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Coddiwomple is "to travel in a purposeful manner towards a vague destination".

On a snowy day I'm looking out my window and being thoughtful. I know where I am. I have some ideas on where I want to be but only know the vague shape of it. And I don't know how to get there but sitting still doesn't get me there. It only keeps me where I am.

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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2876543&page=1


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Andrew,

I am so sorry about your colleague.

That is a very interesting word...coddiwomple. But, I like the definition. You will know your destination soon enough. The vague shapes will become more solid in the next few months and you just might be surprised at what they reveal.


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Originally Posted by job
The vague shapes will become more solid in the next few months and you just might be surprised at what they reveal.

Twins?

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Great word! Between you and my daily email word of the day, I'm going to be super smart in no time. wink Totally going to have to use that in a sentence with Sparky sometime this week and see if he's heard it.


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Originally Posted by English as she is spoke, by José da Fonseca and Pedro Carolino
Of the hand to mouth, one lose often the soup.
Just a grumble at myself for not being a good person.

I've noticed B sticking her head above the parapet again. She unblocked me recently on Facebook and I saw her profile in the "active users" thingy. Same status as always as far as I can tell. Separated and living in the same town as S. No indication that she has returned back "up north" to her H. I shouldn't be looking. I shouldn't be caring. I certainly shouldn't be considering "what if". But it has crossed my mind.

She unblocked me in October for a couple of days I think, after my trip to Spain presumably to see my pictures and then re-blocked me again. I still think it odd that her H and youngest son have also blocked me and kept me blocked - kind of makes me wonder what conversations were had.

I sort of dread her hitting the "how are you" button and worry about doing that myself. The temptation is certainly there. The reality that that relationship wasn't working hasn't escaped me either. I suppose it's perfectly natural to look back at past relationships with a bit of nostalgia, even if they were short ones. Heck, I even sometimes think back to the two girls I knew back in my university days in the early 80s and also CL who being "family" is still in my circle.

I do have no intention of reaching out to her in any way. If she does contact me then I will of course be friendly but also make it apparent from the outset that I am currently dating someone and decline any invitations to get together for coffee etc. And of course to let S know that I have heard from her and am not getting together with her. This is all of course highly speculative and undoubtedly incorrect.

It is certainly true that I do worry about her. Less certainly these days than at the beginning. It's not for me to do any rescuing. This navigating relationships stuff is hard.

And now back to our regular programming.


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A - I think it is pretty normal to be blocked by the ex partners and/or family members of your former girlfriend. I have only met the Dr's XH one time I am blocked on his profile. I think everyone is curious in those situations and one can't help but go looking to find out more about your partner's life or former life. I am not a big Facebook user however I am guilty of using FB to look at those individuals. Even when I was dating, trying to find out more information about a potential date. I don't think it says anything about you it's more about them.


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I think J9 is right, A. I think it is natural to have some level of curiosity. I would think that you would feel that way for sure, because you have a natural curiosity along with a vivid imagination. (That is a good thing!)

When my XH and I first split, I didn't remove or block him from my facebook, but I did unfollow him so that the only way I see anything he posts is if he tags someone else that we are mutual friends with like the girls or a handful of friends. I did it that way because I'm a nice person. Too nice really, but I knew he was moving out of state with his skank and I knew I would be here getting to see grandkids and he wouldn't so I wanted him to still be able to see pics. Even now, every once in a great while, I will get curious and look at his page, but it is usually a quick browse followed by "ugh" then moving on. His new skank doesn't have me blocked and I don't have her blocked, but I don't ever look at hers because I just don't care. She's trash to me and not worth my time. Facebook is the only social media site that I have XH on though. I got Instagram after we split and despite him trying to connect with me there several times, I have not done so. Facebook is enough.


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George Gray

I have studied many times
The marble which was chiseled for me—
A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.
In truth it pictures not my destination
But my life.
For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;
Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;
Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.
And now I know that we must lift the sail
And catch the winds of destiny
Wherever they drive the boat.
To put meaning in one’s life may end in madness,
But life without meaning is the torture
Of restlessness and vague desire—
It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.

- Edgar Lee Masters

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doodler - from time to time I wonder why we are friends crazy but then you post something like this.

Wow. Just wow. I've never read that before nor any other of Edgar Lee Masters' works. That is amazingly powerful and really describes where I feel that I am in my own voyage so much better than I have ever been able to enunciate myself.

Thank you. I'm going to check my local public library to see if they have a copy of his Spoon River Anthology.

As an aside, I have reclaimed part of my world again. On the pretext that I need a very small bottle of Scotch for a sauce I want to make for Robbie Burns Day I actually went in to the liquor store that my ex-wife manages. The first time in years. Certainly at a time that I knew that she wouldn't be working and I didn't recognize the clerk who served me. They didn't have what I looked for and S25 later told me that he can contribute the 2 shots worth that I need for my sauce. But I have at least partially reclaimed that.

Thanks again doodler and have a fabulous weekend.


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Good Morning Andrew

Congratulations on the reclaiming. Walking the isles of that liquor store. Well done.

It’s those little things. Almost funny in a way. S23 left the eggs his Mom and the OM egg man gave him at Christmas. That along with a mixed up grocery list where both D17 and I bought eggs, ended up with three 18 packs in my fridge. 48 eggs!

Wait a minute. 3 x 18 = 54. 54 eggs! What the?!? Just how many eggs can one guy eat.

Ok. Ok. So 54 eggs. And 18 of them farm fresh brown variety. Ah, what the heck. Eggs are eggs. So I used them. Actually pretty tasty truth be told. smile

No highjack intended my friend. Just reclaimed a little of my life as well, and wanted to share with someone who obviously gets it.

Hope today find you well and happy.

DnJ


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Great reclaiming boys!

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Went to the Farmers Market this morning, got coffee from a coffee truck called Coddiwomple Coffee. smile

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Originally Posted by doodler
Originally Posted by job
The vague shapes will become more solid in the next few months and you just might be surprised at what they reveal.

Twins?
When I shook her belly it didn't rattle so I expect not.

Originally Posted by kml
Went to the Farmers Market this morning, got coffee from a coffee truck called Coddiwomple Coffee. smile
Looks like a cool place. I may watch for it this spring sometime when I go to visit my daughter.

Tired again after a busy but generally good weekend.

The death of my colleague has hit me harder than I expected and I was in rather an emotional daze for a couple of days. Even now there's a lot of WTF going on. Surprisingly, the disaster has hit my small community as well. A couple of local families are grieving lost loved ones. The world is indeed a very very small space and the need to love and care for each other is more apparent than ever.

----------

S25 had his first shift on Friday so S and I had the house to ourselves until well after midnight. We were still awake.

Some shuffling of errands had to be done to be sure that I got my fresh roses (white ones this time). S and FSL seem to get along quite well but then she seems to get along well with everyone.

We popped out to "the farm" for what was supposed to be a quick visit with my youngest brother and nephew. SIL2 was also there as was her mother. She'd messaged me asking if she should put the coffee on so I responded suggesting decaf tea and mentioned that S was sensitive to both gluten and alcohol. When we got there, the tea was on and a plate of rice crackers and cheese was out to snack on.

This brother and his wife have built themselves a beautiful but huge house on the old family farm. It's on the hillside overlooking the river. Pretty much all of the wood in it was harvested by my brother so the kitchen cabinets are cherry, maple floors etc. It cost them an awful lot of money that they'll be paying off for quite a while. The stress of that on my brother is quite palpable.

S and SIL2 got on famously. They both have an interest in holistic health and nattered on about that, their experiences in dating / having a relationship with one of the "P" brothers. SIL2 echoed that she kept expecting "the other shoe to drop" about my brother and couldn't understand why he didn't have some sort of fatal flaw like all the other guys she dated. It took some effort to get S out of there as they were very wrapped up in their conversation, so that the rest of the errands could be finished and we ended up picking up some frozen food for dinner since it was so late when we got home that neither of us had any energy to cook so we sat and watched a movie instead (The Lorax).

After SIL2 messaged me and told me that she is sure that S is "the one".

Sunday we "slept in" and I made gluten free pancakes (works decently with the Lonely Girl Pancakes recipe), sausages and back bacon for "brunch".

I've been having a twinge in my foot that reminds me of the gout pain I had in the summer so I decided that I would go for my walk on Sunday around the village. Because I've been so busy with S, I've not walked regularly in some time. S joined me for about the first third - she told me in advance that she probably wasn't up to the full route which is about 4 1/2 km. She did meet some of the neighbourhood dogs who run out to bark at me and they all got along quite well.

After our walk, S used up pretty much all the hot water in the house having a lovely bath plus catching up on some laundry which is much easier to do at my house. I did some housecleaning etc and laid down for a bit of a rest while she was in the tub. S joined me later fresh out of the tub.

S made pulled pork sandwiches for Sunday Supper and we tried a Vin0 brand de-alcoholized wine with it. The dinner was good but the wine was pretty bad. We only had a glass or so and S25 refused to even try given some previous bad experience. I cubed up some butternut squash as a side dish and S had it prepped and in the oven while I was distracted with some other chores. Finding a decent zero alcohol wine will be a mission for us. S also enjoys the flavours of wine but can't have "any" alcohol.

To no-one's surprise S has some very clear ideas on where this is all going and generally speaking I'm in favour of it. She is moving rather faster than I am at times comfortable with which we've talked about. She'll say something and I'll get that "deer in the headlights" look even if it's something that I myself have mentioned in passing now realizing that this is getting more and more real by the day. She's now suggesting that S12 spend some regular time at the house as well. Again - a perfectly reasonable comment. S12 knows me, he's been to the house before. We did talk about the boys and how things need to be handled very carefully. They both have their own issues and S is very open that she did a lot of things wrong in her last marriage including rushing the boys into an environment where they were very uncomfortable.

