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#2877668 12/26/19 04:00 PM
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Here’s the link to my last thread:


Well, Christmas was good, everyone was happy with their presents. My BFF and her son and her sister came for turkey dinner and it was a nice time.

My oldest two had dinner on Xmas eve with their dad which seemed to go ok. I did learn a couple of interesting/disturbing factoids.

1) My one son who has been diagnosed with joint hypermobility syndrome/Ehlers Danlos hypermobility type told his father about this new diagnosis several months ago. Yet when said son called my ex’s wife last month to ask for work advice (they’re in the same field) she had heard nothing about his diagnosis! Seriously? Your son has a potentially life-altering diagnosis and you don’t even mention it to your wife?

2) Apparently they were having toasted pine nuts on their salad and when same son mentioned how good they were, ex commented how this was a special treat because they couldn’t afford them except on special occasions. Now granted, pine nuts are expensive these days, but I’m pretty sure that a couple bucks for a handful of pine nuts in a green salad is not breaking his bank. (Especially since he and his wife eat like birds). My guess is that now that he’s approaching semi-retirement, he’s taking a look at what things cost for the first time and having a panic reaction. (Remember, he will have twice my income while I’m working full time and he’s working per diem, and when we’re both fully retired he will still have twice my income. )

Whatever. I’m sad that he’s having a negative effect on my kids but otherwise - not my problem.

Here’s to forging ahead into a better 2020!

kml #2877677 12/26/19 04:51 PM
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Merry Christmas KML. Sounds like you had a really nice time. Your ex’s comments about the pine nuts was strange. Perhaps he was subtly warning your son not to ask him for any future financial assistance?? Who knows. My XH makes similar comments and he is living in a two-income household. He told SD20 last year when she was going through a tough stretch financially that he couldn’t help her out ($100) and then jetted off to Hawaii with OW a few days later. It’s really all about priorities and my XH’s priorities have always been “me, myself and I” so not overly surprising... but consistently disappointing...for our kids. Sounds like your XH is similar in that regard. Good thing your kids have you to turn to. (((HUGS)))

kml #2877685 12/26/19 05:15 PM
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It should be no surprise to us when these guys act selfishly or irresponsibly. It’s not like we were trying to salvage normal universal marital issues. These were people that left their families in really cruel and manipulative ways. Most of them would have been sued if they acted the way they did in a business relationship.

We just married disordered people. It’s scary how many of them are out there. Doctors,engineers, educated normal appearing people that are just so unbelievably selfish wearing some nice sheep skins.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
kml #2877689 12/26/19 05:36 PM
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Yeah DV I wouldn’t be surprised if after all this and his claims that he’s too broke to help son, he goes off on some big international trip with his wife to celebrate his partial retirement. (I keep saying partial because while he is taking his early full retirement, he will undoubtedly be working per diem 2-3 days a week ).

And yeah, maybe the pine nuts thing was a dig at son’s spending, or son’s weight, or just another attempt to convince son he’s too broke to help him because he’s too broke to buy pine nuts.

I think that’ll be my new name for my ex - Pine Nuts. “Have you met my ex? Jane, meet Pine Nuts. Pine Nuts, meet Jane”. Lol.

kml #2878102 12/30/19 04:35 PM
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Well, I finally watched that movie Gloria Bell with Julianne Moore. It had gotten good reviews when it first came out, but honestly I don’t get it. (Warning - spoiler alert).

Gloria is a single woman, divorced for ten years with two adult children. She likes to go dancing at a club. (Mind you, no clubs like this exist anywhere in the US - full of good looking 50-60 something straight men dancing to 80’s music).

She meets a guy there who invites her out to lunch and claims to be divorced for a year after having gastric bypass surgery and losing a ton of weight. A romance ensues.

Trouble in paradise - his adult daughters call and text him a lot - Gloria resents that. Gloria brings BF to a family party where her ex and his new wife are present - she’s very friendly with her ex and kind of ignores the BF, so he sneaks out and goes home. They break up, get back together, he takes her on a trip to Vegas. His girls call to say their mom has fallen through a sliding glass door and is in the hospital with serious damage to her legs.

Gloria gets p!issy about the idea of him leaving so he assures her he’ll stay, but ends up sneaking out home later in the middle of their dinner. She goes out and gets drunk, parties with some random guy, wakes up hung over by a pool without her purse and has to call her mom to come rescue her.

