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kml Offline
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Won’t there be single women on the cruise? And don’t you need your own room so you could fool around with them?

Also, you need to start dating older retired women who have plenty of time to go on cruises.

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DonH Offline OP
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Even if there were not women I could potentially fool around with, there is just no way I'd ever even consider sharing a cabin with someone I don't know - not a dude anyhow. As for retired, um, yeah, i don't think so. I've always for some reason done better with younger or perhaps I'm attracted to younger - even in my 20s. Although my exW was near my age. I just don't think someone 10 years or more my senior is going to float my boat - a few years older sure and I have dated women olden than me but I already act like a 30 year old much of the time so...

But beyond that, just who did I P's off to be getting this bad karma. If nothing else I'm getting a better understanding and some empathy for what Ginger has been going through when thoughts of her past come up, or someone asks her about M or something pops up on Facebook. Anyhow, I just got back from an afternoon gig for a birthday party. It was in the town Wild Girl used to live in and her parents still do but I had no idea her parents would be there. Her mom still adores me and I'm very friendly with them so all good there - well until I walk over to the table they are at which just happened to be with two other couples who were on the cruise last year and are going again this year. One guy is kind of a goof. He thinks he's funny but I don't see it. He says "We were just talking about you" I'm like Oh Oh, that could go all sorts of ways, "I asked if you were taking their daughter on the cruise again this year." Really? He really had to bring that up. Wild Girl's mom was a bit uncomfortable I could tell, at least I think I handled it okay. But then they want to know who I'm taking and I'm like, well I'm not telling you no one and have that get back to Wild Girl - I mean it's the principle of the thing but I can't lie either as they are going to see me on the ship. I can only imagine what was said before I walked over.

Really? I mean really? What am I being paid back for here? LOL. I was allusive enough with some jokes and the subject got changed. As i've thought about it more, I think it's the fact that this was not my choice. I'm fine with doing all sorts of things by myself, but that is often my choice. This was not at all my choice and that's what bothers me - well that and the fact I had to ask more than 6 women and am still going solo.

Okay, off to perform at another Christmas party tonight. Let's see what this brings me.


DonH
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kml Offline
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Well I wouldn’t be so close minded about older women Don! It hasn’t been deliberate but every man but one that I’ve dated since my divorce have been younger. And at least up to ten years younger, my age has been a complete nonfactor. (20 years younger was a different matter, but even then was about different places in life, not an issue with attraction or compatibility otherwise).

In fact an older woman might just be less interested in a relationship and more likely to be happy being a FWB cruise partner. Just a thought.

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Originally Posted by kml
Well I wouldn’t be so close minded about older women Don! It hasn’t been deliberate but every man but one that I’ve dated since my divorce have been younger. And at least up to ten years younger, my age has been a complete nonfactor. (20 years younger was a different matter, but even then was about different places in life, not an issue with attraction or compatibility otherwise).

In fact an older woman might just be less interested in a relationship and more likely to be happy being a FWB cruise partner. Just a thought.




I totally agree. I know you like em’ hot and young , but you would really benefit from broadening your horizons. The younger women are still admits raising their families which puts big demands on their schedules. And most are looking for LTR.

What you are looking for would be better suited with a divorced woman with the kids out of the house and she’s looking to have some fun. I work woth a woman like that. She’s attractive too. Your odds of finding a younger woman with no family commitments and just wanting to hang out and move at the pace you prefer and not finding it online....... well, you must see how very difficult that is, right?

Open your horizons.

Last edited by job; 12/08/19 02:58 PM. Reason: added space between paragraphs
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DonH Offline OP
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I certainly see what you guys are saying and I don't even disagree, but it's not that simple. To begin with, seemingly fitting with younger is nothing new. When i was 27 I had a GF that was 20, so it's not a midlife thing. That said, I have dated older and married a year younger than me. Wild Girl was probably that largest age difference (13 years) and it's not like I purposely look for or go after that. The handful of women I've dated this year have all been closer to my age, although still younger - just within single digits.

The thing is, how do I make myself attracted to something I'm not? Especially how do i make myself sexually attracted? I could certainly see myself being friends with a retired senior citizen but I just am not sexually attracted so it's almost like trying to make myself be interested in red-heads when i have never found that attractive either. It's nothing personal, I just don't like the fair skin, thin red hair. Not even sure why, I just don't find it attractive. That said, it really is much more about the person for me - at least in that it doesn't matter how hot a woman may be, if my brain is not stimulated the rest of me won't be either. Personality really is the biggest attractor - but obviously, just by it's nature, you notice the outside before you get to know the inside.

So I can totally see what you are saying about some of the other aspects fitting - especially perhaps not looking for a husband, having more time, not having teenagers or even younger children. But even so, how do i make myself attracted? I either feel it or I don't. I certainly can try to give more of a chance, although I think I already do. As I've said before and often say to my friends, I'm much more picky than perhaps I deserve to be - I just am and always have been. I've always been quality before quantity. But I also like what I like and fit with what I fit with and I'm not sure how to change that or if it even can be changed.


