I wasn't going to start a new thread but my old one is full and I wanted to respond to your messages. Thank-you, as always, for your support and advice.
KML - I'm not worried about spyware or anything like that. I'm pretty sure XH stumbled across my thread because my iPad used to be linked to my kids' IPads so that if I was on a site, it would sometimes show up on their's. Text messages too which was highly irritating. It took me awhile to a) realize it was happening and b) figure out a way to fix it so I think that is how he found it. He was also aware that I had belonged to an online forum in the past even though it was not this particular one.
So it's been a few days and I am still at a loss as to why XH and OW would want to spy on me. Morbid curiosity? Maybe XH wanted to make sure I am okay? Or is that too noble of a motive? OW's motive? That's another one altogether. She told me my perspective was hard to read. Ummm...of course it was!!! It is my perspective...the woman whose husband you cheated with. What did you expect?
Honestly, if I had to guess, I just think she is in denial about her role in all of this and that reading about my experience reminds her that her happiness has come at others' expense and she doesn't want to face that. She claims she loves my children like they were her own yet she was instrumental in blowing up their family. That's not love.
Like you all have expressed, it is equally bizarre that she decided she needed to tell me they were spying on me. She claims not to want to start a war or a conflict between us but if that is the case, wtf?? I mean...what a fantastic way to try to incite one!! XH and I have been doing a great job of co-parenting because we have both chosen to put our kids first so that when I see him, we are nothing but friendly and congenial. It doesn't mean that every bad feeling I have ever had about the two of them is gone or that I am somehow being dishonest because I don't present as super angry every time I see him. That is the reason I am on this forum...so I can work through that stuff here and not have it impact my life any more than it already has.
The reality is that my hurt and angry feelings HAVE faded significantly these last few months. I went back and read my last few threads and probably 85% of what I wrote about has absolutely nothing to do with XH and OW and everything to do with my life outside of that. That is the part that creeps me out the most about this situation. It is one thing to read my thoughts and feelings about them but the fact that they have also had an inside view of my dating adventures and my R with Jack that not even my closest friends and family have had is such a monumental violation. There really aren't any words to describe it.
Anyway... I am sad that I have to step back from this forum because you all have helped me so much with sorting out my feelings in a way that no one else could have and have kept me on a really good path. Part of me feels like I should just keep posting regardless but I really, really cannot stomach the idea of them having a window into my life like this. There are thoughts and feelings I've written about here that I don't talk to anyone else about - not even my twin. That XH and OW are the only two people IRL who know some of these things is beyond horrifying as they would be the last two people on earth I would choose to talk to about it. Ugh. It is nauseating just thinking about it. So I don't really have a choice. I am just grateful that I am through the worst of it because I don't know what I would do if I wasn't.
Job - If/when I come back to post about my own life, I will definitely make a new account and not link my old threads. It will be some time however as I want to wait until I'm pretty sure XH and OW have moved on to other things and lost interest in knowing what I'm doing.
Take care All. I will try and stop by your threads and lend my support when I can. (((HUGS)))
I am still at a loss as to why XH and OW would want to spy on me. Morbid curiosity? Maybe XH wanted to make sure I am okay? Or is that too noble of a motive? OW's motive? That's another one altogether. She told me my perspective was hard to read.
H's motivation? Either hoping to get some leg up in divorce negotiations, or jealousy over you having a new guy. (Even when they leave they like the idea of us staying on the shelf, pining away and available as Plan B if their new life doesn't work out). OW's motivation? Jealousy that your Ex was jealous of your new boyfriend? She must have been really surprised to read all those reasonable, kind, heartfelt posts in your threads and I'm pretty sure she discovered a lot of LIES that your ex told her, but rather than digest that she had to kill the (unwitting) messenger. She's a creep.
I agree that OW is a creep. If she’s a teacher, surely she must see the things that a parents divorce (especially caused from cheating) does to children. God. These kids cut them selves, develop eating disorders, attempt suicides. It’s devastation. Hurt the moms and you hurt the kids. I’m sorry your kids have to deal with a person like her. What a crappy role model.
She’s just too self absorbed to see the bigger picture. Views it as some weird competition that she won or thinks its “twu love” as chump lady puts it. People like her are just too thick headed and selfish to really see their roles. Her motivation was to see if your ex was trying to get back with you. Like if you had posted “ex called me and told me he made a mistake “. That’s because she knows she can’t really trust him. She would not only be creepy if she did, but an idiot too.
I agree that these cheater type personalities like attention and like two women fighting over them. OW knowing about you and your sadness makes her have to work harder to keep him around. He knows that and probably feels that It keeps her in that competitive mode.
DV, I'm so sorry to hear of this betrayal. I understand you won't be posting moving forwards, so I just wanted to wish you well in your life as you continue to live it to the fullest.
Voyeurism has a strong draw, so I could see how once discovered both OW and XH kept reading. It may not be right, but I can say if my XW had a blog I knew about I'd have a feeling I "need" to see what was going on with her. It would be hard for me not to - though I do hope I wouldn't. I haven't looked at her FB page though, so perhaps I would be strong enough to stay away. Who knows. I digress.
The part about them telling you about it though is super weird, because why admit that? But again, who knows the answer.
I'm sorry you've lost your safe space here. I hope you find many other outlets in your life to live fully without feeling like you're being watched.
I'm very sad that you've lost the feeling of safety we all have here, and because of the two people on this planet who had absolutely no business violating your privacy.
I do hope that you come back under another name when you feel it's safe to do so.. You've helped me very much and I will miss you! xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
DV, I am so sorry that this happened. I am (selfishly) even more sorry that this means you have to step back from the forum. Your compassion and wisdom has given many of us comfort here. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the brightest future imaginable, full of adventure and color and life. He has given you a freedom you did not want. But god d@mn it if that freedom has been the making of you.
If you do come back, and I hope you do, then put something in my thread so I know it's you. A hug, a warm cup of tea.
I challenge anyone who has read your 1244 posts to not see the warmth and intelligence radiating from your words. It may have started as curiosity, they may have continued reading out of some morbid kind of voyeurism, but you cannot read your words without hearing your pain and slowly, ever so slowly, sensing the women you were becoming - one who had finally started seeing a brighter future WITHOUT her exH.
A broken woman made whole. So let 'em read.
exH / OW - if you're reading this. WTF are you doing still here. You won. Now take your prize, stop reading your exWs thread, go live your life and FO.
Last edited by job; 12/15/1911:02 PM. Reason: edited a word
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It’s been a few weeks since the invasion of privacy. I’ve wanted to reach out to you and realize, and expect, no response due to the listening in from OW and XH. I totally empathize with you. (((DV)))
The position you found yourself in, is one I wondered about. What would XW think if she could read all of what I and the kids went through. Said all that to her, no holds barred. Truth darts everywhere.
You basically got to do that. Unwanted no doubt.
XH and OW had a blast of reality shot at them. There is no escape from their culpability in their deceitful actions. No hiding nor ignorance about their effect upon children, family, and friends. They can pretend for a while, but those read words are in their minds, gaining a foothold, constantly.
They both get to live with the now inescapable knowledge of what their choices produced. The lives that have been altered. The destruction caused. The way people see their actions and behaviours. The so very little respect others now have for them. That is just a sample of what’s been gained from their snooping.
For what it’s worth. I have been toying with a letter stating many things about mine and the kids’ lives after BD. I at one time was considering including this website and my user name so XW could read my journey. I decided a while ago not to do that; it seems too cruel to show her.
Your XH did this all on his own. He gets his consequences, and so does OW. Whether either of them learn or grow from any of this, who can say. They do however have to live with it. Acceptance is tough enough to find when you are rational and moral. I suspect true peace and joy will be illusionary to them for quite some time.
Find forgiveness for them both, you have no need of vengeance towards them. The self forgiveness they truly need will be slow coming.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I am just seeing this, as I don't visit this side often. I am sorry to read this. Very, very strange behavior indeed! The amount of time and energy it takes to read 1000s of posts, and that she announced it to you without shame, indicates she is quite off balance! But we knew that about them both, didn't we? -- He lied, ran away from his family, lied more, and thought he could just start life over with someone else. She is a homewrecker who now has to look your children in the eyes and think about what is best for them. And they are "engaged,} as if they can pretend to just start over and create a new life together -- they are both surely delusional! Sad. I pity them actually. And sadly, yes, relationships that start as affairs, end in affairs. I have seen it a thousand times ....
DV6, I completely understand stepping away from here for some time. You must feel so violated and betrayed. I think I would need to take some space too .... there is another thought tho, and I have read most of your posts as well. Yes, they have opened up your diary and selfishly read every word. But your words are your words and they are good words. You have been honest, thoughtful and completely genuine in your writings! I have always admired the way you have handled things and tried to do what is right. You wear your heart on your sleeve, but that is also what makes you so beautiful. There is nothing written here that you should feel any regrets over. They are your words and they are your reality. THEY should feel regret and shame over their actions -- the lies, the betrayals and invading your safe space here. Perhaps she sees your strong and loyal character now and feels threatened by that? She should! But, really, who cares what they think anyways?
