Hey all, it has been a while. I still lurk these forums from time to time, but I rarely post. People come and go, new faces, new stories, but in the end its all still a similar problem with no easy answers. We talk about how the walkaway/wayward spouse has blinders on. How could they do this, why would they do this, why didn't I do things differently, etc. However, us LBS definitely have our own blinders on as well. I knew I had those blinders on during the process, but it took some time for them to really come off. It took some time for me to realize who she became and was different than who I thought she was. I thought she was the person I was married to in the first 2 to 3 years of our marriage. Despite that especially in the last 3 years of our marriage she had changed and I couldn't see it. Now that we have been D those attitudes and behaviors she has have only been exacerbated, and have become even more unattractive. I still think about things and surprise myself from time to time, and wonder why I accepted and tolerated certain actions and behaviors. It is not who I am or whom I ever was. I think from my prospective it was to carry that cross and just to make it work without really tackling the real problems head on. Towards the end years of the marriage as much as I do not like who she became, I do not like part of who I was in response to her. Do I wish I still had my M? Yes of course, but only in the fantasy of what I thought it was, not the reality. I look back at what we had and I look now, and it saddens me, especially for my children. I shake my head and think what a d@mn shame. However, these are the scars I carry and who I am is much better than a fantasy.
I am still hitting the weights, 3 to 5 days a week depending on the programing. I went from 165 lbs to a little over 190lbs. Meeting my goals, but they are taking longer to get there than I thought. Still doing Hot Yoga, but I am thinking about backing off on it. It is expensive and I don't see the benefits as much as I would like too. I still need it, but maybe two to four times a month would be enough. I quit meditating, but I think it may help if I start that up again. I found Hot Yoga and lifting to be very meditative in there own way. I really wasn't able to get any quality big game hunting done this year as either work or the weather didn't cooperate. Now I have switched to bird hunting with the former father in law, and I have had more time to do that.
My work has finally slowed down for the moment, or at least enough to catch our breath and reset. We have a lot of potential going into the future so I am excited to see where that road goes. With my side business I was able to exceed my client goals that I initially set up for my side business. I am looking forward to seeing where I can take that as well. I have been really working hard at establishing myself as a leader in our local industry and I think I have been fairly successful. While moving back to my home state when we were M wasn't what I wanted, it has turned out pretty well for my career.
I have been spending a lot of time with my family, and my kids. Still running around with people I know and meeting new people and new social circles. I did a lot of dating mostly online, but found that to be not great. I don't have any issues getting dates, but I found dating post divorce means that everyone comes with baggage wither the woman was a divorcee or not. I have found that the women I have dated like to hide the amount off baggage that they have, but it eventually comes out. Fortunately, I met a lady through a friend, and while she has her issues, as far as I can tell they are manageable with no red flags. We have been seeing each other for about 5.5 month with about the last 3 of that being exclusive dating. By reading the signs I think she has developed or is developing strong feelings towards me. However, for me post-D things are just different. I am very fond of this woman, but there is no infatuation, or lovey dovey feelings anymore. Its just different and the scars from my M and D probably do not help much. I think I have read some similar sentiments possibly from AS or other post-D posters. It is still something I am trying to figure out. I do know whatever I had with the exW is gone, and I do not think I will ever love another in that way again. Sorry its just hard to describe. Fortunately, neither of us are looking to get married again, and because of work and kids (she has 2 that are around the same age as my 2 youngest kids) we just take things slow and see each other once a week and/or on kid free weekends.
The co-parenting with the exW has been an interesting ride. For the most part things have been smooth, but when its too smooth I just know its a matter of time before she calls up being indignant about something. Very similar to our marriage. In fact the one thing I am having a hard time getting through to her is that we are not married. She likes to take her problems to me, and I have to gently tell her I don't care and she needs to solve them or to take it up with her BF (who is the same OM from the get go). From what I understand she and her BF are building a house and are possible getting married. Sounds like this has caused some blow back from the kids. How do I know about this? Well she calls me up to blame me, LOL! She can be a real PITA. Unfortunately, for some reason she has blown up her R with her parents and sis. So now I take the kids to see her family, since she wont speak to them. At least I have a good R with her family and its never been awkward because we don't talk about exW. The exW took a new job that was supposed to give her more free time and flexibility, but the reality is that she travels a lot more. She did it obviously because her and her BF were coworkers and they can't be together and keep their jobs. The plus side to this is that while we have 50/50 custody, it is probably at least 60/40 so I spend a lot of time with them. I had the kids for almost the entire month of November. It was great! There is a lot more that has gone on with exW than what I have put here, but that is enough of her business to give a cursory glance of my dealings with her. Anyone who is co-parenting just put your kids first and don't back down to the exS demands at the determent of your children.
To wrap up...things are good, could be better, and hopefully will be. I am on my trajectory, but its now a new life. Getting to where I am going is a little different, these waters are uncharted, but I will be okay. We will all be okay if we want to be.
Last edited by Twofeet; 12/09/1907:32 PM.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