In the climactic scene, she takes his paint ball guns (which he had left in her trunk) and drives to a house where he is getting out of a car in the driveway with bags of groceries. She shoots him and the house with the paintball gun and drives off as the adult daughters and ex-wife (wife?) on crutches come running out of the house.

I suppose this is supposed to be some kind of cathartic moment but honestly she seemed just as bad as him. It was never clear if he had lied about being divorced, or if he was just helping out his ex. Gloria certainly wasn’t understanding about him answering his daughters calls, and she WAS rude to him when her ex was around. On the other hand, him taking off -twice -unannounced was unforgivable behavior too.

Honestly they both just seemed immature and the moral of the story seemed to be that dating in your fifties sukks.

Last edited by job; 12/30/19 08:01 PM. Reason: edited language
kml #2878109 12/30/19 05:13 PM
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Well - at least no bunnies were boiled ....


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BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
kml #2878375 01/01/20 04:42 PM
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Quiet New Year’s Eve around here as CMM was suffering from a mysterious and excruciating hip and leg pain yesterday. I almost took him to the ER it was so bad. Fortunately he’s somewhat better today. It may just be bad sciatica, or muscle pain from lying in bed too much over the previous few days because of a gout attack in his hand. Came on too suddenly to suspect a metastasis from his tumor. Anyway just Netflix movies, takeout Mexican food and leftover Xmas chocolate for me last night.

I don’t really mind - my days of partying on New Years Eve are over ( I hate driving out with all the drunks). I’ve had nice NYE’s in the past. An annual fondue party with a book club I used to belong to was good adult conversational fun. A romantic night with the first guy I dated after my ex left, which involved that tall, handsome, intelligent guy drinking champagne from my navel, would be hard to top. I’m more excited these days about New Year’s Resolutions.

I usually get together with my BFF and some nice notebooks and we write down goals for the year - AND trouble shoot steps to obtain them. It’s a good exercise and even if my follow through is spotty, things from this list do tend to manifest in my life.

Also this year I’ve signed up again for the 1,000 Mile Challenge. The goal is to walk or run (I walk) 1,000 miles in the next year. The first year I did it I made about 700 miles until CMM got diagnosed with cancer. Last year was a bust after the first four months. But this year I plan to start again and keep it up - I can’t let my own health slide.

Here’s hoping 2020 is a better year for all of us.

kml #2878378 01/01/20 04:56 PM
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I am so sorry that CMM had a rough couple of days. Sounds like you have a real challenge this year...1,000...wow! If anyone can do it, it will be you. CMM doesn't know how blessed he is to have you in his life.

Happy New Year to you and your family!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
kml #2878415 01/02/20 01:23 AM
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4.2 miles today to start! I went to the gym (my gym has a theater room so I walked on the treadmill while the Avengers saved the planet from aliens ).

Happy New Year to you too!

kml #2878430 01/02/20 12:34 PM
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Happy new year!!

kml #2878788 01/04/20 09:30 PM
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Hi there gf. I've been hiding out, waiting for the holidays to pass and the dust to settle. Thank you for the Christmas wishes. I've read along on yours and other's threads. Glad your days were peaceful .Sorry about CMM's gout.

I wish for you a 2020 filled with health, prosperity and beauty. Thank you for all your support over the years. It means a lot. xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
kml #2879901 01/10/20 04:03 PM
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Well CMM is still suffering from what seems like really severe sciatica which started before New Years. He went for an MRI to investigate it yesterday but couldnt lie still for the scan, it was too painful. They’re going to try again next week.

Meanwhile he got results from last weeks CT scan of his lungs - his main tumor has shrunk a bit, but he has four lesions in the “good” lung that look like metastases, the largest 1.6 cm. We meet with his oncologist today to decide about his next treatment.

I played a couple of music gigs yesterday and the day before; the first one opening for David Lindley. For those of you too young to know, he’s a multi instrumentalist known for his incredible lap steel guitar playing. He played with big names like Jackson Brown and Linda Ronstadt and had a very successful solo album in the 80’s called El Rayo Ex. He covered this Greg Copeland song that I can’t get out of my head - go on YouTube and search David Lindley Revenge Will Come. Also look for El Rayo Ex - Mercury Blues or She Took Off My Romeos for his 80’s hits.

Last night was a house concert at the home of a well known novelist. He teaches at a prestigious college and the audience was full of professors, mathematicians and philosophers, many of whom were also musicians. That was great fun.