In the grand scheme of it all, they are insignificant. You are the prize. Perhaps she told you that thinking she could create some shame or gain some power? That in itself demonstrates her character and weakness. You can hold your head up high and keep moving forward. You have nothing to lose here either way. Only they are losing.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
Okay...wasn’t going to post on this thread again but just have an issue I would like some feedback on... Really hoping XH and OW have moved on from spying on me. Feeling kinda guilty about something and I need some perspective.
Yesterday morning I was on Facebook accepting a friend request and I started scrolling through the list of “friends you may know” to see who was on there from my past. I added a few people and then I saw the name of my junior high school “love” that I went out with on and off in the eighth and ninth grades so I added him on an impulse. I thought he would probably add me for the same reason and then we’d be one of those Facebook friends who look at each other’s pages but never actually have a conversation. So I was kinda surprised when he messaged me about half an hour later to say “what a blast from the past” (we honestly have not had a conversation other than to say “hi” in the hallways of our high school since the ninth grade) and asked me how I was doing.
I messaged him a short reply and we ended up chatting on and off for a few hours. He’s a nurse and sometimes teaches nursing at the local college. He has three kids (youngest is in Grade 11) and coaches high school basketball (he was a basketball star in high school - he’s 6’5”). He’s been married twice. The first marriage he was quite young and it didn’t last a long time. The second lasted 20 years and ended around the same time as mine.
I checked his Facebook page and it is full of inspirational quotes along the lines of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” which makes me think he may have been the person who got left in the marriage the way I was. He says he is trying to be a better man every day and he tries to spread as much positivity and joy as he can to others. He’s even started a minor basketball association in our home town (where Jack lives too) that runs camps in the spring for so that younger kids have more of a chance to play. His oldest daughter is his assistant coach which tells me they have a good relationship. In short...he is a lot like me and at a very similar stage in his life.
Anyway... he messaged me last night again to say goodnight and that I can message him anytime. So now I’m feeling really guilty cause I think if I keep chatting with him, he is going to want to meet up (I imagine he has exhausted the dating pool in our home town given he has lived there his entire life) and I’m really curious about who he is today and whether or not there would still be an attraction there after all these years. Is that crazy? And what does that say about my relationship with Jack? I’m feeling like a complete jerk for even entertaining these thoughts which is all they are at this point...thoughts. For all I know, we would meet for coffee and not be attracted at all.
Your feedback would be much appreciated. (((HUGS)))
A message of the sort "what a co-incidence you live in the same town as the guy I'm currently dating" will pass on all the information necessary. If he wants to stay being friendly, then he will.
Facebook has undoubtedly bought more divorce lawyers new BMWs than anything else.
Just my 2 cents.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
A message of the sort "what a co-incidence you live in the same town as the guy I'm currently dating" will pass on all the information necessary. If he wants to stay being friendly, then he will.
He'll respond that the two of you can have dinner at the next town over so that Jack won't know about your date. And, if Jack does find out, then blame the whole thing on Jack.
Just saw some of the more recent posts on my thread. Thank you all for your good wishes!!!
DnJ and Blu.... thank you for your words and for your support. You have all helped me so much and kept me walking forwards on a path that I can look back on and be proud of. I still feel I have work to do but your example and wise words have given me a direction and a goal to aim for.
Christmas was great. My kids loved their gifts and loved being home with their extended family. They are such loving and genuine kids. I am so thankful to be their mom. XH also let me keep them an extra day so they could spend more time with SD20 who showed up on Boxing Day.
Sadly, SD20 is still uninterested in connecting with her dad. She says her life is less stressful without him in it and that he wasn’t “in it” for most of her life so she’s pretty sure she will be okay. Ironically, XH said something similar to me numerous times when him and his dad would go months without talking. I’m hoping her feelings change because I think she would eventually regret not resolving things between them. I wish he had the courage to face her on his own but it seems like he doesn’t as he invited her for dinner with him and OW. It is beyond me how he thinks she might actually accept his invitation when they haven’t spoken for so long. I’ve told him what he needs to do if he really wants a relationship with her but he has chosen not to follow my advice so I have stopped trying to influence either of them. Other than to reassure SD20 that I am still her “mom” and that I hope she can work things out with her dad, I say nothing and just listen if she needs me to.
I think you are wise to not show this to XW DnJ. I do think that it would be very difficult for her to read... not just to read about your journey but also that of your children and other people she has left behind. I think that is what was difficult for XH and OW... not reading about my feelings and thoughts...those would be easy to guess... but the thoughts of others with whom I continue to maintain a relationship...XH’s cousins, his mom, his daughter... He, and OW too for that matter, like to think his actions have only affected me but that could not be further from the truth. When you cheat on your wife, you cheat on your family. He betrayed and hurt a lot of people and he mistakenly thinks that if he is happy, everyone else will be happy as well. Life does not work that way. You can’t replace people like light bulbs. And...as all of us are finding out... when you have children, there is no such thing as divorce. You will always be in one another’s lives.
Andrew... thank you for your thoughts. I’m not too worried about telling this guy I am dating someone or not... truth is, for all I know, we may never have another conversation. My worry is more about what it says about my R with Jack that I am so curious about this guy. Jack makes me happy in a lot of different ways but there are also some big obstacles when it comes to making this work long term. And I wonder if I want to make the effort I would have to make to overcome those obstacles. It has brought to light some questions I have been avoiding answering within myself, I think. So I’m struggling with those...
KML... you’re right. I need to stop posting on here. Argh... it is so frustrating. This was MY place for ME. Like I haven’t had enough taken away from me. So if I continue to chat with old bf, I will find a casual way to let him know about Jack (I could be completely misreading his interest and he could be dating someone too for all I know). I will also continue to think about what it is I would like to do about my R with Jack regardless of this other guy being interested or not. I think that is the thing I need to figure out the most.
That makes two of us; I don't really get my advice either. All I know is, if anything goes wrong, it's Jack's fault. (And, if the XH's OW is reading this, you should know that I'm giving her the finger.)
I’ll give Little Miss Snoopy Snoop the finger too. Can’t wait for her Karma.
There’s a difference between entertaining the possibility of someone else when you are married and dating though.
With dating, your getting to know someone and trying to figure out if there is a future. With marriage, both of you already agreed to committing to a future - through both the good times and hard times. Plus kids are involved in the mix.
Now when your dating someone that you are head over heels with and wanting to grow old with - are you gonna consider someone else? So something to evaluate. If your settling for someone you don’t really consider a future with, it does keep you from meeting the right person. In my last relationship, there were so many things I didn’t like about him. We weren’t compatible and I don’t know why I settled and stayed for as long as I did. I really don’t.
I do think you have to be fair and honest to everyone around though. Like if you meet up, you should be able to be honest with both guys. “Hey I’m meeting up with an old friend I caught up with on Facebook” you should be able to say that. If not, there’s more to it and then you have to assess “why is there more to it? Am I really happy?” But don’t be afraid to negotiate for what’s best for you in life either.
In my world, any type of lying is lying, any secret, no matter how small, will eat away at you. If it was totally innocent, then the high school friend wouldn’t be occupying so much space in your head.
Speak to Jack about it. Tell him he is an old school friend who you would like to catch up with. Honesty (as AS said) is always the best policy. If it were me, I’d even invite Jack along.
Happy NY my online friend. Hope all is well in your world.
I do enjoy speaking with you, and I have suggestions I’d like to pass along; not mention the ideas and suggestions from you as well. And it is really unfortunate that Snoopy McSnooperson is reading along. So let’s talk about that first.
H and OW read your diary. Well even more than your diary. Damage done. And you survived!
This was your place. I get it. Your refuge from the storm.
What can you do? No particular order just throwing things about, and seeing what sticks.
1) Ask to have all your posts locked away. Of course there is no need now, as they all been read.
2) Continue to post and live a great life, ignoring the snoopers. A great life is really the best revenge if you want or need to assuage that vengeance we all have. A great life is really the best - period.
3) Create a new ID and continue from there. Realizing dropping clues to let other know who you are could be picked up by H.
Personally, I think unless you are willing and wanting to just walk away, option 2 is the best.
H is going to be in your life. You’ve already had to figure out ways to deal with his other behaviours. This is just another “thing” to figure out. Let him read. You are moving on to greener pastures, who cares what he thinks.
He may attempt to stir up trouble. Yeah, like that hasn’t happened before. You handle that too.
Now that’s just me, from the sidelines, empathically seeing what I would most likely do. Live in the light - bright and shinning. What can he do then?
I think you hit the nail directly on the head of why I shouldn’t and won’t tell my XW about this place. Your pretty wise yourself.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
It has brought to light some questions I have been avoiding answering within myself, I think. So I’m struggling with those...
I have some feedback. And I know you are looking for some.
Is this the forum and place you still wish to discuss it?
