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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I’ve though about texting thanksgiving wishes to M.
Yep. Channel your inner Disney Princess and sing "Let It Go!"

I completely understand. I've found myself wondering in the past few days how B and the grand-kids are doing. And this despite being pretty happy with how things are going in my current relationship. I think that it's this time of year that makes pretty much everyone think about those they care / cared about. The hard part is letting go of the a past that does indeed hold happy memories along with the less so.

Personally I disagree that OLD is the only way to meet people but then my situation is very different than your's in many many ways.

Happy Thanksgiving to you, your daughter, and the scruffy mutt lurking for anything to drop to the floor.


On BD
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Thanks Andrew. I certainly sad and saw myself in a much different place this thanksgiving. I pictured myself with them. I really thought that’s where I would be

My coworkers felt bad I was going home alone after work. I got some invites, lol. I did have invites here, I just had to get home to my dog.

Being home alone in an empty house on thanksgiving is a little more lonely than I anticipated. But I got beer, the dog, and will be making myself French fries for dinner.

God, that sounds so looser-eeee

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Seriously? How did this become my life? A lifetime of only half of the thanksgivings with my daughter and when I don’t have her, I’m completely alone laying on my couch after work?

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Not even close .

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G,

I get it. I did the same thing tonight. I wish I had the magical answer for you but I do not. Keep your chin up and keep pushing through and I am sure things will get better.

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I slept like cr@p last night, I ran out of my sleeping med and my dog pretty much drove me crazy all night. I’m a sleep deprived mother due to my toddler dog.

Around 9pm last night I got a text from OWW. She wished me a happy thanksgiving ( my ex did not, however) and she hoped I got time to relax. I didn’t respond. My mood was not good and I actually got kind of pi$$ed at her. There I am home alone with my daughter while I split my holidays with YOU, and you want to wish me a happy one?

I replied not too long ago and simply wished her a happy thanksgiving as well. She wrote back “thanks! D12 helped and got to spend time with her cousins, it was great” I wanted to punch her in the godd@m face through the phone. I think she senses she is not secure in her relationship and is trying to p!ss me off and keep me close at the same time to “watch” me. Sorry woman, I don’t want you husband. He’s recycled trash. I’d be alone forever first. It was balsy to say what she did.

D12 and I decorated the tree, we are going to put more lights outside, order Chinese for dinner and watch a Christmas movie. My friends invited us over for thanksgiving #2, but she really doesn’t want to go. She wants to stay home and have one on one time with me. She can be a homebody. She’s going back to her dads tomorrow and I think she just wants to be at her home.

Lord, please just get me through this holiday season.

Last edited by job; 11/29/19 07:48 PM. Reason: added spacing between paragraphs & edited language
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Originally Posted by LH19
I know OLD can be rough but it really is the best way to go out on dates. I had my first flat out no show on Sunday. No text, no I'm sorry, radio silence.


I really wish I would have had the time to comment earlier when I read some of these posts but TG got in the way - which is a good thing, at least for me. Anyhow, I had to laugh at this one, OLD is the best way to go out on dates and to prove that point you tell us how you were stood up and ghosted. I'm sorry but with each passing day OLD is getting worse and worse and it's been bad for a long time already. There are so many things that start off good in life and then get corrupted and OLD is just another of them. It's just a matter of time until people start realizing that and OLD goes the way of the newspaper personal ads. I'm sorry but by and large the quality of people is just really bad - case in point in LH19's example. Yes, a few people find someone - or at least in the early going think they have. But I'm sorry, there are just soooooo many bad, broken people and then there are so many married, or in Rs and then there are all of the scammers. I'm not saying maybe try OLD but to make that your number one or only goto - I think you are just going to keep getting what you've been getting. LH19 by now has had to have dated, what 25 different women - at least from OLD? And how is that working for you? The old saying of doing the same thing and expecting different results. You might get more dates but are they good dates????