Since I've been open about my concerns about my health to S she is also concerned and has told me that she's going to make sure that I don't over-do it. But that is proving to be a challenge as we both have lots of things that we feel need to get done. As it is, I didn't get my ironing nor much cleaning done on the weekend. I ended up hanging my clothes up and will iron them tonight but still didn't get to bed until after 10:00 last night instead of my preferred 9:00. My blood pressure machine failed on Saturday night so I need to get another one today. The readings have been in the warning but "normal for me these days" range. We'll see what the doctor has to say next Monday but I'm pretty sure it will be an adjustment to my meds, some further tests and an admonishment to lose weight and exercise more. I'm going to push more to get out for my walks which S is in favour of, but the sheer number of other things we want to get done have prevented it from being an easy priority.

S's D25 and GS are coming from Ottawa for a visit starting tomorrow. I'll be having dinner with them on Wednesday. This is S's custody weekend coming up so I have told her that I'm expecting to get a lot of housework done. She could come over, but I'll be dusting and scrubbing. The next Saturday I'll be cooking up my haggis for Robbie Burns Day. Since it's not certified gluten free I need to come up with a second "haggis-like" dish for S. I'm thinking a variety of oatmeal based meatloaf with similar spices to a traditional haggis.

Starting trying to think of what to do for S for Valentines Day. It's a Friday so I won't be home until fairly late and I believe it's her custody weekend. She may be expecting a ring. I'll undoubtedly miss the mark on that.

As an aside #1, B still hasn't blocked me at all. I'm going to assume that after a week that she's unblocked and is no longer "hiding" for whatever reason.

As an aside #2 I've nagged 20S again about getting her stuff out of the house. Gently but still a definite nag. I doubt it will have much impact.

Aside #3 - SIL2's mother shops at my ex-wife's store but hasn't seen her for a while. No fresh intel.

Aside #4 - SIL2's father works at the same place as S25 has started at but on a different shift. All reports are that he really likes it there. S25 seemed very positive and cheerful after his first full shift. We won't actually cross paths through the week except on Wednesdays so I won't hear anything until then.

Now to just stay awake for the afternoon.


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After SIL2 messaged me and told me that she is sure that S is "the one".


That's always a good sign smile

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Originally Posted by AndrewP
S made pulled pork sandwiches for Sunday Supper and we tried a Vin0 brand de-alcoholized wine with it.

Sparkling grape juice is a good substitute for wine. (Notice that I didn't say anything about the pulled pork.)

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Originally Posted by doodler
Originally Posted by AndrewP
S made pulled pork sandwiches for Sunday Supper and we tried a Vin0 brand de-alcoholized wine with it.

Sparkling grape juice is a good substitute for wine. (Notice that I didn't say anything about the pulled pork.)
Must be a busy news week for you to pass up on that wink

I have a stock of the sparking juice from Ikea which is actually fairly decent. There was a line of dealcoholized wines promoted through MADD that S quite liked. I checked to see who made them and it's the same people that make the Vin0 that we don't like.

My ex-wife picked up her monthly payment #27 or 77 this morning. I suspect that she's having to get up early for her commute now as she did that just before 6:00am. The text woke me up. Over 1/3 done. As usual there was no acknowledgement or anything. It is what it is. It would be nice if she decided that her new sparkly life doesn't need subsidizing, but perhaps it does. Literally none of my business beyond sending that payment.

--------

So - the winner of the betting pool is job! I'll put your prize in the mail.

And yes - I know that I'm going to be whacked upside the head for this.

On Monday S messaged me in the afternoon asking how my day was going. I've learned that this is code for her wanting me to do something for her. Sure enough, a bit later she messages that she's been thinking hard about our conversations on the weekend and has some things she wants to talk about. Gulp. So - as it was close to quitting time anyway, I packed up, picked her up an hour later, got thoroughly smooched and we went out to Tim Horton's for quiet tea and conversation.

To make a long story short, S is suggesting that she and S12 start staying over from time to time and that she's there when I get home from work on those days as well.

I emphasized that we need to be sure that the boys are comfortable with things and that I was putting the full load of making those decisions on her. They are her boys and I have no say. I also pushed that I was very uncomfortable with it - even though appearances shouldn't matter - without her divorce actually being filed.

S says she has the divorce thing all figured out and expects that she'll have to do all the work even if her STBX was the one who had suggested it. She also disclosed her financial position to me which is not nearly as bad as I thought it was from other things she's said. Although I suppose when you only have a small shovel that a small pile of poo is a lot of work.

She does agree about the divorce thing as one thing that has happened to her in the past is what starts as amicable turns nasty. And the less obvious moving parts involved the better. I'm positive that her STBX knows that I exist and in what context though.

Her longer term vision has just her, S12 and the dog moving in leaving the cats and rabbits with S17 who will by then be S18 and would actually prefer to be living on his own anyway. She has a side-hustle of holistic health services that she has been wanting to have a space for as her old space wasn't working and since I'm zoned commercial so she is figuring on setting it up here in the front porch which really is only used to store stuff for 20S at present.

Given school, and all the various moving parts, an actual "move in" won't happen until school lets out for the summer I presume. There's a bus already in the village for S12 to get to the school he's already enrolled in that will probably take some polite emails to get him on. The wife of a friend of mine is the head of the district school board so I don't really expect any issues.

I made up the bed in one of the the spare rooms last night.

So - the train that in many ways I had thought was farther down the tracks mainly because I've not been looking at the calendar has published it's schedule and is booking passengers. Generally I'm ok with all of this. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have been talking to S in general and gradually more specific terms about a future.

The actual time-line will be a bit under a year from the first date. Certainly slower than with my ex which was I think about 2 months from complete strangers to co-habit. And S where I think it was 2 1/2 months. And I've actually known S for probably close to a decade.

There is a huge amount to still figure out and the train could derail. S25 has already been told that S will be stopping by from time to time to work on her various projects here where there is more room and he was fine with that. None of this is any surprise to anyone.


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Originally Posted by AndrewP
I'm positive that her STBX knows that I exist and in what context though.

Well, you know, tomorrow morning the village crier will shout, "ANDY P and S WILL BE SHAGGING REGULARLY WHILST THEY COHABITATE AT ANDY'S ABODE."

Of course, by tomorrow morning it'll be old news.

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Andrew,

I am so sorry that I won the prize...but the handwriting has been on the wall for quite some time. Now, you need to get S20's "stuff" out of your house. At the rate your house is going, it will become a hoarder's paradise.

Even though you have a few months before the final move in. continue to take things slowly. You have your health to think about and if this move in is going to cause you stress, especially when all of her kids come to visit/stay for periods of time or rock your world in keeping your house messy...well, it might be better to say, no for a while. Just make sure your cats are well taken care of the dog doesn't aggravate them. Hopefully the dog is house broken.

S25 is watching from the sidelines and most likely waiting to see just how long it takes for this one to move in and then drive you nuts with the honey do lists, etc., and then you become disillusioned w/S. Remember, right now, you both are putting on a good face and the real people come out to play once you've been put into the same house day in and day out.

Time to get S20 there to get her stuff and no more excuses. Give her a set deadline and tell her that if she doesn't come get that stuff, it's going out on the street. You've been more than kind to store that stuff for almost a year or so.


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Andy P - You have a son that lives at home still right? You move B in and a few months later it ends and she leaves. Now a few months go by and another woman (S) is going to move in and she isn't even divorced?????

Maybe that is a Canadian cultural thing but in Texas that is pause to tap the breaks a little bit. You certainly don't want to become a half-way house.

All jokes aside is this really the best idea???


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Why? Why does this need to happen now? Why can’t this wait until an adequate amount of time, over a year? There is a 12 year old child involved. I have a 12 year old. I couldn’t fathom it.

What’s her rush? And I don’t even think you have a rush. You just always go along with what the other person wants.

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And I don’t want to come off insensitive, but second woman in about 6 months, plus the kid. You don’t need to love them in to keep them. I’m worried about your inability to say no and what is right for you and how that could hurt you.

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Oh yeah, not to mention the 12 yr old. Moving in with a strange man the kids barely knows???

I hate to say it but...…..COME ON MAN!!!!!!


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Andrew,

You do realize that there is a pattern w/your relationships w/women? First, you were interested in CL. She was still married, but separated and possibly trying to get her divorce finalized. Then there was B and she was still married, but separated with kids and who knows if she is trying to get a divorce or go back to her h. Now, we have S. She's married, but separated from husband #3 and has kids. She evidently is now on board in getting a divorce done. Now, the last two, B and S, see you are a very good catch and you spoiled both of them rotten and have made fools of them because you don't know how to say "no" at times. They think you are a push over and thought of you as the golden goose. Andrew....learn to say "no". Put those big boy briefs on and start voicing your opinion in a much stronger voice. The women will respect you more for that.

Andrew, do you feel safer in relationships with women who are separated, but still married? Are there no divorced/single women in your village or the next village over?

I don't want to see you hurt/disappointed again. Put the brakes on this moving in stuff w/S until she is divorced. I do not think it is a wise move to have S and her 12 year old child move in. It concerns me that she isn't truly thinking about what her young son is thinking and her attitude makes me wonder if her son will eventually think it's okay to be moving in w/another woman and/or man w/o being married is just peachy. S may be a really nice lady, but suggesting that they move in makes me wonder about her.


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What the?

Oh Andrew, Andrew, Andrew, Andrew!

Why oh why can’t you just do some good old fashioned ‘courting’ fgs?

If you remember, when H was tripping the light fantastic and I found out he had moved in with OW, I somehow ‘knew’ that in a way, it was the best thing to bring their R to a head. Either way.

And I was right, there’s nothing like living with the OP to kill all the romance and excitement of looking forward to a date, getting a new outfit and getting made up etc.

The butterflies as you anticipate the date.

It happened with B (for her mainly) and now you are going to risk the same? But this time involving a child?

Please think of the consequences, and there are a few including your health.

Why the hurry?

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Things that are potentially wrong with this picture:

1) Your son - like many of our adult children of divorce, he's had issues and has been slow to get on his own feet. It's one thing for him to decide he's ready and eager to move out; it's another thing entirely for him to feel pushed out of his own home by a woman and child he barely knows, a child who will be getting a lot more of your attention than he has. One thing I've learned is that my adult children needed a lot more of my attention after the divorce than I expected they would - a LOT more. And even many years after the divorce, it was hard for them dealing with me dating.