I have no problem speaking with H or OW potentially listening in. I am however here for you, not them.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I really like your take on things DnJ. I, too, wondered about the utility of starting a new thread under a different name for the same reason. Any hint I would give you about who I am could easily be read by XH and OW so in many ways it would be a pointless endeavour. So I think I will post when I feel I need to regardless. In terms of XH doing something to make life difficult for me...he’s already done that. I don’t think there is anything more he could do or would do. He knows what an a$$ he has been to me and he knows I am a good person and that he deserves every bad thought I have had about him so he’s not looking to get “back” at me. Hopefully he and OW have stopped reading and are focusing on their own lives. At the end of the day, XH and I are still committed co-parents and none of this has changed that. We love our kids.
Jack and I had a big talk on Monday. Something we had both been avoiding, I think. I told him that I think he is probably going to need to accept a job far away from here and that I don’t want him to be turning down opportunities because of me. We also talked about the reality of our situation in that we are at very different stages in our lives. I’ll be retiring in ten or so years and wanting to travel with hopefully my “last love”. He has about 25 years of work left and could, if he wanted, still have a family if he met the right person. He’s not sure a wife and kids is the path he wants to take but he’s not sure it isn’t either. We also talked about the fact that I haven’t met anyone in his family even though it has been nine months and he confirmed what I had suspected. He’s been avoiding that too because he thinks that while they will like me, they will probably not like me FOR HIM because of our age difference and he doesn’t want them weighing in on his life in that way and they have not been on the best of terms lately anyway.
So we have pretty much broken up only he has been staying with me since Saturday and hasn’t left yet. I think both of us are reluctant for him to leave. Breaking up with someone because you have gotten to a place where you don’t want to be with them anymore is one thing. Breaking up with someone because you don’t think your relationship has a future but you still love that person is another. I think he meant it when he told me I am his best friend and in many ways, he has been mine so giving that up is hard. We are really hoping to stay friends in some capacity but it obviously won’t be the same. He’ll probably text me more though...lol.
I had a chat with D12 on Tuesday after we had driven some friends home who had been at my NYE party (it was fun btw...way too much food though). I told her that she likely wouldn’t be seeing too much of Jack after he goes home this time and why. She said she understood and that she likes him but she gets why we wouldn’t necessarily be a fit long term. I told her that I was feeling kinda bad for introducing him to her and her brother so early on but she said she prefers it that way. She’s not worried about getting too attached to anyone because she has a dad. But she said she doesn’t like the idea of me dating anyone she hasn’t met. She said if I was going out with someone, she would want to know who that person is. D12 really is an old soul sometimes.
Junior High bf (I’ll call him Brook...not his name...lol) messaged me on NYE to say happy new year and I responded in kind but haven’t messaged him since. Like I said in my earlier post... I am curious about who the person he has become and will probably want to meet him for coffee at some point but I’m not counting on it. I was just more concerned about what my (potential) interest in him says about my R with Jack.
2020 hasn’t been a good year for me so far. At home sick with a wicked cold that suddenly came on yesterday. Already on my third box of Kleenex and have had to take two sick days. Hopefully I’ll be through the worst of it by Monday so I can go back to work and play in my pool league.
I am so sorry about jack. I have been there. It’s difficult for things to end not because it wasn’t working, but for fundamental reasons as you did. It’s going to sting. But keeping ties might make things difficult for a while. And odds are you won’t totally break it off you keep ties. Staying friends with a lover you still love is really difficult . But what you do is your decision. I do think you have a lot to look forward to in the future and finding that forever partner who is in a similar place you can retire with will be pretty awesome
My D12 prefers to meet my dates too. I decide when that’s appropriate. And it isnt always appropriate. I’m cool now with if I had went on like 5-10 dates with a guy, and he came in the house to pick me up, sure she can meet him. She knows I date. And she’s an excellent judge of character But I still would not do an extended hang out time with a guy with my daughter around until I think we are going somewhere. That’s just me though. It is a loss having that person around for them, even though they have a dad. It’s a new presence. And when that presence is gone, it’s felt by them.
I’m sorry you are feeling It’s respiratory season and everyone around me I’ll. Try to take good care of yourself. Love yourself a little extra.
It's a weird feeling when a relationship ends because it should and not because one side pulls the plug.
I hope you are feeling better soon.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I dated someone younger when I was separated from my ex. I think I was just looking for a distraction and never really attached emotionally. That generation of men wasn’t ideal for me and I am so much happier being with someone that’s in a similar life stage. The right guy is gonna want to show you off to friends and family and is gonna put in tons of effort to show you how much he appreciates you. Don’t settle for less. I did and I look back and really regret that I wasn’t demanding more for myself. You have so much going for you. And that was a tough thing you did but took a lot of strength. Rooting for you!
The age difference was always a factor in Jack’s and your relationship. You were not the only one to feel a little uncomfortable, Jack did too, not with you but how his family would respond.
Your joint discussion and choice to break up was a mature and honourable way. And I understand your feelings towards Jack’s possible future employment opportunities and him having to turn them down.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I told her that she likely wouldn’t be seeing too much of Jack after he goes home this time and why. She said she understood and that she likes him but she gets why we wouldn’t necessarily be a fit long term. I told her that I was feeling kinda bad for introducing him to her and her brother so early on but she said she prefers it that way. She’s not worried about getting too attached to anyone because she has a dad. But she said she doesn’t like the idea of me dating anyone she hasn’t met. She said if I was going out with someone, she would want to know who that person is. D12 really is an old soul sometimes.
This is gold. Ensure you listen to what she asked.
Who you date isn’t “really” D12’s business, and yet kind of is at the same time. It’s more that she knows you are dating than who. Of course meeting that person after a certain amount of time is appropriate. She cares about, and shows concern for, you.
Do as requested. Daughter is learning how to date. You are her role model, and she is watching. You are setting a fine example of how to be open and honest when dating and a good and proper way of breaking up. She needs to know this; just keep being you.
I know you feel bad for introducing D12 to Jack and now things are changed. However, she’s actually asked you to not change. That is a pretty big validation from her. It is also a foretelling of how she will probably behave. Introducing you to her boyfriends, looking for your approval, and such.
Our children see their MLC/WAS parent go off the rails, and they hopefully get to see the other end of the spectrum as well. That’s on us LBSs to do. And you are doing really well.
I am glad you like my take on things. You deciding to continue on this forum is something I am happy about. Your courage and the realization that H really can’t do too much to you anymore is good to see. Hopefully he just goes about his life, and keeps coparenting well.
I would give yourself some time before meeting up with Brook. His chance entrance into your life was a catalyst of you looking at your R with Jack; it was not the reason. Best to keep those separate. You were concerned and questioned what ”Brook” meant regarding the R. You found some answers; find the rest. Then ease back into the pool.
Besides there is an inquisitive old soul watching and learning.
This was just one of life’s curveballs, and you have much to be proud of.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I'm so sorry it didn't work out with Jack and that you aren't feeling well. I have no wise words, beyond do what you can to take care of yourself. Soup, fluids, sappy movies if necessary, whatever it takes. You will get through this. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Hi DV, I just caught up with your sitch. When I thought you stopped posting I stopped checking in for a bit.
I am sorry to hear about Jack, but also glad you found the answer to your frequent question. It was a good relationship. It was a valued, important, and loving relationship. And now is the time to gently step away from it with affection for one another.
I'm sure you'll grieve this ending, but I hope you also celebrate it. It was a different dynamic than you've had before, and it sounds like it was enjoyable for quite a long while. That is a successful relationship.
I'm glad you're here a bit and haven't completely left. Wishing you a happy 2020.
Agree with the above. My post divorce relationships haven’t all taken the shape I expected, but they were all valuable and dropping my expectations of them allowed me to appreciate them for what they were. This relationship helped you regain your mojo and heal from your divorce. And you’ll be all the better for it in future relationships.
Day 6 of this stupid cold. Had to take another sick day and may end up taking another one tomorrow. It will be a game time decision. Getting pretty tired of lazing around but don’t have the energy to do much else. Watched A LOT of hockey so that was the one bonus.
Jack finally left on Sunday. It was a bit emotional. I’m not sure it had really dawned on him what breaking up might mean as he said, “wait...does this mean I can’t come see you on weekends anymore?” Uh...kinda. The good news is that I think it has freed him up to look at jobs on the mainland as he mentioned he might make a trip over there this week sometime even though he doesn’t want to go there and his family doesn’t want him to go there. For someone who claims not to be very close to his family, he sure does consider their opinions in his decision making. Anyway....he told me he loved me and hugged me goodbye. We joked (kinda) about maybe being FWB. I’ve never thought of myself as being someone who could “handle” a FWB situation but with him, I can almost picture it...lol. IDK. We are friends at the very least and want the best for each other. We are both pretty clear on that point.
Traded a few messages with Brook yesterday during the World Juniors Hockey game. Yay Canada!!! He was at work but apparently lots of patients and staff were watching it so it was a bit of a party on the ward that he was working on. Sounded like a great time.
I'm sorry things didn't work out with Jack. I look at you now and think how very different you are in your attitude to this breakup compared to what you were like this time last year when the reality of your breakup with H was hitting you. I know it is not the same. You did not have a planned future together. There were no hopes and dreams. No expectations. Just the here and now. I guess that's the difference - the expectation of a future together. Jack didn't blow up your life. Throughout your (albeit) brief relationship, you maintained a sense of yourself as a person. I think that would definitely be my takeaway - never lose ourselves in an R because its bl**dy painful finding the road back if it goes t*ts up.
