Oh that dreaded muddling and taping. That is my worst.
I haven’t done that In years. Lots of thin layers, lots of sanding, and lots of patience. Ha, patience. Well, we’ve all got better at that.
I’m like you, I am ok at drywall finishing. Screw heads were better than my joints. The inside corner joint being my worst; those darn bubbles under the tape.
Good on you. New walls, doors, plugs and wiring - lots to get your hands busy. And your mind. It is great therapy.
Nice to hear you have a date planned for next week. I can see how nervous you feel, from your post. Relax. She said yes. She wants to spend time with you. Be you.
Originally Posted by bpd
I don't want it to feel awkward. I may write down a bunch of conversation topics beforehand. It's so weird to have to do this with someone you've been with for 20 years.
I totally get that you don’t want it to be awkward. And yeah, dating someone you’ve known for 20 years.
Perhaps this might help.
You and her are not the same people you once were. This new her - you have not known for 20 years.
She is showing some positive signs and is enjoying your company. Keep it light and have a good time. You are getting to know each other - again. One of her big things is if you will accept what she has done. And that is not said, it is lived. Demonstrate it.
Think back to who you were 20 years ago. Who were you? What traits did you display? Something caught her eye back then; something caught her eye again.
Those are some of the 180’s that are spoke of. Those changes you hopefully made for you, have intrigued her and just might be a beacon for her.
Relax and show her and you a good time. No expectations. No relationship talks, this is a date. She may hide again for a while after, she may have stirred feelings that she needs to process.
Do not worry, time will tell. Go slow and see where she is leading.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Things are more or less the same. W keeps cycling with moods. I feel really bad for our oldest son because he takes the brunt of it. She is always nice and friendly to me except for the fact she shows zero affection.
The potential good news is she seeking answers. The first 6 months post BD she was reading books that were either feminist or about independent lives and divorce. Yesterday I saw the book she was reading "Why we can't sleep". I have no idea if she can't sleep or not since she sleeps in a different room but I remember the experts keep saying that they have trouble sleeping at night. Anyways I looked into the book and the full title is "Why we can't sleep, Women's new midlife crisis"
I can't believe how it feels like a massive weight has been taken off my shoulders. I have been personally cycling with emotions lately, doing everything I shouldn't be doing. Worrying about her, waiting to see what moods she is in, mirroring the mood she is in etc. I guess the weight off my shoulders is that I do believe she is progressing.
The unfortunate thing is the book seems to be about Generation X women that were raised to believe they should have everything but don't feel that way. Talks about debt, media etc. I haven't read it through but I doubt there is any information about psychology and childhood connections. The unconscious meeting the conscious. Based on conversations and other things I know my wife is having past issues bubble to the surface, "Shadow Fragments".
Regardless, I am happy she is reading things that are meant to help her. I may actually buy a copy and read it.
MLC is all about the past and things bubble up from their childhood because they were emotionally stunted. MLC's main ingredient is depression. Depression = past and Anxiety = future.
I will have to check out the book, as we have talked about the childhood issues for 20+ years here on the forum. Here's a link that might prove interesting for you:
Last edited by job; 01/17/2003:00 PM. Reason: added a link to another thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi everyone, it’s been awhile. The last couple of months my wife and I have been reconnecting. Doing everything together, laughing, loving etc. No heavy talks at all. It’s been great with an asterisk. Last couple of weeks she has withdrawn again and 2 nights ago an unfortunate event occurred. She got very drunk and texted a different OM. That she needed him to be sexual with her. I saw the text and it was incredibly hurtful. She was trying to make plans for the next day to meet up. Next morning I confronted her, she denied anything was really going on and it was just drunk text. I actually do believe her. They of course never met up. I have been holding a lot in the last year and it came out. I expressed to her that I believe she is depressed and carrying demons. She didn’t argue it really. Last couple of days she has a lot of guilt. She deleted her Instagram account that she messaged with. She did stuff she didn’t want to do and explained it as punishment. 5 mins ago she just came in the room and apologized for things saying that she knows that I’m not the wife that I thought I married. That she does overthink things but she doesn’t think she carries demons. I thanked her for the apology and said it’s been really tough trying to process all of the things she has said and done. She agreed it would be tough. I have been a total wreck over the latest incident but then quickly tried to detach. I’m am just so shocked for the apology, she is not the type to do this. Not sure where this goes from here. This can not be my normal for a future. This as everyone knows is unfair beyond words. I would be nice if the latest incident would be rock bottom but who knows. We talk and flirt and carry on like things are good but the elephant is just too large.
I would appreciate any perspective. I honestly believe that the latest incident was a blip and she hasn’t done anything like this since last summer. This all hurts so much.
BPD, they totally come and go. My H did things like this too. They are very confused. You have to decide if you have the stomach to stay close while she is unsure. I would not get into R talk or tell her she has demons. Your telling her that does nothing. She has to realize that on her own. It might take years. You are rushing! Live your own life and decide if you want to live separately. Expect nothing from her until she initiates something deeper and looks and acts different. Try to read your post as if you were reading a friend's e-mail explaining all that about a woman he just started dating. You'd never advise him to keep dating her. You can keep standing but that doesn't mean you should believe anything she says. You can keep flirting and sleeping with her if you have the stomach for it but you need to assume she will keep doing this until she is ready for real transformation. She can't truly reconnect with you until she is herself again.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
I have removed your link to another site that is not directly related to this site. As a reminder, here is a thread that reminds posters of one of the policies of the Board/Forum:
