What do you mean by concrete? Like specifics of what I will be doing for GAL, 180, tough love, detach?
Yes. The details matter. So many people stay in the abstract concepts. Posters need to be in the details.
I know you are reading like crazy here. I check who is online and I see you reading good threads.
Yes, I do read like crazy... sometime I get caught up in a sitch from like 2008 - 2010 that spans like 5 threads, and I'm up till 5 am reading :P
Okay... let's give concrete a shot...
GAL - Mondays - gym after work - Tuesday / Thursday - basketball - Wednesdays - still figuring it out - maybe indoor bike trainer or chores at home. also looking into some volunteer such as tutoring, local food bank, or find classes to learn how to cook - Friday / Saturday - same as before, hangout with friends, go out dancing if there's a good show in town... until there's snow on the hills, then I'll be snowboarding - Sunday - football / golf / biking / snowboard (depending on season), house chores
I found that partying with friends doesn't actually make me feel any better after though - it's a good distraction but I don't grow from it. Would like to meet some new friends, so hoping volunteering or cooking classes could help with that.
Reading and researching some the recommended books and learning actually makes me feel better. I'm a very logical person, so I find that the research helps me make sense of the sitch and why / how we are here, and the data and pattern makes it less personal, so I don't feel like WW is the single worst person in the world doing this to me specifically.
180 - No more angry outbursts - No more childish possessive behavior - Keep the home tidy - Stop hoarding, donate unused stuff - Put a little more effort into my appearance, I'm in good physical shape but I get away with dressing too casual working in tech - Read more books - prior to this, I never really read that much - Cut back on drinking and smoking (next year, after my trip)
Tough love - No contacting WW - Be neutral when interacting with WW (earlier, I mistakenly took "tough love" as being cold) - Be independent and confident
Detach - Be okay with any outcome - Stop trying to "win"
Happy 2020 everyone! Here's to a new and better year to you all!
It's been awhile since I updated... I went on an 3 week trip out of country... 2 weeks with friends and 1 week with family.
The 2 week trip with friends was amazing, exactly what I needed to GAL... my friends and I spent sometime in Thailand/Bangkok, and that place can do wonders for lonely dudes... I'll leave the details out if you are not familiar with it ;P We also did a 6 day motorcycle touring trip in the northern mountain regions of Vietnam/Hanoi thru some local villages meeting/drinking with local folks.
I have to say, this is the first time in months that I have felt excitement and happiness just by thinking about the trip experience.
Most of my extended family know about the sitch now, and they are all surprised and supportive of me in either outcome.
I always knew that I was obsessing too much about the sitch day to day. But I'm finding myself wanting to do that less and less after this trip. My internal goal was always to be able to really move on, and be able to focused by new year 2020, and I think I'm on track to do that.
Mentally and emotionally, I feel like I'm much less motivated for this to work out.
As mentioned in my earlier post that I genuinely felt happy for the first time in months after my trip. My co-workers even teased me that I finally looked happy again. I finally stopped obsessing about this all day, scouring the forum for answers.
Then guess what happened tonight... I get a stream of 50 angry texts from WW about me not responding. I assumed she was drunk. I call her back after 30 minutes of text me from her, and she says that she wants to get back together and she has been trying for months (while hanging out with OM still). She starts crying and saying she has had months to think and she wants to work on the relationship. She is willing to quit her job and stop talking to OM as they have not spoke in 2 weeks.
Anyways, I find it interesting that vets always said that when you truly move on and detach is when they come back. I don’t know how real her attempt is.
Undecided about what I want to do. Leaning towards no right now, but then I still have to deal with D.
Just wanted to chime in and say hi. I'm a newcomer so not much advice. Just to say I feel I am in a similar situation to you, where wife is separated, no kids or anything to really tie us together, so communication is very limited. I understand when you say you are envious of the other threads where it seems like they have something going on each day.
I like how you sum it up though, when you get to the end it's the same situation we are in. So just need to move forward!
If you are still wanting to start to reconcile that move from your wife must feel somewhat good. I know it would for me! I agree with LH19, certainly need to take it slow and make sure you know what your boundaries are and stick to them. I've read through your last thread and it seems she has done this in the past only to leave again.