I agree J, I just don't know what to do as it involves my girls. If she over spent and has minimal money to buy groceries for them, entertain them, etc. I struggle with it.
My only motive in giving her CS money early is as it is of benefit to my girls. If they were not involved it would be a completely different story.
I don't need her for anything, the Dr. doesn't need her XH for anything but both of them rely on us for things. The Dr's XH still calls her for medical advice as he is currently experiencing heart issues.
When my XH and I first got married, his first XW's money mismanagement drove me CRAZY. She lived in a house that her parents provided for her (as in bought outright so there were no payments) on their land (so, also no land payments and no taxes because parents paid all that). They also paid her vehicle payment and carried her on their insurance and their cell phone plan so she didn't pay a dime for any of that. My XH paid nearly $1400 per month in child support plus he provided all medical insurance and we paid 75% of all medical expenses (she was responsible for 25% as per their divorce decree, but typically when these things came up, her parents paid them for her). In addition she had a full time job (made barely above minimum wage, but still a job) and she worked a second job a few hours a week for cash under the table and it was a tipped job so she got lots of tips because she's smarmy and flirty and can put on a really good sweet act. So, between her 2 jobs and child support, she's probably bringing in somewhere in the neighborhood of $3000 per month. She's paying out an electricity bill, a water bill and gas for her vehicle on a regular basis. The girls came to our house every day after school and about 27 days out of 30 in a month, they ate at least one meal at our house, so she rarely even bought groceries. And, she would STILL cry poor and make statements to XH about how she couldn't even afford to have cable tv at her house or satellite for the girls (who complained about it to us ALL the time and that was one reason they always wanted to be at our house....we had satellite and internet) because she just couldn't afford the $50 or $60 a month base package. Seriously? She's paying out a few hundred dollars a month on utilities and doing God knows what with the rest of the money and she begged him to pay her cable bill. Despite the fact that the divorce decree required us to split school expenses with her 50/50, we usually paid at least 75% of all that stuff and were never surprised when it was actually dropped on us completely. In the meantime, she could afford to travel all over the country every weekend to wherever her boyfriend was working to stay with him and she ate out all the time. She'd drag the girls with her to play on peoples' sympathies so that whoever she was dining with would pay for her and the girls. It was disgusting. I put my foot down on the cable thing. It would have been one thing if the girls weren't eating and or getting basic needs met or medical or clothing provided, but WE were paying the bulk of those costs anyway, so there was NO d@mn way I was paying her cable bill on top of all that we were already doing for the girls.
That's a very long rambly hijack (sorry J!) to say, I just don't get these women who think walking away is such a good idea when they do not have their financial sh!t together. I'm not saying I always have mine together either, especially when something big crops up, but 99% of the time, I handle my sh!t all by myself without going back to my XH and asking for money. Of course, I'm sure there are men who are the same way. My XH left me for a woman who made better money than me and by all accounts is still doing absolutely nothing to financially contribute to the household. What a shock!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
At least she has not asked me to pay for things outside of the CS I give her.
I also don't itemize everything I do either. For example, I bought my D indoor soccer shoes this past weekend that were around $40. I didn't make her pay half so truthfully she has it pretty easy with me.
Tonight I am picking up my girls from school because my youngest has practice and my XW has to go to an incoming 6th grade parent meeting. Since I live a mile away from the school it is better for my daughters if they come with me, have dinner at the house, etc. than it is for them to go my XW's place and be left alone. I just won't do that just because it is "her" week.
As this process continues I am gradually learning who seems to bear more of the responsibility.
Last edited by job; 01/14/2007:27 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