2) Her 17/18 yo son - really? She's going to leave her newly 18 year old son on his own with all the animals just because he's magically turned 18? Does this sound like a good idea to ANYBODY?? Again, likely to make him feel even more abandoned than your son. And even if he's eager to live on his own, nothing in his past or in your description of him suggests he's an unusually mature and capable boy - which he would need to be to thrive in that situation. This sounds suspiciously more like her dumping her kid because she knows you won't take him and all the animals and she's a little desperate to be with you. It's a recipe for disaster for the 18 year old I think.

3) Her 12 year old son - as many others have said, it's really too early to move a young kid in with mom's new boyfriend. I'd say a minimum of a year. I know, next summer will be close to a year, but you're talking about partially moving in now. He doesn't need to be part of the wreckage if this doesn't work out. And he's being taken away from his older brother and pets.

4) Her divorce - really, that needs to be filed and well along the way before she moves in. Nothing's more likely to make her ex recalcitrant and causing trouble than knowing she's living with another man. Plus, if she IS entitled to any spousal support, that goes out the window once she's living with you.

5) Her business - ok, so if you're zoned commercial, it may make sense for her to start up her business in your house. I don't see why that has to translate into sleeping at your house. Couldn't she commute to your house on work days, just like any other worker? I think the business and the living together should be separate.

6) Your house - ok, not to sound morbid, but since I'm dealing with my mom's estate and estate planning for my kids, I think about these things - what if you kick the bucket? Your son will be in the position of possibly having to evict your girlfriend and her son from the house that he and his sister inherit from you. I'm NOT saying you should put the girlfriend in your will - definitely not!!! Just saying you may complicate things for your kids if you move her in too early and then have an unfortunate accident. It's different if you've been together for years and your kids know her well - right now she's still kind of a stranger to them (and don't forget, the stranger that they told you not to date!).

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Yeah, Andrew....gonna have to go with my fellow Southerner on this one (even if he is a Texas transplant) and say down here in the heart of Dixie, this is just something that would give one pause. Is this a cultural thing because Canadians are really super nice or is what G said more accurate and you just have a hard time saying no (because you are super nice)? I say all of this out of a place of concern for you, Andrew, and you are a grown man who can and will make your own choices, but SHE IS STILL MARRIED. I don't care if she hasn't been with guy, is totally disgusted by guy, has NO thoughts of reconciliation (which I am sure are all the case), but the fact remains that she is still LEGALLY married. I just don't think this is a wise move, particularly when she is bringing her s12 into it. It would be one thing if she had said "hey, how about when s12 is with his dad, I come over and stay a night or 2?". She's still married in that scenario, but it is just involving 2 consenting adults. But now, she basically wants to start moving in and bringing s12 along for the ride, so to speak. That throws a HUGE red flag to me that she is still married and so willing to bring her young son into another man's home. And, what about the older child who still lives with her? Am I missing something because what I understood from what you said was she and s12 are going to move in with you and the other child who will turn 18 at some point during all of this is going to stay in the current apartment. So, she's going to live with you and pay rent on her current place for her older kid? That just seems odd to me. You say the move won't likely happen until summer, but if I were a betting woman, I would bet that it will happen rather quickly. She may SAY it won't be fully in until summer, but as soon as she gets her foot in the proverbial door, she's coming in full steam ahead. The only thing that might impede her would be when 17 actually turns 18. She may have the slightest pause in not wanting to move out and leave a 17 year old in their own place, but I don't think that is even really on her mind at this point.

You are a nice guy, Andrew. You took pity on 20s and let her leave all her stuff with the fleeting promise that she would come back for it (spoiler alert: she is NOT coming back for it!!!!!). Then you rescued B to keep her from being homeless now you are looking to rescue S from.....well what exactly????? You have your s25 and your cats (none of whom will likely be overjoyed by the additional bodies in their space) and as someone (sorry I don't remember who) pointed out a few posts back, you are moving a woman, child and dog into your space and you are pretty particular about your space. If you thought B wreaked havoc on it, what will a 12 year old boy and a dog do? Yikes! I get the sense (and I may be WAY off base here, so feel free to correct me if I am wrong) that you are rather taken with S, but want to go slow and don't even really want to cohabitate, but you are worried if you tell her that you will lose her. I saw you refer to her on another thread recently as your GF and that is the first time you have done that, so it is clear you really care about her and I'm sure she cares about you too.

It is really too late for me to say this, but Andrew, that light at the end of the tunnel really may, in fact, be a train barreling in your direction. Be careful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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Sorry Andrew... I have to go with everyone else on this. This seems WAY, WAY too fast and she has lots of reasons to move in with you that benefit HER but not very many that benefit YOU. The one thing I haven’t heard you mention is that there is a lot of love between you. Honestly....it sounds as if you are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. And I can tell you have doubts by how you describe the situation. Pay attention to those!!!! They are important. I also have a S12 and they are not as unflappable as some people might think. I also STRONGLY agree with KML’s assessment of S’s son. Make no mistake... she is DUMPING him and leaving him with all of the household responsibilities and justifying by saying he wants to live on his own. Trust me, he does not want THIS and I would bet anything that she has not told him everything she is dumping on him. I would REALLY, REALLY wonder about the character of a woman who would do this to her kid. Eighteen is not that old. I hope you know that I say this with the greatest amount of respect and concern for you... I know it isn’t what you want to hear. I also know that what we are all saying is not coming as a surprise to you. Deep down... you KNOW this already.

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Thanks all. I know the comments come from a place of caring and I guessed what the response would be when I chose to keep you, my friends up to date and also explore my own feelings about all of this.

My own point of view is that this is just setting our feet firmly on the path rather than dancing around it. I have a lot of work to do on myself in being ready to share what has essentially been "my" space for some years.

I do know that I am by nature a rescuer and also tend to go with the flow of events and do examine my motivations carefully. Trusting the motivations of others comes with more difficulty because of that.

Thanks all.

PS - kml - you should check your messages when you have a minute.


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? I don't have any private messages.

I'm just playing Devil's Advocate - I hope you don't get overwhelmed. But I think the wisdom of the crowd is - just slow it down a bit.

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I hope you know that crewseekers dot net will always be there for you.

Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Oh, you hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
Andy get yourself free

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YES! There is no way in hades that I would take my daughters and move them into someone's home after a few months of dating. It would never happen.

Maybe it is going to be the inevitable, but just go slower.

The kid is 12 and if S can't see clearly for herself then you need to see clearly for the both of them.

Oh and what Doodler said! LMAO!!!!!!!!!


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kml, I agree w/what you are thinking. I think everyone is trying to say in their own way to "slow down, what's the rush".

Andrew, I hope that I didn't hurt your feelings and/or offend you...you are a great guy...but you need the curb some of the rescuing.


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Get your footing a year or so from now. Start the process when the divorce is final and you know each other so much better.

How can you start the process of moving your 12 year old in with a practical stranger at 3.5 months? I can’t understand this as a mother.

What is her rush? There is something we don’t know or you don’t know but she is rushing for a reason.

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I have no say


Except that you DO have a say in who comes into your home, who stays for a visit, and for how long. You can express that you are not comfortable with S and her 12 year old son moving in as you've been dating for such a short period of time. Regardless of how long you've "known" her, your time together is short. You can suggest to her that this summer is too soon. "Let's continue to date and get to know each other and see how things are in a year." You can even mention that B moved in too soon and that potentially was the beginning of the end for you two. You need more than a few months of time to prepare yourself to share your space again. I do agree that with the rate S is going... she and S12 will be in much sooner than the summer. Maybe a month.

I have a 12 year old son (among 3 others, but still). I cannot imagine behaving the way S is behaving. What does his dad think about all of this?

You don't have to be a doormat to be a nice guy.

I don't understand why S gets to walk all over you and do whatever she wants and you simply shrug your shoulders saying "it's not my business" when it is VERY MUCH your business. You are a partner in this relationship. It is 50-50. Not 90-10.

Have you talked to anyone in real life about this?? What do they think?

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Originally Posted by AndrewP

I emphasized that we need to be sure that the boys are comfortable with things and that I was putting the full load of making those decisions on her. They are her boys and I have no say. I also pushed that I was very uncomfortable with it - even though appearances shouldn't matter - without her divorce actually being filed.

S says she has the divorce thing all figured out and expects that she'll have to do all the work even if her STBX was the one who had suggested it. She also disclosed her financial position to me which is not nearly as bad as I thought it was from other things she's said. Although I suppose when you only have a small shovel that a small pile of poo is a lot of work.

Her longer term vision has just her, S12 and the dog moving in leaving the cats and rabbits with S17 who will by then be S18 and would actually prefer to be living on his own anyway. She has a side-hustle of holistic health services that she has been wanting to have a space for as her old space wasn't working and since I'm zoned commercial so she is figuring on setting it up here in the front porch which really is only used to store stuff for 20S at present.


So - the train that in many ways I had thought was farther down the tracks mainly because I've not been looking at the calendar has published it's schedule and is booking passengers. Generally I'm ok with all of this. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have been talking to S in general and gradually more specific terms about a future.

The actual time-line will be a bit under a year from the first date. Certainly slower than with my ex which was I think about 2 months from complete strangers to co-habit. And S where I think it was 2 1/2 months. And I've actually known S for probably close to a decade.

There is a huge amount to still figure out and the train could derail. S25 has already been told that S will be stopping by from time to time to work on her various projects here where there is more room and he was fine with that. None of this is any surprise to anyone.