Now back to the serious stuff.

kml #2879921 01/10/20 05:10 PM
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I am so sorry that CMM is still suffering. I hope that they can get to the bottom of his issue next week. Hopefully the oncologist will be able to give both of you an update and how to move forward w/his treatment.

I am glad that you are able to get out there and play music. Music is wonderful for the soul and a great outlet for the tension and stress that has been in your life.

Good luck today!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
kml #2880049 01/11/20 03:39 PM
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Well the oncologist wants to put him on a new chemo regimen. This involves one standard chemo drug and an antibody drug that works on VEGF ( meaning it inhibits the growth of new blood vessels that feed the tumor. ) I’ve only had a little time for research but it looks like this combination gives a smallish survival advantage (like, 10 months instead of 8).

I’m going to add some things to his adjunctive regimen. He’ll have his MRI of his back next week (doctor gave him some morphine) and chemo should start next Friday.

Prognosis is poor at this point but he has done surprisingly well so far. Hoping he can have another good year.

kml #2880050 01/11/20 03:42 PM
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Gosh, I am sorry to read that he's getting ready for a new chemo regimen. I hope that the survival advantage will be more than 10 months. He's been through so much already and is still here w/you. He's a fighter and I hope he doesn't get discouraged and give up.

I am keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
kml #2880097 01/11/20 08:24 PM
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firstly, glad for your gigs .You need to nurture YOU.

will look up the music you suggested.

second - has he tried chaga tea? it's known to shrink tumors. what do you think?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
kml #2880407 01/13/20 06:18 PM
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I have chaga tea and have given it to him although he's not a fan and nt currently drinking it. I'm basing his supplemental tratments on this great book, How To Starve Cancer by McClelland.

kml #2880641 01/14/20 08:06 PM
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Well CMM couldn't get his MRI done yesterday because he was hiccuping! (He has a history of intractable hiccups twice in the distant past - once for 6 months! - and takes a muscle relaxant daily to control them). Hoping he can get it rescheduled to be done before Friday's oncology appointment.

I was mentioned in a very nice interview of my friend who I play percussion for today. I'm going to have to stop calling myself an amateur if I keep getting name-checked in her press smile

Hoping my middle son gets a new job soon and we can both thumb our noses at his cheap-azz dad. Poor kid, he went to a new doctor yesterday (pain management referred him for trigger point injections). The new doctor repeatedly questioned his diagnosis of Ehlers-Danlos syndrome-hypermobility type and revealed his deep ignorance. "But you're not tall" (Do you mean Marfans???). "Who diagnosed you?" (The geneticist - yes, YOUR geneticist at Kaiser, look in the chart!). "Trigger point injections are only helpful for the neck" (Well, no, lots of EDS patients get relief from injections in the muscles that are spasming around their weak/subluxing joints). At least the doctor refunded his copay and told my son he "learned something", but what a frustrating waste of time!

I know it's a relatively new concept that not all EDS patients look like circus contortionists but really, some of my medical colleagues are really embarrassing. My son is bright and educated and managed to work his way through the system to get his diagnosis, I feel for all the poor people who can't.

kml #2880686 01/15/20 12:45 AM
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There was a winner of the IgNobel prize a few years ago that did a study on how rectal stimulation cured hiccoughs. SNAP - on goes the rubber glove laugh laugh

Although I think he was from Florida and we all know how odd "those" people are laugh


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
kml #2880689 01/15/20 12:56 AM
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HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I looked in Pubmed and sure enough, there was a letter to the editor report of it working in a guy in the ER who'd had hiccups for 3 days. Hysterically, they reported that the hiccups ceased immediately once they started but that they continued for 30 seconds "in a slow, clockwise fashion" lolol. There are also several older reports of it working.

I will have to ask CMM if his doctors ever tried that, and if so, did they do it in a clockwise fashion?

kml #2880700 01/15/20 02:28 AM
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what happens if they go counter-clockwise? enquiring minds want to know, lol


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
kml #2881200 01/17/20 10:15 PM
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Sitting in chemo, first day of the new regimen. Unfortunately his bloodwork yesterday showed his blood count has dropped a bit again, trying to figure out if they can transfuse him today too or if he has to come back Monday. Darn, was hoping the abdominal surgery had fixed that problem.

