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#2880465 01/13/20 10:35 PM
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Previous Thread:

Lost, but hoping to find myself

My title is fitting, because that’s the way I feel.

Job, thank you. This is actually the only place I feel comfortable venting in my life. I’m still here after all these years due to the unremarkable support and friendship. I hate being the miserable one all the time.

I had the day off. Went to the doctor, refilled my meds, went to return stuff at the mall, went to the grocery store, went to the gym, and went to TJ’s soon I’m going to cook the kid and I a steak dinner as per her request. First I have to ice my painful feet. I will tell you, I love those endorphins from hard exercise. Since I’m not getting them from chocolate anymore, exercise is the place.

If anyone read my last post, it’s just really tough not having someone ( an adult) who comes home and asks about your day and kisses your forehead. For so many years now. I’ve just lost hope.

My area of growth, however, is even though I think I might be at the loneliest right now, I still know I would not settle for any less than I want or deserve. I will not act of desperation. Especially when I know that will only get me right back where I am now.

Funny OLD story of the day. I think I mentioned a guy on FB dating liked me who happens to the brother of twins that were in my class. When I mentioned that, I think he might have freaked. Then today we matched on bumble. It I didn’t place him right away. First, I placed him as someone I talked to a while back on Bumble and I said he seemed really familiar. The. I really put it together! And I said, “hey, it’s you again! So and so’s brother!!!l we keep finding each other on dating sites! I probably REALLY scared him away this time. But he’s so freakin’ cute. He graduated in 95’ , my ex’s sister graduated in ‘94 and 96’, my ex graduated in 97’ and i in 98’ all from the same small high school.

There is this other guys I am talking to who seems so normal. He’s been divorced for 10 years, had a 7 year LTR in there and has been single for a year. He also had a 13 year old daughter. He’s got a little bit of my interest.

I told my D 13 she could have a sleepover this weekend. It’s fun for me to see her have fun, so why not? It’ll be a pizza and painting sleepover .

Last edited by job; 01/13/20 11:05 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
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Sounds like you have a few possibles in the mix Ginger. Please don’t give up hope. It will happen!!! (((HUGS)))

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{{{{{hugs}}}}}
I think the guy who keeps popping up is an interesting possibility, if he's not scared.

xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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kml Offline
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Take your time shopping girlfriend.

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I’m sure taking my time. This guy has carried himself wonderfully so far. But I know nothing about him.

This week will be the worst at work. Just got the text that the joint commission is here to do their 4 day survey. If anyone is in healthcare, they know the joint commission showing up is like having FBI investigating a crime scene. If I get chosen for an interview I’ll probably just break and cry.

Of course they couldn’t start day 1 yesterday when I wasn’t there

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(((Ginger))). Hang in there girl... you are a strong and intelligent woman. You got this!!

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
If I get chosen for an interview I’ll probably just break and cry.

Change your mindset. If you're chosen for an interview, one of your interviewers might be the Mr. Wonderful that you've been looking for all these years.

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We locked our selves into the closet of an office we have today. Of course we came out to see patients, otherwise we were locked away. Day 1 down. I fear the interview because it’s a phobia. I do not do well on the spot with people asking me questions like an interrogation. I hate public speaking. I just become a stutterer. You should see what I do around really good looking guys, it’s even worse! Today was just another crazy busy day where I got out late.

So this new guy only has his daughter every other weekend and we are on opposite weekends. I can’t wrap my head around why a father would only see his kid every other weekend ( which my ex does with the exception of 4 extra nights on the month) I am not going to judge yet..... but I can barely get a date to happen with opposite weekends. Anyways, I told him my child schedule and that we are on opposite weekends and replied “ great! Guess that’s that!” Oh well.
I face plenty of challenges in this OLD world with majority custody . And I’m not willing to bend for anyone who doesn’t bend for me anymore. So I guess that’s that.

And not to hijack anyone’s thread anymore. I’ll place this here. I mentioned on J’s thread that knew my R wasn’t really all that good when I looked at the way J appreciated and treated the Dr. and how M did not appreciate me and treated me like an afterthought. I will never go back there anymore. I deserve to be treated like J’s doctor.

And dawn. About my feelings towards The ex’s wife. I know she must have stepparent struggles. I know they aren’t one big happy family. But to look at the 3 of them plastered on FB..... the memory of how they came to be that kicks me in the gut sometimes. The truth behind those pictures I only know. And it is upsetting.

And to speak to the the thoughts on whether their ex is happy or not.... I knew I was totally over my ex when I didn’t think or care anymore if he was happy or unhappy. I know many people soothe themselves by the thought of their ex’s being unhappy after their decision to divorce . That doesn’t soothe me at all. And if he is very happy? That doesn’t anger me anymore either. Because I know that I was not happy with him. Maybe the only thing I derive is that I’m not crazy. Because he hasn’t changed. He treats me better than he ever did, honestly, but that’s because I’m not his wife. He treats his women very poorly. I’m not his anymore.

I’m still just lonely and overwhelmed as ever. Maybe I just need to hold out until D has graduated high school. I’ll have more freedom and flexibility then. I’m not counting on much happening until then.

Another day.

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Originally Posted by Ginger1


And dawn. About my feelings towards The ex’s wife. I know she must have stepparent struggles. I know they aren’t one big happy family. But to look at the 3 of them plastered on FB..... the memory of how they came to be that kicks me in the gut sometimes. The truth behind those pictures I only know. And it is upsetting.



Understood! I apologize if I offended you or hurt your feelings. That was absolutely not my intention. I’m sure it is a very difficult thing. I’m sorry you have to deal with it.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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You never, ever hurt my feelings dawn! Ever! I also got a taste of the struggle of the stepparent being with M. I wasn’t the stepparent, and I was lucky to have that kid love me. But M wasn’t all for it. He had lots of rules, put lots of boundaries in place because of his insecurities. And it is HARD trying to tread that fine line. I would have really really struggled if we got married. Not because of the child. Not even because of the mother. But because of the guy I loved. I have the utmost respect for stepparents, the ones who came into the kids lives in a legit fashion. Living a kid that you didn’t give birth to...... it’s very powerful.

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