So, you are getting some great (maybe not from your perspective) feedback and I already gave my 2 cents, but after reading others comments and thinking about it, I had to go back and read your post again and a few things stuck out to me this time. Why are you putting the full load on her to make a decision that affects you so greatly? I get that you don't want to try and insert yourself into parenting her kids, but man, she's wanting to move herself and crew into your house AND run a business out of your house. I didn't even think about it earlier and since I don't know what her business is, this may be irrelevant, but not only are virtual strangers moving in, but she will, presumably, be bringing ACTUAL strangers into your home under the guise of business. Have you even thought about that? These are all decisions that the both of you should be making together. While I admire your wanting to stand back and allow her to be a parent to her own children and not insert yourself, when they move in, you will be thrust into a stepfather role whether you want to be or not, so you might as well start getting used to it. I'm not saying beat the kid if he gets out of line, but I suspect both of her sons are seriously lacking in the male role model department and this younger one might attach himself to you in a way that you are not even really considering at this point.

You say she has the divorce thing all figured out. So, what is the hold up? What is there to figure out really? I mean, I'm not Canadian so maybe Canadian divorces don't work like Arkansas ones, but you file papers, pay some money and either sign off on it without having to go to court or go to court if it is required. We didn't even have to go to court, just signed, judge signed, bam....divorced. If money is the hold up, she needs to focus on her business NOW and get that together to do it. And, is that not a red flag for you that she's saying she'll have to do all the work? That sounds like a big fat excuse to me and the next one will be, once she's done all the work, that he is refusing to sign for some reason......just wait...….that's coming next. I'm sure S is a lovely woman and I don't necessarily think that she's trying to be deceptive or use you or anything, but I do think that she sees you as a means to a better life for herself. If her finances are better off than you previously believed, why is she in such a hurry to move herself and her impressionable child in and why isn't she in a hurry to get the divorce out of the way. As another commenter said, either there is something that we don't know because you haven't shared it or there is something even you don't know because she hasn't shared it.

I agree with what everyone else has said about s17. She's just walking away. Of course he says he wants to live on his own. He's a teenage boy! But is that what he actually wants? Of course not! He wants mommy there to do everything for him like she currently does. I promise you, if she moves out and leaves him with all the responsibilities of the pets, it won't be long before he is moving in to your house too. Being on his own will be great at first. I wouldn't give it but a month or so before the new wears clean off of that, though. I mean, think about your own son. He's 25 and still living with you and isn't in any hurry at all to move. Now, I get that her son and your son are not the same person, but I learned a long time ago, you have to take about 99% of what teenagers say with a grain of salt. And speaking of your son, your house is his house. So, you are allowing this woman, a virtual stranger to your son, to make decisions about HIS home without really interceding. Does he get any say? You said he's been told she'll be around. Now, this probably goes against what I would normally say because normally I would say it is YOUR house and since S25 lives rent free like a much younger child, that he doesn't really get any say, but in this particular case, my concern would be that S25 would feel pressure to move now that he didn't feel before and you have, more than once, talked about not wanting to force him to go. I think this is a disaster waiting to happen in that particular regard.

You say "generally, I'm ok with this". Come on, Andrew. Is that really how you feel? You said in the very first part of your post that you were staunchly proclaiming your discomfort, but now at the end, you say you are ok with it? That's like me being really excited about a new blouse and asking Sparky how I look in it and him going "ah, it's alright I guess....it covers you up." I suspect that you are not as ok as you want us to believe. I think saying that you have known S for a decade is an excuse/justification to make it seem different than the situation with B, but it really isn't much different at all.

It just worries me, Andrew. Seriously. I think you are a lovely gentleman. I think you are a rescuer. I think you are a non-confrontational "go along to get along" kind of guy and you don't want to say or do anything at any time that is in any way going to rock the boat in any form or fashion. She wants to move in and take over your house and it won't be long until she takes over your life. Sure, you are comfortable in your career and earn good money and all that, but right now, you are supporting yourself and S25, who presumably, is at least making his own car payments and taking care of his own entertainment needs. With S, you are going to take on all the added costs of feeding them and being financially responsible for S12's entertainment. And, before you jump in and say he's her responsibility, I think we all know who will be footing all the household bills and paying for entertainment outside of the house. Now, she may take care of his expenses related specifically to school, but everything else will fall on you. If you are ok with that, then more power to you, but I point it out to say, you can't have it both ways. You can't say you are going to let her make all the decisions because they are HER kids, then bring one of them into your house and support that one in the manner that a stepparent would do. That is going to send him the wrong message and again, is a recipe for disaster if this train does derail somewhere down the track.

Sorry for the terribly long post. I'm just so terribly worried for you. I want you to find love and be happy and I'm not even saying that S isn't necessarily a good one for you. I think she's a good one for you living separately because if she moves in, she will assume a wifely role whether you actually give her that role or not.


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Thanks all. I'm taking all advice on-board. The S17 thing does concern me a lot. There are numerous factors that I don't understand or have full knowledge of. Personally I always expected him to be part of the baggage train.

Ensuring that S25 isn't disturbed by any of this is a very high priority for me. At this point he seems fine with everything even the information that S12 will be staying over from time to time.

Going gradually is my expectation and my understanding of S's. I've talked about the destination and not the many many steps necessary to get there so perhaps there is a bit of misunderstanding of the state of affairs leading people to believe that she's standing on the doorstep right now with kid and dog in tow. I just looked to be sure wink

Dawn - the money part isn't a concern. I'm not wealthy but can afford another mouth or so. I am also aware that there are other incidental expenses including education etc. Also - her divorce should be simple. As to why it never got filed in the past, as I've mentioned previously, I'm satisfied with her reasons.


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I just looked to be sure wink


LOLOL

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I understand the money isn't necessarily a concern for you and that wasn't really my point. My point is, if they move in, you will, in essence, be placed in a husband/fatherly provider role for both S and her child. But you continue to talk about her kids and how she handles them being none of your business and the like. While it will be an added financial load to you that is not at all unreasonable because you manage your money well, it is a bad message for s12. Or at least, I think it is. If my girls were 12, this is not the message I would want to be sending them.....that it is ok to move in with and live off a virtual stranger after dating a few months.

And, at the risk of sounding super hateful (which is totally not my intention, but it is hard to convey some things through writing), I know you have said you are satisfied with her reasons for not filing sooner and that is all well and good. BUT, we all keep bringing it up, because regardless of her reasons and whether you are good with them or not, it just seems like a HUGE red flag that she hasn't gotten it done and she's diving head first into a new relationship that will include cohabitation. Looking at it from an outside perspective, not knowing any of the particular ins and outs, it looks like she's playing both ends against the middle and trying to stay attached to a known previous safety net of sorts while she makes sure the next safety net is properly in place.

You say now that she isn't standing on the door with bags and kids in tow, but that is kind of how it sounded in the initial post that prompted all these responses. Maybe I'm misinterpreting what I read, but basically what I got from your post is that fairly soon, she and s12 will start staying over on weekends and maybe even occasionally through the week, leading up to staying full time.


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Andrew,

Are there any stipulations/laws in your area about having a business operating from your home? To me, she's already thinking/plotting to take over your home and she's not really thinking about the fact that it is your home. Do you really want strangers coming there when you may not be home? What happens on the days you want to work from home? There will be so many distractions that you won't be able to focus. What about the phone calls that will be required for her business? Will she be installed a separate phone line for her business? Do you have plenty of LAN lines for computers, etc.

Unless I am mistaken, your peace and quiet will not last once she has moved in. Do me a favor...the next time she comes over w/her gang, truly listen to the amount of noise in your home? Observe the gang closely and do not make excuses for them...I want you to come back and tell me exactly how much of a distraction that they could possibly be if you work at home.

Andrew, we all care about you, your S25, the cats and your home. But honestly, she's way ahead of you in the planning department and unless you put the brakes on, this train is going to hit you full speed long before the end of the school year.

If you aren't comfortable w/something...tell her and if you need to say no, then say it. It's too late once the gang has moved in a business started out of your home. I see "taking advantage of a good thing" written all over this. I do hope that I am wrong...


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Ooohh - just one more (important) thought - if she's going to operate her business out of your home (which you have said is commercially zoned, so that's good) - she needs to pay for business liability insurance that will cover YOU. Imagine a client of hers trips on your stairs and breaks their hip, and sues YOU for the unsafe condition. DEFINITELY make sure you are insured for a business in your home.

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Originally Posted by job
Andrew, we all care about you, your S25, the cats and your home. But honestly, she's way ahead of you in the planning department and unless you put the brakes on, this train is going to hit you full speed long before the end of the school year.

If you aren't comfortable w/something...tell her and if you need to say no, then say it. It's too late once the gang has moved in a business started out of your home. I see "taking advantage of a good thing" written all over this. I do hope that I am wrong...
Thanks job. You've been right more than enough times for me to take whatever you say very seriously.
Originally Posted by kml
Ooohh - just one more (important) thought - if she's going to operate her business out of your home (which you have said is commercially zoned, so that's good) - she needs to pay for business liability insurance that will cover YOU. Imagine a client of hers trips on your stairs and breaks their hip, and sues YOU for the unsafe condition. DEFINITELY make sure you are insured for a business in your home.
I actually gave my broker a heads-up earlier today and they responded very similarly. I'd asked them to update the rider on my policy that I had when B was here so that her stuff was covered to change the name and also mentioned the potential home based business. I've also reached out to the Township to ask about any tax implications and rules around signage. Best to know all the facts and rules that can impact a decision in advance. When I did free-lance work I think they added on about $30/year in my taxes and the office equipment was covered under the home policy. I didn't have people coming here though.

Most people just do this sort of stuff ignoring the rules etc. I'm not them.


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While I appreciate your efforts to cover yourself, aren’t these things that S should be at least helping with? This is her business after all. I think you were right to check on such things to get all your ducks in a row, but she needs to get hers lined up too.


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But Dawn, Andrew is the one at risk here, not her, so it behooves him to make sure he’s covered. I would expect that regular homeowners liability coverage would not extend to a home based budiness and hecc x will need a separate policy of rider to cover that. S doesn’t have any assets so if an injured client sued her for a slip and fall they wouldn’t get anything. But if they sue Andrew he could lose his house and assets. So he really needs to buy the policy and get reimbursed by her, rather than rely on her to make the payments.