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frown

{{{{{kml}}}}}


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
kml #2881230 01/18/20 03:49 AM
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Sorry KML. Hopefully things turn around soon. (((HUGS)))

kml #2881232 01/18/20 05:21 AM
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Well chemo went fine - so far - and they were able to squeeze in one unit of blood today. He will still have to go back for the second unit on Monday but at least he feels less worried about dropping too low over the weekend.

I’m hoping he does well tomorrow because I’m going to be gone all day. My friend who I play vibraphone and glockenspiel for got me a ticket to go with her to NAMM. It’s a big annual conference for music professionals. It’s not open to the public - she got me in through the music school she teaches at. There will be vendor booths (music instrument makers, music software makers etc), demonstrations, musical performances. There will be famous musicians hanging out. (I doubt I’ll recognize most of them). I’ve always wanted to go so I’m really looking forward to it.

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so happy for you - enjoy today xoxoxoxo you deserve a day to yourself, doing something you've always wanted to do.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
bttrfly #2881260 01/18/20 02:37 PM
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I am glad to read that the chemo went fine and he was able to get some blood. At least he will not feel quite as worried over the weekend and can get a second round of blood on Monday.

Have fun at the NAMM! Sounds like it will be a fun day for you...which you highly deserve.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
kml #2881441 01/20/20 02:07 AM
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NAMM was fun - noisy but fun! Tower of Power performed at the end which was great. Super people watching too.

Had a dream last night - I very seldom remember dreams - but in the dream CMM had liver mets.Hoping this does not turn out to be true. He tolerated this first round of chemo very well. MRI is scheduled for next Friday.

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FINALLY got CMMs MRI done today! Don’t expect we will hear any results until next week. Now he’s getting blood drawn (to make sure he is holding on to those three units of blood he got). Hoping his scan doesn’t show a tumor as the cause of his hip/leg pain.

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Fingers crossed ((kml)) He's very fortunate he has you and undoubtedly knows it.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Well, we got y th he results already. Bony metastases in the pelvic bones on the side where he has pain. Not good.

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I am so sorry to read this. What are the next steps for him? I'm keeping him in my thoughts and prayers.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
kml #2882216 01/24/20 10:53 PM
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Oh, man. I am so so sorry to hear the news.

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So sorry KML. I hope that you are also getting some support as a caregiver to your sons and boyfriend. ((((KML))))


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
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Sorry KML. He sure has been having a rough time of it. You are one fantastic lady for sticking by him the way you have. He is exceedingly lucky. (((HUGS)))

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Ugh! He’s been doing so well that it sorta makes you forget just how serious a stage IIIb CA diagnosis is. Hopefully he will continue to respond to treatment but very much explains the pain. Yet another downside of dating at even moderately older ages - partners getting seriously sick. I’m hoping for the best for both of you.


DonH
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Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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So sorry KML. I hope that you are also getting some support as a caregiver to your sons and boyfriend. ((((KML))))


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
kml #2882241 01/25/20 01:59 AM
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Don, he’s actually always been stage 4. The rib fracture he had from our car accident right after he was diagnosed was eventually diagnosed as a metastasis, making him stage 4. They just missed it in the beginning.

Really, he should have been dead in 6 months so to be here at 18 months and still reasonable quality of life is amazing. They set him up with a Tuesday appointment with his radiation oncologist so I assume that means they will irradiate these lesions - that’s good, that should relieve his pain.

Hoping he can get another good year - although very aware he could also just go right downhill from here. Focusing on the present and trying to still enjoy life.

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Just wanted to remind you that as you are busy caring for others that others care about you. (((kml)))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Went to the gym yesterday smile

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So sorry to see this news, but agree that CMM has done very well so far. I put that down to you. Glad you're taking care of yourself and long may CMM's good run last.


Me:57 H:57
S:25 S:22
M:24 T:26
BD:Aug 15
D:Sep 17
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Interesting talk with middle son yesterday. Apparently ex has been filling him in on more orthopedic problems he’s having - iliotibial band syndrome and hip bursitis.

The sad thing is, he’s shown little to no concern over son’s diagnosis of Ehlers Danlos syndrome, but wants sympathy now for his issues. It’s a problem for middle son who sees it as more evidence of his father’s narcissism.

The other sad thing is, I might have been able to limit or prevent some of his disabilities - but he never would listen to me while we were married, and certainly wouldn’t take medical advice from me after the divorce. He almost surely has psoriatic arthritis, which his uncle has, but hasn’t been diagnosed with it to the best of my knowledge. He IS gluten sensitive by blood tests but refused to take my word for it. And he never would take any vitamins so he’s very likely B12 deficient on his current parsimonious vegetarian diet.