I really think in person is much better as you can at least see what you are getting. Or if you do try OLD - move to a coffee or single drink meet and greet right away - just as soon as you can. I don't want to disparage my friends and the more I find out about this guy (though I've known he has issues from a long time now) the more amazing it is to watch. He's D'd from his first wife, has a son now 10 or 11 I think from a former GF. Has a current girlfriend who he's cheating on with someone else. Oh, but that is evidently not enough as I happened to be with him for a few days and saw like a dozen times as he got on Tinder or Bumble or one of those (I've never used any so I'm not positive which brand it was) but I am positive that it was some OLD as he was swiping left and right like a mad man - like in seconds! How flipping sad - but really how sad for these women. But he must be good at fooling them because they come around and his GF even though deep down she knows and has caught him 4 times that I'm aware of, she still stays. That was a long story - but THAT is what is all too common on OLD. This is the type of guy more than not that you will find. And if it's not the cheater it's the guy who is not ready or is just looking for a hook up or on and on. It's just the land of misfits and to say it's the best way to go - I'm sorry, I just can't let that one fly. I think in person is still the best way to go - it clearly has been for me - though I have nothing to write home about there but compared to OLD...

Originally Posted by kml
Give 20S a couple of books - He’s Just Not That Into You and Why Men Love
B!tches.


That came from Andrew's thread but I had to move it here and will hopefully (I'm really going to try) write more about it on my own rather dormant thread. But, Ginger, have you read this book? If not, YOU MUST - I mean you totally have to!!! I had heard about it for a long time but didn't know anything. For whatever reason, the curiosity got me and I looked it up and found a free 25 page preview online. OMG. It is great!!!! And Ginger it fits you like a glove. Not many books speak to me and hit me like DB or DR did but this one comes close - even though it's written for women. It almost ties together and brings full circle Divorce Busting/Remedy, and even the Coach's book in a little way. They all reinforce the same themes - just from a slightly different focus.

To start with, the title is somewhat misleading. In fact the author starts out explaining what she means by Bitches. It's not what you think. She is not advocating being a bitch in the way we think of it - like the office bitch or the C word or something. It's not even close. She is talking being a doormat versus being a self assured and confident woman that any man would want - take it or leave it. Then she tells you why acting the way some women act totally turns men off.

Even though it's written for women, it so much reinforced and validated for me what I feel the way i do. I would very likely date, move in with and perhaps even marry the woman she is describing and advocating for in the book - ME!!!! That's saying something. But the many woman that turn me off over 30 plus years, some of the things they said and did are word for word written in the book. The DR and DB books did the same - it was as if MWD was writing about my wife and me - it's the same with this book. It totally vaidates to me why I feel the way I do and it's not all me - it's very much how some woman act and what they do. Then when I find a bitch, i'm engaged and stay engaged. I can't advocate it enough and to whatever extent I can, I am mandating you must read this book Ginger. It's an order!!! LOL I think you'll see yourself all through it and see why at least possibly you keep saying these guys tell you that you are great just something is missing then marry the next woman they date. She talks about exactly this in the book and why it keeps happening. She talks about why guys lose interest and what woman do to make it happen.

Like I said, I hope to write more on my threat soon as I think this book is THAT good. For you Ginger, just read the easy to find free chapters online. You'll even get a huge amount from that and I"m betting you'll want to read the rest - which you can pick it up for like $10 bucks. It will be the best ten dollars you spend. READ THE BOOK!!!!

Originally Posted by Ginger1
My coworkers felt bad I was going home alone after work. I got some invites, lol. I did have invites here, I just had to get home to my dog. Being home alone in an empty house on thanksgiving is a little more lonely than I anticipated. But I got beer, the dog, and will be making myself French fries for dinner.


I don't know if this is depression doing this or what but Ginger you've got to break out of it. Back to drinking and eating crappy - and then you will tell us next week you are two pounds heavier and how much you hate it. It's a vicious cycle that you really have to break out of. You've got people reaching out to you but you won't accept their offers. Why? The dog is the oldest dodge in the world. I hear all of the time when someone doesn't want to do something, or a party is lame and they want to leave "Oh we've got to get home to the dogs" yet when the party is a gang buster the dogs will be fine for a few more hours. I know you have friends you could have called or texted (not guys you used to date) but others. Why don't you do it? BTW - she talks about this behavior too in the book - a bitch would never do this.