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I’m sorry. I wish you could step outside and see what’s happening here, I know you are a go with everyone else’s flow yes man, but if anytime in your life you are going to be be the leader and make a decision yourself that someone else might not be totally happy with...... now is that time. Waaaaaayyy too many things are at risk here. For you personally, and a 12 year old boy.

What is god’s name is her rush?????

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I hate to join the chorus but, those poor, poor kids. Please look at your own son and see how hard this has been on him and he is double S’s son’s age. And S is ditching her responsibilities and passing them to s18. These are mere children who have already had too much turmoil.

Why not try telling her it is too soon for ALL parties involved and see how she reacts. It is a great way to test the relationship. It is weird and strange how calculating she is with this plan. She seems to have it all figured out and yet it’s been a few months. Why can’t she rent the commercial space from you? This is the mutually beneficial option.

I have a 14 and 16 year old and I am telling you, 2 years post my ex leaving to “find himself” it is much too soon to move them in with a man or move a man in.

Please consider the kids in all this. Someone has to do so.

Really look objectively at her decision making skills.


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Originally Posted by kml
But Dawn, Andrew is the one at risk here, not her, so it behooves him to make sure he’s covered. I would expect that regular homeowners liability coverage would not extend to a home based budiness and hecc x will need a separate policy of rider to cover that. S doesn’t have any assets so if an injured client sued her for a slip and fall they wouldn’t get anything. But if they sue Andrew he could lose his house and assets. So he really needs to buy the policy and get reimbursed by her, rather than rely on her to make the payments.


Oh I get that, totally. That is why I said I applaud his efforts to cover himself. However, in my mind, this is something that SHE should be thinking about and discussing as well. I didn’t even mention his relying on her for payment because he does need to cover himself, but she shouldn’t be absolved of all responsibility for her own business in his house.


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Andrew,

What happens if the Turkish Taco Lady shows up at your doorstep with poetry book in hand and requests a place to store her stuff and a bed to sleep on?

Think it couldn't happen? No one would've dreamed that Harry and Meghan would be moving to Canada. Things happen. Just sayin'.

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Wow, you don't pay attention for a day and look what happens! We are BURNING through this thread.

Andrew.. oh dear, sweet Andrew... I love you. This is coming from a place of love and concern.

WHAT THE H#LL ARE YOU THINKING? I want to channel Olympia Dukakis in Moonstruck and smack you up side the head while saying, "SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!" There are so very many points made by everyone else which I pray you've given consideration.

Remember the reality of Dulcinea, not Don Quixote's romanticized view of her... I'm not in the least implying that S is a prostitute, so get that straight right now. I'm saying directly that You are Don Quixote. You are looking for a woman to rescue. Try to let the fumes of the honeymoon phase of your relationship dissipate a bit to really look at S objectively. Forget please any considerations but your own and your son's. Those come first.

You do not put yourself first, to the point of endangering your health. I read a lot about what you both "want to get done" and how a walk isn't on the priority list.

Is a trip to the hospital on your priority list?

Is a heart attack on your priority list?

Said another way: you may not be able to get anything else on the list done if you don't put your health first. GO FOR A WALK EVERY DAY!!!! This isn't a ramble because you're bored and want to look at the pretty flowers. This is something you MUST do to STAY ALIVE.

Cheese n Rice Andrew.. this is your HEALTH.. I'm not even going to get into the other stuff, and believe me I could go on for quite a while about the other stuff. Others have already said plenty, quite eloquently I might add.

I feel like I'm watching a train slowly going off the tracks, picking up speed as it does so. We all want to push you out of the way of that train my friend, but only you have the ability to save yourself.


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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ What bttrfly said!!!!!!!!!


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Q: What's stranger than Andrew's mating habits?

A: Deep fried sushi poutine.

For real. Deep fried sushi poutine; it's like a culinary oxymoron.

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Originally Posted by doodler
Andrew,

What happens if the Turkish Taco Lady shows up at your doorstep with poetry book in hand and requests a place to store her stuff and a bed to sleep on?

Think it couldn't happen? No one would've dreamed that Harry and Meghan would be moving to Canada. Things happen. Just sayin'.
I already have the complete works of William Topaz McGonagall (the better known antecedent to Minerva McGonagall) I particularly love the rendition of his classic "The Tay Bridge Disaster" by "The Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre". I also have an unread copy of the Spoon River Anthology courtesy of The Gutenberg Project. To the best of my knowledge an interpretation of it has not as yet been attempted by kilt wearing socks. But then again, how could a sock wear pants. The chances of TTL showing up on my door are I think even lower than my ex-wife stopping by to ask for my pancake recipe. I do though historically try to keep a bed made up in one of the spare rooms for any such eventualities. I would expect that any book of poetry she would bring would be for her own consumption and not for sharing. Being as she is rather smarter than me, she'd have to explain all the big words anyway.
Originally Posted by doodler

Q: What's stranger than Andrew's mating habits?

A: Deep fried sushi poutine.

For real. Deep fried sushi poutine; it's like a culinary oxymoron.
But at least it's something that I felt comfortable googling in non-incognito mode. I do quite enjoy butter chicken poutine from New York Fries (a company that has nothing to do with New York). Multi-culturalism at it's best.

I do have a bit of a head-cold today and am dragging. I even added my own version of Wow Wow sauce to my eggs this morning to try to strip mine my sinuses
Originally Posted by wiki.lspace.org
Wow-Wow Sauce
A very potent and highly unstable condiment. One of the main problems with Wow-Wow Sauce is its tendency to turn into an explosive when mixed with charcoal, the only element of gunpowder that it lacks.


I leave you with this gem
Originally Posted by Dave The Barbarian
I knew an egg by the name of Steve
Laid by a moo-cow, I believe
Wore pants, suspenders and a tie
And only washed his face on the fifth of July
Steve took a nap in a frying pan and woke up next to sausages!

Steve the Egg, Steve the Egg
How do you wear pants without no legs
Steve the Egg, Steve the Egg
He woke up next to sausages!
I may need to actually take some cold medications methinks. Or remember if I have already.


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Originally Posted by AndrewP
I may need to actually take some cold medications methinks. Or remember if I have already.


Definitely take more meds; your last post was awesome!

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Cough, sniff, wheeze

Still struggling through this darned head-cold.

S and the kids stopped by on Thursday for a visit and I think for S to show off the place. Her D18 was impressed when she saw the master suite where I opened a door - then another one - then another one. Her D25 who was up for a visit made dinner while I got to play with the GS. They offered to stay to help clean up but it was getting late so I shooed them out the door around 9:00. As it was I woke up at 3:00 with a very stuffy head and decided to stay home yesterday. Had a nice long soak in the tub which I think helped a lot.

The cats were a bit stressed out during the visit but will probably be ok. I made a point of making sure that they didn't feel trapped and did have to rescue them a couple of times when they got on the other side of strangers and the upstairs. Liz and S's dog had a "to-do" that I think ended up at a noisy draw. S dashed off as soon as she heard them start and corralled her dog who is a small noisy thing - poodle cross I believe. Small doses. The dog has become very attached to me which might be part of the problem.

S stopped by again last night for a short visit on her way home from dropping D25 off at the train. Weekend plans were discussed and we (I) decided that Saturday will be mine to clean house, relax and drink some beer. She and the boys may be by on Sunday for dinner (ham and scalloped potatoes).

I did mention to her that I'd talked to the insurance and township people and she was a bit surprised, perhaps slightly put out but over all pleased I think that I was being thoughtful. She did mention that one of her big issues in her former marriage was that she felt that she had no voice nor control over anything. I need to watch my tendency to be a fixer.

S25 just left to head out to a buddy's stag party about 3 hours drive away. I don't expect him back until late Sunday or even possibly Monday morning. He's made plans for places to crash especially because alcohol will certainly be involved.

Doctor's appointment is Monday. I've been monitoring my blood pressure for the last week or so and it is certainly consistently elevated. My pressure cuff died though early this week and I got a wrist based one. Much more convenient. Even while it may not look like it, I do take ownership of my health and do the best I can.

So - I have the house to myself (and the cats) for the next day or so. I'll probably wander around scratching myself and burping. Ah - freedom! But first I have to go out in to a rather blustery day and get my groceries and flowers. I probably won't get out for a walk today but will put a lot of miles in inside the house dusting, scrubbing and sweeping. Tomorrow should be a good day to get out and about.

I do in many ways honestly enjoy the bachelor life. I've taken on board all the concerns and input of others and will continue on the path that I'm on with my eyes as wide open as I can manage. S is an excellent companion. Kind, caring and loving. A bit smothering at times some of which I put down to insecurity. Even if it doesn't come across in my posts I do care for her and love her dearly. It does dip in to the heady dopamine and oxytocin fueled regions but in many ways it's the comfort of knowing that she's "there" and that we are both looking to build something good together that I love. We find that we strongly compliment each other and when faced with a challenge rely on the other's different perspective to find our way through. I'm learning something too that I never had before. A trust that things will work out without having to have every last detail planned out and driven by me. It's a pretty awesome feeling. And worth giving up the ability to sit in my underwear and drink beer each evening.


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Well - I expect that people are wondering about my doctor's appt. I am at times in awe of how virtual strangers care about my well-being.

The short version is that my GP is adding a "calcium pill" to the statin and ACE inhibitor I already take. I'll take the new pill in the morning and keep taking the others in the evening to even out the effects. He's also going to send me to my cardiologist for a consult. I like my cardiologist. He's one that prefers to not do any interventions. My prior angiogram was 10 years ago so another may be ordered. I will admit that it gives me a certain amount of comfort that I can count on S to support me during that or even S25. My ex was upset at taking the day off work at the convenience store she worked at and was going to drop me off and pick me up later. Her boss "informed" her that she was taking the day off. Ah - mawwiage - that dweam within a dweam.

Sunday supper was good. S's S17 didn't come as he was working. S showed S12 the back yard for the first time which while not DnJ sized, is a decent yard. I have about a 1/4 acre total with lots of trees etc. He told his mother that she needs to marry me now wink She gave him a non-committal answer she said. This isn't the first time that he's made comments like that. I kept my mouth shut.