For a guy whose answer to any medical problem you might have was “buck up”, and who enjoyed superhuman athleticism and good health his whole life, he’s now a 59 year old with bad shoulders, a bad neck and now a bad hip. Since he was always terrified of aging, I imagine he’s having a very rough time with the whole thing. I feel bad for him, but at the same time, angry that this hasn’t apparently caused him to have any better understanding of what our son has been going through .

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While your ex’s sitch is sad, he has lived a very full, active life and clearly burned the candle at both ends athletically speaking. He can certainly make a choice to be more concerned for his son who is yet young. Your ex is a narcissist so every conversation and interaction with anyone is just an excuse for him to do more naval gazing.

It will be very interesting to see how this all impacts his May - December marriage. Will his wife care for him I wonder?


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Gee, I sure hope she does. There relationship has appeared steady, at least from the outside. He provides her a lifestyle that she wouldn’t be able to enjoy in our town on her income. (God I hope he got a prenup!) . Imagine if she left him and took another chunk of his pension and a piece of the considerable equity growth in his duplex in the last 7 years? He’d be so incensed ( even though it would be totally fair in this community property state and she has worked the whole time they’ve been together so it’s not like she didn’t contribute). If he thinks he’s “poor” now, he’d be way worse off if he divorced again. Luckily I don’t see any signs of that happening, hopefully he continues to treat her well despite the looming recurrent midlife crisis (turning 60 soon and all these physical problems sounds like a recipe for MLC again. )

I actually feel bad for him, he’s really unequipped to deal with illness.

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On a different note - CMM say his radiation oncologist and will be starting radiation treatment again. This time it will more broad- last time it was super focused, so I expect he will have more side effects this time. Plus it's in the pelvis this time so he can expect some GI symptoms as well. Hoping it will relieve his pain without too many side effects.

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Honey, you know that you can only offer help, it's up to the individual to step into their own healing - OR not, their bodies, their choice.

Sorry about CMM's latest results. Take some time though to realize how amazing you are to have helped him have this much time, against odds.

What are you doing for yourself these days?

xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Trying to get to the gym although during the work week my days are just too long to make that happen. Going to a movie (1917) with my oldest son Saturday since CMM won't go to crowded public places right now out of fear of infection.

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good. keep doing things for yourself. xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Took CMM to his radiation treatment this morning (#3 of ten, he did throw up once this afternoon but seems none the worse for it, he’s puttering in the kitchen making dinner right now. I went to my office after his treatment (we are closed on Fridays but I had a bunch of phone calls and paperwork to attend to). Got a lot done, even took the last bit of paperwork needed to finish off my moms estate downtown to the office that needed it (wasn’t going to trust several birth and death certificates to the mail).

Tomorrow morning he’s coming to the movies with me, my oldest son and his friend. I convinced him that a 10:00 AM show should be pretty empty and he could wear a germ mask. (Son works graveyard shift so we do movie early) . Going to see 1917.

Also tomorrow night is the concert that I bought son tickets for for Xmas - a chamber concert of music from the Final Fantasy game. I thought he’d take his friend but he wants me to go.

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1917 looks like it will be a good movie. Glad to hear you get to spend some time with your son KML. Hope CMM continues to feel okay. (((HUGS)))

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Originally Posted by kml


Also tomorrow night is the concert that I bought son tickets for for Xmas - a chamber concert of music from the Final Fantasy game. I thought he’d take his friend but he wants me to go.



Isn't that marvelous! He wants to spend time with YOU! I just love that. xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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I think it's absolutely wonderful that your son wants you to go with him to the concert. That says a lot about son/mother relationship. Go and have a great time!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Saw an old friend yesterday for the first time in a long time. Her husband was a good surfing buddy of my ex. Apparently now he doesn't see my ex because he feels my ex has "changed".

Now a word of advice for my hypothyroid friends here - PLEASE take charge of your own health! My poor friend is hypothyroid, came to see me for menopausal hormone replacement, but her thyroid level was way too low (TSH should be 1 or below for most treated thyroid patients, hers was 2.8) and her B12 was really low at 188 (and the doctor who had tested it never told her to take B12, or gave her any B12 shots, or anything!!!). I'm so glad she came to see me because she was feeling awful and I'm pretty sure I'll have her humming along within a month. If you have thyroid problems please educate yourself so you can become an advocate for your own health.

kml #2883954 02/04/20 05:56 PM
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Originally Posted by kml
If you have thyroid problems please educate yourself so you can become an advocate for your own health.

