How ingrained have you got Sandi’s rules in your head ? Get it so it is natural, get the validation and GAL attitude down and your can turn things around. You have to be the strongest when you are feeling the weakest. You can do it
"TH", I've got to figure out how to put these quotes on here so I respond specifically to them. I have printed out Sandi's rules and have followed them but have always been in a cycle of going back to being affectionate with her. The thing is as long as I don't pressure her with R talk then she behaves very nicely. She is funny, we laugh together, she laughs at me, we laugh at each others snap chats etc.......... It would be so much easier to move on from her if she wasn't so nice. She is only mean when I am mean to her, making her feel shamed, or when she feels like I am manipulating her to make a choice. I know I have got to get out of that cycle. I did really well for two weeks and she was back in the master bedroom begging me to hold her because she claimed she misses me. Whatever that meant? I gave in to her wishes.
I do know one thing however about my wife. She does not like to be told what to do ever. If I can truly detach, meaning let her go, she will eventually run from this guy because he will put pressure on her to make a move. If she were to file for divorce or move out that would shock me. (But this whole situation is a shock to everyone that knows her) She truly wants me to do it but she can't be mean enough to make me do it. I have literally begged her to file and move out. she has done neither.
Man oh man you just don't get it. She is testing your strength and you fail every time. You have to show her you are not a doormat and she can't come running to you when she feels sorry for herself.
Man oh man you just don't get it. She is testing your strength and you fail every time. You have to show her you are not a doormat and she can't come running to you when she feels sorry for herself.
I know "LH", my past from rejection and going through two divorces as a child has really weakened me. One thing is certain however, I found a way to come out on top. I played college basketball, got my degree and was the first in my family, have two great sons, and I will eventually come out on top. Going to take time.
Ok guys, I sent her back out of the MB last night. I was calm and nice in asking her to move out. I told her I could not have a relationship with her until she was no longer involved with the OM and she was no longer communicating with him. I also stated I do not agree with living in an open relationship and that is what we have had for the past year.
I know this cycle of going back and forth has got to stop. I've got to mean it this time and respond with action from here on out. She didn't want to leave at first and asked if we could take turns sleeping in the other room. I calmly stated it was her actions that she cheated and continues to lie so it should be her to leave. She calmly walked out after that and went to the other room.
This morning I left the house before she got up and did not speak. This will be hard but I know its best for me to gain back my dignity and self worth. I can not control her and her actions. She has continually kept communications open with this guy. I have got to mourn the loss of this relationship and move forward.
Ok guys, I sent her back out of the MB last night. I was calm and nice in asking her to move out. I told her I could not have a relationship with her until she was no longer involved with the OM and she was no longer communicating with him. I also stated I do not agree with living in an open relationship and that is what we have had for the past year.
Try not to turn everything into an R talk. You should have just said "get out" and when she said "why" say "you know why". Because she does.
Also get ready because she will turn defiant and move back into the bed before long. So be prepared to address that.
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She didn't want to leave at first and asked if we could take turns sleeping in the other room. I calmly stated it was her actions that she cheated and continues to lie so it should be her to leave.
A simple "no" would have had more impact on her.
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I have got to mourn the loss of this relationship and move forward.
Yes, and the loss of your W because she is not who you married. Maybe she will be again some day, but for now she's a full-blown GGW wayward.
"AS", I am going to try to take your advice from now on moving forward. I've got a lot going on and I will have basketball games every Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday until the end of January. Detaching will be easy! Thanks for all your help. You know my story and I have been on here telling it for the past 3 months.