S25 came home from his adventures just as we were finishing up. He'd eaten on the way home and had to rush out to his poker game. He does like left-over scalloped potatoes and there's a decent amount left. We tried another variety of dealcoholized wine which was better but still not great.

We three watched some TV after dinner (Monk on Prime) and were interrupted by a group video chat from SIL2. So - my oldest sister who has the same first name as S has now met her at least virtually. I worry about my sister. She's still struggling with some serious physical and mental health issues that got worse after her husband died about 4 years ago following a very lengthy illness. She just recently was terminated from her job that she was on medical leave from - got a good package to keep her from making a fuss. She does have a good support system where she lives in another province which includes some volunteer work and good friends who regularly get her out and involve her in their lives.

Some of my family is pushing for her to move "back home". I personally don't agree and have said that. She's not lived in this province for over 20 years and other than the rather small immediate family has no support structures here. What her own opinions are, I'm not sure but she appreciates the offers but seems firmly rooted where she is.

Well - that's my update. Back to work. It's going to be a tough week. My head cold is almost better but there's going to be a lot of driving without a break. It's S's "free" weekend coming up and she's planning on being here to help celebrate Robbie Burns Day on Saturday. I'll be making a haggis substitute for her as we can't be 100% sure that the haggis I have is gluten free. She'll also need to be in another part of the house when I make the whiskey and cream sauce for S25 and I. This will be my second year doing this. I'm glad that she is supportive of my own traditions no matter how old or new or even if they are ones she can't participate in. I am working on being similarly supportive and know that I only have mixed success.


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Glad there is a clear path to get your health back in check. And, I'm SO glad that S and s25 are both going to be there to help you. Of course a lot of people care about you, Andrew. You are a very caring and genuine person yourself and when you put it out into the universe it comes back to you. That's how life is supposed to work, anyway. wink


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I am glad you visited your doctor...but we all will be much happier after you see the cardiologist. When are you seeing the cardiologist? How was your Vitamin D?

Well, my question is this...what are you thinking of giving S for Valentine's Day? A ring? Sounds like S12 is already set to move in. LOL!

Laying all jokes aside, it's good that you have S and S25 around to help you. Don't be shy in asking S's kids to help out when they are there. There is nothing wrong in them clearing the table, washing and drying dishes. If they make a mess, they should be responsible to clean it up...not you!

Take care of yourself.


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Thanks Dawn and job.

The GP didn't order any blood tests so I am unsure about vitamin D. I take generic 50+ multivitamins.

I'll probably find out about the cardiologist appointment in the next few days.

I've kept S well informed and she is concerned and she probably has the best perspective on my health going. She says that she has noticed that I am much more tired these days.

For Valentine's I am having my florist put together a bouquet for S and my friend who runs the cafe / bakery that S works at part time is doing up a basket of gluten free treats. She and one of the other staff had evil grins when I told them that they have carte blanche on decorating. It should be fun. No. No ring wink

Well - off to bed. I'm out for dinner with a friend tomorrow night, then one short day and two "very" long ones. S will be coming over on Friday night for the weekend. I told her that I will probably just crash when I get home. It will be good to come home to her to rest. Just being around her does help the stress and tension of everyday life drain away.


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Originally Posted by AndrewP
For Valentine's I am having my florist put together a bouquet for S and my friend who runs the cafe / bakery that S works at part time is doing up a basket of gluten free treats.

Andrew,

Before Valentine's Day I think you should come clean with S regarding your little secret.

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Originally Posted by doodler
Andrew,

Before Valentine's Day I think you should come clean with S regarding your little secret.
You mean ... That secret ??? I dunno man. The armadillo I might be able to explain but ....


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Originally Posted by AndrewP
You mean ... That secret ???

No, no, not that secret; the other-other secret. You know, the double-secret secret. The secret that no one knows about except for maybe a select few people and anyone that they may have told. It's the big secret that's so disturbing that everyone wants to know what it is, but they'll regret ever having knowledge of the secret. It's THAT secret.

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Originally Posted by doodler
Originally Posted by AndrewP
You mean ... That secret ???

No, no, not that secret; the other-other secret. You know, the double-secret secret. The secret that no one knows about except for maybe a select few people and anyone that they may have told. It's the big secret that's so disturbing that everyone wants to know what it is, but they'll regret ever having knowledge of the secret. It's THAT secret.
Ah THAT secret. Nope can't say a thing.

Oh - do you happen to know the correct Russian phrase for mizzen mast? Asking for a friend.

-----------

Odd / not odd occurrence last night. S, S12 and I were hanging out last night trying to decide who had the best evil laugh when S12 commented "my parents are weird" - then back-tracked and talked about his actual Dad. Made me feel good. And also a fair bit of pressure. S17 was under the weather and in his room so didn't participate.

Oh - and I think I have the best evil laugh. Comes from the diaphragm. S can do an excellent cackle. Being a redhead with a prominent birth-mark she believes that she's most of the way to being a witch anyway. S12 sounds like a baboon when trying to evil laugh but does an excellent "evil genius" impression especially when he has a cat on his lap.


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Originally Posted by AndrewP
Ah THAT secret. Nope can't say a thing.

You should be forthright with S and just go ahead and tell her that you eat your boogers. I hate mentioning that on a public forum but my hand was forced.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
Oh - do you happen to know the correct Russian phrase for mizzen mast? Asking for a friend.

I had no idea what a mizzenmast is until I googled it just now. This is what google said about the Russian word for mizzenmast: бизань-мачта. I know that's not what you wanted, but it's the best I can do.

I am learning all about fiber-foam core composites. I've noticed that there aren't many catamarans in the 24 to 36 foot range (weekender size). I suspect that's because they're too wide to trailer. I'm really itching to build a catamaran.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
Oh - and I think I have the best evil laugh.

I'm not surprised. Anyone who'd keep the booger eating secret from his girlfriend would certainly have an evil laugh (and green teeth).

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I'm disappointed. Feeling pretty let down. I just KNEW the secret was going to be that Andrew is on double secret probation. I mean, your clues even leaned that way, doodler. So, so sad now. Do they let you off of that after they get the horse out of the dean's office? I have always wondered. I like our dean so I think I'm going to skip putting a horse in her office, though I have access to horses...…...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. All I know for sure is fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life. wink


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Originally Posted by Dawn70
I'm disappointed. Feeling pretty let down. I just KNEW the secret was going to be that Andrew is on double secret probation.

I'm hanging my head in shame. The truth is I was never in Delta. I couldn't make the cut. My only claim to fame is that I camp-out on Andrew's thread.

Originally Posted by Dawn70
All I know for sure is fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.

I'm deeply offended by your statement; I'm neither fat nor drunk.

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Totally not my original statement. Advice from Dean Wormer that I just try to live by, but I totally missed the mark on the fat part. I try not to be stupid and I'm not drunk ALL the time, so maybe there is hope for me. But, if you are offended, try leaving a horse in the dean's office.....I hear that works out well for folks.


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Originally Posted by Dawn70
Totally not my original statement. Advice from Dean Wormer that I just try to live by, but I totally missed the mark on the fat part. I try not to be stupid and I'm not drunk ALL the time, so maybe there is hope for me. But, if you are offended, try leaving a horse in the dean's office.....I hear that works out well for folks.

I try not to be stooped too, but...

Speaking of Dean Wormer, I remember that other collegiate movie with Dean Jones (not the actor, the dean's last name was Jones). My favorite line from the movie,which is germane to this forum, was when the main character was asking a female professor for a date, he said, "Why don't you call me sometime when you have no class?" That's the perfect pick-up line.

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That is a similar running joke to one that Sparky and I have had for awhile. He gets a break from work at 8:15 and usually texts me during that break. I have class at 8:00 on Tuesday and Thursday (this semester, but other days in past semesters), so he'll forget I'm in class and when I don't respond, he'll reply with something along the lines of "are you too classy to talk to me now?" This morning he remembered I was in class but texted anyway that he hoped I was being classy, so I had to respond with "classy AF, baby". wink Lord but we are goofballs.


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Originally Posted by Dawn70
"classy AF, baby"

I hope you're not planning to run for public office.

I wish Andrew would get his own freakin' thread. This is getting ridiculous.

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Found in the DB archives - probably should be posted to LH's thread
Quote
As a new, young MD doing his residency, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied, 'No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'

Checks out the window - yep - plant still seems to be operating - back to work...


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Originally Posted by doodler
Originally Posted by Dawn70
"classy AF, baby"

I hope you're not planning to run for public office.

I wish Andrew would get his own freakin' thread. This is getting ridiculous.



I'm considering a run for something, but just not sure what yet. Clearly, queen of poutine is out since I would think one would have to actually like poutine to be the queen of it.

Totally agree about Andrew getting his own thread...…...so ricockulous!


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By the way, Andrew, speaking of poutine, there is a French fry food truck in a nearby city and I happened to see a menu for it today and noticed that poutine is a regular feature. I'm curious, since you all don't really know how to make gravy, what they use as gravy on poutine here...…………..I may have to go try it just for comparison as I have had an actual Canadian poutine (thus my knowledge of not liking them).


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Originally Posted by Dawn70
By the way, Andrew, speaking of poutine, there is a French fry food truck...

I've never eaten poutine or boogers, but I have heard that they have a similar flavor. Can anyone confirm that?

I have that d@mn song in my head, "I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener..."

Just 28 more posts and we'll be ready for a new thread...oh yeah!

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Where is exquisitetobe when I need her .... She undoubtedly makes an excellent poutine.

I think Irish is from La Belle Province as well. I just visit there and complain about the traffic in Montreal. We sold our warehouse there last year so not sure when the next time is that I'll visit.


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Lol..
Exquisitetobe does make an excellent poutine. The best!!
But she is a conflict avoidant lady therefor, she hangs around fb and visit here silently. smile

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Je préfère la poutine écossaise-chinoise même si elle a un goût de boogers de soja.

