Hi, I've been following for awhile. Any advice will be great. My husband of 13 years (together 18) abruptly left our family 3 months ago. One weekend he was out with friends and something told me to check the phone records and sure enough I found a strange number. I asked him, he said it was nobody and said he has been unhappy. Mind you we were shopping for our anniversary party the day before. Turns out it was a female coworker. So he leaves and moves with his friend. Comes around to see kids and ends up being angry and verbally abusive to me. He's caused so much chaos my son is seeking treatment for PTSD. Finally, enough was enough and I asked for him to give us space (no contact.) He obliged, but right before Thanksgiving shows up at 2am in a rage because I had people over. He was out with his "girlfriend", same one who he was talking to when I caught him ad he is cussing her out while I'm on the phone with him. So he ends up staying telling me he loves me and blah blah blah. Next day, he tells me he needs to be alone, and sure enough goes back to her. So now, he got his car repoed and lives with her. They work together so he needs a ride to work. So now they officially live together and doesn't respond to my texts. Is it wrong to still stand? I love him and know something is wrong with him but he has done some really hurtful thing. Sorry for the long post! I need all the advice I can get
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL).
DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Your H or W is giving you a GIFT. THE GIFT OF TIME. USE it wisely.
Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon
Me-65, D33,S32
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
sorry you're here. It is absolutely not wrong to stand. You sound like a tough gal and smart too.
"Don't believe anything he says and only half of what he does". Make this your mantra.
Drop expectations.
Work on yourself and becoming a better you.
GAL.
This lady he is staying with sounds like a real winner, let me tell ya. I wouldn't concern yourself with her. Rise above her level and be the best, most attractive woman you can be.
Do not tolerate his 2 AM Thanksgiving rage. Learn about boundaries and use them to protect yourself.
Look at this horrible time in your life as an opportunity for immense personal growth. Take this space to do things you haven't done in a long time.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I don't have any advice as I am new here, but I just wanted to give you a VIRTUAL HUG. We will all get through this together.
My H is acting like a total piece of crap and I am trying to stand, although some days (today in particular) I like you am starting to question if my marriage is even worth fighting for. I am trying to focus more on me and what makes me happy - something I haven't done in a while. Hang in there.
H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9 BD - 11/2019 Married 14 years; Together 20 years
Thanksn HesAble, we got this! On the days I feel like I'm over it, I just remember how truly blessed I am. It could be much worse. I could be living his life, no home, no car, no kids and no wife and no sanity.
Follow-Up. Meet with my MLC Husband on Tuesday to discuss intro the kids back into his life. Didn't go well. He gets super upset when I bring up issues and just storms off. No resolution. Going to meet again tonight to see if we can come to some sort of agreement or understanding and maybe ease into him seeing his kids. He says he misses them but makes no effort to get his life together. Hopefully, he can be mature enough to have a decent conversation without getting upset.
It could be much worse. I could be living his life, no home, no car, no kids and no wife and no sanity.
That’s so true! Wishing you luck and a calmer H in your convo tonight. I’m afraid this is how mine is going to be when it comes time to discuss the specifics of the D he wants.
@cardinal, I found the that just remaining calm is the best route. No matter what you say, the MLC'r will be defensive and blame. Take with a grain of salt and carry on.
It could be much worse. I could be living his life, no home, no car, no kids and no wife and no sanity.
Ha! Nicely put. That is exactly right. I honestly believe that my H is walking away from the best life he’s ever gonna get. I feel bad for him. But I can’t be responsible for his life choices.