Your life is your life. Full with or without someone. Hard lesson to learn. But worth it, I think.
I'm glad you're posting again. If exH/OW continues to read that is on them. And well, at this point, it's just really sad.
Oh, and I like flirty DV. Have fun out there and be careful.
Thanks FS. TBH...deep down I think I always knew that Jack and I didn’t have a long term future so I’ve been preparing for a break up this whole time. I suspect that he has been too which is why I think it will actually be quite easy for us to maintain a friendship. Neither of us feels hurt by the other. Like you so accurately noted...I didn’t lose myself in this relationship and neither did he. I have a history of going “all in” and losing myself which is a big set up for heartbreak so I’m glad I didn’t do that this time. This is the new DV I guess.
Thankfully, though, I don’t think the new DV has lost her ability to trust other people which I am glad about. Speaking of that... I watched a documentary the other day on Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver and the story of the demise of their marriage due to his long term affair with their housekeeper. One of the questions that kept coming up was how it was that she didn’t know what was happening “right under her nose”. How could someone so intelligent not see what was right in front of her face? I wondered that about myself numerous times and spent some time feeling pretty stupid when XH’s double life came to light. Anyway...they interviewed a divorce attorney who looked as if he was nearing the end of his career and he said, in his experience, there are two kinds of people in a marriage. The first is someone who always trusts their spouse and the second is someone who never trusts their spouse. Maria Shriver is one of the first people. She didn’t see what was happening because she wasn’t looking for it...she trusted him completely. I realized that I am one of those people too. It helps to know that.
Me too Bttrfly. But I also know that if XH ever tried to answer any of them, I couldn’t really trust the answers anyway. So, as is so often said on here, it is a cheeseless tunnel I don’t need to go down. I’m just going to keep moving forward secure in the knowledge that I don’t need to know the answers to those questions to know that I am better off.
yep.. I'm also in that category. now with 2020 hindsight, there are some questions I have, that would truthfully be better off left unanswered.
Me too, bttrfly!
While in my marriage, I believed most of what my ex told me, so beside the initial sleeping with ex girlfriend the night before we married, which I thought we worked through, I didn't see suspicious things and assume the worst. Now though I look back and there are quite a few incidents that I suspect I missed what was really happening.
The surfing buddy who "broke up" with my ex because he felt my ex had made a pass at his wife. I assumed it was a misunderstanding (my ex was very extroverted and friendly) but now of course I suspect it was true.
The time my ex told me a story about a hooker coming to his hotel room by mistake on a business trip? I think he was subconsciously trying to tell me he actually slept with a hooker.
The pregnant woman coworker he took to Lilith Fair because I was working - I assumed she was safe because she was pregnant and married - now, who knows???
That night he went to play music at the home of an Asian woman musician and the other guy who was supposed to be there didn't show up, and ex was kinda "off" afterward - did he make a pass at her? (her being Asian is only significant because ex had a "thing" for Asian women and his new wife is Asian.)
If you are a normal, trusting spouse married to someone who MOST of the time seems like a loving responsible partner, you're just not searching for red flags and minor inconsistencies. And someone who has a sociopathic streak can be REALLY GOOD at gaslighting you.
I guess that's why I'm always talking about red flags now, because I know that I personally am not good at noticing them and have to work more to see them early on.
I wonder why I didn't make more of a stink about certain things, but I do remember being very, very upset when he changed his facebook relationship status from married to none. this was maybe two years before BD. He had no explanation either.
Overall, I'd rather be trusting than constantly suspicious. I couldn't live with someone who was constantly suspicious, and frankly, wouldn't be comfortable. better to be alone, than not trusting anyone.
I remember wondering at the beginning of this mess how I could ever trust anyone again. Then after a while I realized that not everyone is like exh, some are worse and some are better. But the most important person to trust is myself and my instincts about people. Those are usually spot on. Gives me hope for the future.
I really am sorry about Jack DV, but I sense that you will both remain friends.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Sorry about the situation with Jack. But, relationships come into our lives for a reason even if only for a season. Maybe the purpose of this one was to remind you that there are good men out there so that you could see the brighter possibilities ahead.
I too tend to have a “I’ll trust you until you give me a reason not to” l attitude; even with my teens.
But, that said, one of the things I have really learned about myself is I somehow attract players. I think my ex had this in his DNA too but tried to keep it on the down low until his MLC struck and it became so clear he measured his worth by how many women found him attractive.
So, after my divorce, I kept getting hit on by players. I met lots of guys at Pickleball and kept attracting the same type! One guy asked me to play a tournament with him (very innocent) and then started hitting on me via text. I was flattered as he was athletic and funny and attractive. Then I heard he had a girlfriend and was so turned off that he texts other women like that. Gross.
So, for me, I stopped paying attention to guys who hit on me. I saw the pattern. And I went the opposite way by watching guys, asking a lot of trustworthy people about them and really paying attention to who they were. The guy I am seeing now is a guy who says he would never ask me out due to lack of courage plus he is shy! So for the first time in my life I initiated conversations with him as we played Pickleball. It took him FOREVER to ask me out on a date.
Long sorry short: I am a trusting person but I no longer have trust in the type I was attracting.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Thanks you guys. I appreciate all of your support and understanding. I am good on the Jack front. He texted me today out of the blue which hasn’t happened in a couple months. I knew he would text me more if we broke up...lol. Even asked me how I was. I agree with you Bttrfly. I think we will be able to stay friends.
Wow...stunning line in this show I am currently hooked on. A woman whose husband had an affair with a mutual friend and she’s telling him that she’s not sure she can past it or why she should even try. She says... “I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out why you’ve done the things you’ve done. What I really need to figure out is why don’t I think I deserve more.” Boy did that ever hit home.
Been exchanging messages with Brook every couple of days. He’s turned into a pretty good man, I think. I thought maybe he was an LBS but it sounds as if he and his wife made a mutual decision to split. If you’re going to D, that the best way to do it for sure. He texted me tonight from work. Apparently he is working a graveyard shift. It’s been nice chatting with him. It’s only been 36 years since we last had any kind of a conversation...lol. Life is interesting, if nothing else. (((HUGS))) to all.
So...I’m about 85% better after a really crappy week of a severe cold. In addition to fighting off an illness, I’m also fighting some nerves this morning. I’ve been chatting online with Brook all week and today my D12 and I are heading to my home town to watch some basketball games. I had mentioned to Brook that D12 was starting to get into basketball but hadn’t really seen it played at a higher level so he suggested I bring her to the tournament to see how much fun it can be. I mentioned it to her and she was super excited about the idea so it has become mommy/daughter day (XH’s day technically but he was happy to give it up so we could do this) and a way for Brook and I to lay eyes on each other without the pressure of a “first date”. I am still super nervous though. Even though I’ve seen his picture and he’s seen mine, he is still 17 in my head and I’m sure it is the same way for him. I am hoping, at the very least, that we have rekindled a good friendship but it is not lost on me what a great story it would be (and an ironic one) if we ended up in a relationship after 30 years and my first love became my last love.
Obviously there is a very slim chance of that happening but you never know. Certainly he is the kind of guy I had in my mind that would be a good match for me... close to my age, similar life stage, kids that he has a good relationship with, self sufficient with a good career, community-minded, positive outlook on life, tall, boyishly cute, active but not fanatically so and smart. And someone who will text me first...lol. Yesterday I was sitting down to lunch at work and thought that I should text him to see if his team won the night before and just as I was thinking that, my phone dinged and it was him telling me they had won...lol. Last night I texted him to say “good luck” and he took the time to thank me while he and his team were standing in the tunnel waiting to go out on the floor. So...it’s all pretty hopeful but I’ve learned not to put the cart before the horse so I’m keeping everything in perspective.
Speaking of texting... Jack has been finding a reason to text me every day....something he didn’t do when we were together. He now has the cold that I had last week so says he is spending all weekend in bed. I think he misses me. He really doesn’t have too many friends from what I can tell so I’m not surprised. I am really hopeful he and I can stay friends. I am also hoping he decides to take a job on the mainland. I think he really needs a fresh start.
Anyway...off to face the day. Really looking forward to spending it with D12 and showing her a little bit of what my world was like before I became her mom.
So...mommy/daughter day and my “non date” could not have gone any better!! My D12 and I had a great time. She said numerous times throughout the morning and afternoon how happy she was to be getting one on one time with me. We took a drive down to see my old house and my neighbour’s farm that I spent a lot of time at. She said she was jealous of my childhood that I could just go spend time on a farm whenever I wanted...lol. We then went out to lunch and she had a “typical teen” lunch... a basket of fries and garlic toast...lol. I thought about doing the mom thing and trying to get her to eat something healthier but part of going on a “road trip” is crap food and she was loving it...lol.
