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Merry Christmas Can

All the best.

DnJ


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Journaling~ Happy Holidays? Yes. We actually had a really nice Christmas. D3 is at such a cute age, really into the spirit of Christmas. H & both helped her prepare for Santa, with baking cookies, letters, carrots for reindeer. H had a great "Santa" app on his phone that did all sorts of personalized things, like video chat with D3, leave a message. So cute & realistic! Christmas morning lots of gifts, H made us breakfast, we played with Legos. Later we had dinner with friends, & their family. D3 played with a boy her age who is visiting. So cute. (We've had a few playdates).

The weather got windy & rainy as we left. The power was off when we came home. We got D3 to bed by flashlight. We had a glass of wine, by candle light, I curled up on H until the power went back on. I could have lay there all night. We did fall asleep on the sofa for a bit, but I got up and went to bed. I want intimacey from him SO badly. It pains me to go without. I know I can take care of my own needs, but I want my husband. I have protection, but my heart doesnt. Best to keep expectations low. Zero low.

A few days ago, during R talk, H really opened up about this empty feeling he's been carrying with him for as long as he can remember (back to childhood). I felt sad for him. We embraced as he shared with me. He got emotional and said I didn't do anything. We again spoke about the importance of communication, especially for D3. H has really stepped up with sharing his GAL plans. I encourage him to GAL, always have. Hopefully we keep this positive talk up.

Although we are still in separate rooms, we are under the same roof.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
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Merry Christmas CB. You’re update is really encouraging and sounds like you are taking things one day at a time and not trying to push things. Hopefully this is the beginning of a much-improved MR between the two of you. It takes time though so keep on GALing and stay focused on self-improvement. Your H has lots to work out and can only do it successfully at his own pace. Sounds like you are doing a lot of listening. That’s important to keep doing I think. Really crossing my fingers for you...it is heartwarming when WAS’s find their way back to their family. (((HUGS)))

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Good that he can talk to you about the feelings. I hope that keeps up. I haven't mentioned it here, but my S's best friend's father left his wife and 4 children over the summer. He rented an apartment for a month. The wife was a natural DBer. He tried to come back after a week. She told him to take advantage of the him time and let her handle the kids. He came back after that month. He's still there. He's talking. No guarantees, but I have hope for them as I do for you and yours.

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Journaling~ I'm doing my version of GAL & H is doing his. Sometimes we do things together with D3 or we take turns, depending on what our schedules are like.

I noticed H contacting his family & friends more. He's been fixing cosmetic things on the house & tooling around in the garage with his vehicle. GAL! "We should do this...we need to do that..." A lot of we.

Now that the holidays are over, I'm just cruising one day at a time. I'm thankful he's home. Of course I know things can change in a heartbeat; if so let's focus on good changes for an improved MR. That's what Im standing for. I can't detach too much; that's what one of our biggest problems was. Communication.

Sending out peace live and happiness.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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Journalling~ D3 had an emotional day. We picked her up early, went for early dinner, then met with friends at the park. Kids played, we socialized for a while until sunset. Ate leftovers at home, we put D3 to bed. H asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I was exhausted, but took the invite. We have a sectional and he sat pretty close. Our arms touched. We shared a pillow. I've noticed he's been sitting closer to me or offers me to sit near him, gets me refreshments. When I get up from the sofa.. where you going? He's being a little flirty actually. I like this attention! But, im playing it cool.in bed before him.

BIG plot twist, H is in talks with his mom to come visit! I adore her. She wants to come asap. As far as I know, noone in either of our families knows our sitch. H was looking at tickets. That means H doesnt sleep on the sofa but the msbr? We have a small house. To keep up normal appreances this will happen.

Excited to see how this plays out.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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Can

Your situation sounds very hopeful..
You are doing amazing..really!

Good luck
I am rooting for your M


married 14 years
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bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
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Journaling ~ Great family day hanging out with another family/friends. H informed me his mom is flying in Monday on a one way ticket; says, "she can stay as long as she wants.." I LOVE my MIL and welcome her visit. Totally surprised this is happening so fast, and welcome it. I'm just going along with whatever is happening, within reason of course. H continues to be flirty. When MIL gets here it'll really be interesting. Of course I want to ask H if he's going to share our sitch with his mom, but my heart of heart says no. I don't think he's going to say anything re his "adventures". She's not the prying type; here to listen. I think she's here to help us continue to heal. Thankful we're getting a second chance. Although H hasn't said it, the wheels seem to be in motion towards that.

Continuing to breath deeply and be the best version of me I can be.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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Breathe! Continue being you and doing what works.

As for the MIL, I doubt that her son will tell her about his adventures. Watch closely the interactions that they have. He may be a bit nervous around her for a bit and then warm up. Enjoy the time you have w/your MIL. It will be interesting to see how everything plays out, i.e., will he continue to sleep on the couch or move into the MBR...

Enjoy the rest of your holiday!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi Can,

Great update. I hope you both can have some Can and H date nights while MIL stays. You both could do with some time together as a couple.

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