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OS2 #2881156 01/17/20 06:32 PM
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Thanks both that makes sense. Said I can see why she might feel like that but I’m just busy.

OS2 #2881166 01/17/20 07:00 PM
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W has booked in our shared calendar to see me tomorrow night (which we’ve agreed but delayed from today) and to cook me a meal Sun.

OS2 #2881182 01/17/20 08:13 PM
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So your WW makes plans for you in a shared calendar and you just jump up to meet her? That's not how DB'ing works. I would quit looking at that calendar at all, unless it has something pertaining to dealing with kids (which I don't think the 2 of you have if I remember correctly). I would also be busy Sunday night with some GAL activities...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
mtb1981 #2881212 01/18/20 12:18 AM
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Originally Posted by mtb1981
So your WW makes plans for you in a shared calendar and you just jump up to meet her? That's not how DB'ing works. I would quit looking at that calendar at all, unless it has something pertaining to dealing with kids (which I don't think the 2 of you have if I remember correctly). I would also be busy Sunday night with some GAL activities...


OS2, you need to listen to my. Dude is a DBing ninja he had the most wayward if WWs, and DB'd his head off. She tried to keep him attached like crazy, but he wasn't having it.

His advice is money because humans want what they can't have. So make her want you by not letting her have you.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
OS2 #2881242 01/18/20 10:34 AM
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Thanks guys. Tonight was agreed to so I’ll honour that but I am detached. Tomorrow I’m busy and she is out of luck. I go away next week and I predict she might move back in while I’m away. Should I tell her that’s not a good idea until we’re in a better place? Or let her move back in and take it slow?

OS2 #2881244 01/18/20 11:37 AM
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Originally Posted by OS2
Thanks guys. Tonight was agreed to so I’ll honour that but I am detached. Tomorrow I’m busy and she is out of luck. I go away next week and I predict she might move back in while I’m away. Should I tell her that’s not a good idea until we’re in a better place? Or let her move back in and take it slow?


You'll get varying opinions on this. I'm off the opinion you let her move back in, but you don't attach any significance or expectations to it. And you still DB. Even more so than before.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
OS2 #2881246 01/18/20 11:51 AM
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W says she needs to talk to me tonight about something serious. She says I’m ignoring her and that’s frustrating her. She says I was asking to work at it but now am distant and not communicating well.

She phoned me presumably because she wasn’t getting as much on message as usual.

Last edited by OS2; 01/18/20 11:52 AM.
OS2 #2881254 01/18/20 12:46 PM
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OS, practice: "Been really busy, haven't been ignoring you." Then listen and validate.

I think I figured her out. She doesn't really like living at Mom and Dad's. She's afraid to lose you as plan B so she can move back.

Really study listening and validating.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
OS2 #2881257 01/18/20 01:47 PM
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She ain't back. Play it real cool. Stick to your plans for tonight


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
SteveLW #2881261 01/18/20 03:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Steve85
I think I figured her out. She doesn't really like living at Mom and Dad's. She's afraid to lose you as plan B so she can move back.


Well judged, that is definitely a factor. But she’s said several times when she comes back she’s all in (will believe that when I see it) and wouldn’t leave again so would be a big move. I saw she went out last night (by location). I suspect it was with OM but no evidence either way. She is supposed to have ended all comm with him so I wonder if that’s what she’s going to tell me. Of course I won’t ask where she was/what she was doing but that would be a big issue if she’s going back on the little thing she’s done so far. Now I’m GAL etc I feel a bit more distant from the situation and I think it’s starting to properly sink in how terrible and selfish her behaviour has been.

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