We got to the gym at around 2:30...about a game and a half before Brook’s team played. Ran into him just as we were approaching the gym entrance. He looks like him...just 30 years older with a shaved head...lol. We were chatting for about five minutes and then I heard my name. I looked over and standing their was my BEST guy friend from high school that I haven’t seen since about 2001. He was my locker partner in my senior year and he lived with me and my sister and a couple other girls during our first year of college. Both he and played basketball that year too. I was SOOO happy to see him. He knows Brook too cause they played basketball together so the three of us spent some time chatting and reminiscing. Brook had some things he had to do so my buddy, I’ll call him “Buddy”, came and sat with me and D12 in the stands and we chatted until he had to ref Brook’s game.
After the game, D12 and I watched a bit of the boys’ game. I noticed Brook standing at the gym entrance (standing room only at that point) so I decided to go down and talk with him as it probably would have been too awkward for him to come up to talk to me with the stands being jammed packed. Plus both his daughters were wandering around (he introduced me to the youngest) and I’m pretty sure I saw his ex wife too (I’ve seen her picture) so better to make it look like we just ran into each other at the door. We ended up talking non stop about our mutual interests until half time. He left to go to the bathroom and D12 came down from the stands so we decided we should head out before the roads got really icy. I texted Buddy to come and say goodbye and as we were saying goodbye, Brook returned and I told him I had to head out. I gave Buddy a hug goodbye and then Brook and it felt like he hugged me about five seconds longer than he needed to... like I started to pull away and he hugged me closer. Maybe I imagined it but I don’t think so.
When I got back to my place, I saw that he had texted me on my phone about 30 minutes after I left that he hoped I made it home safely and it was nice to see me. Thirty minutes after that, he sent me a similar message on Messenger...lol. So I answered him that it had gone well and we texted back and forth for another hour until he had to go to bed cause he was working at 7 a.m. the next morning. At the end of our conversation, he asked me if I would like to go out to lunch next time he is in my area. I told him that would be nice. This morning he texted me at 8 a.m. to ask if I had gotten up at 7 a.m. (I told him that is my version of sleeping in) and we texted on and off until he said he had to get some work done and would text me later.
So...a great weekend of reconnection. One with an old friend who is really like a brother to me (and we swore we would not lose touch again) and the second with an old boyfriend who just may turn out to be a new one... Who knows? He definitely ticks a lot of boxes and I wasn’t not attracted to him so that’s good. I’ve actually decided that I think I’m pretty much past the stage of falling for someone at first sight. I think, for me, it will be a good friendship that grows into something more. Brook definitely has that potential and I can totally see him fitting in with both my pool friends and my work friends so that’s a bonus too... as is the fact that he is 6’5” so I can wear whatever shoes I want and don’t have to worry about looking down on him. That will never happen unless he is sitting down...lol. And go figure...we didn’t meet on a dating app...lol. Although technically we did start talking to each other online but I’m giving myself a free pass on that one...lol.
Anyway...got a ton of stuff to do and I’ve already spent the morning lazing around... have to clean my house, do about four loads of laundry, make banana bread for my kids’ lunches (they are not sandwich kids) and walk the dogs. Wishing all of you a wonderful week!!!
(((HUGS)))
P.S. Saw my XH briefly when I picked my daughter up from his place. Honestly...I think I am about 95% over him. I leave 5% back because every once in awhile, a feeling will come up that takes me by surprise (usually connected to a memory) but, for the most part, when I see him, I just think “there’s a guy that I used to love” and that’s about it. No strong feelings - good or bad. That, my friends, feels like genuine detachment.
We never know what is beyond that next turn or rise on our path of life. Facing the future with a smile and song in your heart is best. And you are positively singing.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I just think “there’s a guy that I used to love” and that’s about it. No strong feelings - good or bad. That, my friends, feels like genuine detachment.
Well said.
DnJ
Hey there’s more down here.
Your kids aren’t sandwich kids?!? I’ve never heard of such a thing.
How about marshmallows and chocolate syrup? With crushed Fruit Loops sprinkled on top. I’m sure they’d like those. Lol.
Just kidding around. That’s a silly sandwich. Everyone knows you need bacon with marshmallows.
Hmmmm. Now where’d I put that chocolate syrup?
If I ate that my singing heart would be in humming bird overdrive.
Have a great day.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
So... I have a “date” on Wednesday with Brook. Well...that’s the plan anyway. Currently there is a snowfall warning and there is a bit of a mountain pass between him and I so we may just have to postpone it a week. Not a bad thing. We texted back and forth from about 7 pm to 11 pm last night. I think I was laughing outloud for 80% of it. I told him I forgave him a few years ago for dumping me in the 9th grade...:D. We remembered how we met and that we went to ET together. He told me how nervous he was to ask me out back then and how he was even worried he might ask my sister out by mistake...lmao. Said I was intimidating...even back then. “Strong, intelligent, conviction (whatever that means)”...said he “wasn’t ready for that” and he just wanted to party and play basketball. He actually went to Europe with a provincial all star team after graduation and got asked to play professionally over there but then got injured and that ended that. He’s not bitter though. Says “all things happen for a reason.” It was just so fun talking to him...like reliving our childhood a bit and I got to hear his side of things which was cool. Oh...and I still don’t get to escape the musician thing. He plays the drums and piano and likes to sing. Seriously!?! I never would have guessed that in a million years.
We’re going to play some pool. He says he hates to lose so I may have to play him some one-on-one bball so he can redeem himself. Uh...haven’t played in years. I think I better let him win at pool so I can avoid the humiliation..lmao. Life really is full of surprises. Was texting with XH this morning over the weather and other kid stuff and I mentioned to him that Jack and I had broken up. He said he was sorry and that D12 had really been warming up to him. I told him about my reconnection and he wished me luck. It was nice. Felt like I was just chatting with a friend. Did NOT think I would ever get there with him. Even though we will never be the kind of friends who hang out together, it is nice that we can chat once in awhile and wish each other well. I really am detached and it feels unbelievably good. I am moving ahead and looking forward to whatever life has in store for me. This chance meeting with Brook has really shown me just how random life can be and how your life can be one way one minute and completely different the next. You just have to trust that things will work out in the end...one way or another. And regardless...that you will be okay as long as you keep a PMA and stay true to yourself and your values.
Update...date had to be postponed. He texted me today to say he had forgotten he had moved his team’s bball practice to that day because of the tournament coming up this weekend. Apologized profusely and professed his disappointment as he had been really looking forward to seeing me. We agreed we would get together soon.
TBH...I’m not too disappointed. I’m enjoying our conversations and that’s okay for now. I have seen him so I know there is an attraction there. Just gives me time to practice up my pool so I make sure I really kick his a$$...lol.
Awww...thanks Bttrfly. So nice to know people are reading my updates and rooting for me. I’m beaming too... can you tell??? When I think back to how much pain I was in a year ago, this feels like a frickin miracle to me!!! An honest-to-gawd miracle. The miracle, I think, is this board and the wonderful collection of hearts and minds that contribute to it. I know for certain I would not be where I am today without all of you. You are all truly blessings from God and my heart is full. (((HUGS)))
Okay... so maybe not my final thread after all. Taking DnJ’s advice and “living in the light”. Snow day today. School is cancelled so I am going to wait a couple hours before I get in my car and try to make it in to work.
Been texting every day with Brook. He is so sweet. Everything that bothered me about Jack and his texting habits is the exact opposite of Brook. He texts me every morning to say good morning and that he hopes I have a good day. And every night to say goodnight and to have a good sleep. And he texts me half way through my day to ask how things are going. We talk about random things throughout the day and have lots of meaningful exchanges about topics that we are both passionate about... mental health, social justice, kids, giving back, etc... We’ve shared a lot of memories and a lot of laughs. It has just been really, really easy reconnecting with him. I never thought in a million years that I would ever talk with him again since we barely spoke in high school. But if someone had asked me who, in my childhood, I would like to see again to find out how they turned out, he would have definitely been at the top of my list. Guess that is saying something.
I was talking to my XMIL about it yesterday. She thinks it is FANTASTIC. She is so happy that I broke up with Jack. She says she wants me to be with someone who wants to take care of me for a change instead of the other way around. She also told me about a friend of hers who is 80 and recently reconnected with the boyfriend she had when she was 14. They live in different towns but are dating and she often travels to stay with him for a few days and vice versa and they are both really happy. So...it happens...even at 80. Anyway...I am loving our conversations but I am really, really looking forward to seeing him in person again. Despite this, I am glad that both of us are really busy and he lives an hour away because it forces us to take things slow which is never a bad thing.
And before anyone suggests I might be on the “rebound” from Jack, I know that this is not what this is. TBH...I think, deep down, I knew from the start that Jack and I were never going to last. I just wasn’t ready to admit it to myself. And once I did and I made the decision to end things, I realized very quickly that I had done the right thing. I wish him well and there are no hard feelings whatsoever, on either side, so I feel really good about it and have no regrets.
I do see a lot of people who reconnect with schoolmates - there's something I think about being with someone who remembers you as you were when you were young that is attractive.
Yeah...and they also remember you when you were attractive....lmao
Sadly, some of us never got out of the ugly duckling stage. I'm older, wiser, but still in that stage...well, I'm not a duckling now but an old duck. LOL
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
To be honest, jack sounded more like the rebound guy. So far, Brook sounds like a guy that’s gonna show you what a relationship should be like.