In today’s healthcare climate, that could/should read, “If you have any medical problems please educate yourself so you can become an advocate for your own health.” Or find a healthcare friend to help advocate for you. It’s sick what sometimes passes for healthcare these days. Pun intended. Glad you’re able to help her KML and great advice.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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Well - I actually feel kinda sorry for my ex today.

My son mentioned a couple of days ago that his father had the flu (or some similar bug) and also was having problems with his "spine" and was having to lay on the floor. Today he tells me his father is having surgery (obviously urgent, as why else would you operate when someone just had a viral infection) on his "spine" today(he wasn't clear if it was lumbar or cervical spine).

He just retired, turns 60 this week, and this will be his 4th orthopedic surgery in the last 2 years I think. Karma is kicking his behind so badly that I actually feel bad for him. An urgent surgery on the lumbar spine usually means a nerve to bladder or bowel control is being compromised. An urgent surgery on the cervical spine might mean compression of the spinal cord. It's never a good thing if they have to operate urgently on your spine.

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(Meanwhile though I'm going to try to buy tickets to the Rolling Stones tomorrow. I kinda feel like I've gone my whole life and never seen them, I should try to do so before they kick the bucket. )

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buy tix to the Stones as you should see them at least once.
how did the surgery go?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Son JUST came downstairs and told me he’s ok but still in pain. Sounds like it must have been laparoscopic surgery to decompress a nerve because his wife is hoping he might go home today, which would only be possible with laparoscopic surgery. But he’s apparently still in pain so it’s not clear if it’s been successful.

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Not to downplay the XH's situation, but I really just wanted to say you should TOTALLY buy the Stones tickets. Sparky and I got the chance to see KISS last year and we are SO glad we sprang for the tickets. You'll regret it if you don't.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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the Kiss tour was phenomenal. K and his son saw the show last weekend and were blown away. Brother saw it last year and said the same thing. I was irked brother didn't ask me to go with him as that's our thing, but he thought I'd say no.

Saw the Stones in 1989 with exh. Wasn't overly impressed but hey it was the Stones and I'm glad I went. K was at the same show and thought it was amazing. Exh and I had broken up but went together since we had the tickets and had spend a whopping $45 each which was big bucks back then. We started making out during Paint it Black, so the rest of the set wasn't actually something either of us paid too much attention to, as we were otherwise occupied with more important things like getting back together, but that song always put a smile on both our faces for many years to come. Go see them. It's worth it.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Got my tickets (with some difficulty - even though it was the beginning of the presale, every time I picked a ticket someone else had nabbed it.) Finally got my two “cheap seat” tickets ( if you call $150 each cheap). It should be fun.

The very first albums I owned as a kid were Herman’s Hermits, and The Rolling Stones Flowers album.

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Good for you! You'll have a great time, I'm sure.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Low key Valentines Day here, roses from CMM, chocolates from me. CMM was sick all day with diarrhea from his radiation treatments so we just laid low.

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Spoke too soon on Ginger’s thread. CMM just woke up from a nap with a 103 fever. Trying to get him off the toilet so I can drive him to the hospital to get checked out.

Last edited by Cadet; 02/17/20 02:57 PM.
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Keeping him in my thoughts and prayers. I hope he's better soon.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Originally Posted by kml
Spoke too soon on Ginger’s thread. CMM just woke up from a nap with a 103 fever. Trying to get him off the toilet so I can drive him to the hospital to get checked out.

sending prayers xoxoxo keep us posted.

Last edited by Cadet; 02/17/20 02:58 PM.

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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In the ER getting a sepsis workup and I imagine he’ll need blood transfusions as he had a grossly blood stool before I finally got him out of the house. (Not to get too graphic but he’s been having diarrhea and I had to send my son out to buy adult diapers in order to get him into the car for the drive to the ER).

It was a frustrating afternoon as his thinking was a little confused, add that to his OCPD and I was constantly having to push him and redirect him (example: “let me just write down all my meds first” - which are in their computer plus I can take photos of your bottles in five seconds!)

