So it's been a while. I filed for divorce in November, not because I wanted to, but at the time because he had moved in with someone else and was causing emotional hell for my children and I. That relationship was supposedly to put a warm roof over his head and he is now living in his brother's basement for the next few months until he can get his own place. The thing is, he's barely giving me any child support and he's buying all kinds of things for himself, his car and going out drinking on Friday and Saturday night. He was coming over every day until I set boundaries as he claims he still doesn't "love me that way." I told him we could NOT be friends. Friend's don't lie and cheat and destroy other people. He is now trying to play dad of the year, even taking my son to his doctor's appointments enthusiastically so I could work. He keeps making dumb excuses to stop by, like "Oh I forgot to give back our son's insurance card." When he visits on Sunday (he has no place to take them) He's like oh you gotta see this movie on Netflix and pretends he wants to watch it with our son. When I go to do something else, he sulks. I just don't understand him. He wants to be in my life, but doesn't want me. What gives?
Last edited by job; 12/18/1903:19 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
They always do this. It's the whole theory of the book on which the site is based. When they see you taking an action to move on, they move in. It is usually temporary. Try to ignore it for now. Focus on what is best for you and the kids. You would need to see huge improvement over a long period of time to believe there was any fundamental change going on there.
Thanks for responding. I'm doing my best to not read anything into it. He seems fine with divorcing and even blocked me on FB after I got upset that he was trying to get drinks with another woman while he was coming over and spending time with us nonstop. I told him it was misleading. He said it was not and wanted to make it as easy a Christmas for all of us as possible (scratching my head) He is all over the place and I don't get it. I'm trying to fully detach, which is really hard when he doesn't want to be in a R with me, but keeps coming by! I've told him this and it's "Oh, I'm trying to see my kids"
He doesn't bother with them half the time he's around. I already have a pretrial date for my divorce in May. I don't think this will ever be able to be fixed. It looks like it'll be over soon. 20 years and "Poof, it's gone." I can't wait for Christmas to be over. This has been the hardest holidays of my life.
Last edited by job; 12/18/1903:20 PM. Reason: added space between paragraphs
Thanks. The divorce has been filed and he's now playing games yet again with the amount of weekly support he's freely giving me. Work has slowed down, I had to buy the kids Christmas presents (and his car a new spoiler and decor) and all that nonsense. It's time for temporary orders to be filed in court. He's giving me the sob story of how he can't afford to save for his own apartment. Well he lives in his brothers basement for almost no money, so why not? I love him, but I'm so tired of his cheating, manipulation and lies. Sadly I see no hope for this marriage being recovered. A sobering thought to end the year with. I fought so hard.
Thanks I feel I’m growing. I don’t miss whoever this man is, but I miss MY husband so much it’s killing me. But he’s gone. Everyone says he sounds narcissistic, which I guess means I never knew him. He was faking it.
Thanks I feel I’m growing. I don’t miss whoever this man is, but I miss MY husband so much it’s killing me. But he’s gone. Everyone says he sounds narcissistic, which I guess means I never knew him. He was faking it.
Lost7 my H BD me just over 3 years ago now and he finally moved out early Dec 2 years ago and I still love and miss the man he was. We were together for 17 years and yet I have people tell me that H was clearly pretending for all that time to be almost Mr perfect (well as perfect as anyone can be )for all that time with no slips. Sorry but I do not believe that about him or your H. nobody can pretend that well for that long. We did know them, probably better than they knew themselves but they became lost and decided that to find home, to find themselves they would try a different path. It.'s not a path they or us would have chosen but it's the only way they could see. Once on that path they feel free for a short time but then the thrill wears away and they start to see some of the damage. However trying to fix it is hard and pride also gets in the way. It's easier to just give up and move on for now. But they are in there somewhere they are just so lost and confused. Don't stop believing in the man you married, you did know him Lost7. Stay strong, you have this.
Hi Foxpop, thank you for the response. Sadly he has shown behavior before. He has a lot of narcissistic traits and everyone is trying to convince me he never loved me. He has done hurtful things with other women before (joined cheating sites, etc.) but claims he never cheated until that drunken night 5 years ago.
Since he's been gone, he told me I found this current affair site, because he knew he would never end it and he had to hurt me as bad as possible to show he wanted out Since that he has slept with an innumerable amount of people and I found out on Christmas eve, he's on his 2nd relationship. When I confronted him (big mistake) he told me he didn't care about me anymore.I need to go dark on him except for parenting our children. I stood until he belittled me to almost suicide. I'm moving forward with divorce. I need to protect myself from him mentally and emotionally. Thank you so much for your comment.
Since that he has slept with an innumerable amount of people and