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Joined: Dec 2019
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Thanks L,
Definitely easier said than done.
Today was definitely not an easy day, and I really didn’t do well at listening or validating. I did a bit but also displayed defensiveness, anger and some silence. We closed on our house today. What normally should be a joyous occasion was not really. We talked a lot today, which started off good but devolved into H pointing out all my faults, defending his family’s behaviors towards me and not owning any of his part in it. So, I got defensive and I’m still angry, and then he comes up to me tonight wanting to see how I’m doing. Really??? You just ripped me apart and you want to see how I’m feeling. DUH!
Im frustrated and tired

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Ok, I could use a 2x4 please.
H has said that now he has come back and sacrificed his dream to come back, that he will be planning regular trips to go back to his family, and that these will include solo trips, trips with our oldest and or trips with our two sons, and maybe eventually a whole family trip (as long as I play nice)
It brings up feelings in me of resentfulness, anger and jealousy and feeling like I’m on the outside of him and his family.
So, give it to me straight, and any advice to handle that. I realize these feelings may be a little off and I’m trying to display a more mature response.
Thanks

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Hi Phoenix,

I think most of us would have similar feelings. This isn't something that will likely happen next week or in the next couple of months. I wouldn't get too hung up on that at the moment. For now, take one day at a time. Try to relax and breath, otherwise you are going to overwhelm yourself.

I don't think it would be productive to continue a discussion about his travel plans now, unless he is buying airline tickets. My suggestion would be to focus on today.


Me:45 ExW:48
M:04/97
3 Bombs & 2 ReCons
1st BD 11/10
D Finalized 4/20
D-16 S-14
Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
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Update:
Hi all,
It’s been a couple of weeks since I posted. We moved into our new home, it does need cosmetic work and some remodeling, but a lot of that can be done over time. However, H isnt happy about that, but he’s steadily doing the work. We’ve had some calm times and some good times, with few blow outs. The kids are settling into school again which is good.
However, today, I knew something was off with him. I finally asked him this evening if something was upsetting him. And he spewed. How unhappy he was, how he’s doesn’t want to be here, he’s back in the same situation, he has no career prospects here, he’s an outsider in my side of the family (not true), why didn’t I try to be more positive after we moved, blame, blame, blame. I pretty much just stood there and listened. I knew there wasn’t anything I could say that would make a difference. So I left to get my oldest at his friends house and the friends mom happens to be one of my best friends, so I stayed to have a nice chat. I came home and he’s still in a frosty, foul mood. And he’s been talking to his family on text all day. So I have no idea what they’re saying to him. But I get [censored] on because he doesn’t want to look within himself for the answers.
One concerning thing that does keep popping up is that he’s had some panic moments, and expressed he’s heard into a depression. What do I do? How do I help? I think he needs professional help.

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^^^ sorry about the censored word! I didn’t realize I typed that

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