I’m sure he will be admitted once some tests come back. Of course, in the rush, I left my purse at home! (We had gotten a mile from the house and he made me turn back so he could use the bathroom again; when we left after I must have left my purse behind in my haste. )

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I’m finally home, CMM is admitted to the hospital, diagnosed with sepsis from colitis, very low white blood cells. Seemed to be responding well to the first antibiotic. When I left his pulse had come down from 110 to 90 and his brain was clearing up.

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good Lord woman! that's a lot to deal with for both of you. {{{{{kml}}}}}


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Sounds like whatever it was that they caught it. Just remember to care for yourself there young lady <3 <3


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Today his white count has dropped from 700 to 300, so he won’t be going home until his white count comes back up. They think it might be ischemic colitis but the treatment will be the same regardless. He’s back in his right mind but hates being in the hospital ( it’s a tough place to be an OCD germophobe).

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300 OMG. Is this because of or at least in part due to receiving chemo? For those playing along at home 4,000 is typically the lower end for a white count to about 10,000 being considered normal. CCMs should go up to respond to his infection not down.

After that I get a bit in the weeds as to how chemo effects this which I’m pretty sure chemo will be stopped until this resolves. Could the colitis also be the source of the blood loss they never were able to pinpoint?

How are you doing with all of this? While day to day I’m pretty okay without a GF I could only hope someone like you would find their way into my life if I was going through this. I just hope you’re doing okay.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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The low white count is likely due to the combination of chemo and radiation to the pelvic bones, which is where a large amount of bone marrow is stored.

He did not have evidence of colitis last fall when he was scoped from above and below so no, don’t think colitis was the cause of his earlier blood loss. Surprisingly, his red blood cell count has only dropped a little despite the bloody stools.

It is an issue for single adults, who will care for them? I’ve got three siblings and three kids, so I feel safe. But my friend who died of ovarian cancer last fall had no children, no spouse. She struggled through her treatments with friends and her roommate to help. When she finally qualified for Medicare she moved to live with cousins in Florida (couldn’t move before because Florida doesn’t have expanded Medicaid) and she died within a couple of months.

Now, a romantic partner is no guarantee of care - I always knew on some level that I wouldn’t be able to count on my ex if I had gotten some life-threatening Disease . But it would be comforting to have someone to lean on if the worst happens, and you can sometimes lean on a partner in ways you can’t on your kids.

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how is CMM and how are you?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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He’s doing ok, fever staying down and white count coming up, but still with diarrhea and nausea. GI doc was there when I came in tonight and she agreed with me that it probably wasn’t ischemic colitis but colitis secondary to radiation enteritis. I also managed to convince her to talk to the internists about changing his hospital diet (meat and vegetables and MILK for cripes sake. Have they never heard of the BRAT diet? Don’t they know that even ordinary gastroenteritis renders people temporarily lactose intolerant, meaning milk would give you - diarrhea??! Sheesh. )

Stool tests for pathogens were normal, blood cultures are still cooking. If he can stop all this diarrhea he might be able to go home towards the end of the week,

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great update on CMM ... now, how about you???


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Keeping you and CMM in my prayers. Take care of yourself!


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
kml #2886556 02/20/20 04:06 PM
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How is CMM doing? How are you doing? Please take care of yourself. You've got a lot on your plate these days.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
kml #2886561 02/20/20 04:55 PM
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CMM should be coming home today. Blood cultures were negative at 72 hours (meaning no bacterial infection in his bloodstream). Diarrhea was a little bit better yesterday on improved diet (no MILK!) so they will be letting him out today. Nurse last night said she came in to find him cleaning lol. Hospitals are not comfortable places for germophobes.

I'm tired but doing ok. My boys have been looking after me. Today's the last day of my workweek so I will be free to look after CMM once he gets home. Been getting enough sleep.

kml #2886604 02/20/20 07:41 PM
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Excellent news! Keep up with as much of the self-care as you can.

Laughing at him cleaning - I can sympathize. When we lived in a small apartment my now ex used to say that she knew when I wasn't feeling well because she'd come home and the apartment would be all re-arranged. I've been told that lately I have a tendency to re-make the bed in the middle of the night while I'm still in it. Fortunately my occasional companion seems to be fine with that even if she thinks it rather weird.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
kml #2886628 02/20/20 11:32 PM
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Adventures in Babysitting
CMM was supposed to come home this afternoon. We texted some this morning about what time to pick him up. Then around noon I get a garbled, confused phone call from him. Nurses can’t tell me what’s going on because he told them not to talk to me (pretty sure HIPAA privacy laws don’t have to apply when someone’s out of their head. ) I cancelled my afternoon patients and hotfoot it down to the hospital to find 8 doctors, nurses and security huddled in the hallway outside his room.