DonH
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I’m not saying you should date someone you don’t find attractive. I’m just saying putting a strict age limit on it means you are probably missing out on some older women you WOULD find attractive but aren’t meeting.

I happen to know a lot of women in their early sixties who are youthful, pretty, fit and sexy. Pretty sure if you met them you’d think so too. No, not all women that age are, but many will be, so don’t miss out on them because of pre-conceived notions. And if you were lucky enough to find one you found attractive, I think you might find the likelihood of them being more suited to what you want out of a relationship is greater than some 40 year old mom of teens.

That being said, I got a “hi, how’ve you been” email from one of my young flings today. This was a guy I had some fun with maybe 8 years ago? Definitely way too young for me and I remember asking him at the time why he was interested in spending time with me. His answer - at least partially true I think - was that I was more interesting to talk to than most women his age. (Other factors I’m sure were that I didn’t want anything from him, plus he had a weird background of growing up in a cult. )

My point being though that we remained friends, like I have with most of my lovers, and if I were single again now, I’d at least consider spending some casual dating time with him. We had a nice connection even though it wasn’t going to go anywhere. He’s Avoidant and I’m not interested in anything serious with someone that much younger, yet clearly my advanced age wasn’t an issue when it came to having fun together. And frankly, if the sexes were reversed, nobody would think much of a man my age dating a woman his age (heck, the woman my ex married was only a few years closer in age to him).

I’m just saying, you’re probably cutting yourself off from some viable dating prospects if you’re setting a cutoff point just a couple years older than yourself.

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I’ve got to say , I know some women in their upper 50’s early 60’s who are very attractive vibrant women. I had a patient yesterday and I couldn’t believe she was 66. Beautiful . Active. Told me about her interest in fast cars and how she used to race them . My coworker in her 50’s, attractive, fun, etc.

Maybe you just need to find an older female companion and maybe you’ll become attracted to her. Who knows?

You are really super picky and probably boxed out some pretty wonderful women once you get to know them.

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Just as an aside - not saying this is you, Don - I see a lot of guys on OLD who put their desired age range from 20 years younger to - their age. Or their age + 2. It’s kind of ridiculous really, to think you’d be compatible with someone 20 years younger but not 3 measly years older?

I think, for a lot of men, it’s about power. They’re used to being the “older, wiser” person in the relationship and don’t want to give up that power to be with an equal or, god forbid, someone with slightly more experience or knowledge.

Sure, for younger guys it might be about finding a partner in childbearing years but I’m talking about guys in their 50’s. Now some are definitely delusional about how “young they look”, and apparently think they’re the unicorn and no woman a few years older could be equally youthful!

(This might sound funny coming from me with my history of dating younger men, but I didn’t set out to date younger guys. They just happened to be the ones that worked out. Actually CMM, while a few years younger, is actually older in terms of things like interests, musical tastes, health issues etc. And the “one that got away”, the first guy I dated after my divorce, was a few years older but with more youthful tastes and interests than most. I think, after childbearing is no longer the point of dating, that people from 45 and up start to diverge quite a bit in terms of their physical and mental aging. Some 55 year olds would be too “old” for me physically or mentally while some fit and interesting 70 year old might be a better match. Biological age becomes more important than calendar age as those two things start to diverge. )

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I'm certainly not in favor of you putting yourself in a situation where you have to "force yourself" to be attracted to someone because that doesn't end well for anyone, but I think G and kml have some good points. If you open up your mind a bit, you might just find that women who are a little older than your normal preference have just as much, if not more than enough, to offer than their younger counterparts. You talk all the time about being avoidant and I would think older women would be much better equipped to deal with someone like you and would handle you in a more mature way. I could totally be way off base, but I think Wild Girl was more of a fluke than the norm among women her age. Branch out...…….you might be surprised.


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DonH Offline OP
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As i think about it more, I dated a 40 year old for nearly a year when I was 30. It was not a typical dating thing (are any of my R's LOL) as she was recently D'd and actually more friends or perhaps FWB than anything but at that time in my life, the 10 years seemed much wider but I was fine with it. I say that just to say it's not always been younger.

I'd also say that I think I am "open" to it. I'm not OLD and have not for awhile now so it's not like I have a filter set. I meet who I meet. I can say this for sure, if I met someone older than me that checked enough boxes I would not stop dating her or not, not date her only because of the age - so I'm firmly in that place already. I for sure could see being with someone 3 or 4 years older than me. I think when we get to 60 and above, at least in this point in time, that's getting a bit out of where I see myself right now - right or wrong.

Originally Posted by Dawn70
I could totally be way off base, but I think Wild Girl was more of a fluke than the norm among women her age. Branch out...…….you might be surprised.

I'm intrigued by this but really have no idea what you mean. Can you explain on it? What about WG was a fluke as there could be all sorts of things, including her being the largest age difference. It was a fluke that I became or continued to be more interested than I thought I would be. That's a fluke. But I'm not sure either of those is what you mean so please explain and I'll tell you if you are correct or not.

As for branching out - again, how do I do that? What would I do different than I do now? If I see someone or meet someone I'm interested in, I see where it goes. I don't say, oh she's interesting but she's 59 so I'm not interested. What else can I do to "branch out?"


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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