For myself, being with someone that is into me and being with someone that makes huge amounts of effort - and demonstrates through actions - that he wants to be a partner, has taught me so much. I realized everything that was missing in my marriage. And how my marriage was just so dysfunctional - not because of me (I was definitely gaslighted) but because of my ex.
I think maybe we need bad relationships to learn from but also good ones too. The bad ones help us appreciate it when a truly good and compatible person comes along. The good and compatible partners help to teach us what not to accept. Like if you had known what it felt like to have Brook text and make effort - would you have put up with not receiving that from Jack?
Again, I’m so happy that you met someone that seems appreciative of you. You totally deserve it. And wishing you the best.
Dawn... I highly doubt that you are an ugly duckling and I’m pretty sure Sparky would vehemently disagree!!
Juju... Thank you. You are right about Jack. I knew it too. It was just difficult to give up the physical affection that he brought to the table. I hadn’t had that in a long time. But the other stuff was hard to ignore over time. I need someone who is a better match with me from a soul perspective if that makes any sense.
Trying really hard not to get too excited about Brook but it is so hard not to. We texted last night until 1 a.m. I told him I was thinking about how many times I had seen his name on FB and never thought to add him and then this time I just did and I have no idea why. I asked him why he messaged me because I think I’ve rarely messaged people after accepting a friend request. Generally I just check out their page and that’s it. He said that something just told him that he was supposed to. He’s a big believer in fate and the universe having a plan and things happening for a reason. We are both kind of amazed at how much we have in common now. We have very similar views on things too. It’s almost too good to be true. I was joking about how I knew he would come to his senses one day (after breaking up with me in the ninth grade) and he said he was an idiot when he was 14 and is glad I forgave him...lol. Better late than never!!!
Anyway...it is looking like the roads will be okay for his basketball trip and it is likely he will be working after he gets back for a few days but hopefully we will find some time to see each other next week. Texting is fun but I really want to physically see him again.
Well, I’ll get really excited for you! Because there is nothing like the comfort of an old friend where maybe then it wasn’t the time or place, but now the time and place might be right. I love it
Thanks G. I love you for always being there for everyone and wishing them well even when you are struggling with things in your own life. I hope it helps you to know that all of us on here know what a catch you are and are keeping you in our prayers every day that you will find what you are looking for or, even better, that what you are looking for will find you!!! I firmly believe there will come a time in your life when you look back on everything you have gone through and you will realize..."Ah...yes...THAT's why everything happened the way it did. It makes PERFECT sense now." I know that will happen for you. Have faith. Keep your PMA and don't forget that we are all here cheering you on. (((HUGS)))
Marathon text conversations with Brook continue. We are learning more and more about each other and it is kinda scary how similar we are. He told me what happened in his marriage. I WISH mine had ended the way his did. He said when his eldest daughter graduated from high school and his XW started early menopause, she really started thinking about her future and apparently he wasn’t in any of those thoughts. So they went to MC and decided to try nesting for awhile. He said they hoped they would find out that they missed each other but what they both discovered is that they liked being apart and were happier. So they decided to make it a permanent situation. No anger or particularly bad feelings. He says they aren’t really friends though. They met at a low point in both of their lives and liked the stability and white picket fence life they built together but there were never really good friends. Not a lot in common. For much of their marriage, he worked shift work so they didn’t see much of each other. Then he took a job teaching at the college that she worked at and they were together 24/7. He said it really shone a spotlight on their relationship and things kind of deteriorated from there.
So of course I told him how things went with my marriage. He was flabbergasted. Said I should write a book because it is an unbelievable story. Yeah...no kidding. Anyway...we also talked about this strange connection we have and even though we know objectively that we don’t REALLY know each other (36 years is a long time), it feels like we do. Not going to put pressure on ourselves to turn it into something super serious but we both feel like it has the potential for at least a really good friendship. Anything more would be a bonus.
We have a date next weekend as he has it off. He just has to check with his daughters first to see what their plans are (good dad!!!) and then we are going to figure something out. I’m excited to see him again in person. Texting is fun but I want to know if that connection and familiarity is there with the physical person. I know it was when we were 14 but that was a really long time ago...lol. Speaking of daughters...SD20 is coming over this weekend to see me and the kids. Boyfriend is staying home so we will have a really good visit.
Have also had a couple texting conversation with Jack this week. My conversations with Brook have really highlighted what was missing in my R with him. We just don’t talk about anything important. We basically just said “hi”, “how are you”, and “what do you think of this crazy weather”. Lots of snow so schools were closed for a couple days. Open today but another snowfall warning for tonight. Hopefully it won’t be as bad as they are predicting. (((HUGS))) to all!!!
Yes, but what a gift Jack was. I know you see it too. He came at the right time in your life (when you were doing good after the D, but also loving the attention in a very healthy way). And it was not-too-serious so that you could be invested but not OVERLY invested. He really helped you put all the yucky feelings behind you.
I guess that's how I read Jack. I want a Jack, but not yet. (K, maybe a Jacqueline!). I know I'll get there. Something respectful and lovely and fun. It was the mutual respect that really showed through, and that I think was key to all of this working out so well.
You are so right Yail. He was EXACTLY what I needed to just get me that extra step past all of it. I will be forever grateful for him and for the gift that he gave me. I will always love him for it. I just know it is not the kind of love that I need long term and he was not the “one”...just too many differences and it would have been too hard over the long haul. I need someone who is in the same place in life and that wasn’t about his age. I am sure there are 38 year olds out there in similar places in their lives (other than years left to retirement). Jack is living the life of a 25 year-old and he does not have a desire to change that anytime soon. As I think you said in a previous post...I needed to decide if I could be okay with that. It is so bizarre to me that I as soon as I made that decision, Brook came into my life. The world works in mysterious ways. <3
Another marathon texting session with Brook last night. Gosh you guys... he is just so different from the OLD people I’ve met. No games. Straight forward. Curious. Thoughtful. Generous. Introspective. Funny. Self-reflective. Forgiving. Positive. Honest. He says he loves talking to me and it is hard to just put down the phone. It was like that when I saw him too... non-stop talking. No awkwardness at all. We are definitely a match intellectually and emotionally...scarily so. The physical part has yet to be determined though and I am, quite frankly, terrified...lol. Hoping to put that off for as long as possible...lol.
I told him I was shocked that D12 hugged him when he left last weekend. I didn’t realize but she had gotten up to “go for a walk” when we were watching the boys play and ran into him in the hallway. They apparently had a nice conversation. He commented that she is very self confident and looked him in the eye the entire time they were talking. It makes sense now why she told me she really likes him. I didn’t think she had had much interaction with him but turns out she did. I had started to wonder why she was gone so long. She didn’t mention running into him when she got back either. Maybe she was checking him out for me...lol. She is an old soul that kid of mine. So blessed.
Oh...totally embarrassing moment last night. Buddy texted me while I was texting with Brook. I told him Brook and I had a date next weekend and then texted...”I was so in love with him when I was 14.” As soon as I hit “send”, I realized I had sent it to Brook by mistake...lol. I followed it up with ... “OMG. Wrong person.” He thought it was hilarious and helped me save face by saying he kinda knew that already...lol. Still...now he knows I was talking about him...lol. He did ask me what Buddy thought about us going out and I truthfully told him that Buddy thought it was “great”. Definitely a good sign that Buddy approves because they played on a team together so he knows his character. And Buddy loves me like a sister so I know he would definitely voice his concerns if he had any.
SD20 arrived last night. Gawd I love that kid!! She has so much energy. She came running out from the ferry and fell into my care giggling because the weather was so gross and she was running like she was worried she was going to slip and fall. Last night I was in my room and I could here her in the kitchen with the twins talking non stop. I like to give them some alone time when she is here. She takes her role as big sister very seriously and always wants to check in with them and make sure they are okay without a parent listening in. I gave her a silver bracelet I had ordered for her for Christmas that didn’t make it in time. It has waves engraved on the outside and on the inside it says...”To my bonus daughter. I may not have given you the gift of life, but life gave me the gift of you.” She cried a little. One of her biggest fears when me and her dad separated is that she would lose me. I wanted her to know how important she is to me so she doesn’t worry about that anymore.
XH and I have had some really positive text exchanges lately. I must say... getting to a place of total detachment really helps with that. Even with everything that has happened, including the reading of all my posts on here, I have no more animosity towards him. I just want us to be good parents to our kids and the easiest way for that to happen is for us to have a friendly relationship. I don’t think we will ever be friends that hang out but we can be friendly and work together. I have realized that I feel like my best self when we are getting along and I no longer care if he deserves my forgiveness or not because I know that I do. (((HUGS))) to all!!! Hope you have a fantastic weekend!!!