Apparently one of his doctors decided to give him a shot of Ativan to help with his hiccups (he takes baclofen to control them but probably hasn’t been absorbing it well enough due to his diarrhea).

Well - he had an adverse reaction and it made him hallucinate. He told me they were dragging bodies through the hallways and he was convinced the nurses call button/remote was a bomb. I got him calmed down and now he’s sleeping in his chair clutching the “bomb”. Don’t think he’ll be coming home today.

kml #2886630 02/21/20 12:18 AM
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OMG! That is just awful. I really feel bad for CMM. Maybe when he wakes up he'll be back in this world and won't remember what happened during the adverse reaction. Poor man! He's been through so much. Maybe they will keep him an additional day or so just to make sure he's okay.

Keeping him in my thoughts and prayers. I do hope that you are able to get some much needed rest very soon.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
kml #2886632 02/21/20 01:04 AM
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yowza. I'm so sorry this happened! echoing Job's sentiments xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
kml #2886638 02/21/20 03:52 AM
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He’s getting slightly better - has finally let go of the “bomb” and ate his dinner. But he’s still looking at me with paranoid suspicion. At one point he threatened to walk home. That would be quite a feat since he has no clothes, no shoes, and home is 23 miles away!

I’m just waiting until I can get him settled in bed so he doesn’t bug the nurses then I’ll go home to sleep.

kml #2886653 02/21/20 12:35 PM
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I hope CMM was able to get a good night's sleep and is feeling more like himself today. I also hope you were able to get some rest as well. He certainly had a bad reaction to the medication and I hope that they noted that in his chart for the future.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
kml #2886679 02/21/20 02:57 PM
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Yes I made sure they put it in his chart as an allergy. I got a good night’s sleep, just getting up now. Hopefully he’ll be in his right mind today and I’ll bring him home.

kml #2886681 02/21/20 03:00 PM
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I hope CMM comes home today and that you two will have a quiet and restful weekend. You both need a chill out weekend to recharge your batteries.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
kml #2886788 02/21/20 09:48 PM
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When I got here he wasn’t hallucinating but still irritable and suspicious. He gets angry if I ssk if he remembers what happened yesterday. He’s gradually clearing though and we are just waiting for PT to come evaluate him before we leave.

kml #2886819 02/22/20 04:56 AM
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We came home this afternoon. CMM was still irritable and a bit suspicious but finally seems better tonight, a few hours after we got home.

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Hope your evening was uneventful and you both have a good weekend, relaxing.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
bttrfly #2886849 02/22/20 01:25 PM
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I am glad to read that he came home yesterday. He'll rest more comfortably in his own bed. I hope he's feeling much better today. Please take some time for yourself and just chill a bit. It's been a stressful week not only for CMM, but also yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
kml #2886957 02/23/20 08:04 PM
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Well CMM is finally mentally back to normal. Yesterday he was still eyeing me with suspicion and fighting me on taking his meds (the timing was off and I had to change a couple things). Today he’s no longer confused and is willing to trust me with his medication dosing.

He’s still suffering from chronic hiccups though, even though I doubled his medication dose (think he hasn’t been absorbing it normally). He managed to get a decent nights sleep though so that is probably also contributing to his brain clearing.

kml #2886958 02/23/20 08:13 PM
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There is always that - ahem - alternative treatment laugh


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
kml #2886970 02/24/20 12:18 AM
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He refused!!!!

kml #2887179 02/25/20 05:08 PM
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Glad CMM got to come home and is mentally back to himself. I'm sure being a doctor helps you not be as scared by an episode like that, but wow. I sound like a broken record, but remember to take care of yourself in all of this too.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
kml #2887221 02/26/20 12:14 AM
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Yeah, it was definitely helpful that I've seen and dealt with psychotic drug reactions before. When I showed up at the hospital and all the doctors and nurses were huddled outside his room, they were SO glad to see me! When we were in the room talking to him I had to keep turning around to hide my giggling (he was explaining all about the "bomb" etc.).

Had lunch with my bestie today. Had a glass of Bailey's last night. smile

kml #2887585 02/29/20 02:26 AM
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