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Originally Posted by peacetoday
one more thought

How hold was the affair partner

MLCers tend to go younger(not always) but it does seem a lot will



I don't know her age, guessing close to his. Ive seen her photo (on fb..I have an account. H does not. There are dozens of ways to communicate via the www..not concerned.). She's in another county. They had a thing years ago; she broke his heart. And we met 2 years after that.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
kml #2877100 12/22/19 01:29 AM
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Originally Posted by kml
Re:moving. Don’t do anything that hurts you financially. Going along with the desperate whims of a depressed spouse is a recipe for financial pain. (Ask me about my ex’s vacant lot in Baja MX).

They’re unhappy with their life and looking for something - anything - to make them feel better. It can be affairs, drugs, shopping, anything that gives them a temporary high. It’s good that he’s thinking of something that doesn’t apparently have to do with the OW (unless, of course, he wants to move somewhere closer to her? Are you sure you know her current location? He wouldn’t be the first WAS to convince his spouse to move somewhere that is to his advantage and then leave for OW, making you stuck in that state because divorce laws won’t let you move away with the kid. )

Why do you think he wants to move to the particular place he has in mind? Does it make sense? Would it be a better place for you to be if he walks out? If not, try to redirect him to other “new” things instead. Be “new” yourself - new hairdo, new look, new attitude, new hobbies.

He seems to have some remorse, please get some condoms so that if you do end up sleeping with him you are protected against stds. (No mater what he says, he did NOT use condoms with the OW, trust me).

Be the interesting woman living an interesting life that he might want to join. Don’t let him drag you around chasing something to fill that unfillable hole he has inside.




Thanks kml. Good point on the not moving.

H talked about US making changes. He was merely throwing ideas around, ones we've discussed before, as a means to bring in additional income. I'm assuming we'd stay in the same state, just a different area. He did not mention a particular l location. (OW is in a different county. I have hard evidence on this. ...see above post for more details on that sitch.) His unhappiness brought on his desire to seek adventure outside the marriage. Prior to his adventures, he was drinking much more than usual and had all the classic mlc drama.

I will pick up protection. I want to have sex! Its been months!.. lol.. thats a whole other post. I'll just continue being the interesting woman that I am.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
CanBird #2877126 12/22/19 01:28 PM
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CanBird,

If your h is in crisis, he is looking for changes. He thinks that making changes to where you live, etc., will make him feel better. They aren't thinking about how the changes would affect us. Making changes is a way to alleviate some of those unsettled feelings and longings that they have and believe it or not, those changes, won't make a bit of difference in the months ahead, because he'll continue to want to move this place or that place, makes changes within the home, the way he dresses, the food he eats, the friends he had, etc. It's all about those unsettled feelings within himself.

If there is a way to "softly" guide him to stay in the home that you are in, then I would do so. There is no guarantee that if you moved, that he would stay there for very long.

I also agree w/kml...use protection as you do not know whether he brought home something that keeps on giving or whether he used protection. Look out for yourself...do not rely on him to be honest about this.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
CanBird #2877130 12/22/19 02:33 PM
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If the reason for moving is to move where rent is cheaper, bear in mind employment opportunities for you may not be as good either .

job #2877133 12/22/19 04:02 PM
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Originally Posted by job
CanBird,

If your h is in crisis, he is looking for changes. He thinks that making changes to where you live, etc., will make him feel better. They aren't thinking about how the changes would affect us. Making changes is a way to alleviate some of those unsettled feelings and longings that they have and believe it or not, those changes, won't make a bit of difference in the months ahead, because he'll continue to want to move this place or that place, makes changes within the home, the way he dresses, the food he eats, the friends he had, etc. It's all about those unsettled feelings within himself.

If there is a way to "softly" guide him to stay in the home that you are in, then I would do so. There is no guarantee that if you moved, that he would stay there for very long.

I also agree w/kml...use protection as you do not know whether he brought home something that keeps on giving or whether he used protection. Look out for yourself...do not rely on him to be honest about this.



Thank you job. I don't want to move. We have a sense of community here and thats important for D3 and I. We've got a routine, friends. A perfect location accessible to everything too. THAT is a good reason not to move. We can incease the rent on our rental property slightly, its pocket change but something Ive suggested. We've also talked about my plans for work in the future, (I have a plan) but that cant happen without increased daycare days. Im looking into it. These discussions are ALL about bringing in more income.

Id be really surprised if H changed his outward look (hair & dress). Why wouldnt he have already made those changes? He wont change his hair or clothes. He needs to work on his physical & mental health will benifit. His blood pressure has been really high all this season at work, he's been keeping an eye on it, checkjng it. I met him big, married him slim. Hes been up & down. Don't matter to me, but being healthy is. We eat healthy, but I bought some extras that can help lower bp. All the stress he's caused himself is a factor. He's making changes to his diet. (Not heavy drinking is a huge change).

Condoms are on my list. No glove, no love.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
kml #2877135 12/22/19 04:19 PM
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Originally Posted by kml
If the reason for moving is to move where rent is cheaper, bear in mind employment opportunities for you may not be as good either .



The idea is to rent out our main house to bring in extra income. (We already have a tiny rental home/cottage/in-law suite on our property). We would move & rent. We've talked about it before bd.
Id hate to disrupt the D3 routine I have.

I think H was just merely throwing out ideas on how to get extra income. I was just surprised he said US as a family.

One day at a time.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
CanBird #2877136 12/22/19 04:40 PM
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Journaling- D3 & I had a fun Bday party. At home we played outside. I love digging in the dirt so that was for me. D3 did her thing. H was in our garage, I didnt even notice..lol.. he's been tinkering with a drone his father gave him. Hooray! He found a new hobby! Photography is a shared hobby of ours.

Have D3 all day had taken its toll. H took her and they went to a park until dark. H called me later, had D3 talk. They picked me up for dinner. H was showing some of those stressful looks. Not sure what was up. D3 was on the naughty side, so maybe that was it. He's not use to seeing that side of her.

After dinner we drove around a few neighborhoods to look at Christmas lights. D3 really liked it. We all went to bed early.

OH! A book Ive been waiting for arrived at the library! SO excited but have a week to read it. Ha! Good luck with that..lol.

Not sure what we're up to today. Plans are for D3 & I. I always extend the invite to H; ask once & leave it.

H has a guy (friend of a friend) coming over to do an estimate on new gutters. Been needing it for a long time. Adds value to the home. More money out the window, but I agree we need it. Our house is tiny.

Tic toc Christmas. I know, enjoy the present, its a gift.




Last edited by CanBird; 12/22/19 04:44 PM.

~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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Journal~ Standing for My Marriage. I don't believe the big D is the solution. Giving our marriage the second chance it NEEDS is a start. Not going back to the old ways. Recognizing what each of our needs is in order for the marriage to be the BEST it can be moving forward. This can be.

Off line for a Bit


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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Christmas is a time of renewal, time for new beginnings and second chances. It is a magical time for all.

Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas! Aloha!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Merry Christmas and keep up the good work, CB!

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