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I didn't know boogers was a French word. Look at me learning something new today. wink


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Originally Posted by Dawn70
I didn't know boogers was a French word.

Yep, but the French butcher a perfectly good word by pronouncing it boo-gair. As in, " Monsieur you're a simpleton swine; you have a boo-gair in your mustache."

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Originally Posted by SIR BEDEVERE
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
Sad news that Terry Jones has had his last thin mint.

Originally Posted by Seasons and Suppers
Poutine Gravy:
3 Tbsp cornstarch
2 Tbsp water
6 Tbsp unsalted butter
1/4 cup unbleached all purpose flour
20 oz beef broth
10 oz chicken broth
Pepper, to taste

Instructions
In a small bowl, dissolve the cornstarch in the water and set aside.
In a large saucepan, melt the butter. Add the flour and cook, stirring regularly, for about 5 minutes, until the mixture turns golden brown.
Add the beef and chicken broth and bring to a boil, stirring with a whisk. Stir in about HALF the cornstarch mixture and simmer for a minute or so. If you'd like your gravy thicker, add a more of the cornstarch mixture, in small increments, as needed, to thicken. Season with pepper. Taste and add additional salt, if necessary, to taste.


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Unsalted butter and unbleached flour don't exist in Southern kitchens....just saying...………..And, down here, we make our gravy with stuff that doesn't require cornstarch slurry to thicken it. Don't get me wrong, I have made some you could spackle walls with, but mine is usually pretty good.


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Excusez-moi Monsieur Doodler but boo-gair would be the pronounciation of France.
Here, we say boo-gueur.

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Originally Posted by exquisitetobe
Excusez-moi Monsieur Doodler but boo-gair would be the pronounciation of France.
Here, we say boo-gueur.

I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to be culturally insensitive. Everything I know about Canada I learned from Andrew. Ultimately Andrew is to blame.

All this talk of boogers is making me hungry.

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Originally Posted by doodler
Ultimately Andrew is to blame.
Channeling my ex-wife now doodler?

Best go to Dave's Pizza Garage for some poutine. Although they use mozzarella and not curds. What do you expect though from a part of the world that can't manage to make a decent cup of tea laugh

My daughter also remarked that since she left Canada that it's been pretty much impossible to find good fries. Since she's still not (quite) talking to me I've not heard if she has had any luck in San Diego.

Her husband's ship just came back from a 10 month deployment so I expect she's not talking to "anybody" for quite a few days ....

Excuse me while I go research cookie recipes so that job will allow me to have another thread.


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Sugar Cookie French Fries

Ingredients
1.25 cup unsalted butter
1.25 cup sugar
1.50 tsp vanilla extract
2 eggs
3.5 cup flour
1 tsp baking powder
0.5 tsp salt

Directions
1. Preheat oven to 375 °F.

2. In a medium bowl, combine flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside.

3. In a stand mixer, cream butter, sugar and vanilla until light and fluffy. Add eggs one at a time. Add flour mixture and blend until combined.

4. Remove dough from mixer, wrap in plastic wrap and chill for half an hour.

5. Once chilled, divide dough into 2 parts. Roll dough between 2 sheets of parchment paper until it’s approximately 1 centimeter thick. Chill sheets of dough for half an hour.

6. Once chilled, remove top sheet of parchment cut into strips of difference lengths to resemble French fries. Place onto a parchment lined cookie sheet and bake for 10-12 minutes.

7. To serve, sprinkle with sugar to resemble salt and use buttercream icing dyed with red food coloring to resemble ketchup.

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You could die the buttercream brown to resemble Canadian "gravy" and there you go....poutine. Doodler is clearly a closet fan since he whipped out that recipe so quickly.


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Originally Posted by Dawn70
You could die the buttercream brown to resemble Canadian "gravy" and there you go....poutine.

Dawn is spot-on (as usual). Just add Nestlé's white chocolate morels (cheese curds) and voilà, you have authentic dessert poutine. What's even better is that it's versatile. Instead of putting white chocolate morsels on it, you can use candy corn, and suddenly it becomes a poop cake (you know, with corn). What could be better than poutine poop cake with candy corn?

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Top google result for : how many types of poutine are there?

Home to over 107 different types of poutine and the largest poutine menu in Canada, this local Peterborough has everything your imagination can come up with. On their whopping 3-page poutine menu you'll find a Big Mac poutine, perogie poutine, a Krabby Patty poutine and many, many

Here come the question: Andrew, how far is Peterborough from your office out of town?

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I never knew poutine could be such a topic of conversation

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Originally Posted by exquisitetobe
Top google result for : how many types of poutine are there?

Home to over 107 different types of poutine and the largest poutine menu in Canada, this local Peterborough has everything your imagination can come up with. On their whopping 3-page poutine menu you'll find a Big Mac poutine, perogie poutine, a Krabby Patty poutine and many, many

Here come the question: Andrew, how far is Peterborough from your office out of town?

We have a plant in Colborne that is on my list to visit this spring. Great pies at The Big Apple. Peterborough is I think kinda on the way home from there.

It's not the variety that matters IMO - it's the care and quality ingredients that do. Even in Montreal I only ever had one poutine that was worth the effort. Just like the best pea soup I've ever had was up in the Abbatibi.


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Since I've given up on having any control of this thread, I thought I'd ruminate, cogitate and perhaps lactate some. It's my last day before this office I'm visiting closes and there's not a lot to do. Tomorrow I'm in the "downtown" office beginning my even longer commute regularly to that site.

On another forum a few of us have been posting before / after pictures. I chose as my before being out with my ex on our 26th wedding anniversary in the fall of 2015. I edited her face out of the picture, replacing it with a poop emoji. Seemed appropriate. The last anniversary we had as a couple. A decent enough day. We went for a hike and played mini-golf. She wasn't very interested in doing anything much so it was a bit of a bust of a day. She took a few "glamour / we're so happy" shots for social media and then we went home. I figure that was right at the beginning of her slide in to her affair. Last I heard those shots of us together as a happy couple were some of the most recent on her social media feed still.

What hit me though was the actual effort that it takes to think back to my "before" life. We talk about a "fog" here from time to time as it relates to our former partners and TBH, a lot of the life that I had back then is indeed rather foggy. Did we for example have Sunday Suppers as a "thing?". I know that in the last number of years it wasn't much of a thing especially since the dining room including the table was packed tight with "stuff" and was essentially unusable. My ex rarely felt like putting the effort in for a special meal. I can see glimpses of particular events and have a general feel for the rhythm of my before life, but it is elusive and vague.

Odd. Undoubtedly not something that really matters, but the fact that the greater bulk of my adult life is just vague memories is in some ways disturbing.

And keep in mind that in my profession, a detailed and lengthy memory is important. I can still tell you for example about the circumstances that required us to start diluting our tanks of nitric acid quite some years ago and even generally who said what in that meeting.

A dear friend who recently resurfaced after a trying time of her own once told me that she would know I was healed when I was defined more by what is in front of me than what was behind.

I suppose this feeling of vagueness about my past is a good thing?

----------------------

I'm working through feelings about seeing the presence of B again. She's still not blocked me on social media and I would presume that she won't. She didn't have much of a life outside of work, grand-kids and her cottage so the chances of us bumping in to each other is minimal. I suppose, just like with any past relationship where you have fond memories that that "itch" exists. I know that it cannot be scratched. S is aware of the existence of B and in general the reasons why that didn't work out. I do expect that B knows about S at least in general since we bumped in to her brother-in-law at a festival around Christmas as a "family" and from what I understand, the best way to spread information in an Italian family is to give one of them a juicy tidbit that nobody else knows.

The time with B is over and is over for many good reasons. You can't help but feel nostalgic for the good times though...

---------------------

I know that it bothers S when I refer to myself as single lately and she's "corrected" me more than once in recent times. There certainly isn't any public information out there on social media to indicate otherwise. She historically puts very little of her life "out there" and I'm choosing to follow her lead on that. We "are" all going to Niagara to celebrate S12 turning into S13 in a couple of weeks. I expect that there will be group shots involved.

S told me that she talked to her STBX recently and directly confirmed that she's seeing someone and has gotten the divorce paperwork at least started. I feel pretty bad for the guy. From the little I know he's not let go of her potentially coming back. Not that he actually seems to have made any efforts to work on himself, nor on actively trying to attract her back. He would - from what I understand - send her a text every once in a while suggesting that they "try again".

She was - using the descriptions we have here - a pretty classic WAW. He treated her like an appliance that cooked and cleaned and had no place in any decision making. Any thoughts she had were shot down and she would be lectured at length about her shortcoming. When S actually did that a bit over a year ago, nothing had changed in the reasons why she left.

The overall impression I get of him is that he is very lazy at least relationship-wise. S was his third marriage. They lived together for about a year I think and got married in 2012. They never celebrated a first anniversary. He's made no effort to be part of the lives of any of the kids either that I am aware of although S's D18 and her dog (and boyfriend and another friend) have moved in with him as they had few other options once S's landlady objected to the additional dog. A subject of much complaining by him from what I understand.

Personally, I believe, like many here, that S has been waiting to be sure that I'm not going anywhere before completely closing the door on her Plan B. She says that's not the case and I am in some ways obliged to believe her. It doesn't really make too much difference and it may be what she actually believes. Mind-reading isn't my forte.

--------------------------

So I have a plan to get rid of at least some of 20 Something's stuff. I've floated it by S and she's thinking about it. Unlike in the past number of years, I've not just acted on it but am waiting for S's input especially since it in part involves her.

The key items that are in my plan are an old love-seat and recliner that are in my front porch. The same front porch that S will be wanting to use as a commercial space "eventually". The plan is for me to offer to buy said furniture from 20S for like $50. A fairly decent price all things considered. This furniture could then be donated to S25 for when he moves out on his own if he wants it - planned for a few months from now, S's D18 when she moves in to her own place planned for this summer / fall, or put in S's apartment replacing the "very" old and rather beat up couch she has there.

As a fall-back position, putting it on the side of the road marked "free" is also an option.