Had an out-of-the-blue text from Jack. He misses me. Wanted to know if we could spend the night together and cuddle. He then added that if I was seeing someone, he would probably prefer not to know. Ugh. That sucked. So I texted him that I didn’t know what to say and he texted that I should just say no and that I am seeing someone. Only he just said that he didn’t want to know. So...I basically revisited the reasons we broke up and told him that I can’t go backwards. I declined to comment on my dating status. Technically I’m not “seeing” someone at the moment even though Brook and I are likely heading down that path. But...I just didn’t see the point in hurting him any more than I already have and the reasons we broke up are not about anyone else. Even if there was no Brook, I would still Honestly...I don’t think it is “me” that he is missing so much as he is missing the vacation from his life that I am to him. He still needs to find a job...and a direction... I can’t be that for him. Knowing him like I do, it took a lot for him to text me and admit that he misses me. It really, really hurt to turn him down but I know it is for the best.
Haven’t heard from Jack so I think he has accepted what I said. I looked back at our exchange and it reminded me of all of the others...me doing 90% of the talking and him giving me very little back. Even though he is the one who contacted me, he still took an hour to get back to me in the middle of our conversation. I just need more in a relationship. I need an equal partner who gives as much as he gets. Jack had some really good qualities - honest, affectionate, talented, smart, funny... but there were also some significant challenges that would have gotten more significant over time. Maybe in my 30s I might have rolled the dice on those but not in my 50s. I know now what I want and what I need.
Brook’s team won the tournament last night. He texted me to let me know and then texted when he was getting ready to drive the bus back home. He then texted me when he got home to let me know he made it safe and sound and we had a brief conversation before saying good night. I love that he texted me he had arrived safe without me asking him to. He is just a thoughtful person and he is thinking about me and knows I am the kind of person who would want a “made it home safe” text.
I am really looking forward to our date next week. I just want to see him before our texting relationship raises the roof on expectations. Thankfully we have seen each other once and talked in person but it wasn’t the high pressure situation of a one-on-one date. Even just thinking about it I can feel the butterflies starting. This week is going to crawl by!!!
Just got the nicest text from my younger brother. Makes me think I have done something right in my life. I was telling him that I had run into Brook again (he remembers him and “nothing bad comes to mind” thankfully) and we have lots in common and a date next weekend.
To this he replied... “All people can find things in common, especially you. You can find things in common with most people. You are eminently interested in things people are interested in. It’s what makes you one of the most likeable people I’ve ever known. You need to stop and deliberately look at what you need as the important thing. After what you’ve been through, you need to make sure what you want in life is met. I love you sis, and support whatever you choose. I just hope you look out for you. I’m not there to do it for you. I’d like to be, for all the times you did it for me.” <3.
I am so blessed to have the relationship I have with my siblings. There is great love in my life whether I find “the one” or not. Wishing all of you the same... (((HUGS)))
Okay...Brook just keeps getting better. Last night I was super tired and we were supposed to chat so I sent him a good night text saying that I was fading fast and needed to get some sleep. When I woke up this morning, I was surprised I didn’t have a response (would have been the norm for Jack). Went to the gym and when I got back, there was a text waiting for me apologizing for not saying good night. He had been talking to his daughter and when he looked at his phone and saw my text, he thought that I was probably sleeping so didn’t want to risk waking me with a text. OMG...he is almost too good to be true. The weekend cannot get here fast enough. Happy Monday everyone!!! (((HUGS)))
That is normal!!!! Jac was not and you deserved better.
My last boyfriend would just stop respond kid text and I would think we were still having a conversation via text. It drove me nuts. Like if your busy or something comes up, just say “gotta go” but it was just nothing. I’m just so glad to not have him around anymore.
And also wanted to add... that I view jack saying he still wants to spend the night with you and just doesn’t want to know about another guy as disrespectful. Cause he’s saying your good enough to sleep with but not good enough for the rest. Men that love you Aren’t ok with sharing. He’s playing games and when you start seeing how brook treats you, I think it will stand out more.
So thrilled for you! I hope you have an awesome date. Totally agree with Juju....men who love and respect you don't expect you to not talk about other guys while still sleeping with them, but then hold you at arm's length for any real emotional connections. You deserve so much more.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Thanks everyone. I was interested in reading your take on my interaction with Jack. I actually didn’t read it that way. I thought he was saying that if I didn’t want him to come over and the reason was that I am seeing someone, then he didn’t want to know that was the reason. I just thought he was protecting himself. Regardless...whatever it is...I do deserve more that what he was able and/or willing to give and I am happy about the decision I made. I didn’t expect to have someone more suited fall into my lap the way that Brook did but maybe this is just how things were supposed to go. If I had added him as a FB friend nine months ago when I first started dating, I don’t think he was in a place at that time to go down that road and probably wouldn’t have contacted me. The timing is perfect. And if this turns out to be my forever love than I will be eternally grateful for all of it... even XH and all of his antics.
J, D & G... you guys are so awesome. Thanks for all of your support and for cheering me on. G... I have no idea why things have been so tough for you in the love department. Sometimes the reasons for things are never clear until we get where we are supposed to be. In my case, Brook was not even on the market a year ago so it had to be now. Maybe there is a Brook out there for you that just isn’t quite ready to find you yet. Please don’t give up.
As soon as my date is done, you can bet I will be giving you an update. I am so, so, so nervous and excited and borderline terrified...lol. This just feels different. I hope I am right.
Cool your jets, DV. This is exciting and new but don’t be in any rush to fall into a “forever love”. Infatuation is nice and he sounds like a potentially good fit, but take the time to really figure out who he is today.
Thanks KML. I know... you’re right...lol. I’m excited to reconnect with him but it didn’t work out the first time...lol. Maybe not the second either. Fifteen year-old me will settle down. Promise.
Almost hiccup with Brook. On Monday, we had our normal off and on workday text interactions until about 2:30. Both of us were having a busy day so I didn’t text him again until after work to tell him that my last appointment was done and “Happy Monday”. I knew he had two hours to go so I expected he would text me sometime after work. I went to my pool league around the same time he was getting off work so thought that I would hear from him sometime during league. At 10:10, still nothing so I sent a short text saying I was heading home. Nothing. The next morning, I sent him my usual Good Morning and again, nothing. So by the time I get to my nail appointment, I am really confused because I know he is not the kind of person who would ghost me but it feels like I’ve been ghosted which makes no sense given the last ten days of daily texting.
Now if this was Jack, I would think nothing of it but it’s Brook so it feels like something is wrong. So my nail tech convinces me that I should risk another text and just ask him if anything is wrong. So I sent him a brief text when I got home basically saying that I knew he was at work and probably busy but that I hadn’t heard from him in awhile which was not the norm and then asked if everything was okay. Five minutes later, I get a text apologizing for not being in touch and that his uncle had had a stroke and he’s been dealing with his mom and family stuff and all of his breaks have been taken up by telephone calls to the hospital is uncle is at and then more calls to family members, etc... Then after work, he texted me some more and we had a really great conversation about love and loss and life until we both had to go. Whew... glad I am still a reasonable judge of character (XH aside). On the downside, he may need to go out of town to visit his uncle and he hasn’t said so but I’m assuming this may put our date this weekend in jeopardy. I hope not but I told him that family comes first and to do what he needs to do.
Anyway... I realized I was in way too much of a funk when I didn’t hear from him yesterday that I need to put things into perspective and manage my expectations. He’s been a wonderful, unexpected addition to my life but it is early days so I need to prepare myself that he may not be a permanent one. Thanks for pointing that out KML. Glad you guys always have my back. (((HUGS)))
Happy Friday all!! I am pleased to say that I made it to the gym at 5 a.m. three times this week WITHOUT the motivation of my sister being there. She is still out of the country but will be returning next week. Thank gawd!!! A month is a long time to go without seeing my twin.
Haven’t been texting as much with Brook this week. We’ve been in touch every day but no long conversations. He’s pretty caught up with his uncle’s health crisis and dealing with his parents. Today he is taking them to the mainland so they can visit. He texted that he’s not sure how long they will be there but there is a chance he will be returning tomorrow. He said he will stay in touch and hopefully we can still see each other but, if not, he will definitely take a rain check. Sigh... I was really, really looking forward to seeing him. Ah well...
Tomorrow is my day to volunteer at the homeless breakfast so I’m looking forward to that. Buddy also texted me to let me know that he his reffing some games at a nearby high school so I may just go to watch and chat with Buddy in between games. He is beyond busy as well so we haven’t had a chance to meet up since I saw him a couple weeks ago.
Anyway...off to get ready for work. Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!!! (((HUGS)))
Sigh... I had convinced myself that Jack and I were on the same page regarding our break up. Now I'm not so sure. I texted him some job postings yesterday and got a return text saying "those are all on the mainland jerk". My response was "Jerk. Wtf? I thought you were considering leaving the island". HIs response...12 hours later... "I just couldn't have left you." Heart...break... I totally thought we were on the same page. He was so unemotional when we had "the talk". I was the one who was teary and sad about it. He barely said anything other than nodding his head in agreement and then hugging me when he left and telling me not to cry on his account. He was almost cheerful. And now I'm getting a very different vibe and I feel awful about it. Oh...the guilt. I am so mad at myself. I knew right from the start the chances of us working out was slim to none but, selfishly, I went down that road anyway. Hurting someone you care about is the worst feeling.
Thanks DnJ. I know breaking up with him was the right thing to do. It just really sux that I had to hurt him and that he is sad right now. Hopefully he will realize over time that it was all for the best.
