No matter what happens I will divorce him. I will finish what I started and I will push to get it done quickly. Shouldn’t take more than 4-6 months tops unless he drags his feet. He just handed me the keys to a great settlement and I have to take it. I’ll never get this opportunity again and I for sure can’t trust him.
Definitely don’t trust him. Take the best settlement you can. I 2nd or 3rd reading up on chump lady. This is a really long process and it hurts. But once you are a bit removed, you will see how much better life is when you are not partnering up with a liar, and betrayer.
I still want to reconcile and ironically my best shot is to divorce him. This isn’t a threat, an ultimatum, it’s self preservation. It’s my dignity, my financial future, and honestly for my own sanity I need to do this for me. He was going to divorce me eventually anyway but doing it now on my terms gives me back my power. It is an act of respecting myself. I think in my case it shows weakness by allowing this situation to continue one day longer than necessary.
Do you want to reconcile with the man he is right now, or who he was?
Neither. I'm the reason he left and I can't fix what needs to be fixed in 8 months. He was angry and resentful before and now he's with someone else. It's unlikely he will want to reconcile but I have read it takes 1-2 years to accept that it's over which is why I continue to have hope. My hope is for waaaayyy out and by then I'm certain I won't care. I'm grateful I do not have to see or talk to him. It helps.
I'm just struggling and in some terrible, unhealthy way believing in unicorns eases the pain just a teeny tiny bit. I know it's unlikely I just don't want to believe it.
My attorney didn't get the complaint so I resent it this morning. She's filing today and says I got a good judge. I have the same judge I had from before when she postponed my temporary support court date. So grateful she didn't cancel it now.
WAH has made so many mistakes to the point where I'm wondering what happened to his brain. He honestly thought that since I got a job his financial obligation to me would end or would be nominal. I remember back in those first few days when he tried to do handshake deals as if we were still a couple. He offered to pay my rent forever, a year in advance he said. He'd even furnish it for me (how generous). He said there was no such thing as alimony in our state (wrong). I mumbled something about him being wrong, that I needed an attorney and he moved out 2 days later.
He was so close to getting away with all of this since I was trying to "nice" him back. D17 jokes "if it wasn't for those meddling kids" from Scooby Doo since S19 is the one that found about the OW.
I don't think WAH has any idea he's about to be served. I think he assumed it would be him, on his time, when he was ready.
I think what was his plan when he realized it wasn't going to go his way? Put this off? Wait for me file? It's crazy I've read these stories of WAS's wanting a D but not doing anything about it. I never understood it until now. Until he wants to get married this setup works quite nicely for him.
