H suggested I call and hash it out nicely with them . That is not me nor will it ever be . The line was clearly drawn by them when they all thought he was SO right for getting up and leaving . Now I just won’t even address them . I’m not mad or angry. Let’s just say completely detached
Exactly!
It would make things a lot easier on your H if you and his sister just sorted things out, wouldn't it?!
I think being detached is the right approach also. It leaves open the possibility for his sister to extend an olive branch. If not, well, so be it. Detaching is basically the textbook way to deal with difficult people.
Agree that detachment is the right approach. if *he* wants to talk to his sister on your behalf and let her know how unacceptable it is to talk badly about you or your child, he can feel free. But it shouldn't be your responsibility. (Also, that is terrible that his sister would talk like that about a child!! I'm totally on your side on this.)
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
So I ended up going yesterday for brunch . H was clearly upset that I wasn’t going to attend . He was very understanding but really wanted me to go and not do things apart . First time in months I’ve seen him frustrated at something I would or wouldn’t do . H amped up his time with me and has been really trying to make amends . Time is my love language. He knows this .I saw this as an olive branch from him so I took it . I have to give a little .The line by me was clearly drawn though . I said hello and goodbye . Kept to myself and only spoke to people who had no part in anything . Overall it was a good time and some quality time with H. I didn’t speak with his sister even though she tried . I was nice but just moved along .
Thanksgiving we spent with my family , had a great time . I did spend a night at his sisters over holiday . I kept my distance . Hello and goodbye. H went to a family birthday party . I declined and went to visit my sister . Clearly noticed by his family I will not just be the way I was . The line was drawn and I’m not going back .
Few sessions of marriage counseling. Nothing really to report there . Basically he made a lot of mistakes and admitted them . I’m terrible at admitting when I’m wrong but what I’m trying is to stick to my 180s. H has made some random last minute plans with the guys here or there . I used to give him a lot of grief . Now I say ok have a great time . It seems to help . H gives me a lot of good feedback when he feels free to spend some guy time with no pressure. It’s helped me be able to do what I like too without feeling guilty like I used too .
H has been noticing many things he took for granted and pointing them out . Like his blinders are lifted . Sometimes he will say I can’t believe you do all that and I didn’t notice . H is planning more dates and trying to spend time with me . He really can be just a sweetheart most of the time .
A few bumps with his mood . Stress that he wasn’t feeling well . I DB the crap out of him for a day or two . He apologized and said he was sorry for being moody and cold .
Sounds like things are going well... nice to see the 180s are sticking... and that it is bringing you to a place of better communication, you're released from guilt of GALing, he's really working on the R too. And I love that you were able to drop back into a couple days of DBing and it worked! (Feels like a diet!) Super interesting.
Do you guys have your plans worked out for Christmas?
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
