New to the club

[Taz]

D,

Currently I am standing for my beliefs and values. I made a commitment that I want to keep. My feelings on this may change in the future. I also want to teach my sons that you need patience and that some things in life are extremely hard. You need to forgive people who hurt you in order to move forward.

My maternal grandmother had a multiple issues and was in and out of mental health facilities. She had multiple personalities and put my grandad through a lot. Most of this was kept a secret from my mother and aunt. When she finally passed my granddad moved on and remarried quite quickly and some family members were pissed. 15 years later on his death bed he finally told my mom everything that was going on including how she was adopted through some shady back channels. My mother asked him why did you stay with her? He replied �When a man makes a commitment he keeps it, and who would of taken care of you and your sister if I left.� He was a saint.

Now I don�t plan on following his lead and being a martyr but I have the utmost respect for him and hope my sons feel the same way about me in the future.



Taz

[DnJ]

Good Morning Taz

Well said my friend. Much respect.

Keeping commitments; at times life is hard; forgiving - I�m sure your sons respect you and their respect will only grow.

How not to be a martyr? Live your beliefs and values. I think you are doing that by the way.

Martyrdom, like victimhood, is a tough thing to shake. It�s kind of insidious the way it permeates and ensnares. It�s easy to die for one�s convictions. Living our beliefs and values is a much more rewarding path.

You are an excellent role model for your boys. A fine example of a man.

D

[Taz]

Today is my 24th wedding anniversary. Will not be making the same mistake as last year and messaging STBXW. I will just reflect on the positives that came from our former R and enjoy this beautiful day.

2 year BD anniversary will be in 3 weeks. I will be with a group of friends in the Florida Keys having a great time just like last year.

Still standing,

Taz

[kml]

Just curious, Taz - why exactly are you still standing? Not being facetious, genuinely interested. Since your wife showed a serious serious character flaw in the way she moved out - why do you want her back? Unless you believe she is mentally ill and not responsible for her actions? I mean - she PLANNED to move everything out while you were on a trip.

Some of us were unknowingly married to people with Dark Triad features - narcissism or sociopathy. There's only two types of people who would plan a move like that - someone who was being abused, or someone who had dark triad character defects. Even someone in full blown mania wouldn't normally be able to plan so cunningly. Hence why I ask why you are standing?

[Taz]

KML,

Good question and one I ask myself often. Maybe I’m in denial but I consider her to be mentally ill as it runs in her family. Her mother had a similar episode at the same age, quit her job moved many states away without telling any one. She came back albeit too early and repeated this two more times before she moved back for good. She seems fine now. When life gets hard they all seem to run away in lieu of working on the problem. They are all conflict avoidant.

My stand is for me and my values. I want my sons to respect me. They currently support my decision. I know this may all change in the future but for now this is working for me.

Taz

[Eagle3]

That's because they have been thaught to avoid their problems.
So they simply run and think if they don't look at it, it will go away, until they reach a point where they can't run anymore. For some people this is never unfortunately, but most do.

Good for you Taz.

Since you are in a good place and live the best live you can currently I guess standing is working for you.

[DnJ]

Hello Taz

Sounds like you have found balance and peace. Well done!

Keep shinning.

D

[BL42]

Taz,

Saw you online the other night and read through your sitch. How are things going? Has anything further happened on the divorce process?

[Taz]

BL,

Thank for following. As matter of fact I finally received a settlement offer on 12/27. It only took 11 months. Found a couple of errors that they will need to fix and countered to their requests with what I feel is a fair offer. If they accept I will sign. If not I will hire a lawyer.

STBXW has not seen S22 or S20 since Mother’s Day. She dropped off Xmas gifts for both on the front porch on 1/7. She only lives 3 miles away seems odd she waited till both were gone and won’t be back for a couple months.

I’m still galling and becoming more detached every day.

Taz

[DnJ]

Hello Taz

Found a couple of errors that they will need to fix and countered to their requests with what I feel is a fair offer. If they accept I will sign. If not I will hire a lawyer.

Who is “they”? STBXW and OM; or her and L?

Before signing any agreement let a lawyer look it over.

Her dropping off Christmas gifts after the kids left is likely intentional. As is her timing of the settlement agreement being sent to you.

I’m glad the proposed settlement is fair and has a reasonable chance of being accepted by both parties. There are plenty of multi-year horror stories out there. Of course, 11 months isn’t short either. (Well, 2 1/2 years all considered.) A long time to be in financial limbo.

Keep doing you my friend.

D