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Wolfman Offline OP
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IH Looking forward to you coming out here. IH it’s funny you are feeling that way. I feel like I am sliding backwards too. I bet it’s the holidays coming up and the anxiety of it is creeping up. I know it’s bothering me, a lot!!! I no longer go to “my house” because she officially bought me out and it hurts like hell!! Some nights I say to myself (which I know is not good) I just want to go home. But it’s no longer mine. All the work I did in that house for now her to enjoy it. My anger, sadness, and depression are kicking my butt right now. I use to LOVE Christmas and our time off. Now I am not looking forward to it and am anxious about it. IH I am here for you bro. Write on my thread it’s ok. I am here for you.

Yesterday my s had a basketball game. I got there before she did. XW has my son. When they got there my s ran right over to me and gave me a hug. Man did I love that!!! I spoke with him for a little and wished him luck. I then sat in the stands with another father. Evidently XW was texting me to say hello. When I did respond (phone was on vibrate and didn’t feel it) she yelled across the stands to me and says, “I said hi to you like 4 times.” So I said hi back. Was there a need for her to make a scene to just say hello. I sat completely away from her. After the game I went over to my s and d. I walked them out of the school. I have each one a big hug and a kiss. Then they left with xw and I am not going to lie, it really hurt. I just wanted to leave with them. I miss my family so much!!! I miss kissing them in the morning before I went to work. I miss the excitement of my s waking up in the morning to find the elf on the shelf. There is such a sense of loss. My xw, kids and home none of what I want. Being forever to do something I did not want. Meaning d.

IH I truly understand how you are feeling l. Go back to IC it will help. Exercise that helps me a lot. The other morning I woke up so sad I just had to cry and let those emotions out. I felt better afterward. My IC told me that we can’t go around these feelings, we have to go through them. And it’s going to hurt for a while.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Originally Posted by Wolfman
....When they got there my s ran right over to me and gave me a hug. Man did I love that!!!..... I gave each one a big hug and a kiss.
Those are the best hugs.....I miss my kids being young.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Wolf, there are going to be tough times like that, very sorry that you have to experience them! You handled things great though. When I went to the kids' events after S and D sometimes I sat with XW and sometimes I didn't. I didn't go out of my way to look for her, but if I walked in and she was waving her arms like a maniac then I went ahead and sat with her. At some point you'll quit caring, it won't matter to you whether you're 2" from her or 5' or across the stadium.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Hey Wolf. Cousin canceled on me for the 14th. House renovations on her part. She canceled XW's visit too this weekend. Good thing too because I accidentally double booked the 14th. Band mates birthday party shindig is on the 14th. Part of it is the holidays. But not entirely. Its the boredom. Its the struggle of head vs. heart again and ideation. I see it for what it is though. It temporarily sent me into a rage.
Not GALing enough is playing a role in it. Im anxious, bored, and restless. Not depressed though. The anger turns to sadness and it passes.
S2 has been so sick the last 2 months. Missed so much work. I have to be a hermit because of financial constraints. Just barely made the rent. So part of its boredom and thoughts run amuck being isolated. Cleaned up my phone and external hd, had videos and pics going back 2 to 3 years. Man did that open up some wounds, that and XW buying a new car despite us both being broke with all the work days we are both missing. She can't afford it and even said so. She's probably tapping the money I never took from her because I won't sign the settlement agreement until I can afford a L to review it, and get my all my stuff out of garage which may take many months. Its not that I'm jealous. I'm much more frugal with $. Always was to get the bigger things in life. My clothes are 15 years old but I still look like a million $ . I guess what it is. Is? Watching her making all the changes and moving on when I can't that angers me. Having more of a social life, etc. Having money. (But not really.) For all the extras like nails, clothes, gifts, going out, new car, therapy, hair, stupid contraptions. Accessories. Underware, makeup, etc. Those pictures were mostly memories of how she was and how I knew her a little over a year ago. The pictures all in the last year were all evidence of all the changes, craziness, red flags. Etc. Having a hard time now moving on and detaching when I thought I did. Just wish I could shift the focus back to myself again. But its coming back slowly. My turn is coming soon though. Its really hard to stay committed to personal development when your mind has too much information in it, that and being ADD. Again I will keep you posted when I am coming out. Hope you are doing better.

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IH reading that lost makes me feel like I am reading about myself. The anxiety, sadness and the unknown is killing me. I felt like I was doing so well but the holidays are making it hard. I use to love the holidays but not looking forward to it. I know this is my new reality but is $ucks!! Seeing her do all those things makes you wonder a little? Are they hurting, do they care what they did, do they even have a heart or is this something they will eventually regret. Everyday is a struggle I get where you are coming from. The pictures in the cell phone are hard. I don’t know if I could get rid of them all, it’s a part of my history and who I am too.

Ok so I still don’t get some things. My son has a hip hop competition today. I was standing in the lobby and she came over to me and said I will get right to it. I heard you are saying things about me and that we got divorced because I was having an affair. I told her that is not what I said and you need to stop listening to other people. I have no idea what you are talking about. She said, “you tell people that you miss your family.” I said that is true I do miss my family. Then she said you never cared about me. At this point I should have walked away. But she sucked me in. I guess I just wasn’t expecting this now. I told her this is ridiculous, she said if you did care I would have fixed all these things before this happened. I said you are right I should have taken care of those problems. I realize she is just gaslighting me and did not want to argue because it is ridiculous. And she said what affair did she ever have. I said I told you I never said that stop listening to people. She said what about you? You were dating, I said that is not true. She said people have told her, again I said stop listening to people.
I know I should have ended this conversation real early. My question what is she looking to accomplish with this dialogue? We are divorced and why is she listening to other people if that’s even true. Or why is she making this stuff up? Blind sided by this. I am tired of all the accusations.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Well Wolf you have to stop listening to crazy. Also you’re back trying to argue point and not validating her feelings. Throw in you lied to her about dating and she knows your lying seems like you have some things to work on.

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Originally Posted by LH19
Well Wolf you have to stop listening to crazy. Also you’re back trying to argue point and not validating her feelings. Throw in you lied to her about dating and she knows your lying seems like you have some things to work on.

I was not dating when she was talking about. She is talking about the beginning of our separation. I am dating now and I told her that. Her response was good. That I need to move on. She is very confusing.
I told her I made mistakes and have worked on those mistakes. And I said to her I understand how she felt with being anxious around me at times. And that I wasn’t always, “happy” around her. I said I understand how that could make her feel and am sorry for making her feel that way. I left out a part of the conversation.
My reality is just coming to grips she is not coming back. It’s a very slow process for me but I am working on it.
I’m tired of her trying to convince herself I am a villain to make herself feel better.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 9,309
Likes: 283
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Originally Posted by Wolfman
My question what is she looking to accomplish with this dialogue?
She was looking for you to validate her feelings. You decided to argue.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Originally Posted by Wolfman
My question what is she looking to accomplish with this dialogue?
She was looking for you to validate her feelings. You decided to argue.

Ok but why now? For what reason? I apologized and said I understood some of her things. I argued about what people told her I said. But as far as our relationship I validated and said I worked on those things after we separated and still working on those things today. I understood how that would make her feel. I can’t validate lies.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
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W,

I have been on this board for 5 years and never once have I saw someone buy their spouse out of a house be divorced for 3 weeks and then out of no where change their mind. It takes time.

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