A decision should hopefully be made this weekend. Yes, paying for it seems bizarre. Certainly a lot less than the cost of storage and it gives 20S some easy cash and would be a drama free exchange. If she says no - then I'll push on her harder to get a storage locker or another place to put it.

---------------------

I'm thinking of making a list of random places to visit. The English Museum of Rural Life located in Reading, UK has one of the truly best social media feeds going and I think has inspired other museums to be more creative in how they engage with the community. I'm sure it's a decent museum as well. Greenwich to view the Harrison clocks they have on display. I was a big fan of Patrick O'Brian's novels and there are lots of random places mentioned that would be worth visiting both within and without the UK. Madeira was on the list for my ex and I. She quite liked their signature wine - not sure I would bother now though despite the rich history of the island as a transit point for all sorts of expeditions. S's oldest son lives south of Brisbane. My daughter is in San Diego. From San Diego there's easy access to LA. There are of course massive amounts of Canada have yet to be wompled much less coddled. And of course, limited budget.

-------------------

This weekend I'll be celebrating Robbie Burns Day with a haggis, neeps and tatties. When I pulled the haggis out of the freezer this morning it was labeled as a "haggis ball". Sheesh - I'd always thought that a haggis was a wee beastie. By the looks of the ball, it would be either about 14' tall or have to walk very very carefully laugh


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Holy freakin' cheese curds Batman! I just found out that McDonald's serves poutine in Canada. Oh McNo! It's McPoutine. Poutine just got grosser. Here's to spewing fries and lung butter all over the clean sidewalks of Canada.

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Andrew,

I'm sorry I've screwed-up your thread again. You posted just before my last poutine post. No harm, no foul?

Originally Posted by AndrewP
I'm working through feelings about seeing the presence of B again.

All B ever wanted was your house your money and your nut dust.

I'll have a more comprehensive post responding to your most recent post sometime in the next 24 hours or so. It takes me all day to read your posts. It's not so much that I'm a slow reader, it's my comprehension that's lacking. No worries though, we'll get through this thread in no time.

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OMG....doodler, you LITERALLY made me laugh out loud with your "Oh McNo!" line. I mean, if my office door were open, students would be walking past wondering what I was guffawing about. As it is the door is closed because the heat is out in our building and it is slightly akin to a Canadian winter in the hallway. No sign of a poutine stand, though. Whew! As for blowing through Andrew's thread, thanks for helping him out.

Andrew, Andrew, my dear Andrew...………...so so many comments from your recent post. Some I'll keep to myself because while I think they are funny, they may not translate across written media and may just come across as snarky and since you are one of my most favorite people here, I do not want to be snarky.

I totally get what you are saying about the fog we experience where X's are concerned. When I think back on my previously married life, there are many things that seem a blur. Sure, I can remember bits and pieces of good times, but I can also remember the times my XH was selfish, self-absorbed and a downright a$$hat. To be fair, though, I can remember times when I was a selfish b!tch, so there is that. It wasn't all wine and roses but it wasn't all vinegar and thorns either. I kind of like the fog. It allows me to have good memories without having to give too much thought to a person who destroyed my life.

As far as B, I actually kind of agree with doodler, though I might have been a little less crass in my description. While I think B was a lovely lady and had a fondness for you, I think it was more about a fondness for the comfort you could offer her that she was unused to. While I understand the fog surrounding your XW, I am not as understanding of you still feeling a pull toward B. Not saying you aren't allowed to feel that way, certainly, but just that I don't really get it, but I don't have that warm fuzzy feeling for any exes, so that is probably why I don't see your vision on this one. I get that B hasn't blocked you but that doesn't mean that you can't block her if it is getting up in your feelings. You really don't have to remain friends with an x who you are over and done with.

As far as your being "single", I totally almost called you out on that on facebook the other day, but didn't. I get that S doesn't like to put her personal life out there, but you are most definitely NOT single and if I was in S's shoes, I wouldn't like it either, so I get why she has taken you to task for it. Stop calling yourself single. I get that she is still technically married so it makes it awkward to call her your girlfriend, but you are totally not a footloose and fancy free single dude at this point.

About the stored stuff of your young friend. Dude, you are a very kind and generous soul. You already have the stuff, so why would you offer her $50 for it? Particularly if you are going to give it to someone else? Let S25 make his own furniture decisions if and when he is ready to move out and if HE wants to offer her $50 for it, then let him. If S wants it for her place, then let her offer the girl money, but YOU should not offer her money after you have basically saved her paying storage fees for, what...over a year now? I get you are wanting/trying to help this girl and that is very noble, but at some point, she has to help herself and she clearly is going to leave her stuff as long as you don't push her to move it. You mentioned talking about a storage place with her. Come on now, Andrew....that isn't going to happen and you know it. You'll suggest it, she'll say she can't afford it, then you'll say oh well, it isn't in my way...I have plenty of space. And down the road everyone will go. She clearly doesn't need or want the stuff if it has been in your possession all this time, so go ahead and put it out with free signs. Yeah, you can tell her you're doing that just so she can come get stuff if she wants it, but I bet she won't bother. It will be a much more freeing thing than you think if you will just set her stuff free and reclaim those parts of your house. I guarantee you, if you don't do it now, S will take care of it when she moves in. You are a good egg, Andrew, but you bed WAY too far over backwards for people and they take advantage of it. I would bet good money that if you just gave away or put out with free signs all of her stuff and just never mentioned it again, neither would she. Leaving you with her burden relieved her of it in her mind.


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Good Morning Andrew

I agree with Dawn. You are not single. Best be changing your mindset to boyfriend.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
My daughter also remarked that since she left Canada that it's been pretty much impossible to find good fries. Since she's still not (quite) talking to me I've not heard if she has had any luck in San Diego.

That’s unfortunate. Daughter not talking to you, not the fries. Although fries are awesome, especially good fries.

I do recall the particulars you shared regarding this. It’s been a while. I do hope things get ironed out between you two before those wrinkles set in.

I hope your new downtown office has a nice view.

Have a great day.

DnJ


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Andrew,

I couldn't decide if I should post this on your thread or my thread; I don't know what would be best.

Anyway, you probably know about my poutine obsession. I've never actually eaten authentic poutine, but it's something I can't stop thinking about. I should probably get professional help. Regardless, I went down to the cafeteria during lunch and I asked the guy if they had poutine. He said they do indeed have poutime as long as I didn't mind having it without gravy and cheese curds. I told him that would be fine. And, I have to say, the poutine was better than I would've expected. You should try poutine without gravy and cheese curds sometime, it's really good.

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Lolol

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Originally Posted by doodler
I couldn't decide if I should post this on your thread or my thread; I don't know what would be best.

Anyway, you probably know about my poutine obsession. I've never actually eaten authentic poutine, but it's something I can't stop thinking about. I should probably get professional help. Regardless, I went down to the cafeteria during lunch and I asked the guy if they had poutine. He said they do indeed have poutime as long as I didn't mind having it without gravy and cheese curds. I told him that would be fine. And, I have to say, the poutine was better than I would've expected. You should try poutine without gravy and cheese curds sometime, it's really good.
I took a look and your current thread has been active for 170 days and counting. The prior one for 275 days. It seems like a shame to sully such well aged threads with the mundane.

I am unsurprised that your poutine experience has been satisfying to you - to paraphrase Colonel Nathan R. Jessup "You can't handle the curds!". I do truly hope that you didn't make use of "Sauce Americano" - aka ketchup.

I'm (sort of) moved in to my downtown office. I left home at around 6:15 and got in here at 9:30. Lighter than usual traffic. There's a transient spot that will probably become "mine" - at least according to the controller who told me to use it. It used to be her desk before her second last promotion. 13th floor cubicle with a window. One of the walls is padded and one is at least 100' above a busy street. The view is nice at least. I can see right in to some of the apartments around - so glad that I don't live in such a place - although as I joked to S the other day - I'm the reason my neighbours have curtains. The plan is for me to be here 2 days / week. Admin staff is pleased that we can save courier costs by sending stuff back and forth with me between here and the acid plant I also spend time at.

Bored bored bored. So many things are on hold right now with a variety of changes happening plus the usual nonsense around a year-end. Given the industry that I'm in, quiet is generally a good thing though. I need to look a bit harder and perhaps expand my role some more. I'm confident still on my job security though but know that I need to be seen to be adding value.

I just saw a thing on Facebook that the young lad who is staying with my next door neighbour just built a 5' high snow penis on her front deck facing the street. Ah - youth. B's step-daughter is part of the "crowd" around my neighbour's daughter and had a laugh at it. I never met this young woman though and she wasn't close to her step-mom. Small world indeed though.

I haven't heard from S all day - a message I sent her earlier in the day is unread. Unusual, but not alarming. The local school board is on strike and she's undoubtedly busy with the boys. And I suspect that she's doing a bunch of organizing of stuff she wants me to do for / with her for the weekend. I did hear back from the township and there is no additional licensing / paperwork necessary to operate a home based business like S's out of the house. She does tarot and aura readings and also runs workshops on vision boards etc as part of that side hustle. Having a space that she has more control over vs her prior space will undoubtedly be helpful. My friend who I had dinner with on Tuesday assured me that my relationship with S was undoubtedly "in the cards". I forwarded the email to S so that we have it on file that the township has no issues. I did try to find any relevant bylaws on signage but couldn't see any at that government level. S will undoubtedly be well informed.

Ah well - back to the grind.

TL;DR - I'm bored and haven't had any poutine all day.


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So I figured out how to blow this thread right out of the water.

She said yes.


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Yes to what?

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Well, since it was her idea to move in, I don’t think that’s it. So, yes to what????


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Don’t tell us you’ve popped the question?

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Originally Posted by Westo
Don’t tell us you’ve popped the question?


I hope to god Andrew would not ask a married woman to marry him!!!

Maybe it just has to do with poutine

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Ok, Andrew...this is post 101. Thread finished so spill the beans! (Or should I say spill the tea to make myself sound younger and hipper?)


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Last edited by job; 01/30/20 10:03 PM. Reason: added link to new thread

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The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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