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CanBird #2876092 12/13/19 09:31 PM
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D3 has an ear ache, so no sleep for her & I last night. H feel asleep before she did; she was sad he didn't say good night. In the middle of the night D3 got up, came into our room & was confused/sad Daddy wasn't there. I showed her Daddy was on the sofa. She seems worried, even going to work this morning, worried where Daddy will be. Will he be home?

During the middle of the night, D3 was up several times. H heard us. This morning he said he didn't know if he should help. I said kindly, oh yes, thank you, please do come ask. He opened up some more, catching up on financial stuff. THIS is big. I know our finances and I'm hoping resolving/planning solutions together will pave the way for the BIGGER things to be revealed.

So hard not to say, "Hey, I know what cards your holding. I'm on your team. We can work together and win". I'm okay with whatever comes my way. He's home & talking. AND wanting to fix things! Put D3s new bed together. Fix our vehicle. Guess that's guilt at work. I'll take it..lol.. Nice that we are communicating.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
CanBird #2876100 12/13/19 10:03 PM
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I am so impressed with your calm and non-threatening demeanor. I know it will be challenging to keep it up with him there, but I have confidence you will. What he does you can't control, but you can entirely control what you do.

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Finally, and unfortunately, I know the situation. H is blown away at how I'm handling the truth. So am I. This forum prepared me well.

We talked. I can't make any decisions; I want my family. He wants something else, but is confused. We are cordial, have held each other, cried, laughed, held hands. I just want to hold him and not let go. He holds me just as tight, probably with guilt. I'm scared. Hurt. Wondering what if I?... would that of changed anything?

We're doing family activities. Both of us GALing. I don't know how long I have with him literally. Guess that's just how it is right?

I'm leaving this with a higher power. I don't know what else to do but be strong, what ever happens.

Merry Christmas? A memorabilia one. I'm hoping that our family gets stronger and doesn't separate. What can I do?

Fearful.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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Can, so sorry you are suffering tonight.

Remember,nothing has changed. You already knew H was confused and that something was probably happening.

Standing means waiting this out. Believe nothing he has says and not much of what he does.

He will say and do a lot of awful things for a while.

You are way at the beginning. One of the best things I read here was I think from Jack Three Beans. He said that standing means outlasting MLC. All you have to do is outlast it. But you have barely started this journey. Let him go. Find your life with your kid, all the happiness you can find despite this cross you have to carry.

All of us think our story will be different. It's okay. Many here have a story that started like yours and ended with restoration. No matter what he says or does now, that is still possible.

Let him go. Keep faith and hope in your heart.

Nothing has changed from what you knew before this conversation with him, and all is not lost. You're just earlier on in your journey than you thought.

XO


Last edited by Gerda; 12/15/19 04:17 AM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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So he confessed to an affair, I presume?

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I had the same thought as kml, unfortunately. I think you are doing really well under the circumstances. Your inner strength is showing. Don't forget to set some boundaries early on to avoid heartache down the track.


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Yes. I know the details. She's in a different county, from his past.

The BIG UGLY has reared its head.

We managed well after our talk. Had an outing with D3. Went to a neighbors party. WE HANG OUT!
I looked cute for the party & I know he noticed. He was attentive, watched out for D3. He's being a husband without the PDA. He does sit near me at times, sometimes really close, which is confusing. He asks about making plans for tomorrow.

I'm having a hard time sleeping. (no kidding duh..lol). But I am sleepy.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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Can, trust us on this. Don't notice how little things you do affect him. He has to go to come back or he will only go again. That R has to crash and burn and that has to happen outside of you. Keep staying busy. Pull back without looking hurt. Show your heart only to your higher power or to the trees in a forest! I told my H, "Out of respect for our marriage and vows, I can't _____ while you are seeing someone else. But the door is always open." Not about sex but about whatever it is that feels too close -- in my case it was allowing him to help me after my mastectomy or allowing him to go on a trip with us to my favorite summer place that is a real place of peace and respite for me.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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How old is your H?

Only time will tell, Can
He can go either way
He is showing up
sharing and trying..

how long before his next time at sea?

If it is not MLC, the chances are probably better

keep leaning back-gal
maybe share a feeling with him of something positive about your job and new life
I feel ....

Either way you are doing amazing..
try to keep your focus
when the pain and strong emotions hit---it it hard to remain calm-


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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Thank you Gerda & Peacetoday.

H is 42. Goes back to work end of April/May. Usually goes for a week of training in Feb.

I woke up today, read your posts. H had text me mins later (from the sofa) noticed I was awake. I ignored it. Then a second one, that it's his sisters birthday (his full sibling).

I got up to move our 'Elf On the Shelf'/do something for D3. H was in the bathroom and saw me in the living room. I can't help but notice how 'normal' he's being. I went back to bed D3 got up. I've been listening to them interacticting and it's very 'normal', the way he was but better? He told D3 they would call Auntie for her birthday. And the other day he reached out to his father to let him know he's home (finally). He's not ignoring his local friends that know he's home. These are all positive signs. I'm happy he's reaching out to people that care about him & not ignoring them. Last night talking about future plans with D3 together. And other plans together.

Apparently, (and we all know not to assume anything), H has not reached out to ow. I doubt that, but have noticed he's not glued to his phone. Who knows what happens when the lights are out.

I know I need to distance myself. I haven't seen my H in 7months so it's hard not to notice.
I will give it more effort.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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