyes since so I know he’s one annoyed H. Oops! lol
Foxpop, your H and mine are reading the same script at the moment. Claim you want the divorce and then do whatever possible to stall while simultaneously blaming the other party. Looks like you aren't making the mistake I have at several times, thinking his ambivalence somehow related to feelings for me. Nope, all about him and that MLC fear of making any decision at any time. I think they do convince themselves we are the holdup. At least for mine, I used to do everything for him. Now that I'm not, I can see how he would think it is me. Of course when I try that, I'm just controlling and he disappears because he doesn't have to do things my way. My guess, if you want the divorce you will have to push it through as your solicitor suggests. I will be doing the same as soon as my son, who struggles emotionally, is in the clear from any forced visitation without limits.
I think many mLcers will freak when they realize the money they expected to keep for their new life will be taken from the and many will have to pay alimony/ child support for quite some time when they do the math , they get mad
I think they expected we would pave the way for them and there is the mistake of the LBS D turns to business...not emotional for us we have to take care of ourselves and our kids
hang in
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Foxpop, your H and mine are reading the same script at the moment. Claim you want the divorce and then do whatever possible to stall while simultaneously blaming the other party. Looks like you aren't making the mistake I have at several times, thinking his ambivalence somehow related to feelings for me. Nope, all about him and that MLC fear of making any decision at any time. I think they do convince themselves we are the holdup. At least for mine, I used to do everything for him. Now that I'm not, I can see how he would think it is me. Of course when I try that, I'm just controlling and he disappears because he doesn't have to do things my way. My guess, if you want the divorce you will have to push it through as your solicitor suggests. I will be doing the same as soon as my son, who struggles emotionally, is in the clear from any forced visitation without limits.
OwnIt isn’t it funny how they follow these scripts. No prier knowledge of MLC, no contact with each other yet they follow theses scripts. Fascinating.
If they blame us they can keep avoiding the hard truth that it’s them and only them. However you can only run for so long before it catches up with them. OwnIt don’t think for one second that I haven’t had any thoughts that these delay tactics could be about his feelings for me. I have had moments as it’s human nature but I quickly remind myself that it’s about them and only them.
I have tried to push it through but he finds a way to delay. I’m now faced with only one option to push it through and that’s court but I couldn’t afford it and to be honest I think in reality I would regret it. I also believe H is somewhere in the later stages of his crisis and if I’ve come this far still married then perhaps I should just let it play out and see what happens. At the moment it’s financially better for me to wait and see but I’m watching carefully.
PeaceToday you’re so right, H completely doesn’t get that our D is business not emotional. He’s going on about how he will have no money and I’m there telling him that I don’t care it’s about me being able to provide for our D and not him. He went very quiet. I think he hoped we could cut out the solicitor and he could just manipulate me . Sorry but but not happening I have a child and that changes everything.
So it’s been very quiet this end. H has been very inactive to the point where I’ve had the mediation office call me for an update. I’ve told them speak to H as I have no idea other than he was going to put forward another financial offer after claiming he hadn’t realised we could negotiate.😂 That was a good 4 weeks ago and nobody has heard anything so the mediation office have said he has 7 days to contact them before they review our case. That means they may decide negotiations have failed, Close the case and if H wants his D it will have to be through solicitors again.
I have found that over the last two weeks H has been more helpful and has been offering to walk the dog more and actually paying him some attention. He’s been doing numerous school runs which have been helpful and he’s been paying more attention to the smaller details. Cleaning d’s shoes and doing it with her, noticing the cats need something and just doing it. But I’ve also noticed something else and this has me curious. Do Midlifers try to move bits of themselves back in? What I mean by this is H has a few things that I packed away of his in the garage . He never took them but instead started to give bits to D. One thing being an old teddy from when he was a child. Next he has given d a watch of his and said she can keep it for as long as she wants. It feels like he’s trying to keep a part of himself in the house. I assume this has something to do with their inability to fully let go .
So now let’s see if he contacts the mediation office this week. It will certainly be interesting.