Again, I don't want to be unsympathetic as perhaps I've been there. You feel bad but you just can't bring yourself to go to a party, or meet up with friends or accept whatever offer friends have given you - whether it be to join them for TG, or even just for pie and a glass of wife after their dinner (there I go contradicting myself on the diet comments earlier - you hypocrite Don) or a weekend getaway or trip or a vacation or whatever!!! You've got to stop doing the same thing. You've tried the couch and OLD route - why not at least give it a try to get out with some GFs or accept invites to things where you will be out meeting real people?

I know I'm being really 2X4'y here but you've got to get out of this rut. Start by accepting what your friends are offering. Don't pull back to your safe place or familiar place on the couch. You've got to GAL whenever you can and when little G is gone and you have nothing else to do - it's the perfect time to say yes to invites. Stop making excuses. Just please give it a try. Or at least if you've going to be on the couch, read "Why Men Love Bitches"

Dang I write too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Must be because I want better for you!

Last edited by job; 11/29/19 07:50 PM. Reason: edited language

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I don’t have too much time to respond and I only skimmed and I will go back and read more later, but something caught my eye and I just had to respond.

I lost weight this thanksgiving! First year of my life! I did not eat until I was stuffed, I barely ate anything at all. I had oven fries for dinner with a little truffle oil. That’s it. A few bites of the cafeteria thanksgiving dinner, zero cake or pie, and one beer.Usually I’m stuffed to the gills and pretty tipsy, so I Was actually putting thanksgiving down as a win on my mindful eating journey. Don’t take that away from me! It was the highlight of this thanksgiving!

And yes, I’ve read those books.

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Ok, now I have more time. I did have an invite for thanksgiving. But the dog was alone 8 hours in a crate and I paid the price. Anymore and I wouldn’t have gotten a wink of sleep. It would have been even more awful than it already was. . It’s a real thing. Definitely not an excuse. And if I didn’t work, I would have been there.

Did you read the posts where I have a social event every week before Christmas? I even have 2 next week. I’m out there still living. I still make it to the gym twice a week. And am going to the gym with a friend/coworker I haven’t seen in a while on Tuesday. Great woman, gorgeous, and strong. We are both single and in very similar positions. I’m getting out there as much as a single mom can with a full time job. And some days I am just so depleted of energy, I just can’t. Or I just don’t want to. I’m tired.

And what I take from the books is that I’m way too accommodating and eager to please . I refuse to be someone I’m not, but those things I have learned I need to pull back on. I know in the first situation where I was a FWB for years and I wanted something more, I made myself even more unattractive by continually going back to that situation. I’m much better at writing guys off when they aren’t interested. When they aren’t interested. It’s unattractive to me. And with M, well, he said what he said, but for the first half he was very interested. Very. And it took me a while to figure out he lost the interest because once I would realize it, he would go and be interested again.

Well, I’m single now. Not seeing anyone or entertaining anything. And when I do, I will recognize lack of interest and stop being so accommodating and people pleasing. I took a big step on that direction with the last guy.

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Yo Donny just to clarify I have met people out. Also, someone I got a number from out could also stiff me. 1 stiff out of 25 is 4% so that’s not bad. I do agree though and now I get right to the point for the meet up. Don’t base it off me because I’m picky and probably not even ready to date.

Keep all options open is my vote.

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OLD is the best shot in my situation. ExNg I met at a party and was my friends beat friend, and FF I met at the gym. And the guy I had my FWB I met him online, I guess you can say, but not OLD. But I need finding a guy I can do from
Home , because I am with my kid most of the time. But I’m open to anyone I might meet. I had a date from a guy I met at a bar one night. And the second my hot FF friend says “I’ve got a guy for you” I will certainly be open to it.

And I agree with LH. Also, say we walk into a party and skim the eligible single people. You know what we are doing ??? Visibly swiping left or right. It’s all the same in a group of strangers online or in person.

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