Had a nice night last night. My cleaning lady was late getting to my house so I didn’t want to go home after work because she always talks my ear off about her various ailments and it is a bit too much after a long work day. Buddy had texted me that he was reffing some junior girls’ basketball games at a school really close to my house so I decided to go watch. Ended up staying for both games. A friend of mine’s daughter was playing in the second game so I ended up sitting with her and having a nice chat. Afterwards Buddy and I went out to a coffee shop and talked for an hour. It was really fun hanging out with him again.
This morning I am volunteering at a breakfast for the homeless. I always enjoy myself and it feels good to give back. Haven’t heard from Brook since yesterday morning. He’s still on the mainland with his parents. Hoping he will text me that he’ll be back in time for us to do something. If not, I’m sure we will get together soon.
Wow... reading “jerk” after you tried to help him would make me just smile and feel secure in the fact that I made the right choice walking away from him. He didn’t want to introduce you to his friends and family and then called you the jerk? He didn’t worry about hurting you. And he certainly wasn’t willing to learn relationship skills necessary to keep someone like you around. Please don’t feel guilty. You did nothing wrong. And he needs to learn that when he acts the way he did with a woman, they are not gonna stick around.
I felt guilty when I broke up with my last boyfriend. I felt like I was doing to him what my ex did to me. And I was soft about it. Looking back, he was awful! And didn’t deserve me. And guilt is a wasted emotion.
Thanks Juju. I know you are right. He didn’t treat me like he was invested in our relationship. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty. I just know I was one of the only bright spots in his life and I feel kinda bad for taking that away. He helped me through a tough time in my life and I didn’t want to make his more difficult. But after nine months....I knew it was time for me to do what is ultimately best for me and move on.
So...no date this weekend and I’m starting to think that maybe Brook has some flaws after all. I talked with him early Friday morning when he told me that he was taking his parents to the mainland. I commented that it looked as if we would have to take a rain check on our date and he responded that it may still be a possibility and that he would stay in touch. Not sure what his definition of staying in touch is but it’s not mine because I didn’t hear anything from him after that. So this morning I texted him good morning and he got back to me a minute later responding in kind and asking how I was. I told him I was great and asked him how his uncle was and he said doing much better so the prognosis isn’t as bad as they thought. I asked him if he had caught up on sleep and he said “almost” and “today might be a sleep day”. Translation... “I’m back home and I would prefer to sleep the day away than do anything with you.” We only live an hour apart...30 minutes if we met half way. Not exactly an onerous distance. I suppose I could have suggested we meet half way for coffee or something but I’m just done with being the person who always suggests things. He’s basically asked me out twice but hasn’t followed through with actually making plans. So I’m leaving it up to him.
IDK...maybe I shouldn’t read too much into it but it feels like maybe he is not quite as enthusiastic as he was a week ago for us to go out. No idea why but I refuse to chase him so I ended our conversation this morning and told him I had to take my dog for a walk and would talk to him later. I don’t get it... he was the one talking about the universe’s plan and something inside of him telling him he was “supposed to” message me. And that there was “something happening” between us that he was “excited” to see where it goes. All of that AFTER he saw me at the tournament. So what’s the deal? Maybe some of the guys on here could give me a male perspective? I am confused.
Oh...yeah... and Facebook guy just messaged me to ask how I am doing. He texts me about once a month. I’ve solidly friend zoned him though so it doesn’t bother me much. I guess maybe I should just friend zone everyone I meet...lol.
I wouldn’t read too much into anything just yet. First of all, NO ONE is perfect, so don’t build him up too much in his mind. Second of all, if he’s been wrapped up dealing with sick uncle and parents, maybe he just needs some time to unwind and de stress before going back to work. There could be any number of reasons he isn’t up for a date today but you shouldn’t necessarily assume that it is anything negative towards you. One step at a time!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
That first line should be don’t build him up too much in YOUR mind. I’m batting a thousand on bad grammar today and that wasn’t even autocorrect.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
DV, this may sound a little harsh, but I think you need to dial it back by like 10x.
Brook has shown his priorities to be #1 Family and #2 Self care (ie sleep after exhausting family care). I think that sounds pretty great! You two aren't even dating, so it sounds in line to me. He is texting you back and staying in touch which sounds great, but he can't be expected to drop everything for a date when there is family care in the picture. It kinda sounds like you're wanting him to drop everything and pay attention to you.
You're definitely reading a lot into something that hasn't happened/not happened yet. Have fun getting to know Brook, even if it's only via text right now - that's not going to hurt anything and will allow things to progress naturally.
Thanks all. I knew you would have something to say. Not harsh at all Yail. I know you are right. Thank you for the dose of reality. That’s why I post on this board. I know you guys will tell me exactly what you think.
TBH... I’m not that upset about not going on our date. I guess I just expected that he would find two minutes sometime this weekend (when he said he would stay in touch) to say what he thought might be a possibility was no longer a possibility once he realized that it wasn’t. It’s what I would have done if I was him...especially when it was me that suggested it. If I had told someone I would be in touch about a possible date on Saturday, I would follow through...if only to say...”hey...totally exhausted. Gonna have to take that rain check I mentioned. Have a good weekend”... or something to that effect. After all, he did have an hour and a half ferry ride back to the island to send a 20 second text. But that’s me and I guess I have to stop expecting people to do the things that I would do.
Anyway...gonna take your advice, dial things back and try not to take things personally. Happy Sunday everyone. Thanks for the 2x4’s. (((HUGS)))
You are totally right about not projecting how you would’ve handled onto someone else. Again, you have no idea what he was doing with his time on the ferry. Just because you would’ve handled it a certain way doesn’t mean someone else will automatically handle it that way. From what you’ve said so far, I think he sounds like a great guy who just has a lot on his plate right now. And as LH pointed out, if he’s recently divorced, he may be experiencing some uncertainty in this new world of dating. Hang in there!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Dawn makes a very good point. Because we handle things one way, doesn’t mean that someone does the same.
You got excited, and rightfully so. It was a let down not to get to see him and you feel like he chose sleep over you. And it stinks because your hopes were up and i think you are anxious to see if that connection is really there. If he’s had a draining weekend, I get why he would want to catch up on sleep. He probably really does have intentions of wanting to see you, and he probably wants to be on his game and well rested. He could be a little nervous too.
I’m the queen of making excuses for others, so take this with a grain of salt.
Give him a chance. I think he likes you. I think he wants to do more than a quick tired coffee. So give him a chance to come to you. I think he will
Brook is probably still getting this dating thing figured out.
With his uncle and everything he had to drop to attend to him, he has lots in his plate. And being single he has plenty to keep his house in order. I suspect he as some custody of his daughter, so groceries, cleaning, etc... may have been pushed off for the family emergency.
And until recently he was living a full single life. I suspect not just sitting around waiting for a great gal to drop in to it. You two have had some marathon text sessions and lots of other chats. I am sure he enjoyed every minute of those. However, he’s got to reorganize his life a bit to ensure he has the time to invest and spend with you. He most likely has fallen behind on some things.
Also, he is tired. Now, if I were to be going on a date with you, especially first date, I would want to bring my best self. Not a tired, need to get ready for the next week guy. First impressing and all. He does want a second date I’m guessing.
You do have a tendency to push all in; a trait I rather like about you. Just dial down the expectations a bit, or you’ll drive yourself crazy. You’ve got lots of time, and no need to rush things.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
You guys really are the BEST!!! Who needs a date when I already have such quality people in my life...online or in person.
Dawn - You do make a good point. I will stop projecting what I would do on other people as well as what I wouldn’t do. I will continue to work on accepting people where they are at. And...I think LH is right about him being newly divorced. I think our divorces happened around the same time but his marriage ended later than mine. Sometime in the spring, I think as he said his daughter’s upcoming grad was the catalyst for his wife wanting out and that was just last June. They had a do-it-yourself divorce too so it didn’t take too long as there weren’t any lawyers involved.
G - We really are a lot alike, aren’t we? I’m choosing to think that is a good thing. You are right. I did get really excited. Hard not to given our shared history and all of his comments about the universe having a plan and something happening between us. Maybe he kind of scared himself a little bit and has backed off on the communication because of it. It’s not like we were declaring undying love or anything like that, but six-hour texting marathons could be a bit of a set up. Also...not possible to maintain over time and still have a life. So...I will take a step back myself. Luckily my sister is returning from Croatia on Tuesday so that will be pretty easy to do.
DnJ - I really do have to stop pushing all-in, don’t I...lol? I think I just got caught up in the romantic storyline...reunited after 36 years...lol. It does have a “universal plan” feel to it. And you are right...he has enjoyed our chats. He has told me a number of times that he likes talking to me and feels he could talk to me all night. So...I will choose to believe he still feels that way and is still looking forward to our date.
Small update... we did chat a bit tonight and he seemed normal. I really do need to chill out. I guess I was just really looking forward to the weekend and I let my disappointment negatively affect me. Anyway...gotta get some sleep. Kids are up early tomorrow so no sleeping in for me even if it is my day off. (((HUGS)))
