Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 10 of 11 1 2 8 9 10 11
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 473
D
DS9 Offline
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 473
I think so Dan. If she asks for more then just be vague oh dans been out and about having fun and doing his music thing with his chums something like that

Yes it would be pursuit. Have a present ready if she gives you one though. Otherwise a text late in the day preferably after she texts you.

Dont stress buddy xmas is a month away


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
D
DaB35 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
Yes that's a good secondary response.

I know, it shouldn't stress me, but it was such a special time for both of us. I really enjoyed shopping for presents for her and planning what to get. Nothing hugely expensive, just more thoughtful, small things.

Yes I have an idea for a present (small and cheap, functional and definitely not romantic). I won't get it yet though. If I do get it, and I don't get anything from her, I could just return it or give it to my sister instead.


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by DaB35
At that time of year when my parents begin thinking about sending out Xmas cards. Mum was worrying about whether to send W's parents a card. I said she should and just act normally. She was also wondering whether she should send W a card too.


Yes I agree with you, send them and act normal. Warn them that W might tell her parents not to send one back though, so it's important to have no expectations.

Quote
Also, I think if she does send W's parents a card, W's mum will call my mum soon after probably, out of politeness.
If W's mum asks my mum about me, should I tell her to say I'm doing well, gym-ing, therapy's gone brilliantly, etc. How much is too much detail to go in to? Or just say "He's fine," and leave it at that?


Yes like the other said just keep it brief. "He's fine, he's been really busy lately." The one thing I would tell them is to absolutely NOT discuss the R.

Quote
Should I give W an Xmas present (nothing ostentatious at all) and/or card?


Normally we suggest taking the kids shopping to buy the WAS something, but you don't have kids. I would suggest you politely tell her that you assume that based on the current situation between you that you won't be exchanging gifts and ask her to confirm. Some people will tell you just don't buy anything and don't say anything, and that's not a "wrong" approach either. Personally I lean towards communication when it comes to these awkward situations though.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,568
Likes: 97
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,568
Likes: 97
I tend to fall on the "just don't buy anything and don't say anything" side of the fence. But dang, AS makes a good point here. So now I am squarely on the fence. I agree that neither approach is "wrong".


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
D
DaB35 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
Thanks all.

Mum will send a card. I will advise her what to say if W's mum calls. Her family don't really do cards, so I don't think it's likely they'll send one anyway.

Had to go to the house this evening to collect some instruments again and some paperwork. Before I left, I plugged two of our lamps into timers that I had brought. They automatically switch them on/off for a hew hours every evening. I've no idea when W is in the house anymore, so to avoid the place looking completely empty during the dark winter nights, I thought it was a wise move (plus we have the alarm too).

I texted W to let her know, as she'd usually come to the house late Friday night to collect things for when she stays at her brother's. She might therefore wonder why I've left lights on so I thought it best to explain. She said "OK thanks, that's a good idea! Have a good weekend." Surprisingly friendly, as I was expecting simply a curt "OK thanks."

GAL for weekend - gym in morning, gig, work overtime, put some more stuff on ebay, call friend from Uni for a catch-up.


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
D
DaB35 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
Completed the finance form. Going to email W this:

Hi W

Here is the order form. I've filled in my bits; you just need to do the same and fill in any other blanks.

You will need to attach the list of items we drew up in August. Please could you add the grandfather clock and landing light fittings to my list.

I was thinking about the sofas. It seems odd to split the suite, especially as it's now discontinued. I've suggested on the form that if I take both, I pay you roughly half the price my parents paid for them originally, which is about 550. You can put that towards your own sofa. Let me know if you're happy with that.

Hope you have a good week.
[me]

Any advice appreciated...? Would like to send Monday (tomorrow) so she can't accuse me of stalling.
Do I get her ot send it back to me then I pass it on to L? Or tell her that the email is on the form and she can do it?

Had a good weekend. Got paid more for the gig than I thought, plus it was only 10 mins away so that was a bonus.
Achieved quite a lot at the gym today (cycling class plus workout). I got a personal best of RPM for cycling.

Had to text W today, as she had asked when boiler serviceman was supposed coming round tomorrow morning (Monday). I had forgotten to tell her they'd cancelled. I waited 90 mins to reply, saying I was at gym (she texted during my class). I just replied saying they had to re-schedule, and that I had complained to the utility company.

Her
How hard is it for them to turn up!? That's good really as I have lots of work on and need more time at [place of work]. Thanks for checking for me.

Me
No worries. Yes it's frustrating isn't it. Yes I saw the [stuff she needs to repair] in garage, great that you have a lot of work on and you're busy.

Her
No I'm not repairing [those items], they were going to be scrapped so I saved a few. Going to give [her sister] 2 and keep another two for myself, for future wall art, or maybe an interesting lamp project for myself!

Me
I see. Nice that you were able to save them for the skip. Good idea; you could [suggestion for design of lamp idea which I thought was interesting].

No response then.

So, another pleasant exchange today. I was again expecting just short answers.


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 473
D
DS9 Offline
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 473
Hey Dan

I'd avoid saying things like 'you need to' becuase that comes off as controlling. Perhaps just use "Please attach...."

Also avoid things like "You can put that towards your own sofa..." for similar reasons. SHe can do what she wants with the money

Get her to send it straight to your L.

Avoid saying you're at the gym. My go to is just "I'm out and about at the moment"

Avoid "Hope". Just say "Have a good one/week" etc. Sounds more decisive

Good to hear gym and everythign else is going well. Smash those castanets!

Cheers DS


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
D
DaB35 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
Thanks for the quick reply DS.

How about:

Hi W

Here is the order form. I've filled in my bits; you just need to do the same and fill in any other blanks.
Please forward it to the email address on the form and attach the list of items we drew up in August.
Please could you add the grandfather clock and landing light fittings to my list.

I was thinking about the sofas. It seems odd to split the suite, especially as it's now discontinued. I've suggested on the form that if I take both, I pay you roughly half the price my parents paid for them originally, which is about 550. Let me know if you're happy with that.

Have a good week.
[D]


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 473
D
DS9 Offline
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 473
Sounds good mate.

Just drop the 'you just need to' and replace with please


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
D
DaB35 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
Sent it.

I now know that W is going to be worse off without me. She will brag to all and sundry how she will be fine and that she's glad to be rid of me, but she won't find someone with the extent of things in common that we had. I'm a better person now and she is missing out.

Now I can focus on my GAL day off - day out in London with my mum.


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Page 10 of 11 1 2 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard